by Susan Lewis
‘You are?’ Laurence said not without irony.
‘Yes. And there are lots of other things to play with too, aren’t there, Jane?’
‘We’ve just been told about the Children’s Museum,’ Jane explained and the way her eyes were avoiding both Kirsten’s and Laurence’s it was clear that she knew exactly what had been happening. ‘I thought I’d take Tom there tomorrow,’ she said.
‘That’ll be nice for you, Tom,’ Kirsten smiled, looking down at his upturned face.
‘Yeah, well . . .’ Laurence said.
Kirsten looked at him. He still had his hand on the open door, but from the way he was nodding, almost pointing with his head, Kirsten thought he was trying to tell her something. ‘Um, well,’ she said, glancing behind her.
‘I got you some things in the market,’ Jane said to Kirsten.
Kirsten frowned her confusion, her eyes moving between Laurence and Jane.
‘Do you remember I asked you if you wanted anything?’ Jane said. ‘I wasn’t sure what you wanted . . .’ She stopped, realizing that Laurence and Kirsten were trying to communicate over her head. ‘Um, I’ll go and get them,’ she said. ‘It’s just a couple of New Orleans T-shirts . . .’ and she disappeared into the little courtyard to go into her own room.
‘What’s the matter?’ Kirsten said through her teeth.
‘Your bag,’ Laurence answered in the same way.
Kirsten looked down then hurriedly tucked her bra deeper into the files protruding from her holdall. When she looked up again Laurence was laughing. Tom was gazing up at her curiously, then Jane returned with the T-shirts.
Still trying to hide her own laughter Kirsten took the T-shirts, muttered a thank you and said, ‘Well, I’d better be getting back to my room,’ and giving Tom’s hair a quick ruffle she added, ‘See you later,’ and left.
When Kirsten got back to her room amongst many other messages there was one from Alison asking her if she could go out to Little Joe’s and take a look at the model that had been done of the ballroom. There was a note pushed under her door from Jake telling her that if she was going out to Joe’s studios he’d like to come with her. When Kirsten called his room he answered straight away and she told him to meet her down in the lobby in fifteen minutes. She needed to take a quick shower and try to collect herself after what had happened.
In fact, by the time she went downstairs to meet Jake, she was still so dazed that were it not for the way her muscles were aching she might have thought it was all a dream. She just didn’t know what to make of it. There was no doubt that the pleasure they took in each other’s bodies was every bit as intense, if not even more intense, than it had ever been, but she wished she knew what had been going on in Laurence’s head. Or, more to the point, what he was thinking now. They’d have to talk about it for there was no way they could carry on as though nothing had happened and she felt herself almost physically shrink from the very idea. Was this them getting started again, she wondered, or had it just been something they had to get out of their systems? Dear God, no, it couldn’t be the latter for if it were it was going to be impossible for her to continue. But of course it wasn’t the latter, the way they’d made love the second time made that more than plain. He’d held her in such a way it was as though he’d never wanted to let her go and she’d seen the tenderness in his eyes as he’d watched her, smiling and teasing and playing with her the way he always used to. It was as though in some ways they had never been parted for the knowledge of each other’s bodies and each other’s needs had come so readily they might have made love only the day before.
So why, she asked herself as she and Jake rode in a taxi through the neat grid of the French Quarter, was she feeling so uncertain and so wary?
Trying to push her misgivings from her mind she gazed out at the shadowy dusk and noticed the ominous patterns it cast over the passing streets. A strange feeling of unease crept down her spine making her skin prickle. It was odd, she reflected to herself, how she hadn’t really noticed it before, but there was something, well something unusual about New Orleans. It wasn’t something she could put her finger on and perhaps before she’d just been too busy to notice, but now she came to think about it she wasn’t at all sure she liked this place. It was peculiar the way people dressed in curious costumes when it wasn’t even Mardi Gras. And though the warmth of Southern hospitality couldn’t be denied, that too, now she mulled it over in her mind, made her uncomfortable. It was as though there were deep, dark depths to the City that breathed a dissolute and immoral air into the streets. As though everyone nurtured a secret and watched you with eyes that both mocked and enticed. The decaying beauty of delicate wrought iron balconies, hidden courtyards with exotic plants and alabaster fountains, the hypnotic sounds of indolent jazz trumpets were all like a trap set to lure the innocent into an exclusive and infernal nether world.
