American Thighs
Page 23
Forgive it—whatever it is—forgive it—and forget it—hold fast to the lesson you learned from the pain, lest you repeat your mistake—but forget the pain. Forgive others—even if they don’t forgive you. Forgive yourself—even if others don’t forgive you. Their lack of forgiveness says much more about them than it does about you, and by the way, it’s not your problem or your business.
A word about getting fired—that’s a really scary f, and usually our first reaction to it is fear and a sense of failure—more bad f’s. But I believe, and it has been my own experience, that what it really is offering us is a chance to move forward—if we will just LOOK for the opportunity. We are finally free of what was a bad situation—and something fabulous is just waiting for us.
When my daughter was little bitty, I was divorced, left heavily in debt by someone else’s unquenchable desire for cashmere socks and racing tires, taking care of my sick mother, working full-time as a personal trainer, and writing for three different newspapers—just to keep our heads slightly above the rising water—when, with no warning, one of the papers dropped my story—because the new editor felt that I was “not funny.” I freaked.
I was not only out the money that I very desperately needed—but I was insulted on a very personal and vulnerable level. Writing was one of the very few things I believed I was actually good at—and this guy not only felt otherwise, he felt it strongly enough to flat-out FIRE me, with no warning or chance to change to suit him.
Fortunately, I needed the money badly enough that I did not have the time to indulge myself in the luxury of self-pity—I had to get off my ass and find a way to replace that three hundred dollars a month—or the home fires would be fizzling out very soon. That was the ONLY reason I EVER pursued a book deal. Had I not been fired, I would have continued working four jobs—and just been happy that the ends were meeting.
That pretty much covers the f’s—and do take note of the one Big F I am intentionally leaving out because this is a Serious Moment, but just for the record, I hope you do a lot of it, in a very loving way, on account of it’s good for your complexion and it’s especially good for your disposition, and that helps everybody, doesn’t it?—so do it for yourself, your partner, your community, your country, and the world!
And that leaves us with the one, solitary t at the end of our “f-f-f-f-f-t.” What’s that t for? Could be for trouble. You get to decide if you want to HAVE trouble—or if you want to BE trouble, and I mean that in a good way, of course. Somebody sent me this the other day and I love it—I’ve looked for the person who originated it, but so far nobody’s claiming credit: “Live life in such a way that every morning when your feet hit the floor, the Devil says, “OH, SHIT! SHE’S UP!”
We have a T-shirt on our Web site that says, “LIVE EVERY DAY LIKE YOU’VE GOT ALL DAY TOMORROW TO APOLOGIZE!” And by that, I’m not endorsing irresponsible and/or inconsiderate behavior. What I want you to do is HAVE SOME FUN. Failure to Frolic is a major cause of regret later in life; so, if you’re behind on it, CATCH UP.
Tantalize is a most excellent t word. What a delight it is to be tantalized by something—anything—new shoes, big wads of chocolate, your lover. Possibly even more delightful to BE tantalizing, huh? Take time to tantalize today!
And I think that’s what the t has got to be for: it’s for TODAY—because no matter who you are, no matter what you are, whatever your faith or lack thereof—TODAY is all there is, for any of us.
I recently heard Amy Grant speak—and it was every bit as moving as hearing her sing, which is saying a lot. She said that she had tried over the years, with all good intentions, to set aside daily time for devotional reading and study. She had amassed all manner of books and tapes and whatnot for this purpose but they just gathered dust as the TIME just never seemed to make itself available.
Then she was struck by one verse in her Bible—Psalm 118:24—“This is the day that the Lord hath made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.” And she found her daily devotional. She goes outside with her morning coffee, and in the still quiet, she looks around and says the verse over and over, varying the emphasis each time—THIS is the day, This IS the day, This is THE day, etc.
Please take note that the verse says “THIS” is the day—meaning TODAY—the one we are in right now—it does NOT say “YESTERDAY” was the day—although He did make it but it no longer matters because it is O-VER. It does not say “TOMORROW” is the day—although, if tomorrow does, in fact, show up, it will be because the Lord made it, too—but so far He has not committed to it so that’s a crapshoot—TODAY is what we got—it is ALL that we’ve got and it is enough. Be Thankful for it—another t word worthy of note—and Trust (yet another one) that whatever you need will be there for you.
No matter what you put your faith in—from AA to Zen—you will find that you are called, exhorted, encouraged, and/or commanded to BE HERE NOW. So now I’m telling you that as well: you are FABULOUS, just as you are, right NOW, and you HAVE this wonderful day—so go freely forth, have fun—IT IS TOO LATE TO HAVE A BETTER PAST—what you do TODAY is all that matters. Then, if it turns out that you DO get a tomorrow, if you’ve done a bunch of good stuff TODAY, you will have created a new and better past for yourself, if you’re still determined to dwell on it.
F-F-F-F-F-T AFTER FIFTY—FINE BY ME! I am from the generation that decreed “NEVER TRUST ANYBODY OVER THIRTY.” When we said that, it sounded so cool and sophisticated—imagine our surprise when we found OURSELVES in that untrustworthy group. Over the past few decades, we have seen the error of our ways, we do heartily repent, and now we have THIS to say: “NEVER TRUST ANYBODY OVER EIGHTY-FIVE!”
* Frozen japonica—Childhood memory: unexpected cold snap caused damage to a neighbor’s shrub—I heard her complaining to Mama that “it was so cold last night, my japonica froze.” I did not realize she was referring to her camellia bush.