Unlike the other customers in the store, Brian didn’t just stand by and watch these white men derail my life because of a mistake; he used his privilege to do the right thing. He decided to be an accomplice; he decided to make a change.
Another thing I’ve considered as I’ve gotten older is that there was no reward or public merit for Brian’s actions. He wasn’t attempting to be a white savior—he seemingly just wanted to do the right thing.
That moment helped me understand exactly why my mother and grandmother feared for my life. Why they wouldn’t let me pretend to play with guns. Why they held me close whenever police walked by.
Because Black kids don’t get to make mistakes. Black kids don’t get to be kids. Black kids get judgment and bullets.
Remember when I said I was scared to have children of my own? It’s because bringing Black children into the world means there will be another generation thrown into a toxic society filled with daily microaggressions. It means they will have a life filled with tragic moments fueled by racism. Moments such as the first time they learn what the word “nigger” means.
Black children have to lose their innocence before white children do. They can’t afford the luxury of just reading about the impact of racism and white supremacy in a book, because they’re living it every day. Because oftentimes it means life or death.
These children aren’t alone. In this country and around the world, generation after generation, children of color are having to carry the weight of survival, simply because they aren’t white.
This was the case with me when my mother sat me down and explained why some people would treat me poorly throughout my life because I didn’t look like them. I was about eight years old at the time.
These are the same conversations I’ve been having with my younger brother. Conversations about being Black. Conversations about history. Conversations about racism. Conversations about survival.
He’s eight years old.
My brother is the same age I was when I started having these conversations, and some may think they are too early. But Tamir Rice was only a few years older than him when he was murdered by police officer Timothy Loehmann. Tamir was described as looking “like an adult,” as “looking vicious,” as being “frightening.” He was a twelve-year-old child. He was a baby. Now he’s gone.
Our children don’t get to just be children, don’t get to just be innocent. The weight of the world is on our children, and it’s crucial that we teach them to hold it.
I’ve been watching as my brother learns about the world around him, and as he does, his innocence slowly leaves his eyes and his spirit, replaced by fear and caution. It breaks my heart, but it must be done. Because I love him, because I know innocence won’t protect him. The same way it didn’t protect me.
Which is part of why I said no when I asked myself, “If I show people how they’re hurting others, will some of them be willing to change?” Because writing about these moments in this book hurt. And hearing others’ stories about similar or worse moments hurt. As I’ve written this book, I’ve ached and grieved for myself and for others.
Eventually that pain turned into fear and doubt. Because when you’ve been hurt time and time again by others, it can be damn hard to believe that anyone actually cares. That anything—or anyone—can or will actually change.
I began to tell myself that people might not change for the better even if I used examples from my personal experiences and life. I feared that the pain of Black people and people of color might not matter to anyone but us. I nearly defeated the idea of this book before even giving it a chance.
But along the way, I realized that if I don’t believe the answer is yes, then, as many people said, this is pointless. And if this is pointless, then I don’t have a way of making a change for my brother.
Which is why I’ve asked you to get to know me, hoping you’ll let me be the friend that you might not have. The person who tells you what not to do and why you shouldn’t do it. The type of person more of us need in our lives.
Friendship also means trust, and that’s why I’ve been honest with you. Honest about my pain, my fears, my mistakes, and my hopes. Because I trust you, it also means I believe in you.
I believe that after getting to know me, you’ll be the friend to someone else that I’ve been to you. You’ll remind people when they do something wrong that it’s not okay, and you’ll step in to be an accomplice when the moment calls for it. You’ll take a look at yourself and find the courage not to hurt people the way you have in the past, and the way others have done and continue to do.
I trust you, and that’s why I’ll be honest and tell you that change is not easy. For some people, it won’t matter that we’re friends, or that you’re friends with people who are like me.
Those are the people who won’t see us. It’s those people who will require us to have courage in our friendship.
To those people, it won’t matter that I used to hold my brother with one arm when he was an infant, that he would cry when I would leave, that he loves video games, or that his favorite food is chicken tenders. It won’t matter that he’s sweet and likes to give people hugs so they know he cares.
It won’t matter, because they won’t see my brother. The same way they didn’t see Michael Brown, Tamir Rice, Trayvon Martin, Emmett Till, and countless children of color just like them.
They are the same people who didn’t want to see me.
They will see what my teachers saw, what the parents of my friends saw, what my classmates saw, what those security guards saw, what the police saw. They will see whatever they want to see and whatever they expect to see.
But you’re nothing like them, and that’s exactly why we’re friends.
I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t tell you to listen to something to close us out. Let’s end this with “Umi Says” by Mos Def.
“Shine your light on the world . . .”
Until next time.
