by L A Cotton
“Aidan called earlier.” He clicked at something and scowled at the screen before looking up. “He’s done some of his own digging. This cartel … they’re nasty.”
“Nasty?”
“Yeah, really bad news.”
“And.”
“And I don’t know if Donnie fully appreciates what he’s getting himself into. You cross them, piss them off, even look at them the wrong way, and they kill you. They’re making waves, got the DEA chasing their tails.”
“Sounds like pretty much every cartel out there …” This was becoming less appealing by the second. If Donnie was making connections with them, that was bad news for us.
“Aidan is still working on it. He’s meeting his contact and trying to call in a pretty big favor. He should have more for us in a couple of days.”
“And until then?” I asked, frustrated at the lack of progress or concrete information.
“Keep doing what we’re doing. Watching her and keeping an ear to the ground for any hint of what Donnie is planning to do.”
“Yeah, look at how well that worked out,” I grumbled.
“Maybe she’ll reconsider going to work?”
“Good luck with that one,” Mikey chipped in, and I had to agree with him. Joy could be stubborn, but when it came to her safety, it was a different story. How much longer would Hank be tolerant of the situation?
“When’s she working next?”
“Not happening. Not after today,” I stated, decision made.
“Does she know that?” Lex quipped.
“I’ll handle it,” I said, leaving no room for argument.
The front doorbell ringing ended the conversation, and we all looked at each other, a wary who-the-fuck look on each of our faces. I stood and opened one of the kitchen cupboards and pulled out a pistol I’d hidden behind some cans.
“I’ll go,” I offered and made my way to the front door. My hand gripped the gun as I skirted around the outside of the living room, keeping my back to the wall and away from the window. I half expected something to come flying through the glass at any second. I peered out the glass at the top of the door but being frosted meant I couldn’t see jack shit. With a tight grip on my gun, I shouted through the door. “Yeah?”
“For fuck’s sake, it’s me. Sherri. Open up,” an annoyed voice came back. I heaved a deep sigh, slipped the pistol into the waistband of my jeans, and turned the lock before I opened the door and peered out.
Standing on the doorstep was Joy’s friend, Sherri, and the tall guy from the other day. Troy? I pulled the door wider and stepped back to allow them in.
“Joy,” I hollered, hoping she would hear me. These people were becoming a regular pain in my ass. All I asked for was a quiet night to formulate a plan, not people turning up who were no doubt about to add more drama to the mix. “Come in, make yourself at home,” I grumbled somewhat sarcastically.
Lex and Mikey appeared from the kitchen. Mikey smiled while Lex stared from one uninvited guest to the other, the wheels in his brain working overtime, no doubt wondering what in the hell they wanted this time or whether this was a trap.
“Troy. Hey, Sherri.” Mikey nodded a greeting at them as Sherri sank down on one end of the sofa. Troy hung back, shifting nervously, clearly uncomfortable at being here, and I didn’t blame him. If Donnie knew he was here, he’d have Troy’s balls as well as ours.
“Where’s Joy?” Sherri asked me, and I fought an eye roll.
“Upstairs. I’ll go get her.” I took the steps two at a time, grateful for an excuse to get out of there. I knocked once on the bedroom door before I walked in. Joy was fully clothed, combing out her damp hair.
“You’re too slow.” She grinned at me, and I felt my stony expression dissolve to smile back at her. “If you’d been earlier, you could have joined me.” She crossed the room and reached up and pressed a kiss to my lips. My heartbeat kicked up as my arms caught her and I deepened our kiss, forgetting for a second we had guests downstairs. I had a feeling Sherri wouldn’t think twice about barging in here to see Joy, regardless of what we were doing.
“We’ve got guests,” I murmured as I kissed down the column of her neck, pulling away her shirt to kiss the curve of her shoulder. Her whole body tensed.
“Who?”
“Sherri and Troy.” I resumed my kissing and felt her relax a fraction.
“What’s wrong?”
“Don’t know. I came to get you.” I tried to distract her again by sucking on the sensitive skin under her ear. She shivered in my arms and a small moan sounded in the back of her throat.