She turned to Jake. ‘Do you like it here?’ she said.
‘I love it,’ he answered without hesitation. ‘It’s weird, but I love it. What about you?’
Kirsten shrugged. ‘I’m not sure,’ she said. ‘I think it frightens me.’
Then suddenly she remembered that Helena came from New Orleans and for one horrible moment it seemed to create an unbridgeable gulf between them. But that was ridiculous, she told herself firmly. She knew Helena almost as well as she knew herself and there was very definitely nothing sinister about Helena. But nevertheless with the way Laurence had been with her that afternoon and the unsettling realization that Helena was from a culture of which she, Kirsten, knew nothing, it made her feel as though she was drifting on the outside of a world that she could see but not touch.
God, she hated feeling this way, but suddenly her head fell forward and she started to laugh. Wasn’t it the way she always felt, right deep down inside? It was called paranoia. She’d hoped that her analysis had got her over these fears, but obviously it hadn’t, or at least not altogether. But she’d let her maddening insecurities destroy her and Laurence once, so she just better get herself together now because there was no way she was going to let that happen again. They’d talk later, probably over dinner and she would allow the glow she felt inside to control the way she handled things, not the niggardly, persistent doubts that so expertly managed to submerge her in a vacuum of despicable, intolerable insecurity.
It was just after eight o’clock when Kirsten returned to the hotel alone. Jake, Alison and several of the others had taken themselves off to K-Paul’s for a Cajun dinner, but Kirsten had declined the invitation to join them. She went straight up to her room, dropped off her bag then walked along the corridor to Laurence’s suite, an impish smile twitching her lips as she envisaged the teasing intimacy in his eyes when he saw her.
‘Hi,’ she said when Jane opened the door. ‘Is Laurence there?’
‘Uh, no,’ Jane said uncomfortably. ‘He, um, he’s gone out to a restaurant.’
‘Oh,’ Kirsten said. ‘Do you know where?’
‘Oh yes,’ Jane nodded eagerly. ‘I’ve got it written down. If you’d like to come in I’ll get it for you.’
Kirsten followed Jane into the sitting room. ‘Did he leave a message for me?’ she said.
Jane shook her head. ‘I don’t think so. Well, not with me, he didn’t.’
‘Who did he go to the restaurant with?’ Kirsten asked taking the piece of paper Jane was holding out.
‘Ruby.’
Kirsten’s surprise showed. ‘Ruby?’
‘Yes, she got here this afternoon while you were all out at the swamp.’
‘I didn’t know she was coming,’ Kirsten said, unsure for the moment why it was bothering her. She lifted her eyes back to Jane’s. ‘Did Laurence know she was coming?’
‘Yes, I think so. Well, he got his assistant to go and pick her up at the airport, so he must have known.’
‘Then why didn’t he mention it to me?’
Jane simply looked at her.
Kirsten quickly pulled herse
lf together. ‘Well,’ she said, waving a hand towards the door. ‘I suppose I’d better get back, I’ve got a lot to do.’
‘Tom and I are having a midnight feast if you want to join us,’ Jane offered. ‘He thinks it’s midnight now. He’s in there waiting, probably thinking you’re room service.’
‘Thanks,’ Kirsten smiled, ‘but like I said, I’ve got a lot to do.’
‘Do you want to say good-night to Tom? I know he’d love it if you did.’
‘No, uh, not right now,’ Kirsten answered starting towards the door. ‘I’ll see him in the morning.’
‘OK. Did you like the T-shirts, by the way?’
‘Yes, yes, they’re great,’ Kirsten assured her. ‘Uh, you’d better let me know how much I owe you.’
‘Oh no, that’s all right. They’re a present from Tom and me.’
‘Well, thank you, I’ll wear one tomorrow.’
Jane smiled happily. ‘Are you sure you don’t want to stay for the feast?’ she said.
