by L A Cotton
The whole building was DeLuca property. The ground floor was occupied by a retail unit—Donnie’s attempt at a legitimate business. The second floor housed two apartments that Donnie rented out; one to his younger cousin, and the other, to an old lady who had known his mom. The top floor had been renovated into a huge open-plan apartment with one master bedroom and en suite. It was something else, nothing like the decaying town we lived in, but despite the stylish decor and modern facilities, I couldn’t stand being here.
I hated it.
The second the elevator pinged open to Donnie’s floor, my skin started to crawl. Donnie almost dragged me out into the hallway, ignoring my reluctance. The fury still rolled off him in waves. He slid out the magnetic key card and opened the door and pulled me inside. It slammed shut behind me and I jumped. Donnie shot me an irritated look before going to the kitchen and making himself a drink.
“Did you know?” His words were calm. Calculated.
“Know what?” I replied trying to play dumb.
“Don’t play dumb, Joy. Did you know he was back in town?”
“Yes.”
The glass shattered into tiny pieces next to me, and I flinched, squeezing my eyes shut trying to calm my racing heart.
“He’s not supposed to be here.” Donnie thrust his hand into his hair and dragged it back and forth. He looked crazed, eyes blazing with fire. “He wasn’t supposed to come back.”
I know.
Like a lion hunting its prey, Donnie stalked toward me. I pressed back into the door.
“Why is he back, Joy?”
“For the funeral. You know that,” I answered, my voice shaking.
“Are you sure that’s all?”
My mouth dropped open ready to respond, but the words wouldn’t come. Of course, it was all he was back for, wasn’t it? What else could there be? He’d looked just as shocked to see me as I was to see him.
Donnie stopped in front of me, glaring down at me as if I was his enemy. “Have you spoken to him?”
Yes.
If I told the truth, things would turn ugly, but if I lied, he’d see straight through it and that would end just as badly. I opted for silence.
It was the wrong move.
Donnie’s hand closed around my throat with such force that my body slammed against the door. My eyes went wide with panic as I clawed at his hand.
“Now, now, baby. I’ll ask again. Did you speak to him?”
My heart pounded in my chest so hard I felt lightheaded. Or was that my airway being constricted?
“Joy, don’t test me.” Donnie’s voice was eerily calm. Too calm. His eyes were still ablaze, but he seemed in control. Fully aware of his hand wrapped around my neck.
This wasn’t the first time Donnie had hurt me. A couple of times in the past things had gotten ugly. A split lip, a black eye, but never this. Never before had Donnie lashed out in such a calculated manner. It was always a spur-of-the-moment thing. He was always sick with worry afterward, showering me with affection and apologies.
His hand tightened again and he rammed my head back against the door. Pain splintered through my skull and my eyes rolled into the back of my head.
“Don’t make me hurt you, baby. I don’t want to hurt you.” Donnie sounded almost pained as his voice floated into my half-conscious state.
“Yes,” I croaked out. “I saw him. We- we spoke.”
Pain exploded across my cheek and into my eye socket and then everything went black.
All weekend, images of Donnie reaching out to claim Joy tormented me. The way he touched her, so intimate and possessive. My girl and my best friend. Ex-girlfriend and ex-best friend. Donnie wasn’t the same friend I left behind, and seeing Joy again … it made me realize what I’d tried to keep buried. That I had never stopped loving her. In my head, she had moved on and started a new life in California. My heart was a different story. It was still there—the magic, a spark, whatever the fuck you wanted to call it. I saw it in her eyes when I touched her, a flash of desire. Along with a silent plea and a look of regret. And I didn’t miss the shiver of revulsion when Donnie claimed her. She was tied to him in some way, and I was hell-bent on finding out what hold he had over her. I lay in bed staring up at the ceiling as dawn chased away the shadows, the room growing brighter until I couldn’t stand it any longer. Throwing back the covers, I stood and pulled on my jeans and t-shirt that lay folded neatly on the chair.
