by L A Cotton
“No, Joy,” I said in a firm voice. “Nothing will happen until you decide. I won’t touch you while you’re still with him. The thought of his hands on you … Shit. I’d go to prison all over again for what I want to do to him, and it would be fucking worth it.”
I imagined myself grabbing Joy and smashing my lips against hers, forcing her to make a decision—to choose me. But I knew a kiss wouldn’t be enough. I wanted more, much more. I wanted to throw her down on the bed and properly claim her. Once and for all. But my heart wasn’t ready for that. Not when she wouldn’t choose. So I let go and stalked out the door, not bothering to slam it behind me.
I needed fresh air—I needed to be as far away from her as possible.
When I woke, the pain of watching Dawson leave exploded in my chest. I hadn’t gone after him. Dawson’s words had cut deep. Dirty and ugly and brutal, the truth hurt. Nothing he said was a lie or exaggerated; in fact, he knew too much about things, and I guessed I had Mikey and Sherri to thank for that. I knew they were only looking out for me, but I could handle Donnie. I’d been handling Donnie for the last two years.
I sat up drawing my knees into my body. My head dropped forward into my hands as the tears rushed out. Who was I trying to kid? Them? Me? Did it even matter anymore? Donnie was out for blood—mine, Dawson’s, hell, after last night, probably Sherri’s too. There was no going back from this, but the thought of something happening to the people I cared about, all because of Donnie’s obsession with me, terrified me.
“Hey.”
I looked up to find Mikey standing in the doorway, hands jammed in his pockets, concern shining in his eyes.
“Can I come in?”
“Sure,” I replied avoiding looking him in the eye, wiping away the wetness from my cheeks. He always could see right through me. I guess it had become our way over time. I didn’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes. He wanted to fix things for me.
“How are you feeling?” Mikey rolled out the chair from under the desk and sat down.
“Okay, I guess. It is what is it.”
Anger flashed across his face, and he looked so much like Dawson at that moment. “Fuck, Joy. Don’t do that with me, not this time. This is different. We both know it.”
Exhausted, I didn’t reply. Mikey inched closer, the chair dragging across the carpet. “He could have killed you. What were you thinking going back to the club? After the other night? What he did to you.”
“Mikey, stop. Please, I can’t take this, not from you too.” My voice cracked and I blinked back the tears threatening to fall again. Pain ricocheted around my face, and I touched a gentle finger to the dressing, wincing with the contact.
“Shit, sorry, Joy, I know Dawson was up here last night, and I know he said some things, but he’s just worried about you. We’re all worried.” He reached for a hand. The guy who had picked up the pieces more times than I cared to remember. I owed him, more than he knew.
“No, I’m sorry. It’s just … everything is such a mess, Mike. What do I do? Tell me what I should do.”
Strong arms wrapped around me, pulling me from the edge of the bed and into a solid chest. The comfort was instant. I felt safe. I always did—for those few moments at the Spencer’s house, away from Donnie, the club, the girls—with Mikey, I always felt safe. But it wasn’t the same as what I felt when Dawson had held me again. Mikey was familiar and I felt at ease with him, but with his brother, I felt at home.
I always had.
Mikey pressed a chaste kiss to my hair and whispered, “You have to let him handle this, Joy. Let Dawson keep you safe. He can keep you safe.”
After Mikey had left me alone, I retreated to bed unable to face him or anyone else. The morning passed in a groggy haze, but after a few hours, I gave up. A deep sleep wouldn’t come, and every time my eyes started to close, all I saw was Donnie’s face, and each time, the hunger stirring in me worsened. My whole body trembled with an insatiable hunger to numb the memories, drown them out of existence—into a euphoric oblivion.
Staring up at the ceiling, I fought the urge to make a run for it. I didn’t want to abandon the three guys downstairs, not after what they’d done for me, but the shame was eating away at me like acid. Mikey had known a little about what I was involved with, the lengths I went to with Donnie, but I’d never told him the whole truth. Saying the words made it worse somehow.
He called you an addict. Dawson’s words stung. I wasn’t an addict. I refused to call myself that. I didn’t whore myself out looking for my next high or steal to fund my habit. I still had my job, and I looked good—most of the time. But I was different, and I did crave the high, needed it to shut out the things I let Donnie do to me. It might have started out as a way to forget, a way to dull the pain of being abandoned by the two most important people in my whole world, but Dawson was right; over time, it had become more than that.
A knock on the door startled me.
“Hello,” I asked.
“Joy, it’s me,” Mikey’s voice echoed. “Lex and I have pizza if you want to come join us.”
“I, hmm, sure. I’ll be down in a second.”
I brushed a hand through my hair and pulled on one of the sweaters hanging in Dawson’s closet. It was his old school track hoodie. Feeling comforted by the familiar memories wrapped around me, I made my way downstairs. Lex and Mikey both glanced up from their positions on the couch.
“Help yourself,” Lex talked around a mouthful of pizza, and I scowled. “It’s good.”
Maybe food would make me feel a little better. I helped myself to a slice and took a seat opposite them in the armchair. Tucking my legs underneath me, I focused on the television, shrugging off their stares and the question on the tip of my tongue … where’s Dawson?