Kirsten looked at her, wanting nothing more in that moment than to get hold of her and shake her. Couldn’t she see that she just wanted to get out of here? ‘Quite sure, but thanks,’ Kirsten said, then her heart sank as she realized from the colour that rose in Jane’s cheeks that somehow Jane had detected her irritation. But the last thing she wanted was for Laurence to come back and find her cosily ensconced in his son’s room looking for all the world as though she had taken that afternoon to mean that she was now a part of the family. Besides she didn’t much want to eat, not when she had a horrible feeling that Laurence had pulled down the shutters again, for how else was she to read a meeting between him and the writer to which she hadn’t been invited?
When the door closed behind Kirsten Jane stood at the centre of the room chewing her bottom lip. It was all very bewildering what was happening between Laurence and Kirsten – one minute they were shouting and arguing like they’d never see eye to eye and the next they were actually making love. Jane was certain that’s what they had been doing when she and Tom returned to the room earlier, but now it seemed like something had gone wrong again. She couldn’t even begin to work out what, but she hoped from the bottom of her heart that in the end they really would get back together. She was sure they loved each other, not that she knew very much about their kind of love, but she, or anyone, only had to look at them to see how right they were for each other. There was no doubt that Kirsten had been upset by the fact that Laurence had gone off to dinner with Ruby, but obviously she, Jane, wasn’t the one to cheer her up. Probably she’d go and call Helena and Jane felt a crushing disappointment at the thought. She really wished she could be the one Kirsten turned to. But who could say, maybe one of these days Kirsten would think her special enough to confide in and then she would do everything she could to show Kirsten how very, very much she wanted her to be part of their lives.
‘Sure I believe in it, Ruby,’ Laurence said, digging into his smoked redfish. ‘I just don’t believe in all of it, is what I’m saying.’
Ruby shrugged, waving a prawn around on the end of her fork. ‘I’m not saying I believe in all of it either,’ she said, ‘but I sure as hell wouldn’t want anyone doing the whammy on me.’
Laurence laughed and picked up his wine. ‘So who were these people?’ he said. ‘Where did you find them?’
‘These people, as you call them,’ Ruby answered, ‘believe they’re directly descended from the loas, at least I think that’s what they were saying. I’ll have to check that out.’
‘Loas?’
‘A voodoo god. Anyways, it’s not easy finding someone willing to talk about the real spooky side of things,’ she went on. ‘I mean, what we’ve got so far I’ve taken from books, I just would like to see the real thing for myself before we start shooting.’
‘Did you go to the Voodoo Museum yet?’
‘Sure. Where do you think I met these guys? But like I said, they’re into the touristy bit, not what we’re looking for at all. I’m not saying they’re not genuine, I guess they are, but it’s all a bit staged. I want to find myself a real ritual where drums are beating, people are going off into trances, animals get sacrificed and,’ she winked mischievously, ‘unmentionable things occur.’
Again Laurence laughed then took another mouthful of the delicious fish. They were dining at Mr B’s Bistro on Royal Street where the waiters were dressed in kelly green aprons and the dark wood interior with its shining brass details provided a somewhat sombre setting for the humming cheeriness of the place. Ruby was looking better than Laurence had seen her in ages and this was one occasion when he was finding himself enjoying her company.
‘You reckon you’d have the courage to go to one of these rituals, do you?’ he teased.
‘Sure. So long as you came with me.’
‘Oh no, hang on,’ Laurence protested. ‘You’re not getting me prancing around naked in the dead of night while someone whips a goddamned python into a frenzy.’
Ruby’s pencilled brows joined in a frown. ‘But we got to have some kind of frenzy, wouldn’t you say? It’s just too flat the way it is now.’
‘Sure, I’ll agree with that, but we should have Kirsten with us if we’re going to discuss –’
‘I told you, I called her room but she was out with Jake,’ Ruby interrupted. ‘I’ll catch up with her in the morning. Anyway, it’s good us two having this time alone, I’ve kind of missed you since the Kirstie Doll took over.’
‘Don’t call her that, Ruby, you sound like Dermott Campbell.’
‘I’ll call her anything you want me to call her, but she sure is getting herself talked about with all that making up she’s doing to Jake.’
‘She needs him on her side,’ Laurence said tonelessly.