Your friend,
Fred
This encyclopedia features concepts from the book that I thought might need to be expanded on. Basically, I’ve saved you the hassle of googling. You’re welcome.
AFFIRMATIVE ACTION
As I’ve mentioned throughout the book, inequality is built into every aspect of American society, giving Black and brown people less access than white people to education, employment, and power. (See the white privilege entry for more on this.)
In 1961, President Kennedy’s administration developed a program to help ensure fairness in government hiring and coined the term “affirmative action” to describe it.
Affirmative action has been used to inform things such as college admissions and equal employment opportunity programs. It’s based on the notion that “neutral” hiring practices are not enough to fix the historic inequality; institutions need to take action to analyze practices, identify stumbling blocks, and seek out diverse candidates.
ALL LIVES MATTER
“All Lives Matter” is a phrase that started being used in response to the Black Lives Matter movement. Black Lives Matter is a call to action for Black people to no longer be murdered by white racists and to receive equal treatment under the law. In response, All Lives Matter aims to say that everyone should matter equally—but ignores and rejects the lived experiences of Black people.
While the “All Lives” notion of equality may make sense to some, it inherently continues the status quo and the injustices Black people face. This is part of the reason that the phrase has been adopted by many white supremacist groups in an attempt to invalidate the importance of Black trauma and murders.
BLACK HAIR
There is a great deal of history when it comes to Black hair. On the surface, it may seem as simple as the fact that most Black people have a different hair texture and, often, styles from other racial groups. But that hair texture and those hair styles cause Black women and men to be treated differently from other people. From people asking to touch our hair
to not having products made for our hair texture, Black people have to struggle with racist moments and microaggressions because of hair.
These are moments that a white person would likely never have to face. Touching someone is an invasion of privacy, and assuming you have the right to touch someone is a demonstration of the inequality between Black people and white people. Our people have been killed because of a look we may (or may not!) have given a white person, yet a white person feels they can reach out and touch our hair? That is deeply messed up.
Historically, Black people have also used certain styles such as braids to help with survival. For instance, during slavery and other periods, some Black people would hide grains and other small foods in their braids to help sustain themselves when owners of enslaved people would not feed them. (For more on this, visit: https://www.essence.com/hair/african-braiding-technique-rice-hunger-slavery/.)
This is a reason there tends to be frustration from the Black community when other groups wear hairstyles such as braids that have historical context and significance for us. In addition, Black people are often censured for wearing Black hairstyles while white people who appropriate these styles may not be.
BLACK LIVES MATTER
Black Lives Matter (BLM) is a movement, phrase, and hashtag started by Alicia Garza, Patrisse Cullors, and Opal Tometi as a direct response to consistent violence and racism against Black people. The movement gained popularity and support in 2013 and 2014 after the acquittal of George Zimmerman in the murder of Trayvon Martin and the murders of Eric Garner and Michael Brown by the police. Its message and call to action are simple: in the face of Black people’s lives being carelessly taken, society should be forced to understand that the lives of Black people matter.
BLACK PANTHER
Black Panther is a 2018 American superhero film based on the Marvel Comics character of the same name. It was Marvel Studios’ first Black-led film, their first film with a Black director, and their first with a predominantly Black cast. It became the first comic-book superhero film to be nominated for best picture at the Academy Awards.
BREXIT
The United Kingdom was once a member of the European Union (EU), but in 2016, a slim majority of UK citizens voted to withdraw from the EU, largely due to widespread xenophobia and a political campaign based on misinformation and fear. The term Brexit comes from the words British and exit.
COLOR BLINDNESS
Color blindness is when people say they “don’t see race,” which is impossible, as the concept of race was designed to be something people could see. How else would you know whom to give power to and whom to enslave?
People who claim to be color-blind are attempting to express that they don’t have racist attitudes or thoughts as an individual—but fail to realize that this does more harm than good. What they are actually doing is choosing not to be uncomfortable, not understanding that even if they don’t take issue with other races, many do. The only way to actually make a change is to acknowledge and support someone else’s experiences due to their race, not ignore them.
Some might argue that color blindness began as a utopian goal—an effort to treat everyone equally, regardless of race. But it quickly turned into an excuse for many, especially white people, to deny that race is a factor in everything from discriminatory government policies; unequal treatment by law enforcement; voter suppression; access to jobs, goods, and services; and on and on.
By ignoring the role race plays in these issues, you are guaranteeing that nothing will change for those being oppressed or disproportionately impacted. Ultimately, “color-blind” simply means turning a blind eye to the problems faced by people of color.
CULTURAL APPROPRIATION
Cultural appropriation is when a person adopts elements from a culture outside their own. This can include fashion, speech patterns or accents, hairstyles, physical features, and styles or trends. Cultural appropriation is often done by a dominant culture appropriating a disadvantaged culture.
EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM
In America, our educational system was developed by white people, and still today, most of the decision makers are white. Thus, often what and how we learn in school is through a white lens.
In most schools, students don’t learn about the history of people of color in America other than during a designated month, and the history we are taught is often biased in favor of white people. For instance, from an early age we learn about Europeans coming to America but rarely about the genocide and trauma they inflicted upon the indigenous peoples.
Another example is that we learn about very few historical figures of color in America who have had a deep impact on our country. I mention some important people of color throughout the book, but also check out the list of “People to Learn More About” on pages 239–240. Every one of these figures should be taught in American schools, but most are not.
THE EVENING NEWS
The news, whether on television, on the radio, or in print, has historically been one of the most dangerous tools in the racist depictions of Black and brown people. Many people take the news as the ultimate truth. Unfortunately, many news outlets cover or tell stories that present Black people in a negative light—as criminals and dangers to society. This builds a narrative and false understanding in the minds of many white people about Black people. Many people have used this false narrative to incite fear in white people and ultimately get them to make decisions based on that fear.
One example of this happened during former president Ronald Reagan’s “War on Drugs.” His administration used the news and other media to build a false narrative that drugs were a major issue in America that was threatening American lives more than ever, and the main place for drugs was in was Black communities. None of that was true.
But the fear that the narrative created in white people allowed him to take action through laws and policing that devastatingly impacted Black and brown communities and helped further the system of mass incarceration.
I suggest watching Ava DuVernay’s documentary 13th on the prison industrial complex and America’s history of systemic racism to learn more.
HISTORICALLY BLACK COLLEGES AND UNIVERSITIES (HBCUs)
HBCUs are colleges and universities established before the Civil Rights Act of 1964 to primarily serve the African-American community. Like most places in America, higher education institutions had been historically segregated or simply didn’t allow African Americans to attend. The creation of HBCUs was not only a way to help grant access to higher education for African Americans; it also helped ensure a safe space to pursue education.
There is a great deal of culture, tradition, and history rooted in HCBUs that has had widespread impact, and I suggest learning more about these institutions. You might want to start by watching A Different World.
INTERSECTION
The theory of intersectionality was developed by Kimberlé Crenshaw. An intersection is a point where two or more things meet. The way I’ve used the term in the book is to help readers understand that a person’s life is not constrained to one identity or experience. Multiple things can be true about a person at one time, including the oppression they face. For instance, Black women suffer from sexism, as do white women. But they also suffer from racism, because they’re Black. Meaning their experiences live at the intersection of racism and sexism.
MAINSTREAM
Mainstream is another word for popular, but it focuses on the appeal to widespread masses and is used in reference to music, movies, TV shows, and other aspects of pop culture. Things tend to become mainstream based on influential cultures and people. Most things that are mainstream in America are things that appeal to white people because the people deciding what gets made are predominantly white.
MASS INCARCERATION
The United States has the largest prison population in the world, both in total and per capita. And a disproportionate number of those imprisoned are Black: according to the Pew Research Center, in 2017, Afric
an Americans accounted for 33 percent of the incarcerated population despite making up only 12 percent of the total adult population.
Black people are incarcerated at more than five times the rate of white people.
When slavery was outlawed, states turned to mass incarceration as a means of using forced labor to increase the profits of business and individuals. And again, I suggest watching Ava DuVernay’s 13th to learn much more.
MELTING POT
“Melting pot” is a term used to describe a society made up of people from various races, genders, religions, and other identities where cultural exchange is taking place. One of the first things we learn about America in school is this melting pot concept, the idea that we are all here working and living well together. Ultimately, not only is that not true; it also lets white people escape accountability for creating systems and moments to separate everyone else from white people.
Instead of the melting pot image, I see America as more of a tray of food where everything is on the same tray but the foods don’t mix with one another. We are all here, but it doesn’t mean we are together.
MICROAGGRESSION
Merriam-Webster covers it pretty well here, defining microaggression as “a comment or action that subtly and often unconsciously or unintentionally expresses a prejudiced attitude toward a member of a marginalized group.”
MOST PEOPLE LIVING IN POVERTY IN AMERICA ARE WHITE
It’s a widely held belief that most people living in poverty in America are nonwhite, but this is false. While percentages of people living in poverty are high within communities of color, most Americans who are living in poverty are white. (Learn more here: https://www.census.gov/library/publications/2018/demo/p60-263.html.)
#OSCARSSOWHITE
#OscarsSoWhite was created by activist April Reign in 2015, a year when many were critical of the lack of nominations and wins for people of color at the Academy Awards when there were many films and actors of color thought to be worthy.
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