We ate in silence. Some action movie played on the screen, and I jumped every time something exploded or a round of gunfire went off. Lex laughed at my nerves, and I caught Mikey smiling in my direction as if seeing me doing something as normal as eating pizza and hanging out with friends eased his worries. But I managed a weak smile back because there was something normal about this. Somehow, in the crazy that was my life, two of the three guys who had offered me sanctuary had given me exactly what I needed tonight. Only one thing would make it better.
The front door swung open, and I couldn’t help the slight smile gracing my lips, like the universe had heard my plea and answered. Dawson’s cheeks were stained red and a layer of sweat glistened on his arms and neck.
“Good run?” Lex called without turning to greet him.
Dawson’s eyes locked on me and he said, “Yeah. I need to take a cold shower. Save me some pizza.”
I swallowed hard, following Dawson as he moved through the house and disappeared upstairs. When I turned back to watch the TV, Lex smirked knowingly. Ducking my head, I ignored the color rising in my cheeks and settled back in the chair. But it was impossible to concentrate. Dawson was back. Here, in the house, after giving me an ultimatum and then rejecting my advances. Embarrassment burned through me remembering the way he had held me at arm’s length, scolding me like a petulant child all while he stared at me like he wanted to devour and hurt me all at the same time. And soon, he’d be back in the room, and I was supposed to just what … Pretend that none of it happened, that everything was normal? Pretend I hadn’t felt the electricity between us during our fight?
I felt him the second he entered the room. The hairs on the back my neck stood on end, and it took everything in me not to turn around just to look at him. Lex had returned the pizza boxes to the kitchen, and Dawson went in search of them. The microwave whirred to life and then stopped. The door opened and then closed, and then he was there. Standing behind me.
“Up.”
“Wha-what?” I rushed out.
“Scoot up.”
Scoot up? Seated on a one-person armchair, I wasn’t sure where exactly he thought I was going to scoot to.
A pizza box landed next to my feet and Daw
son’s huge frame appeared in front of me. The air sucked from my lungs as he picked me up effortlessly, swung me around so that he could drop into the chair, and then pull me down into his lap.
“There, wasn’t that difficult, was it?”
“I-” I turned my head back to face him, but the smug look of his face stole the sarcastic reply I was sure was about to roll off my tongue.
Dawson waggled his eyebrows and shuffled us a little until I was comfortably nestled in his lap. The close proximity between our bodies sent my pulse racing, and I stared straight ahead.
“Joy? Joy.”
“Huh? What?” I shook my head trying to break out of my Dawson-induced haze.
Calloused hands brushed over my arm and my body shuddered. “The pizza, babe.”
Pizza? Babe?
“On the floor, the pizza box. My dinner.” Dawson spelled it out for me.
I leaned forward and grabbed the box aware of how my ass pressed into Dawson’s crotch. When I turned to place the box on the small table to the side of the chair, the table he could have placed the damn box on in the first place, I didn’t miss the smirk tugging at his lips.
“Thanks.” He used his nearest hand to pick up a slice of pizza.
“Mmmhmm,” I murmured quietly to myself, ignoring the two sets of eyes burning holes in the side of my face all the while wondering what in the hell had just happened.
After the first film had ended, Lex got up and switched out the DVD. It was dark out, and I realized that it had been almost a whole day with no word from Donnie. I doubted he let me leave Shakers freely, and his silence unnerved me but, for now, I wanted to breathe.
“So you guys were high school sweethearts?” Lex chimed, and Dawson tensed underneath me.
“Lex,” he growled.
“What?” I glimpsed Lex holding up his hands out of the corner of my eye.
“Just making friendly conversation. I’ve seen this film, at least, four times.” I turned to him and he winked at me, causing heat to explode in my cheeks. “So what’s the story?”
Dawson’s arm tightened around my waist, but I cleared my throat and said, “Yeah, we dated in high school.”
“Dated?” Dawson croaked. “We did a little more than date, Joy. If I remember, Mikey refused to be around us.”
“True story,” Mikey added stuffing a handful of chips into his mouth.
Sitting there, in Dawson’s arms, I felt something I hadn’t felt for a long time. Whole. My body curled into his, a perfect fit, and our chests rose and fell in sync. For a split second, everything felt right, like I was finally where I belonged. But I knew better than to bask in the light, to hope for a better outcome. Because Donnie was still out there. He would always be there, and he owned a part of me now. He was buried in my soul.
“Joy?” Dawson whispered against my ear and I melted into him.
“Noth-”
A noise out front startled us and Lex leaped from his seat and padded across the room to the door, pulling back the curtain to look outside.
“Someone’s out there.”
Fear squeezed the air right out of my lungs. Dawson must have felt my terror because his thumb began rubbing soothing circles along the curve of my thumb and forefinger. But not even his touch could abate the pounding of my heart in my chest when someone knocked on the door.
We all froze, looking at one another.
“Hello, Joy, Mikey, it’s me, Sherri.”
“Sherri?” I jumped up and ran to the door, unlatching it. Lex covered my hand and shook his head. I stepped away to let him open it up.