Lex and Mikey weren’t up; the house was silent as I made my way down to the kitchen. Mikey had left some empty beer cans on the counter from last night. I leaned against the counter, gripping the edge tightly as frustration mounted inside me. I wanted to get out of here but knew I needed to stay for Joy. Anger at what had happened at the club bubbled up inside me, and I pushed off the counter, grabbed a bunch of keys off the hook, and stormed out the back door. Throwing the garage doors wide open, I climbed behind the wheel of my Camaro and smiled when she started the first time. I needed to thank Mikey for keeping her in shape. Another thing I’d expected him to look after.
Once on the street, I pressed my foot down on the gas, enjoying the growl of the engine as a million different teenage memories assaulted me. Driving through the old neighborhood wasn’t far enough to clear my thoughts, so I headed farther and farther out of town. As I passed the house where Donnie grew up, I wondered if he still lived there. It was the smartest house on the street. Did he live there with Joy? Dread carved a pit in my stomach and my grip on the steering wheel tightened until all the blood drained from my knuckles.
Before I knew it, I arrived at the outskirts of Chancing. I pulled over and killed the engine. My grip on the steering wheel didn’t ease while I sat in the parked car weighing my options. Motionless, I stared ahead at the road leading out of town. All I had to do was keep driving, stay on this road, and not look back. Lex would have understood if I called him; he’d come find me. Mikey would be pissed. Again. But he was my brother, so he’d come around eventually.
Donnie’s words ricocheted around my brain, as intrusive and dangerous as any bullet. Crawl back into … It was obvious he wanted me as far away from Joy as possible. I did that once, listened to my father when he told me not to come back, when he said it would be better for everyone. Well, it didn’t look that way. It might be better if I did walk away … the thing was I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. Not again. I threw the car in gear, punched my foot on the gas pedal, and swung the car around to head back to town.
I couldn’t help but scan the streets as I drove, telling myself I wasn’t looking for Joy, but I couldn’t ignore the disappointment I felt when I didn’t see her. Deflated, I drove along Main Street, headed home, past Mikey’s garage, the laundromat, and then Hank’s Diner. Without any thought, I yanked hard on the steering wheel at the last minute and pulled into a space right outside. I killed the engine and didn’t dwell on the fact this was Joy’s place of work nor did I pay any attention to the hope that blossomed inside.
Hope that was quickly dashed when I pushed open the door and saw the place was empty. I sat down at the counter and picked up a menu, the rumbling in my stomach reminding me that I hadn’t eaten since yesterday afternoon. Might as well get something here. Hank emerged from the kitchen wiping his hands down his apron, and my heart sank further into my boots. Joy definitely wasn’t working if he was out here taking orders.
“Heard you were back.” He stood pen and pad poised, ready to take my order. I nodded curtly at his surly tone. “Sorry to hear about Beth. She was a great lady.”
“Thanks,” I mumbled, still not comfortable with accepting people’s condolences. It made me feel like a fake. Yes, she was a great woman and a great mom, but I hadn’t seen her in three years. Where was I when she needed me?
“What can I get you?” He nodded at the menu, reminding me why I was there.
“Uh, yeah … I’ll have waffles with bacon and coffee, please.”
“Sure thing.” Hank all but snatched the menu out my hands before
he turned and disappeared into the kitchen.
The diner was silent; no TV in the background or faint noise from the radio, and the silence made me feel uncomfortable. A discarded newspaper lay on the other end of the counter, and I leaned over to retrieve it and spread it out in front of me. I wasn’t interested in reading any of it; it was more so I didn’t have to sit like a spare part while I waited for my food. Hank reappeared with my plate and placed it in front of me before he fetched cutlery and poured some coffee. He took a cup for himself and set it down on the counter beside mine.
“She’s not here.” He leaned forward, pinning me with his pale blue eyes. He might spend most of the day in the kitchen or behind the scenes, but Hank Crawford knew exactly what went on in this town.
“Excuse me?” I managed to swallow the mouthful of food lodged in my throat before reaching over to take a gulp of the piping hot coffee, scalding my tongue in the process.
“Joy. She’s not here, and she don’t need you making trouble for her. She makes enough of that all on her own.”
