It’s not that the work is any harder, it’s just not what I want to do.
I’m on cases that mean nothing to me. I’m getting spit on and kicked while I arrest assholes I don’t give a shit about. I feel beat up and abused. I know this is the right thing to do and people do appreciate it, even if I never hear it. But damn, this is hard. And it’s wearing me down.
I heard back from our contacts in France and Russia, still no sign of Petrov. He has to be dead.
I feel defeated more than anything. Like the finish line vanished before I could make it there.
“How’s it coming along?” Chris’ voice makes me jump in my seat. He laughs at me and pats my back. “You need more coffee.”
I smile weakly up at him. Chris has been a cop all his life. He’s gotta be in his fifties now, but he’s still smiling, and still kicking ass. I don’t know how he does it.
He’s not chasing a case or running toward the darkness. He deserves to be a cop. I don’t. I was using this position for my own selfish reasons. I feel like fraud.
“Yeah, for real.” I clear my throat and scoot back in my seat. “I’ll run out and grab one, you want anything?”
“Nah, I’m good,” he says. “Hey, I just wanna say, you’re doing good, kid. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
“Thanks.” I try to look him in the eyes, but I can’t.
“We can’t get ‘em all, and the Valettis are a big fish. It’ll go on their file, so we can use it next time. Trust me, there will be a next time.”
I look up at him with a deep crease of confusion marring my forehead. “What are you talking about?”
“Oh shit. I thought you were all bent out of shape because the prosecutor gave you the news.”
“No, Marcy didn’t tell me shit.”
“Fuck, she must’ve told Harrison. He didn’t tell you? He’s supposed to be taking you under his wing.”
I huff a humorless laugh. “No, he didn’t.”
“The judge ruled against us. We can't use the fingerprints." He shrugs and looks like he feels guilty for telling me. “There’s no case.” I don't answer. I don't know what to say.
“He really should’ve told you.”
A lump grows in my throat. Tommy’s off the hook.
He’s going to be okay. A weight lifts from my chest, but that only makes the pain I'm feeling there grow stronger.
“You okay?” Chris asks. I look at him for a moment. I see the kindness in his eyes, and I know I don’t deserve it.
“Yeah, I’m--”
“Kelly! We need to talk.” Harrison interrupts us, and I swear to God I’m gonna strangle him if he yells at me.
“Yeah, I’m all ears,” I say, not holding back the sarcasm.
“We lost our case, but I’m betting something’s gonna blow up in their faces soon. We just gotta stay the course.”
I’m surprised by his tone. It’s not condescending or full of anger. He’s almost excited.
“Why do you think it’s going to blow back on them?”
“You can’t fuck over a Kingpin and not get dealt with.”
“I imagine Petrov is dead,” I say flatly. It kills me to say it, but it's the truth.
“Possibly, but Nikolaev has taken over.” He says the words like Petrov was no one special. After a moment of quiet he adds, “There’s always going to be another one.”
My heart thuds once in my chest and stops. I try to push the words out, but I can’t hear them.
“You’ve got a lot to learn.” He grins at me. “We’re gonna get ‘em. I know we will. They’re getting sloppy, and soon enough, it’s gonna happen.” I’ve never seen him this happy and I don’t know how to handle him. Or all the emotions bombarding me.
He pats me on the back and turns to walk away. “I can feel it. It’s coming,” he says as he walks off.
I try to sit back down, but I can’t. I just need to get out of here. Something in my gut is telling me everything is wrong. And it’s all revolving around Tommy.
It’s been four days since I’ve seen him. I don’t understand. I thought he meant he’d see me later that night. But he never showed. I guess I was presumptuous. And then I got a message. A text from his cell. I only know because I looked up the number.
I'm sorry, Tonya. It's over. You were right.
He told me to stay away. It fucking hurt.
I know it was wrong. I knew we shouldn’t have done it. But still. It was nice to be held. I feel like I have nothing. I have no one. I need something. I need him right now. Whether he wants me or not. That's my selfish side coming through again. I wonder if I'll ever learn.