“Shit, let me in, already, before someone sees,” Sherri said breathlessly as she ducked inside and pulled me into her outstretched arms. “Christ, darlin’, you had me scared there for a second.”
“Sherri?” I repeated. Shrugging out of her embrace, I faced her. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
Sherri’s lips pulled into a thin line and she glanced over my shoulder to Dawson, fear glistening in her eyes. “You have a problem.”
I watched as Joy ushered this Sherri chick toward the sofa and forced her to sit down, taking up the spot beside her and reaching for her hands.
“What’s happened? What problem?”
“It’s Donnie; the shit has really hit the fan. He’s out for blood.” Her eyes made contact with mine, and I saw the fear in hers for a quick second before they hardened. From what I could work out, Sherri was a tough cookie who knew exactly how to mollify Donnie. She was also close to Joy and protected her, for which I was grateful. If she thought we were in trouble, then I believed her.
“What’s he planning?” I asked from my spot in the armchair. Joy, her body angled to Sherri, turned to look at me.
“I don’t know. All I know is he’s mad as hell. At you, at Joy, even me for helping Joy leave.”
Lex appeared and offered Sherri a glass of amber liquid. After a tight smile of thanks, she knocked it back in one go and handed him the empty glass. Lex arched an eyebrow and nodded at her, impressed.
“I can’t stay long, in case I’m missed, but I had to warn you.” Her hand tightened in Joy’s and offered her what I assumed was supposed to be a reassuring smile, but it fell flat.
Without saying a word, I pushed up out of the armchair and left the room. Ignoring the calls of ‘Dawson,’ I climbed the stairs. Inside my room, I rummaged in my closet until I found my duffle bag. Carefully, I pulled out the rolled-up t-shirt and unraveled it so the revolver pistol landed in my hand. I checked the clip, and satisfied it was full, I laid it on the bed while I shrugged into my shoulder holster and slotted the revolver into the left side. My hoodie lay on the end of the bed and I pulled it over my head, shoved my hands in the pockets, and felt Mikey’s keys. They would do.
I had bounded down the stairs and out the back door before anybody realized I was gone or could stop me. Mikey’s truck was last in the drive, and Sherri had been kind enough not to block him in. Climbing in, the truck roared to life and I began to reverse down the drive. Lex appeared at the top of the drive, the headlight illuminating the pissed-off scowl on his face. He took a step toward me, but I backed out onto the street and drove off before he could get any closer. I would need to deal with him and a lecture when I got back, but for now, I had to take care of more important things.
On the ride over to Shakers, my rage grew, and by the time I pulled up in front of the building, I still didn’t have a fucking clue what I planned to do or say when I confronted Donnie. But I had to do this. I jumped out of the truck and slammed the door. Transferring the pistol into the waistband of my boxers, I checked to make sure the hoodie disguised any lumps. I didn’t want to have to use it; there would be too much explaining to do, and Lex would give me shit for it, but I would if I had to.
I walked straight past security not giving them a second glance. The heavy beat of the music assaulted my eardrums and it took my eyes a minute to adjust to the dim lighting. I scanned the club laid out in front of me. A girl danced on the stage entertaining half-wasted men, and I cringed thinking about Donnie forcing Joy to dance on the stage for any and all to see.
I made my way over to the bar, all the while keeping an eye out for Donnie or any of his men. I was trying to think sensibly and I reckoned asking to see him was the best bet. If I stormed in there, chances were he’d get his men to throw me out again. This way, I could ask to see him and if they refused me? Well … then, I’d storm into his office. For now, I hadn’t seen him or any of his men.
When I leaned on top of the bar, the server looked up from the glass he was drying and arched his eyebrow in question.
“Where’s Donnie?” I asked raising my voice over the beat of the music.
Not flinching as I glowered at him, he set down the glass. “Who wants to know?”
Through clenched teeth, I answered, “Just tell me where the fuck your boss is.” I slapped my fist down on top of the bar, which earned me a sneer. He moved to the other side of the bar and picked up t
he phone and spoke into it. Never taking his eyes off me, he nodded a couple more times and then hung up. Sauntering over to me, he picked up another glass and resumed his drying.
What the fuck?
“I’m not in the fucking mood, dickhead,” I growled. But he ignored me and jerked his head, his attention shifting over my shoulder. With one last look of contempt, I turned to see a huge man in a smart black suit, black shirt, and black tie standing behind me. He’d planted his feet shoulder width apart with his hands clasped in front of him. His expression was unreadable as he nodded to me. It was the guy from earlier, the one with Sherri and Joy.
“You wanted to see the boss?”
“For fuck’s sake, just take me to Donnie.”
“This way.” He jerked his head and turned away from me and all I could do was follow him.
As he led me down the darkened hallway, I kept throwing glances over my shoulder, coiled and ready for anything. This wasn’t the best idea and I could hear the grief I would get from Lex when I got back. How I shouldn’t have gone in there alone, how I should have consulted him before I did anything so we could come up with a plan. Of course, he was right. This was what I got for being an impulsive hothead who let his temper get the better of him. But if Donnie was going to come after us, he needed to know he wouldn’t get away with it. That I wouldn’t let him hurt Joy again.