Hank’s words caught me off guard. Joy had been working in this diner since school, but if he thought I wanted to cause trouble for her or make things difficult for her, he was mistaken. I had never intended to do that. Ever. I always wanted to be there for her. Even when we were younger and life held so much promise, when we felt we were invincible and could become anything we wanted. Protecting Joy and helping her achieve her dreams had always been my goal. Loving her and being there for her was all I ever wanted to do.
“I’m not. I wanted to make sure she was okay. After the other night … at Shakers.” I could barely get the words out; the anger from earlier bubbled away, too close to the surface, and I had to take a deep breath and calm down.
“Best thing you can do for Joy is to leave her alone. She’s with Donnie now.”
“So I’ve heard.” I reached for my cup again and took a slow drink of coffee; it gave me something to do other than smashing my mug on the floor in a fit of temper.
“She called in sick-” The sound of the bell above the door cut Hank off, and his gaze cut across the diner to the new arrivals. I chanced a look over my shoulder and saw two heavy-set guys wearing smart suits and shiny shoes. Just as quickly, I turned back and pretended I was more interested in my food, but not before I caught the look on Hank’s face. Anger flashed in the depths of his blue eyes, but he schooled his expression and pushed off the counter to greet the two men who had stopped not far from me.
“Gentlemen.” He greeted them formally and nodded at each one in turn.
“Hank,” one of them replied in a deep baritone.
Without another word, Hank turned to the cash register and opened it, lifted out the coin tray and pulled out a wad of bills. Rolling them up, he handed it over to one of the heavies.
“See you next month,” he said with mock cheerfulness but neither replied. In silence, the men turned and left the dinner, letting the door swing shut with a loud bang behind them. Hank watched them go with the same unreadable look on his face. Once the door had shut, he let out a deep breath and reached out to brace himself against the counter.
“What was that all about?” I asked, unable to help myself. He heaved another deep sigh and brought his forearms down to rest on top of the counter, his head lowered. I turned to meet his gaze, but the defeated look in his eyes caught me unawares and sympathy toward him stirred.
“Donnie’s men.”
“I thought as much.” I paused while Hank refilled my cup. “So he really does run this town?”
“Yup. Took over from his Uncle Franco.”
My eyes grew wide. “Took over? But he never wanted that.” It was the truth; when we were growing up, Donnie was adamant that he didn’t want to go into that line, didn’t want to inherit the family business. Because Franco didn’t have any sons, he knew it would fall to him to take over. If I’d thought for one minute he would end up running things, I would never have … well, things might have been different.
“What can I say? After Maria had died, he changed. Franco got his claws in that boy real good.” Hank shrugged but keen, experienced eyes remained trained on mine. “Son, he’s not someone you want to get on the wrong side of. You should know that better than most. He’s got the whole town in his pocket including the local PD.”
He was right, of course. Look what happened the last time I was involved in ‘family business,’ I got sent down. I gave Hank a tight nod and pulled my wallet out of my back pocket and laid a few bills on the counter.
“Thanks, Hank. I’ll see you around.” The older man watched me, his face solemn as I walked to the door and closed the door gently behind me.
“Where the fuck you been?” Mikey shouted from the living room when I closed the back door behind me.
“Out,” I shouted back and strode through to the other room. Lex sat on the sofa, legs propped up on the coffee table with his laptop, working. Mikey sat on the chair, dressed in sweats and a faded navy t-shirt; his hair stood on end and his chin had a light covering of stubble. Yeah, he’d rolled out of bed not long ago. Lex, on the other hand, was dressed in smart jeans and a muscle t-shirt, his long hair dripping from the shower. I was somewhere in between.
“Did you see her?” Mikey asked, his gaze never left the racing on the TV.
“Who?” I flopped down into the chair opposite him.
“Joy, dumbass.”
“Didn’t go looking for her,” I lied and both of them threw me a look, skepticism written all over their faces.
“I went for a drive to clear my head.” That was a half-truth; I left out the bit where I was sorely tempted to just keep driving. Everyone had made it clear they didn’t want me around. But unlike the last time, I was older; not necessarily wiser but I wasn’t going to let the likes of Donnie DeLuca or anyone else decide what was best. Not this time.