I take a deep breath and grab my jacket to get out of here. I walk over to Jerry's office, but stop before knocking. The door’s ajar, and I can hear him talking to his wife on the phone. I press my lips into a straight line as I listen to him lie to her about being on a job last night. I take a peek at him and see he’s still in his clothes from yesterday. My heart drops in my chest.
It hurts to think he’s cheating on her, but it’s so fucking obvious. I don’t ask to leave early, I just keep walking and try to ignore all this shit. My thoughts are running a mile a minute, about everything, and everyone. I thought I had shit all figured out, but I didn’t.
I don’t have anything figured out. I’m just lost. I’m so fucking lost.
I thought I knew how all of this would play out, but now what I wanted seems impossible.
I thought I knew what Tommy would be like before I ever met him. I read his profile and looked at the evidence. I had him painted in my head as an arrogant prick who thought he could get away with whatever he wanted. And then I met one of the women. The only one who was coherent. She said she saw Tommy. She heard gunshots and shouting, but she couldn’t move. She wasn’t sure if it was the drugs or the fear. She was in and out of it for a while, but one of them, one of the Valettis shot her up with something. She tried to make him stop, like the other times. But they said it was to make her better. To help save her. And it did. And Tommy was the one calming her down and telling her it would be okay.
My heart clenches in my chest. The line between black and white is so goddamned blurry. And at this point, I'm having a hard time knowing what's right and what's wrong.
Tommy
I look out of the peephole and my heart sinks. I knew this was going to happen. I’m surprised she waited. I prepared for her anger that night when I sent the text. It’s not fucking right the way I ended it. I rest my head on the door and she knocks again. Right in that very spot. Like she fucking knew I was there.
It hurts, and I wince like a little bitch. Shit! I need to get this over with. I open the door and part my lips to tell her I’m sorry, but she walks right past me, brushing against my body and continuing to the bedroom like I wasn’t even standing in the doorway.
What the fuck?
“Tonya!” I call after her, but she doesn’t stop. I shut the door and follow her to my bedroom, not knowing what to expect.
I walk in and find her sitting on the edge of my bed, waiting for me. She’s gripping the edge of the comforter and looking at the ground.
“Charges are dropped,” she says to the floor.
I take in her appearance. She’s nothing like the woman I was with this past weekend. Not the sweet spitfire in a sundress. She’s hurting bad. I walk over and sit next to her on the bed, but I keep my hands to myself. We can’t keep this shit up.
“I know.” I’m not going to tell her I found out from the judge. She doesn’t ask though. She’s quiet for a while. I let her sit and think. I won’t push her to tell me why she’s here.
“I need you right now, Tommy,” she finally says. Tears leak from the corners of her eyes and it breaks my heart in two. I lose my resolve and wrap her small body in my arms. I pull her into my lap and hold her while she cries.
“What’s wrong, baby?” She cries harder at my words, and I can’t stand it. I just want her to stop. She’s a strong woman. I didn’t think I'd
hurt her like this. “I’m sorry.” I kiss her neck. I wish there were another way. I wish we hadn’t met like this. “I’m sorry it has to be this way.”
She nods her head into my chest, but she doesn’t let up on the tears. I stroke her back and rock her. Kissing her hair, her shoulder. I keep soothing her the best I can.
“You don’t deserve this, baby. You deserve better.”
She shakes her head and heaves in a shaky breath. “Don’t act like I’m good enough for you. I’m not. I’m a thug, and you’re a cop,” I point out.
She doesn’t respond. The only reaction I get is that her cries slowly stop. It takes a few more minutes before she lifts her head and wipes away the tears.
Her cheeks are tear-stained and red, her eyes are glassy. She sniffles and I reach to the nightstand for a tissue for her.