“You’re annoyed?”
“Yeah,” I grumbled, and now that I’d tasted her clean skin, I didn’t want to go back downstairs. “I wanted you all to myself.” Which was true; I wanted to spend the rest of the night with her in my arms, kissing her for hours like we used to. But then it would no doubt lead to something else, something I wasn’t ready to give in to right now.
She laughed a light, airy sound I hadn’t heard in a long time—not this kind of laugh, bright and relaxed. “You’ll have me all to yourself later.” She stood on tiptoes and brushed a kiss over my lips but wiggled out of my grip. “Come on. You don’t think she’ll wait down there much longer.” Joy stood at the door and held out her hand.
My groan was audible. “Do I have to?” Joy laughed again and nodded.
“Yes, come on and be nice.” She winked at me and I couldn’t refuse her anything. Seeing her smile and hearing her laughter made up for the unwanted intrusion.
Sherri had made herself more comfortable on the sofa and was nursing a coffee when we entered the living room. Joy rushed over and sat down beside her; the two of them hugged, their heads bent together, and I felt worse for being annoyed at Sherri’s visit. She had been there for Joy for so long, and even though Joy was away from Donnie, she still needed a friend. And Sherri had been nothing if not a good friend. I wondered what the deal with Sherri and Troy was; he had a coffee too, but had remained standing, and looked like he wanted to be anywhere else. Something must be between them if he was willing to bring her here, especially knowing that Donnie was coming for us.
“How are things?” Sherri asked, pulling back to eye Joy critically; her shrewd eyes traveled over every inch of her face, looking for any hint of something wrong. “You look happy.” She smiled a tired smile and squeezed Joy’s hands when she nodded.
“How are you here? I thought it would be too dangerous.” Joy asked the question we were all wondering.
“He’s out of town on business,” Sherri told us, her gaze swept around the room. Lex, Mikey, and I shared a look. It was what Aidan had said; he was meeting with the Mexican cartel. Troy picked up on the tension, but his face remained expressionless.
“How long?” I asked.
“Few days.” Troy spoke up for the first time.
Which gave us a few days’ breathing space. A few days where we could have a bit of normality, although guard duty was still our priority.
“What’s been happening?” Joy asked, almost fearful. “Has he been …”
Sherri gave her a sad smile. “He’s come down hard on everyone. All the girls, anyone he thinks would reach out to you.”
“And you?”
Sherri gave her a harsh laugh. “Don’t you worry about me. He knows better than to piss me off,” she assured Joy, but I caught the small look she cast at Troy and I had a feeling even Sherri wasn’t beyond feeling Donnie’s wrath. “He’s watching me like a hawk, but I’ll always find a way.” She patted Joy’s hand and reached down for her mug of coffee.
“He’s taken a shine to Ari,” Sherri says, with a scowl. I watched Joy for any reaction but none came.
“Ari?” Lex asked.
“Arianna, the new girl.”
“The new girl, she’s so … young.” Pain twisted over Joy’s face and Sherri winced. “I know. I couldn’t come up with any more excuses why she couldn’t work at Shakers, and well … you know what Don
is like. You leaving and telling Stu you wouldn’t be back bruised his ego. Ari is an easy target, a new toy.”
“But what will he do to her?”
“I don’t know, Joy. I’m trying my best here,” she said, her voice full of emotion, and she looked exhausted. Trying to protect Joy, and now, this new girl, was taking its toll on Sherri, yet all I could think was, at least, it’s not Joy anymore. Which made me a heartless bastard.
“Look, I just wanted to tell you he’s out of town but to still be careful. I’ll come and visit as much as I can, but it’s going to be harder from now on.”
“Come to the back door next time.” I piped up for the first time since she started talking. “That way you’re not out in the open standing on the front step.” Sherri looked around Joy to meet my gaze and nodded, relief or gratitude apparent in her steely eyes.
“We had better go, Sherri.” Troy moved from his spot against the wall and set his cup down on the coffee table. “Thanks for the coffee, Mikey.” He reached out for Sherri and she let him pull her up to standing. I got the feeling she didn’t like to show any kind of weakness, but maybe with Troy, she let him share some of the worries.