“And?” Lex asked, his eyes barely leaving the screen. He didn’t need to look at me to know what I was thinking; we were two peas in a pod.
“How do you feel about staying longer?” I asked him. Mikey’s head snapped in my direction, and his mouth dropped open. Lex’s face broke into a wide grin, and his eyes sparkled with delight.
“Thought you might say that.” He turned his attention back to his laptop, still smiling.
“What? Why?” Mikey spluttered.
“I can’t leave her.”
“Dawson,” he groaned and tipped his head back.
“I can’t ignore what happened the other night. The way she reacted when he touched her. The fact he was about to make her dance on the fucking stage.” I jumped out of my seat and started to pace the small living room like a caged animal. “I didn’t go to prison to protect her so she would wind up dancing on the stage at Shakers. Or be Donnie’s maul.”
“Dawson,” Lex said, a low warning in his voice. “Calm the fuck down.” We glared at each other for a long minute, in a silent battle of wills before I sat down, noticed Mikey looking between the two of us. “You need to keep a lid on your temper.”
“Tell me everything you know about Donnie. Then and now.” Lex looked back and forth between Mikey and me; I could provide the historical stuff, but we needed any information Mikey had about him now.
I threw my arms up in the air with frustration, wanting action not talking and planning, but this was why Lex was the best. Everything was well thought out and methodical. If there were anything worth knowing about Donnie, he would find out.
“Start from the beginning. You were best friends, but you didn’t say much about him when we were inside. Got the feeling you were pissed at him.”
“I was.” I leaned forward, elbows resting on my knees. “The three of us were friends. Joy and I were more than friends, but it wasn’t like Donnie was a third wheel or anything.” I smiled remembering the fun we used to have, hanging out, playing pranks, and then when Donnie went home, Joy and I were left, making out, getting hot and heavy in the backseat of my Camaro.
&n
bsp; “So what happened?” Lex asked.
“You know all this.” I told him a brief version of this when we were cellmates, and it wasn’t something I wanted to dwell on or pick over all the details. It was something I tried hard not to think about at all.
“Humor me.” Lex tapped away at the keys on his laptop and even Mikey muted the TV, giving me his full attention.
With a deep sigh, I carried on. “Joy needed money for college. She only had her grams and didn’t want to rely on getting a full ride. Donnie’s Uncle Franco needed a job done. A drug run. Weed, nothing heavy. It should have been a walk in the park.” I swallowed thickly as I hated having to retell this story. I hadn’t been a hardened criminal then; I was a stupid teenager in love who wanted to help his girlfriend out. I listened to Donnie’s uncle when he said it was easy and we wouldn’t get caught. What a dick I was to believe him. “Donnie didn’t want to do it, but he was scared of his Uncle Franco. He tried his hardest to avoid anything to do with Franco’s business. He wanted no part of it.” I curled my fingers in air quotes. “Joy was desperate, and it seemed like an easy solution.”
A derisive grunt came from Mikey’s direction and I looked over, a deep scowl etched on his face as he listened. I wondered if he’d ever heard my version of the events or just the one that my father had told everyone.
“The drop went fine, but on the way back, we were pulled over by the cops. They took one look at Donnie and that was it. Back then, they used any excuse to rattle the DeLucas. They kept asking where we’d been and found the bag of money in the trunk. I just knew they were going to haul us in for questioning. I couldn’t let one mistake ruin Joy’s dream of school, so I picked a fight with the officers. I took the fall and the two of them walked away with a warning not to associate with troublemakers like me in the future.”
Hunched over, I dipped my head and closed my eyes. Telling them all this was exhausting, it was something I pushed down, the feelings of hurt and anger that surfaced every time I thought about the unfairness of it. Of course, we were in the wrong and had broken the law, and I’d taken the blame to protect Joy and Donnie, which was my choice. I didn’t want to hold Joy back but Donnie … Donnie had been my best friend. I kept expecting to hear from him, some acknowledgment, but nothing ever came. That hurt. And now, to find out he was with Joy and that she never left … it made my blood boil, as if what I did for them was meaningless. Lex watched me expectantly, waiting for the rest of the story.