by Thomas Duffy
“How could people possibly work and watch a child?”
“It could be done. The world's not fair. It's so obsessed with money.”
“At one point, we didn't know each other and that was probably the hardest time of my life, Angela. Knowing you makes me so happy every day. Would I like to see my little girl? Of course. But, that's another chapter of our lives. One that we haven't reached yet. Keep believing. We'll reach that point. But don't put your life on fast forward to get there.”
“I know what you mean, Wilson. If it wasn't for you, I wonder how I would get up in the morning. You're a great guy.”
“I would hope so. I would hope that's why you married me.”
“Of course, it is. I have to stop reading the news. I keep wishing I'd read that the whole world was structured differently but all I read is horrible news or stories about people who are more successful than I could ever dream to be.”
“You have me. And I have you. That makes us true winners in my book.”
Angela smiled and Wilson kissed her very softly. She felt a connection with him that was undeniable. She just felt that life was closing in on her sometimes. When Wilson offered to take her out on a date after work that night, she quickly forgot her problems and agreed to have dinner with him later.
Wilson met Angela at a cafe on the corner that was usually very busy. It was a slow weeknight and few people were there other than them. A waiter came over to their table to take the order for what food they wanted to eat that night. Angela was looking at the menu very closely but couldn't find something on it that she wanted. On the other hand, Wilson knew exactly what he wanted from the second he opened up the menu.
Wilson asked the waiter, “Can we have a few more minutes for the lady?”
“But, of course, sir.”
“What's troubling you, baby?”
“You know, Wilson. I don't know. I feel like I've eaten every kind of food I feel like eating on the menu.”
“Do you want to try another place?”
“No. This place is fine. I'll just try something simple. I'm not in the mood for anything fancy.”
“How about a bowl of soup to start?”
“That's exactly what I was thinking.”
“See. That's why we're soul mates.”
Separation laws had become more strict lately and prohibited early 20-somethings from entering the workforce unless they had a “A-” overall academic grade point average. Anything less than a 3.5 was considered too weak to enter the job market. Students would need to continue to be separated and take refresher courses until they proved they were worthy to enter the non-segregated society.
Many people tried to fight for the possibility of seeing their children in person after high school. A lot of people felt college graduation age was too long to wait. However, that was not something which was going to happen under the current rule of society. Politicians tried to get elected to reduce the required age of children meeting their parents and learning about the true world of mixed sexes. Those figures could not go very far. People were mostly outraged by the possibility of an overpopulated world happening again or one in which human beings were not capable of surviving the expectations the mixed world set for them.
Wilson and Angela did what they could to make the best of their lives outside of work. They took an interest in dancing together and received lessons at a local dance studio which thrived on the fact that many working people wanted a taste of culture in their lives. While dancing was frowned upon as a profession, it was largely seen as a hobby many wanted to pursue.
While Angela was dancing a quickstep being instructed to her by a dance teacher, Wilson was watching her until it was his turn to work with the instructor. Angela's steps looked natural and seamless and her movements looked flawlessly magical to Wilson. They were joined together to dance after Wilson received some personal attention from a trainer. Their connection seemed so genuine to all the other people in the studio who were noticing them. It seemed they had been catching on the quickest during the lessons and were quickly put in a show that highlighted the best dancers of those who were taking paid lessons.
When they went back to their home, Angela started to discuss what was on her mind with Wilson.
“I wonder why dancing is so frowned upon as a career. I felt so free doing it. With some more lessons, I think I could really be a contender.”
“Don't quit your day job, baby.”
“I didn't say that.”
“But, you were thinking it.”
“I don't know. I just feel there's more out there that I can do. Maybe, I could work a weekend job or something.”
“That's not fair. You know how precious our weekends are.”
“I know but I figured I could find a way to earn more money for us.”
“We make enough.”
“I know I make enough but your bank account could be a little higher.”
“It could be. But, I'm happy. I have you. That's all I need.”
“You're so sweet.”
“Thanks, baby. Let's get some sleep.”
“OK.”
Chapter Fifty-One
Finn found himself thinking about his mortality more than ever these days. It was almost as if part of his life had been nothing but a blur. He consistently graded papers during his spare time. He enjoyed doing that. He took his medication as prescribed. There was no thought process in taking the pills. He just did it the same way one brushes their teeth or ties their shoelace. In time, he found himself truly forgetting his life before the one he was currently living. He didn't have much of an interest in anything outside of his job. His profession consumed him as he saw students doing well on a daily basis and moving forward with their studies.
Finn quietly read the newspaper on occasion to see what was going on in the world. He didn't find anything of interest in the paper much these days. A few years ago, he made the news for his academic excellence which was possibly one of the highest points in his life. He had once hung an article on his wall that featured him with a former student who went on to become one of the highest paid mathematical geniuses of all time. Today, however, he decided to take the article off the wall and crumble it up.