“You can go out the back door if you want,” Lex offered, and Troy nodded. Sherri leaned down to give Joy one last hug.
“Take care. Don’t do anything foolish and I’ll come back when I can,” she promised, to which Joy nodded.
I led the way to the kitchen and opened the door, checking outside before I stood aside to let them past.
“Take care of her, Dawson.” Her knowing eyes pleaded with me, and her hand gripped my forearm.
“I will,” I assured her, laying my palm on top of her hand. “Thanks for bringing her, Troy.”
“No problem,” his deep voice rumbled, his eyes alert as he took Sherri’s hand and led her out of the house.
I closed and bolted the door behind them; my forehead rested against the door for a minute before I took a deep breath and headed back to join the others.
“None of it makes sense.” I squeezed my temples between my forefinger and thumb. “He takes Troy everywhere. He doesn’t go anywhere without him.”
Since Sherri left, Mikey and I had lingered in the living room pretending to watch TV while Lex and Dawson talked in hushed voices in the kitchen. Eventually, they joined us and we all sat in silence. Mikey was first to throw in the towel, and Lex followed him up not long after. I doubted the nervous energy zipping through me would let me sleep. I needed something to clear my head. It didn’t help that every time someone mentioned Donnie or the Mexicans, my mind instantly went to a place I so desperately wanted to forget. Dawson insisted we go to bed, but I’d spent the last ten minutes pacing the room.
Dawson drew me to him; brushing the hair from one shoulder, he ducked his head and pressed his lips to the soft skin of my neck. “Don’t overthink this. Look at it as a reprieve.”
I turned myself in his arms, forcing him back, and stared up at him. “A reprieve? Sherri just came to tell us that Donnie has gone nuclear, you have information that suggests he’s meeting with a cartel, a Mexican cartel, Dawson, and you’re telling me to calm down?”
Hurt flashed in Dawson’s eyes, but I couldn’t concentrate long enough to care. My blood boiled with want.
Anger.
Hunger.
Shame.
“I didn’t say that. I just mean in moments of chaos, enjoy the silence.”
The worry lines on my forehead deepened, and I felt like I might combust at any moment. Taking a deep breath, I managed to compose myself enough to say, “Is that code for something?”
“You’d be surprised how many times I’ve reminded myself to enjoy the silence. I’ve seen things, Joy, things no man should ever see. Hell, I’ve done things …” Dawson paused, a haunted look in his eyes. “But sometimes, in the heat of the battle, the eye of the storm, you just have to stop and enjoy the silence.”
His words hit me like a freight train and my heart constricted. I still couldn’t digest Dawson being in harm’s way for a living. It was his job to walk into war zones, and I was supposed to just accept that? Not that I had any claim on him; we might have declared our feelings for one another, but we still had a lot to talk about. Still, I couldn’t help the surge of happiness flowing through me at the realization that right now Dawson was here, with me. I ran my hands up his arms and looped them around his neck. “And what?” I stood on my tiptoes lining up my mouth with his. “This is us enjoying the silence?”
“I have an idea.” A grin broke over his serious face, and I could almost see the wheels turning.
“I’m not sure I trust that look,” I said in a playful tone feeling more in control. It was Dawson; he brought me back—grounded me. I knew that look on his face, and it never ended well.
“You can trust me.” Dawson pressed his mouth to my forehead and held me. “Always. But first, we sleep. You look exhausted.”
I knew what he really meant—I looked like shit. Conceding, I nodded and let him lead me to the side of the bed. The mattress dipped underneath me as I tucked myself under the comforter. Dawson went around to the other side, and after shedding his jeans and t-shirt, he joined me. I watched in awe at the way his bronze skin stretched over taut muscle. Muscles that didn’t exist when we were last together. Need pulsed through me, replacing some of the hunger pitted in my stomach.
