by Howe, Violet
But they weren't necessarily good experiences.
"Lillian and I would like for you to be that manager," Laura said. She smiled like she was presenting me with the biggest blue ribbon at the fair. "It would be a salary increase, of course, and we'd need to look at how we'd reassign any files you have now which conflict with bookings already made. But we feel this would be a great fit for your skills."
My brain fired in seventy different directions, and I hoped one of those signals had reached my mouth and formed a smile.
I didn't want to appear ungrateful or uninterested, but I definitely needed to process what they were offering me before I replied.
"Can I think about it?"
"Well, sure you can. We'd like to have you in place when you come back from your birthday trip, so if you could give us an answer by the end of the week, that would be great. Do you have any questions?" Laura smiled, and I saw concern in her face that indicated I may not have pulled off a convincing smile.
"I'm sure I do, but it's just all so unexpected. I think I have to get my thoughts together before I know what to ask." I realized after I spoke that my Southern accent had kicked in full-on, which says a lot about the condition of my brain at the time. I don't revert to those speech patterns unless I'm in extreme situations. Drunk. Or mad. Or stressed beyond normal levels.
"Of course, of course." Laura nodded and glanced to Lillian, who was looking at me like I'd just refused to curtsy to the queen.
"I mean, I'm really grateful. Thank you so much for considering me. For your kind words about my performance." I scrambled to do damage control. "I'm just a little overwhelmed coming off the weekend and getting this news. I'm honored, really. I am. Thank you so much. I'll figure out if I have any questions and get back to you before the end of the week. Thank you again."
I stood and backed my way out of the room, smiling the whole way. My mind raced as I walked back to my office in a daze. Then without any thought or consideration as to whether or not I was still mad at him, I called Cabe and asked him to meet me for dinner. He's so good at laying out pros and cons and helping me see an issue from different angles. Whether he's acted like an ass or not, I trust him and I need his opinion.
Okay, maybe that was an excuse. Maybe I just wanted a reason to see him despite all that's happened. Who knows?
Tuesday, February 18th
My nerves damned near crackled with excitement at the anticipation of seeing Cabe last night, due in part to the job offer stress, I'm sure, but also because I hadn't seen him in almost a week, and I missed him. My anger at him had subsided quite a bit with the whole work thing occupying all available channels in my brain.
"So it's a promotion?" he asked when we'd gotten our appetizers and I'd explained their offer.
"I think so? I'm not sure. I mean, it's more money, yeah. But I'd just be doing the ceremonies. So to me, it's not, really, because it's almost like a demotion from handling entire events."
"They've been giving you more full weddings on your own, right?"
"Yeah. I thought I was working my way up to being a senior and eventually I wouldn't be assisting at all, just working my own files. But now I guess I'm sidelined." I broke off a piece of bread and shoved it in my mouth. My appetite had been almost non-existent since Valentine's Day, but it was like being with Cabe suddenly signaled my body that we'd survived a drought and sustenance was available. I was ravenous. Like I couldn’t get enough food and get it fast enough.
"Well, do you want this job? Do you even like doing just ceremonies? You've always sounded like you enjoy the planning aspect. How much of that would you be doing?" He motioned the waitress to bring more bread and poured me another glass of wine.
"For the ones with only a ceremony, they may have me book and confirm vendors, which is minimal. But the event manager would plan everything for the full-scale weddings, even with me doing the ceremony. I don't know if I'd be included in any planning sessions at all. Good question to ask."
I wrote it down in the notebook I'd brought for that purpose.
"Ask how this affects your line of growth for future positions. Will it help you reach senior planner, or would this essentially pull you out of that path and stick you somewhere else? Where do you go from this position?"
I wrote as he spoke, and I mentally gave thanks for his calm, logical nature. I knew all these things, but he could lay them out so clearly.
We talked throughout the entree service and until they cleared our meal. By the end of the evening, I had several questions outlined to bring to Laura and Lillian, along with a well-defined pros and cons list. I knew I was leaning against accepting the position already, but with Cabe's help I had valid arguments and reasoning I could present to my bosses. Now I just needed the courage to stand up to them and not allow myself to be talked into a job I didn't want.
We walked to our cars silently, each deep in our own thoughts. Just as we reached my car, it dawned on me Cabe hadn't told me about the family visit or why he was AWOL all weekend. I'd been so pissed when he blew me off, but with my focus and worry consumed with the job offer, I'd forgotten to ask about it.
"Oh, what were you going to tell me about the weekend? You wanted to explain about your family?"
He frowned and stuffed his hands in his pockets, shaking his head ever so slightly as he replied. "It can wait. I know you have a lot on your mind, and it's kind of a long story. Another time. Just know I'm sorry and I didn't mean to be an ass. It was just…well, again. It's a long story."
It obviously bothered him, and I felt guilty for monopolizing the conversation all night. It never occurred to me he might need to discuss what had happened.
"I'm sorry, Cabe. I didn't mean to be self-absorbed. We can talk now."
"No, it's okay. I'll tell you later."
"You sure? I don't mind listening now."
He shook his head again. "No. Thanks, though. For not being mad and all."