‘She needs us all on her side,’ Ruby pointed out, ‘but she’s not having so much success with the others, is she?’
‘She’ll sort it. The main thing is that you two get along.’
‘Sure we do,’ Ruby chuckled, her cluster of bracelets jangling as she beckoned a waiter. ‘Get me a large gin and tonic, son,’ she said, ‘and you can take this plate away, I’ve finished.’
Laurence leaned back as the waiter took his plate too, then resting his elbows on the table he said, ‘So tell me more about these voodoo people.’
Ruby scratched her head, then resting her cheek on her hand she said, ‘They’re really kind of weird. I can’t seem to get inside their heads . . .’ Suddenly her eyes opened wide. ‘But hey, I’m forgetting. There’s this absinthe drink you can get here and if it’s mixed the way it used to be years ago it makes a person hallucinate. I was thinking about giving it a shot, I reckon I could come up with some real wild action for the ritual if I do. Maybe Kirsten should give it . . .’
‘Don’t even think about it,’ Laurence said, half-laughing, half-serious. ‘I need you both with your wits about you not floating somewhere in psychedelic euphoria. So when are you seeing these guys again?’
‘Tomorrow. One of them’s going to read my coconut.’
‘Your what?’
‘Apparently that’s how she tells fortunes. I know, it sounds kind of crazy to me too, but that’s what she said. I wonder if she’ll get to see you there anywhere.’
Laurence eyed her for a moment and she started to laugh.
‘You sure are a handsome boy,’ she said, attempting to reach across the table and pinch his cheek.
‘So you keep telling me,’ Laurence said, jerking himself out of the way. ‘Now, can we get back . . .’
‘You didn’t go and get yourself hooked on the Kirstie Doll again, did you?’
Laurence blinked. ‘Where did that suddenly come from?’ he said.
‘Just wondering if it was going to pop up in my coconut. Don’t want to be in for any nasty shocks, now do I?’
‘I can think of plenty worse,’ he laughed. ‘Now mind your own business about my love life and let’s –’
‘Ah, so you’re not denying it?’
/> ‘I’m telling you to mind your own business.’
Ruby fixed him with her watery eyes. ‘She got you real screwed up once in your life, Laurence,’ she said seriously.
‘I’m not screwed up. I’m not hooked on Kirsten and I’m not particularly enjoying this conversation, so let’s change it shall we?’
‘My, my, such a touchy boy,’ Ruby sighed. ‘Does she know about you and me?’
‘Nobody does. That’s the way you wanted it, isn’t it?’
‘It’s the way you wanted it.’
‘All right, so we agreed, nobody gets to know.’
‘Your old friend Dermott Campbell knows.’
‘Because I told him.’
As Ruby looked at him a very real fondness came into her eyes which after a moment or two started to reflect itself in Laurence’s making them both laugh. ‘I sometimes wonder what the hell I’m going to do with you, Ruby,’ he said. ‘Now can we get back to the script and what you’re going to do with these voodoo sequences?’
He grimaced as she started chuntering on about the theological and magical elements of voodoo, its origins, its blend with the Catholic Church, its spirits and divinities. He was only half listening for his mind had returned to Kirsten. He wasn’t sorry about what had happened that afternoon, but then neither was he sorry that Jane and Tom had come back when they did nor that Ruby had wanted dinner. Of course Kirsten should have been here with them, but it seemed she’d already had plans. He wondered if she was actually sleeping with Jake, it seemed unlikely but it sure would help ease his conscience if she were. They’d screwed themselves senseless that afternoon and he had to admit he wouldn’t mind doing it again sometime, but he knew that wasn’t such a good idea. He might be able to handle it, but Kirsten couldn’t. As it was he felt pretty sure that she was going to want to sit down and discuss what had happened and where they went from here. His heart sank. Were there any chance he could avoid doing that, he knew beyond a doubt that he’d grab at it for it would just complicate matters even further. The issue had seemed pretty clouded before they’d had sex, but it was crystal clear to him now – he really didn’t want to get involved with Kirsten again. He’d been down that road once already in his life, he’d been married for the past four and half years and now all he wanted was to hold on to and enjoy his freedom.