by Susan Lewis
Campbell grinned. ‘Ever thought about joining the mile-high club?’ he murmured as the lights went down.
‘Fuck off, will you,’ she grumbled, turning away. ‘I’m not in the mood.’
‘NICE TRY, KIRSTEN, SHAME YOU GOT THE WRONG PERSON. BEING WHERE YOU WERE ISN’T GOING TO SAVE YOU THOUGH, IS IT? NOT WHEN I KNOW HOW YOU DID IT. START COUNTING THE DAYS, KIRSTEN.’
As Kirsten stared down at the note great waves of fear were tearing through her. They were back in England now and both she and Laurence had been with Ruby on and off these past forty-eight hours, sitting beside her hospital bed waiting for her to come out of the blinding stupor she had drunk herself into. Kirsten had just returned home to pick up the mail and get some sleep before joining Laurence at the bank later.
She was still jet-lagged and hardly able to think straight and as she turned and walked into the sitting room, her mind reeling with thoughts so chaotic and terrifying, she felt she might be losing her sanity. She couldn’t even begin to understand what was going on, or how anyone could possibly prove that she had anything to do with the deaths when she hadn’t even been near Anna or Jake when they’d died. But obviously someone believed they could. Either that or they were just doing this to frighten her. She looked down at the note again, a nauseous horror tightening her stomach as she read the words again. But that was it, she decided, someone was trying to frighten her. After all, how many times did she have to tell herself, she couldn’t be charged with murders she hadn’t committed – that hadn’t been murders at all.
Nevertheless, she knew in her heart that she hadn’t heard the end of this yet. That the intent behind these notes was every bit as menacing as the words themselves, and this time she was going to speak to Laurence about it, show him the note and ask him to go with her to the police.
Having dropped Kirsten off first Laurence had then gone to his parents to pick up Jane and Tom where they’d been staying since Ruby had been taken to hospital.
Now, as Jane set about making some lunch for Tom and Laurence gathered up their bags to take them upstairs, he was wondering if he could manage to grab half an hour’s sleep when the telephone started to ring.
Putting the bags back on the floor he went into the study to answer it. To his annoyance it was Pippa, just about the last person he needed to speak to right now.
‘I’ve been trying to get you all morning,’ she said peevishly. ‘Did you get my messages?’
Laurence looked down at the blinking light on the answerphone. ‘I haven’t got round to playing them back yet,’ he said, struggling to keep the irritation out of his voice. ‘We just got in ten minutes ago.’
‘I take it Tom’s with you?’
‘Of course.’
‘Good. I’m at my mother’s now, I can be there in fifteen minutes,’ and before Laurence had a chance to object she hung up.
Replacing the receiver Laurence carried the bags upstairs then wandered back down to the kitchen where Jane was trying to coax Tom to eat. ‘Is everything all right?’ she asked, when she saw Laurence standing in the doorway watching them.
‘Everything’s fine,’ he answered, ‘that is if you discount the unholy mess we’re in. Mommy’s on her way over,’ he added to Tom.
But Tom didn’t appear to be listening, he was too excited about being back amongst his own toys.
Laurence watched him for a while, feeling an absurdly strong need to see Kirsten right now. Then Tom looked up and gave him such a beaming smile that Laurence’s heart turned over. ‘Got a kiss there for Daddy?’ he said.
‘Can we play with the trains?’ Tom asked, as he leapt up into Laurence’s arms.
‘Sure we can,’ Laurence smiled. ‘Let’s just eat some of this lunch first, shall we?’
‘But I’m not hungry. I want to play with the trains.’
‘Come on now, Tom, be a good boy, huh?’
‘I’ll bet my train will go faster than yours,’ Tom challenged.
Laurence looked helplessly at Jane and knowing that he was about to give in anyway, Jane said, ‘It’s OK, I’ll give him something later. But,’ she added, as Laurence put him down and Tom started for the door, ‘you’ve got some unpacking to do before you can play with those trains.’
Tom looked back at Laurence. ‘Do I have to, Dad?’
‘Yes, you do. I’ll be up in a minute so get to it.’
‘I didn’t realize Pippa was in London,’ Jane said once Tom had left the kitchen.