“You’re gonna be alright, babe, you’re going places.” My heart clenches in my chest. I don’t wanna do this. I have to admit, when she didn’t come that night it hurt, even though I told her to stay away. A part of me hoped she wouldn't listen, and she'd come to me. Even if it was just to yell at me for putting her through that shit. But I realized it was for the best. I’m only gonna hold her back. I’ll ruin her career. And just being with me puts both of us in danger with the familia. It’s impossible.
She was right to question us being together. It never should’ve happened.
“I just need to feel something right now.” She turns her head to look at me. Her eyes are pleading with me. And I sure as hell am not going to refuse her. I want her. Even if it’s only once more.
“I’m here.” I pull her into my chest and lie on my side to cradle her. I leave an opened-mouth kiss on her neck. She takes my face in both of her hands and crushes her lips against mine.
I can feel all of her emotion pouring into her kiss. She needs me right now. I can’t deny her anything. In this moment, I’m only hers. She takes my bottom lip between hers and kisses me sweetly. I moan into her mouth as she parts her lips and grants me entry. My hand brushes against her hip and then slowly lifts her shirt. I let my fingers skim her skin. I smile against her lips as she pulls away and shivers from my touch.
I lift her shirt over her head. I kiss her belly, her breasts, and then the dip in her throat. I can hear her heart beating calmly as she raises her hands above her head. The tie holding up her hair loosens and slips out, letting her hair fall around her shoulders. She shakes it out gently and looks back at me with her beautiful green eyes. There’s a small amount of lust and desire, but mostly need and vulnerability.
My heart swells in my chest as I grip her hips to keep her steady and lean forward, making her fall back on the bed as I kiss her. I suck her top lip and move down her body. I kiss her belly as I unbutton her jeans and slide them off. I watch as the goosebumps slowly show along her skin. My hot breath blows across her skin as my fingers slip off her thong and leave her completely bared to me.
I’ve never felt so powerful as I do when I look down at her. It feels like a heavy weight on my shoulders, but I want it. I want her. I want to give her everything she needs.
I take a languid lick as her fingers spear through my hair. Her thighs tremble as I blow over her sensitive clit.
“Please, Tommy,” she moans into the air above me. I look up and find her staring down at me. “I need you,” she whispers.
I kick off my pants and crawl up her body. I kiss her once and watch as her eyes close while I slowly push into her. I lower my head and groan into the crook of her neck as her back bows, and I slide deeper inside of her welcoming heat. I angle my hips so I push against her clit as I settle in as deep as I can go.
I brace myself on my forearms, and watch as her mouth parts with small pants and her eyes stay closed. I cup her chin in my hand and lean down for a sweet kiss. I give her a moment to adjust to my size, and then I pull back and slam into her. Her eyes open as she gasps from the impact and pleasure.
I hold her gaze as I do the same again and again, hitting her clit each time.
“More,” she whispers. I run my hand over her thigh and let my blunt fingernails dig into her ass. I tilt her so she’s at just the right angle and hold her there as I thrust harder and deeper. Her head rocks, and her breasts bounce slightly with each pump of my hips, but her eyes stay on mine.
I want to kiss her, I want to bury my head into her neck and fuck her with wild abandon, but I can’t. I can’t break her gaze. I pick up my pace and brutally fuck into her greedy cunt, again and again. A strangled cry of pleasure escapes her lips as her thighs tremble and her nails dig into my back, leaving small scratches behind. I feel her walls tighten and I know she’s close. She’s so close, and so am I.
I suck her nipple into my mouth and pull back. My teeth bite down enough to hold on as I pull back. Her back bows off the bed as I do the same to the other breast. My breathing comes in pants and so does hers. It's all I can hear. It's all that matters right now.
I pick up my pace and gently kiss her lips. It's soft, and our lips barely touched, but it feels like more. Her lips stay parted as she moans my name. “Please, please,” she keeps begging me, and I thrust harder and deeper every time, but I know this isn't what she's begging for. It only fuels me to hold her closer and kiss her more deeply, searching for the same feeling. I give her everything I have.