I didn't say anything. After all, I had been mad. I'd been furious. And if it hadn't been for all the work drama, I still would be. The awkward silence stretched until he spoke again.
"So when do you have to give them an answer?"
Smart move on his part. Switch the conversation's focus back on my issue and off his.
"By Friday. They said they want me in place after my birthday trip, which I guess I need to tell them is canceled."
I cringed when I realized I'd just brought up Paris. Neither of us had mentioned the trip since the night at the restaurant when he said he'd cancel it. It was like a healing wound we avoided so it didn't reopen and hurt us both.
Cabe looked down at his shoes and kicked at a non-existent rock on the pavement. I opened my car door and threw my purse inside, cursing myself for bringing it up just as we were leaving. I'd been so focused on the work aspect that it came barreling out of my mouth without much thought for the consequences. More tension added onto everything else.
"I have a confession to make," Cabe said without looking up from the ground.
I leaned against the door frame and braced myself for whatever was about to come. The word confession is rarely followed by something good.
He finally met my eyes and held the stare for a moment. Silent. A little shiver ran across my skin as I squared my shoulders and prepared to hear him out.
"I never canceled Paris."
My eyes flew wide open. "What?"
He shrugged and gave the little half-smile he does when he's embarrassed about something.
"I just couldn't do it. I know it sounds really stupid, but I didn't want to cancel it. I booked it for your birthday. I wanted to take you. To see Paris with you. It just didn't seem right to cancel it."
I didn't know what to say. So I didn't say anything.
He cleared his throat before he continued. "I mean, it was too late to get any money back, you know? Either way, I'd already paid for it. So I guess I just figured maybe…well, I don't know. Again, it's stupid."
"You figured
maybe what, Cabe? What were you going to say?"
I held my breath as I waited. I realize it was irrational of me to want him to say what I was thinking, but the heart isn't known to be logical. Obviously some part of him still wanted to go, or he would have canceled the trip. So if he hadn't, we could still go. I could still go to Paris with Cabe for my birthday.
"Cabe, what were you going to say?" I pushed, hoping he'd say what I wanted to hear.
He looked down again. "Maybe we could just go. You know. It won't be like it was gonna be before, but we're still hanging out and stuff. So maybe it wouldn't be so different if we hung out there instead of hanging out here. I mean, if you still wanted to."
I threw both arms around his neck and kissed him with everything I had. I know it's probably a terrible idea to go. I know I probably should have told him no. I probably should have remained calm and not nearly knocked the man down with enthusiasm.
But here's where my heart went with this. If he still wants to take me to Paris, he still wants this. Us. Which means we have time to work things out before we go. Then I realized how little time that was.
I pulled back so abruptly he nearly lost his balance.
"Cabe! It's only two weeks away!"
"I know. Everything's planned, though. I already had the museum passes and the transportation cards. The hotel and the airfare are booked. The only thing I hadn't done was the Eiffel Tower, and we can book it online. But if we're really gonna do this, we have to take care of that quick. It sells out."
I took his hands into mine and held them there.
"Are you sure you want to do this, Cabe? Are you really sure? Because we don't have to. You don't have to do this for me or because it's my birthday. Or for any reason. We can just not go. I'm fine with that. You being okay is more important to me than going."
He smiled and kissed my hands.
"I want to take you to Paris for your birthday."
So there you have it. I'm going to Paris. For my birthday. With Cabe. My on-again, off-again, might be, may be, could be boyfriend who's somehow not my boyfriend. I'm excited, I think. But nervous, too. I sure hope this turns out to be a good thing.
Friday, February 21st
I marched right into the office today armed with my notes on why the Lakeside management position did not further my interests. Well-rehearsed in how to explain the benefits I offered the company in my present position. Confident in my ability to offer solutions that could help us all achieve our goals.
It took one arch of Lillian's eyebrow and one curt question from her to unnerve me, and before I knew what had happened, I'd accepted the job.
I even ended up thanking them for the opportunity after she explained why it was such a great role for me and how I should be honored to have it.
I don't think you're supposed to feel this discouraged after getting a promotion. I could be wrong, but I thought a promotion was supposed to be a good thing. Maybe somehow it will be. Right?
Saturday, February 22nd
Talk about a first-class royal ass of a bitch. Definitely not one of my favorite brides. Victoria's been a thorn in my side since our very first meeting, and I'm just relieved this wedding day is over. I don't understand what Wyatt sees in her or why he wanted to marry her.
Wyatt's mom, Andrea, refused to come to the wedding for a while in protest of this union, but I guess Wyatt talked her into it.
Victoria retaliated by insisting Andrea not be included in the ceremony processional. Victoria's dad passed away a couple of years ago, and she only had her mother walking her down the aisle behind one maid of honor. Veronica decided Andrea could just be seated with the other guests, but Wyatt disagreed. He wanted his mom involved, so he told Victoria to let her walk by herself in front of the maid of honor.
You could cut the tension with a knife during pre-ceremony pictures. It got so bad the photographer ended early just to escape without bloodshed.