Dawson turned off the lamp, plunging the room into darkness. I could feel him next to me—his steady breathing, the rise and fall of his chest against the sheets. Everything was different now. Each conversation, look, even the few kisses we had shared were leading toward a crossroads. We’d both known it, but I don’t think either of us had known which path we’d end up on. And now, here we were—the path was decided.
“I expected to want to kill him.” Dawson’s voice cut through the void. “I was prepared to want to beat him so far into oblivion that he would never touch you again, but when I saw him sitting behind his desk with a smug grin on face, I felt something I didn’t expect …”
My body tensed. Waiting.
Dawson swallowed hard and whispered, “Jealousy.”
“Dawson, I’m-”
“No, let me finish. When I came back, all I could think about was seeing you again. Even though I knew you were long gone and I was coming back for Mom’s funeral, all I could see was you. And then I walked into Hank’s and there you were. It was as if I’d walked into a dream. But you were different, and I saw it right away. And then I saw you at that club about to get on that stage and dance, and I knew I’d returned to some fucked-up parallel universe because the Joy I knew, my Joy, would never be in a place like that. It killed me.”
His breath came harsh, and I wanted to reach out and touch him. Make him stop. But maybe we needed this, maybe tonight we laid all our truths bare.
Maybe.
“But nothing hurt more than seeing you go to him. I swear it felt like you’d plunged your hand into my chest and ripped out my heart. So when I went to him, I went to hurt him, maybe even kill him. And then he started goading me, letting me know what he’d had … what he’d done and, for as much as I wanted to hurt him, all I kept thinking was ‘it should be me.’ I should be the one taking her home, the one kissing her, inside her. I can’t change the past, Joy. I can’t take away the pain or the hurt or the things you’ve had to do to get by, but I promise you I will never ever let him hurt you again. We’ll get through this. I’ll get us through this. I know you want to carry on with life, but we can’t do that right now. Just trust me. You have to trust me.”
Dawson reached out to me and pulled me to him, his lips finding mine. It started out slow and measured as he poured his promise and regrets into me. Each brush of his mouth over mine an acknowledgment of our history. But the kiss grew desperate, and I gasped into his mouth shocked by his sudden urgency. Holding me close, Dawson’s tongue swirled with mine, frantic, angry, desperate, and I pressed against him needing to be closer. Unlike the
other times we’d kissed, this felt different. Familiar and strange all at the same time. I knew every curve and plane of Dawson’s body, his face, mouth. The frustration was still there crackling between us, but there was something else—an apology to our past, the time we’d lost, and a promise to our future, the one I so desperately wanted with the infuriatingly stubborn man kissing me. Our legs tangled and my whole body ignited with need for him. Heat flooded me. But Dawson didn’t budge. He held me so close that I couldn’t skate my hands down his chest as I longed to.
“All I can think about are his hands touching you,” he mumbled against my mouth
His words were like a knife to the stomach. Was I tainted to him now? Would he ever be able to look at me without picturing Donnie—and me at Donnie’s mercy? The pain left me breathless, and I tried to break free from his lips. I needed to catch my breath, to make him see that I never willingly gave myself Donnie, not after that first time.
Dawson’s eyes were clamped shut as his ragged breaths filled the space between us. The air around us charged with desire and anger and frustration.
“How will we ever get past this?” The words almost choked me. Dawson had only just walked back into my life. He loved me; I saw it in his eyes, and I felt it in his kiss. But a small part of him couldn’t accept what I’d done—who I was now.
Donnie will always own you. You can never escape.
I rolled out of Dawson’s arms and turned away from him. We were so close, but so far apart; it felt like we might never meet in the middle. Seconds ticked by, as we lay there in the dark unmoving. Dawson didn’t speak, but I knew he wasn’t sleeping. He was too still. Tense. I wanted to say something—anything—to ease his mood. But what was there to say? Sorry I gave myself to Donnie. It was your fault you left me and forced me into his arms. It is what it is. Did I want Dawson to leave me behind in Chancing? No. But we couldn’t change the past, so it was no use trying to right those wrongs.
“Daws-”
“Not tonight. Sleep, Joy. Everything will look better in the morning. It always does.” Dawson rolled his body flush behind mine and draped his arm over my waist.