Her body tries to twist away beneath me as she calls out my name. My name. It sounds perfect coming from her lips. I slip my hands under her knees and push them forward. Her head thrashes as I fuck deep into her pussy. My hips smack against hers with each brutal thrust. Faster and harder until I can feel the highest peak. It's so close.
“Tommy!” she cries out as her body shakes uncontrollably. My name on her lips. I'll never stop loving that. It just sounds too perfect.
My spine tingles at the base, and a cold sweat breaks out over my entire body as I pump into her three more times, chasing that high that I always get with her. And then her eyes close, and her body trembles beneath me with her own orgasm. I find my release with her, lowering my head to her neck and breathing in her sweet scent.
After a moment, when the high of our release dies, the pounding need of my heart slows, and I realize it’s over.
That was the last time.
Tommy
Tommy
I know when I let go, I’ll never hold her again. She’s lying still in my arms, thinking the same, I’m sure.
So I don’t move. I pretend there’s no reason for her to leave my embrace. That there’s nothing waiting for either of us beyond these walls.
But I’m weak. I’m the weaker of the two of us, because she’s the first to speak.
“Thank you,” she murmurs without looking at me. She’s thanking me, like I did her a favor. Like she didn’t feel that. She didn’t feel the same emotions I felt between us. I rest my head just above hers on the pillow.
“Don’t thank me. Don’t degrade what just happened like that.” The words come out harsher than I intended.
Her shoulders turn inward like she’s cowering from my hard words. I wanna tell her I love her. But it’ll only make it harder. After a minute, she molds her body against me again and relaxes in my embrace. I kiss her hair, and just as I lose my resolve and decide I should risk it all and tell her, I hear my front door open.
My blood turns to ice. I move quickly to get to the other side of Tonya, to block her from whoever just came into my place uninvited. A million possibilities race through my mind. It could be the cops coming to get me for something, a rival prick trying to prove he’s tougher than me. For all I know, I could be on someone’s hit list. I open my drawer for my gun. But then I hear Anthony’s voice as he calls out, “Tommy! Where are you, bro?” My heart only races faster as I look between Tonya and the closed bedroom door.
“Wait here,” I whisper to Tonya as she stares at the closed door with fear.
“Coming!” I yell out to him before leaning down and kissing her.
“Yo! We gotta tal
k!” I hear Anthony yell, and I resist the urge to hold her longer and finally back away.
I grab my pants and shove them on as quick as I can. I can't let him back here. I can't let him see her.
By the time I get to my living room, I’m pissed and aggravated. And worried. I breathe out slowly as I see Anthony going through the liquor cabinet. He turns to face me with two glasses in one hand, and a bottle of scotch in the other.
“What’s wrong? You’re all good now. Why the fuck do you look like that?” Anthony’s pissing me off, but it’s not his fault. I gotta calm down, but I can’t. My heart’s banging in my chest with the fear that shit’s about to get real.
“I’m fine. What’s up?” I ask him flatly.
“You don’t look fine,” he says.
I exhale heavily and think of a way to get him out of here.
“We gotta talk about Judge Steckel. He wants his--”
I’m quick to cut him off. I know she can hear, and this shit cannot fucking happen right now. “Not now, I can’t talk now.”
He looks at me like I’m fucked in the head. And he’s right, too, 'cause I am fucked.
“You can’t talk to me?” he asks.
“Not at the moment.” His eyes fly to the bedroom.
He looks confused for a moment, and then it hits him. “Are you serious, she’s back there?” His arms lower and he almost drops everything in his hands. “You've gotta be fucking kidding me.”
Tonya must’ve heard him because she comes out, pulling her shirt down and looking all sorts of pissed and upset.
“You’re a fucking idiot, Tommy.” Anthony sneers his words and moves to the other side of the room while she walks to the door. He intentionally turns his back to her, snubbing her, and it’s the last straw.
“What the fuck is wrong with you? Don’t treat her like that!” I grab his shoulder and turn him around to face me while Tonya walks past us.
Bad Boy: Valetti Crime Family (A Bad Boy Mafia Romance) Page 27