I sent Wyatt and the best man to the altar area with the minister and tried to corral the ladies with no cat fights. I cued the violinist to start the music, but as I told Andrea to start walking, Victoria leaned forward and grabbed her by the arm. She leaned in close to her future mother-in-law and spat her venom so quietly I barely heard the words above the hissing.
"You go ahead and walk down the aisle, and I'll be right behind you. When I get there, I'm gonna marry your son, and you will no longer have any say-so at all, you miserable hag. I will be first in his life, and he will be mine. All mine."
Victoria let go, and Andrea turned to make her way toward her smiling son. He had no way of knowing what words had transpired. For all he knew, his beautiful bride had extended a peacemaking olive branch.
Poor Wyatt. Stuck in the middle between his wife and his mom. That must suck. I feel sorry for him and for Andrea, who cried her way through the ceremony. I feel pretty confident Victoria will be a temporary problem. I don't see this marriage lasting long.
Wednesday, February 26th
Maggie called me around ten this morning to invite me to lunch. I immediately went to Melanie's office.
"Maggie wants to take me to lunch."
Mel gasped and put her hand over her mouth. "Oh wow. Did she say why?"
I shook my head.
"Okay. Well, maybe she misses you and just happens to be in the neighborhood."
I cocked one eyebrow and screwed up my lips to show her how ridiculous that concept was.
"Why on earth would she possibly be in this neighborhood? I've known the woman five years, and she has never asked me to lunch before."
"Okay, okay. Don't panic. Wait and hear her out."
"But what if she's going to go off on me like Galen? What if she's mad at me or something? What's she going to say?"
Mel sat back and crossed her arms. "You won't know until you go. Doesn't seem like Maggie's style from what you've told me about her. I don't think she'll be ugly to you."
"Should I tell Cabe? He got really pissed when I didn't tell him about Galen."
"Not until after you hear what she has to say. It may be nothing."
I walked outside when Maggie texted to say she was waiting in the parking lot.
"Hi there! Get in and I'll drive," she called out the window.
My stomach fluttered as I climbed into her Lexus, but she smiled and extended a hug across the console, immediately putting me at ease.
She asked me how work was going, told me about a charity function she was coordinating with the symphony, and asked if I was okay with a nearby French cafe for lunch.
By the time we'd received our salads, I had relaxed, feeling pretty silly for questioning her motives. She'd been nothing but nice since I got in the car. The same old Maggie. No tension, no discomfort. But the moment I let my guard down, it happened.
"So about this Paris trip." She smiled and took a sip of water before continuing. "Are you dead-set on going?"
My lettuce suddenly felt solid in my throat and I couldn't swallow. I gulped several swallows of water, but the lump in my throat lodged tighter. Maybe it wasn't the lettuce.
"Dead-set? I don't know if I'd say that, but we're planning on going."
"Do you think that's a good idea?"
I sat back in my chair and stared at her. Other than Maggie's eyes being green where Galen's were blue—the same blue as Cabe's—Maggie looked like an older version of her daughter. She shared Galen's dark red hair, though Maggie's framed her slender face in soft waves whereas Galen's hung ramrod straight. Maggie's face was softer. Her jawline not as rigid. Her eyes were more compassionate. More soulful. Even now as her challenge radiated across the table at me, it didn't assault me like Galen's. She was protecting her son, just as Galen wanted to protect her brother, but Maggie’s approach held more kindness. I sensed a concern for my feelings as well.
"I don't know. What do you think I should do?" She'd obviously brought me here to tell me, so I gave her the floor.
"Well, I can't really answer that, Tyler. I
think it's a difficult decision, and I think you both have a lot to consider. I don't pretend to know how you feel or what you want in this situation, but I can tell you I'm worried about Cabe."
I shifted in my seat. I'd been mentally preparing for her anger just in case she went on the attack, but she didn't come across angry. She seemed genuinely worried, which unsettled me more.
"Worried about him? Why?"
"Well, I'm certain he wouldn't be happy to know I'm having this conversation. Especially not with him so angry about Galen right now. So I will leave it to you as to what you choose to share with him. I would never ask you to hide anything from my son."
Did his anger at Galen have anything to do with me? It sounded like it, but I didn't think it would be appropriate for me to ask. I nodded instead and drained the last sip of water from my glass, scanning the room for someone who could get me a refill.
"I've watched the two of you tango for years, Ty. I've seen him pursue you, and I've seen you pursue him. I think you two have a powerful connection, and I think it scares you both. For quite a while, you weren't in a place to fully receive what Cabe was ready to offer. You needed time. You needed healing. Growth. Now, I think the tables have turned and Cabe is not in a place to fully receive what you want to offer. He's dealing with a lot."
Moisture glistened in her eyes, but she looked away and blinked rapidly. When she looked back at me, it had gone, and a fresh determination filled her face.
"Give him time, Tyler. Give him space. I can't make you any promises of what will happen between the two of you, but I can tell you he needs space right now. He needs to breathe without the fear of losing you. This trip is a mistake. It's too much right now."
"I told him he could cancel the trip, Maggie." I crossed my arms and struggled not to feel defensive. Did she think somehow I was making him go? That I was pushing him?