‘No, neither did I,’ Laurence sighed. ‘I hope to God she’s not coming round here expecting to take Tom off for the weekend – with all that’s been happening he doesn’t need any more disruption. Still, I can hardly stop her seeing him, can I?’
‘Not really, no,’ Jane mumbled. Then her eyes came shyly up to his. ‘Would you though, I mean if you could?’
Laurence sighed heavily. ‘It’d be a whole lot easier if Tom wanted to see her. But who knows, maybe this time he will.’
Tom didn’t though, for as soon as he heard his mother’s voice downstairs talking to Jane he shut his bedroom door and stood with his back pressed against it. Laurence was in there with him and felt a lump rising in his throat when he saw the anguish in Tom’s eyes.
‘Let’s hide, Daddy,’ he pleaded. ‘Let’s pretend we’re not here.’
‘We can’t do that, soldier,’ Laurence smiled sadly. ‘Mommy’s come a long way to see you.’
‘She’s not my mommy. Kirstie’s my mommy now.’
‘Hey, hey. You know that’s not true. Kirsten loves you very much, but you’ve already got a mommy, Tom. And she loves you very much too. You got to at least say hello to her.’
‘I don’t want to,’ Tom declared, his bottom lip starting to quiver.
‘It’s only polite, son,’ Laurence said, stooping down to Tom’s height. ‘And she wants to see what a big boy you’ve got to be since she saw you.’
Two fat tears rolled from Tom’s eyes. ‘She’ll make me go to Granny and Grandpa Smith’s and I don’t want to go there, Daddy. I want to stay here with you.’
‘But you like it at Granny and Grandpa Smith’s,’ Laurence said, pulling him into his arms.
‘No, I don’t. I hate it there. I want to be here with you. You’re my best friend, you said so.’
‘Sure I am, and you going to Granny and Grandpa’s with Mommy isn’t going to change that.’
‘You wouldn’t make me go if I was really your best friend,’ Tom sobbed.
For a while, as Laurence held him, he was at a loss what to do. In the end he held Tom back so that he could see his face and said gently, ‘How about I go downstairs and talk to Mommy?’
‘No,’ Tom cried, clinging on to him. ‘I don’t want you to speak to her. I want you to stay here with me. Please, Daddy, stay here with me.’
It was a long hard battle and one that eventually got Laurence so choked he was finding it difficult to speak, but eventually he managed to persuade Tom to let him go just for five minutes.
Pippa was in the sitting room with Jane, but as soon as Laurence walked in Jane got up and left them alone.
‘How are you?’ Laurence said as Pippa walked over to the drinks cabinet and helped herself.
‘Fine,’ she answered.
‘And Zaccheo?’
‘Yes, he’s fine too. Thank you.’
There was an awkward silence as Pippa stared down at her drink, unable to meet Laurence’s eyes. She’d noticed the instant he walked in the room how very tired he looked, which was hardly surprising considering what he’d been through lately. She was about to ask how Ruby was but stopped herself, her only reason for asking would be to stall for time and there was nothing to be gained from that. So, mustering her courage, she lifted her head and looked him straight in the eyes. ‘I’m sorry, but there’s no point beating about the bush here, Laurence,’ she said. ‘I’ve come to take Tom away with me. I want him to leave right –’
‘Hold it! Hold it!’ Laurence said. ‘What do you mean,
take Tom away with you?’
‘I’m taking him to Italy.’
‘Like hell you are.’
‘Laurence, please don’t fight me on this,’ Pippa pleaded, putting her drink down. ‘It’s for Tom’s own good.’
‘I’ll be the judge of what’s for Tom’s own good,’ Laurence raged. ‘You forfeited that right the day you walked out of here.’
‘I haven’t forfeited any rights,’ Pippa cried angrily. ‘He’s my son. He should be with his mother, especially in light of what’s been happening these past months.’
‘Would you like to make yourself a little clearer on that, Pippa?’ Laurence said tightly.
‘Two people have died on that movie,’ she shouted. ‘How much clearer do you want it? Do you think I want my son around that sort of thing? And if you were any kind of a father you’d see that it was in Tom’s interests to be away from you right now.’