Life was dragging at times for Finn and just as it started to drag more than he could bear, he would get a new set of students whose names he would have to learn and whose talents he would have to decipher. His life would then seem to have more of a distinct purpose after he began to teach new students. That's how the cycle would go for a couple more years.
Finn woke up one morning feeling more enthusiastic than usual. He walked into the first class he was teaching that day with a huge smile on his face.
“Students, I'm going to be rewarding your hard work with an all expenses paid dinner for the top ten pupils in each of my classes. That should be more incentive to do well.”
One of the lower performing students in the class asked, “What about the rest of the class?”
“They can come for dessert.”
As the class laughed, Finn started reveling in his lesson plans and felt tremendously confident in his abilities. He was determined to have each and every one of his students earn a perfect score in his class. He felt that the more the kids studied, the better they would do and he would feel even more accomplished.
Time passed, and Finn even began tutoring students after school in his determination to get all his students perfect scores. One of the lower scoring kids in his classes was named David. Working with David frustrated Finn immensely. It seemed the student was stuck with more advanced algebra and couldn't achieve the grades he did in math that he used to in his earlier classwork. Though he could score in the high 80's, he would place dead last out of all Finn's students. Getting this kid to achieve a 100 average became Finn's new goal in life.
Chapter Fifty-Two
Angela and Wilson were feeling a certain lack of romantic chemistry in their marriage. Wilson saw Angela looking weary and tire
d after work one evening. He sat beside her on the sofa as she was eating her dinner. He wanted to make her feel better.
“Baby, what's wrong?”
“Nothing, Wilson. I'm good.”
“Did something happen at work?”
“Yes, it did. How did you know?”
“I had a feeling. You look so sad. I've never seen you so sad.”
“It seems that my boss feels I'm no longer living up to the standards I used to set as an employee and he feels I may get a demotion if I can't bring myself back up to par.”
“Well, how much less would a demotion mean for us?”
“Enough that maybe we'd lose 25 percent of what we're earning now.”
“Then, I just have to get on track with my career then. I'll send out resumes. It's no problem, baby. You put your time in. It's time for me to support the love of my life better.”
“Thank you, Wilson. I've been day dreaming too much lately. Remembering an old life that no longer serves me any purpose. I think if I can just focus on this life that everything can work out for me again. I may even be able to save my job.”
“Follow your heart. If it tells you this job is wearing you down, you can do a less stressful one.”
“We were trained in school to be successful but when success feels like failure, well, that's a feeling I just don't understand.”
“Maybe, just maybe, there's more to life than work and when we see our child all grown up, it will be a new beginning for us. A beginning for a better life.”
“Our daughter should be here with us.”
“They say if we we're with our kids when they're young that we can't achieve as much. That's one of the reasons these separation laws still exist.”
“I never wanted to achieve. I was told I had to achieve. It wasn't my decision to do well in school as a young girl. It was told to be my only option.”
“We have all we have mostly because you have achieved so much in your life.”
“You're right, Wilson. Thanks for listening to me. I'm just going through a depression or something. I can dig myself out of it.”
“I can help. I'm your husband. I love you.”
“Thanks, honey.”
Wilson and Angela kissed. Angela felt the kiss was either out of pity and that they simply didn't connect the way she wished they did. She believed Wilson was a good man and she knew she had a daughter with him. She didn't want to leave him. She just wished she would have been able to know her son one day. Since that was not a possibility, however, Angela found comfort in the time she spent with the consoling Wilson.
Angela's husband did exactly what he promised to do and started to look for higher paying positions within his field. Angela voluntarily took a step down from her job to a lower paying position upon Wilson's receipt of a new job. They only lacked a few percent of their previous income and she managed to feel less stressed at work. Her co-workers in the new position would talk to her and make her feel a little better about life whether it be through having lunch together or simply sharing stories about each other's problems. Wilson struggled harder in his new position but believed doing the right thing was most important. For him, the right thing was providing a life Angela could be happy living. She seemed happy to him and that made his daily challenges worth it for him.
Chapter Fifty-Three
Finn was ready to go to sleep after the day his students took the final exam in his course. He was too tired to grade the exams but somehow felt that his pupils all did well. As he caught a brief glimpse of the tests, he couldn't notice a wrong answer in the pack. Finn didn't dream anymore, yet still felt he was living the life he was meant to live. Perhaps, his old life was simply something that couldn't have been successful for him. Finn knew his chosen field of study above all else. He didn't know anything about love. Romance baffled him now. His life's purpose seemed attainable as his life was getting longer and getting closer to its end.
It became easy for Finn to reflect on his life and think about the possibilities that could have been for him. Feeling content in his life didn't erase the fact that he knew he had a past. A past which had seemed like a different person's life altogether. As he continued to take the drugs to suppress both his dreams and his sex drive, he sometimes didn't think about anything other than the scores on recent tests that his students were achieving. Life was lonely in some ways, and in others, very crowded. At work, he was around people but afterwards, he would be all alone in his home.