‘Tom’s place is right here with me,’ Laurence yelled. ‘And if you’re trying to accuse me of something here . . .’
‘I’m not accusing you of anything! I’m just telling you that I don’t want him around –’
‘What you want doesn’t feature here, Pippa.’
‘I’m his mother, for Christ’s sake! I only want what’s best for him. A home . . .’
‘He’s got a home!’
‘But for how much longer? What are you going to do, Laurence, when the banks start calling in their loans? What home will you have for him then?’
‘I’ll find us a home, you don’t need to worry about that.’
‘But I do worry. And so should you. You’re already in debt up to your ears thanks to that bloody film and don’t think Thea is going to bail you out, not while you’re sleeping with Kirsten Meredith. And that’s another reason for taking Tom away with me. I don’t want that woman anywhere near my son.’
‘I don’t fucking believe this!’ Laurence roared. ‘You knew she was going to be a part of my life again – Christ, you practically pushed us together yourself. You weren’t quite so concerned then though were you, when you wanted to run off with Zaccheo. No, all that mattered then was you, and what you wanted. Well I’ve got what I want now and I don’t mind admitting you were right all along about Kirsten. I do love her, I never stopped loving her, and let me tell you this, Pippa, she’s already a better goddamned mother to Tom than you ever were.’
‘You bastard!’ Pippa cried knocking him back as she slapped him hard across the face. ‘You fucking bastard!’
Laurence lifted a hand to his cheek, his eyes still blazing with anger. For a while they were breathlessly silent, glaring at each other with seething resentment. In the end it was Laurence who backed down first.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said, dashing a hand through his hair. ‘That was below the belt. You always tried to be a good mother to him – until the day you walked out that door. He hasn’t forgiven you for that, Pippa.’
‘Maybe you won’t let him.’
‘You know me better than that. I’ve never stopped you seeing him, even when he didn’t want to go, but here is where I draw the line.’
‘I’m sorry, Laurence, but I’m taking him.’ As she made to push past him Laurence grabbed her. She gasped. For a moment Laurence thought he had hurt her, but then following her eyes he saw that Tom was standing at the door. ‘Oh Christ,’ he groaned.
‘Come on, Tom, come to Mummy, darling,’ Pippa said holding out her arms to him.
Tom just stared at her.
‘Come on,’ she coaxed. ‘We’re going on a nice trip, in an aeroplane.’
Tom’s eyes shot to Laurence’s and Laurence’s heart contracted at the look of betrayal. ‘Daddy, please don’t make me go,’ he begged.
‘But you’ll like it where we’re going,’ Pippa insisted.
‘No, no, I want my Daddy,’ and Tom dashed across the room and threw himself against Laurence’s legs.
Laurence swept him up in his arms. ‘It’s OK, soldier, you don’t have to go anywhere you don’t want to.’
‘Laurence!’ Pippa cried.
Laurence ignored her as he tried to comfort Tom.
‘Look Tom,’ Pippa said, walking behind Laurence so she could see Tom’s face. Tom immediately turned his head. ‘Tom,’ she pleaded. ‘Aren’t you even going to give Mummy a hug? Please.’ She was trying to prise his arms from Laurence’s neck.
‘Pippa, don’t put him through this,’ Laurence muttered under his breath.
‘Can’t Mummy just have one kiss?’ she persisted.
‘No!’ Tom shouted. ‘I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.’
Pippa’s face was stricken and despite everything Laurence felt his heart go out to her. He was even tempted to try persuading Tom himself to give his mother a hug, but he knew that it was only a ploy on Pippa’s part to get hold of him. And the last thing Laurence wanted was Tom in the middle of a physical tussle between them. As it was Tom could barely catch his breath he was sobbing so hard.
‘I think it would be better if you left now,’ Laurence said.
Very close to tears herself Pippa nodded and turned to pick up her bag. ‘I have to warn you though Laurence,’ she said, ‘I shall be fighting you for custody. I’ve already spoken to my solicitor and you must know that your chances of keeping him aren’t good.’
Laurence didn’t answer. Tom had heard too much already.
Five days later, after a marathon session with his lawyers Laurence turned up at Kirsten’s looking so exhausted he might fall asleep on his feet.