As a young man, Finn was considered something of a genius and although now he was considered a master in his field, it felt, to him, like he had accomplished nothing at times. Novelty, for lack of a better word, was no more in regards to his status in the world. He was just another face in the crowd and simply another teacher trying to work wonders for the kids he taught.
One Friday evening, he thought back to his first date with Angela. He could have thought knowing her was nothing more than a dream if not for the sporadic reminders of her existence that taking the medicine inflicted upon him.
At work on Monday, he confronted his immediate boss, the school principal, to see if he would be allowed to leave his zone on weekends to try to date again.
“Hi, sir. I was just wondering if there was any possibility that I could go to a mixed zone to try my hand at dating again. Just on the weekends, of course.”
“Are you taking your medicine?”
“Of course, sir. I just get lonely at times.”
“Do you feel urges?”
“None whatsoever.”
“So, why would you want to leave. You have a good thing here. You know the agreements that were made when you were selected to teach for us.”
“I am close to retirement age, aren't I?”
“Why would you retire? Where would you retire to?”
“Somewhere warmer, perhaps.”
“You're crazy.”
“I just feel I've been a good sport and demonstrated my ability to be disciplined and focused in my life.”
“You have demonstrated that. Those are good qualities. I would talk to the powers that be. However, you know doing that could open up a can of worms for you. A can I'm not sure you would want to be opened. Especially considering how far you have come in your field.”
“You're right, sir,” Finn replied as he was holding back from crying tears of sadness.
“I'm glad you came to see me. Someone had to talk some sense into you.”
“I'm happy it was you. I respect you, sir. I will be strong and continue my dedication to my craft. I will not steer myself off track.”
“I have a suggestion for you. Why don't you try a hobby? Playing cards, perhaps. Something that would bring you out with other teachers more. Teachers do things here on the weekend without their students. They play sports, they listen to each other's stories. All the teachers say you could interact a little more with them on the weekends.”
“You're absolutely right, sir. I don't know what I was thinking. I always wanted to play baseball.”
“Baseball, tennis, football. These are all noble sports. Things you would enjoy. Take that in your thoughts when you leave my office today.”
“Will do, sir.”
“Talk to you soon, Finn.”
“Thank you, sir.”
When Finn left the principal's office, he knew his fate had been officially sealed. Although he knew this fact for many years, the thought of seeing Angela again plagued his mind at times. He had to ignore such banal thoughts. He believed he was lucky to have the life he had and didn't want to jeopardize it. What was love anyway? He had been divorced. He had lost a son. If the pain in life caused by these things was so unbearable, Finn wondered why he even considered them being a part of his life for yet another time. Finn was lost but he was also found in terms of his self-awareness. He knew that he needed to take his medication to continue his life as it had been established for him.
Chapter Fifty-Four
Angela sat on a chair in her h
ome on a Saturday night waiting for her husband to come home with groceries he would use to cook them dinner that evening. Angela yearned for Finn. She longed for the way he stimulated her intellectually and satisfied her sexually. She wanted to see him in the flesh again. She wondered if he would die and she would die if they would meet again in another place. Perhaps another realm existed outside of the world they were born into. She wondered if it was a realm where politics, money and social status didn't matter. She took a long hard thought about everything before picking up a knife that was in the kitchen cupboard. She walked over to the bedroom in her house when her phone rang. Wilson was coming back and informed her he was about 10 minutes away with the dinner they would cook that night. She walked back to the kitchen and returned the knife to its respective place. Killing herself didn't seem logical. It seemed like a copout to her.
Wilson returned home and put the groceries on the kitchen counter. Angela hugged him so very tight.
“I missed you, honey.”
“I missed you too, Angela baby.”
“What did you decide to buy for dinner?”
“I thought I could make us some steak and potatoes. I know you'd love that above all else.”
“I really thought you could make love to me tonight, Wilson. I want that more than steak.”
“After we eat, maybe we could squeeze in some love making. Right now, I'm starving. You told me you were starving before I left.”
“I am starving but I don't think food can fill the hunger.”
“What could fill the hunger then?”
“I guess I was stupid to think making love could make all the hard work I do every day of the week feel worthwhile.”
“I see what you're saying, baby. Let's eat then we'll get in the mood.”
“Fair enough, Wilson.”
Angela looked at Wilson as he was cooking dinner. She had thoughts of disgust at how romantic and unromantic he could be, simultaneously. His desire to feed her was admirable but his putting off of sexual activity was really cruel when she knew how bad she wanted it. She knew how having an affair was frowned upon in society and she also wanted her child to have a stable set of parents. She knew that her best bet was to just accept Wilson for the flawed human being he was.