‘How did it go?’ she asked, taking his coat and going to pour him a drink.
‘Are we talking about the movie or about Tom?’ he answered flopping down on the sofa. He smiled grimly. ‘Either way, about as bad as it could.’
‘Has she petitioned for custody yet?’
He nodded.
‘What does your lawyer say?’
‘That it doesn’t look good. We’re still going to fight it, naturally, but, well, with everything that’s happened . . .’ He sighed heavily. ‘The house goes on the market tomorrow.’
Immediately Kirsten put down his drink and going to sit on his lap put her arms around him and held him tightly.
‘Oh, Kirstie,’ he murmured into her hair, ‘you don’t know how good it feels to hold you. I love you, do you know that? I love you so much, but if I lose him . . .’
Kirsten pulled her head back to look at him. ‘You won’t lose him,’ she said firmly. ‘No one’s going to take him from you.’
‘I wish I could be so certain.’
‘You could be if you’d just do as I say.’
‘No, Kirstie,’ he said breaking away from her. ‘We’ve been over this and over it and I’m not going to let you do it. Paul left you this house . . .’
‘But Laurence, I don’t need a great big house like this. If I sell it I can give you the money and you can pay off the outstanding . . .’
‘No!’
‘Tom needs a home,’ she argued. ‘Just think of how much greater your chances will be of keeping him if you didn’t have to worry about selling . . .’
‘Kirsten, no!’
‘OK, then look at it this way,’ she said. ‘How on earth are you going to buy somewhere else? You’re not going to have anything left once they’ve finished.’
‘We’ll go live with my parents,’ Laurence answered. ‘I talked it over with Dad last night, it’s what they want . . .’ He laughed, mirthlessly. ‘Did I tell you, Ruby is after me to go live with her? Can you imagine?’
Kirsten winced. ‘I’d rather not,’ she said, reaching out to pick up his drink. ‘You know you could always . . .’
‘I could always what?’ he asked, taking the glass from her and putting it to his mouth.
Kirsten shrugged self-consciously. ‘Well, you could always move in here with me.’
Laurence laughed. ‘You’ve been talking to Tom.’
‘He wants to come,’ Kirsten smiled.
‘And don’t I know it
.’
‘I want you to come too,’ she said quietly. ‘Both of you. If you want to, that is.’
Laurence looked at her, searching her eyes with his and despite all the reassurance he had given her these past months he could see that, deep down inside, she was still afraid to believe that he truly did love her just as much as she loved him. He lifted a hand to her face and ran his thumb along her jaw. ‘Yeah, I want to come,’ he said softly and as the relief and joy flooded into her eyes he drew her lips to his.
She still hadn’t told him yet about the anonymous notes, how could she when he had so many other problems to face? And what did they matter anyway compared to what he was going through? They were obviously from someone with a sick mind, someone who’d get fed up sooner or later, and meanwhile she had to be there for Laurence and Tom and put her own petty problems to one side.
‘You’ve got to be out of your tiny mind,’ Ruby snarled.
‘You’re in the way,’ Laurence retorted as the removal men struggled towards them with a heavy dresser.
Ruby, still pale from her stay in hospital and several pounds lighter, squashed herself against the wall then headed off down the hall after him. ‘How the hell do you think you’re going to hold on to your son, living with a woman like that!’ she shrieked. ‘They’ll laugh you out of court. They’ll . . .’
‘Excuse me, guv,’ a removal man interrupted. ‘This one here for store or for moving?’
Laurence threw Ruby a vicious look and went to check the box. ‘For moving,’ he said.
‘That woman is a goddamned jinx on your life,’ Ruby shouted, the moment the removal man had disappeared. ‘Ever since she’s been back on the scene you’ve had nothing but trouble. Your wife walked out on you, the movie fell about your ears, you’re losing your house and now thanks to her you’re gonna lose your son.’
‘To begin with,’ Laurence shouted back, ‘Pippa walked out on me for another man. You won’t have forgotten that, I’m sure. Neither, I hope, will you have forgotten that of all of us Kirsten stands to lose the most by that movie going down . . .’
‘How can you say that when you’re right in the middle of moving out of your own house?’