by Sharon Sant
‘Don’t go. Not yet.’
‘I have to.’ She stood up and forced a bright smile.
‘Can’t you come tonight?’
‘Sorry, I have to finish this geography project or I’m gonna be in big trouble.’
‘Do you care?’
‘What’s wrong with you, Jacob? Of course I care. And there was a time when you would have done too.’
‘Yeah, well, your outlook changes a bit when you’ve nearly died.’ He pulled at a loose thread on the sofa.
Ellen sensed the mood deteriorating more rapidly still and groped around for a change of tack. ‘Have you thought about when you are coming back to school?’
‘Don’t know.’ Jacob hesitated. ‘I’m not sure I’m ready to face all that yet.’
‘I guess it will be weird…. people might stare for a bit.’
‘Yeah, thanks.’ He looked up, his mutinous expression clearing. ‘I wasn’t actually thinking of that, but now it’s gone on my already extensive list of reasons to be nervous about going back.’
Ellen laughed, glad not to leave on a sour note. She bent down and kissed him. ‘I’ll come round again after school tomorrow.’
A few minutes later he stood at the front door and watched as she walked away from the house, the intensity of his feelings for her still something of a surprise. As he mused on this, his dad’s voice came from close behind.
‘Did you make your choice?’
Jacob spun round. ‘You made me jump, Dad.’
‘Sorry. I was just asking how it’s going.’
‘It’s great.’ Jacob paused, staring into the distance. ‘I just hope it’s the right choice.’
The afternoon wore on and Jacob was left largely alone while his parents busied themselves with the minutiae of domestic life. He stretched out on the same sofa he had shared with Ellen and stared at the TV without really watching. The more Jacob thought about Ellen, the more he missed her. But he began to fear an error of judgement too. His resolution had crumbled in a foolish instant. Makash was out of the way now, but for how long? And when he returned, as Jacob knew he would, Ellen would be in danger again - and for what? Some selfish whim? The only person to discuss it with was Dae and Jacob was in no mood to admit that Dae had been right, so he resisted the urge to lean on his mentor, brooding silently instead.
Jacob had figured he was due another sugar rush and was busy raiding the biscuit tin when Luca entered the kitchen with an overly cheerful expression. ‘Your mum let me in; she said you were scoffing in here. Better then?’
Jacob’s mouth suddenly went dry and the custard cream he was eating turned to sawdust. He struggled to swallow before answering. ‘I didn’t know you were coming, you should have called me.’
‘I rang the hospital and they said you’d been discharged. I thought you might have text me or something, being your best mate and all… and I’ve sent you about a hundred texts and you haven’t replied to any of them.’ Luca’s expression darkened for an instant. ‘Anyway, I just decided to come instead.’
‘My phone’s been off and I’ve been asleep.’ Guilt made Jacob squirm as he thought of the real reason he had been too busy to check his phone. ‘What’s up?’ he asked, though he already knew the answer and frantically ran through explanations in his head even as Luca spoke.
‘Ellen and me, we’ve split up.’ Luca slumped into a chair at the table.
Jacob joined him. ‘Sorry.’
‘Well,’ Luca seemed to rally, ‘you know what it’s like. She had to go, but I feel a bit bad about it.’
‘What do you mean, she had to go?’
‘She was totally nagging me all the time.’
Jacob found himself unable to prevent a smile. ‘So you dumped her?’
‘Yeah.’
‘What did she say?’
‘Well, you know, she cried loads, wanted me to take her back. But I said no way.’
‘You really dumped her?’
Luca narrowed his eyes. ‘Why do you ask, has she been round?’
‘No,’ Jacob replied quickly. He hoped fervently that his mum had had enough sense not to mention Ellen’s visit when she showed Luca in. ‘But I thought you were really into her, that’s all.’
‘Not any more. Between you and me, I think she’s had her eye on someone else. She’s been a bit weird lately. I bet it’s Lee Marshall; he’s been sniffing around for a while. If he goes out with her, I’ll paste him.’
‘Why should you care now?’ Jacob struggled to contain his emotions, hoping his eyes wouldn’t give him away.
Luca shrugged. ‘I don’t care. I just feel like getting handy with someone right now, that’s all.’
Jacob shifted in his seat, taking care over his next words. ‘Do you think she is seeing someone else?’
‘I don’t think so. You reckon anyone round here would dare?’ Luca frowned. ‘You alright, Jake? You don’t look well.’
‘I’m fine, just tired. It’s been a long and very weird few days.’
‘How come you’re home, anyway?’
Jacob gratefully seized the opportunity to steer the conversation away from Ellen, at least momentarily. The time would come for truth, but this wasn’t it. He ran through the events of the previous few days for his friend’s benefit. Anxious that he would trip himself up on his own carefully edited version, he yawned theatrically as soon as he had finished in a bid to get rid of him. The situation with Ellen and Luca was getting more complex by the minute and Jacob was certainly getting more stress from it than he had bargained for. He knew that the longer he left breaking the news to Luca, the worse things would be, yet still he couldn’t face telling him.
‘I get it, you’re tired. Lightweight,’ Luca grinned. ‘I’ll come after school tomorrow, save you from your boring life.’ Jacob began to herd him to the front door. Luca turned at the entrance. ‘In fact mate, as a favour to you, because I like you, I’ll come round every night.’
Jacob tried to look grateful, but Luca’s promises to visit him every day were unlooked for. Although he felt like he was dumping his friend, and the thought made him squirm with guilt, Luca hanging around would make it virtually impossible for him to see Ellen. He wondered vaguely if he was being punished for some Watcher rule he was breaking.
‘Cheers for coming…’ Jacob tried to sound enthusiastic. Luca held up a hand in farewell and strolled into the night.
After forcing down a small supper, more for the benefit of his anxious mother than because he was hungry, Jacob retired to the solitude of his room. He lay watching the gleam of car headlights lengthen and disappear across his darkened ceiling in an endless cycle, weighing up the guilt he harboured in every quarter - for endangering Ellen and his parents, for deceiving Luca, even to the Astraen people for being such an unwilling Successor, until he could not think any more and sleep claimed him.
Fourteen: Luca’s Discovery
‘I think you should wait until after Easter and Mrs Dulson has agreed with me. She sees no reason why you can’t keep up at home for the time being.’
‘Whatever,’ Jacob replied without moving his gaze from the TV, though he had taken far more notice of the remark than he let on.
Maggie had been telling Phil that she didn’t want Jacob returning to school until the weather improved for a few weeks now, but hadn’t actually broached the subject with Jacob himself. These days he was so unpredictable there was no telling how he was going to react. So she was more than a little relieved to see Jacob agree where she had expected a fight. She glanced across at her husband with a slightly bemused expression, one that he returned.
Jacob, usually a keen student to the point of embarrassment, had no problems with this arrangement. The extra time would give him space to think things through, put plans in place that could keep everyone safe and delay or even eradicate the necessity of the departure he now woke every morning dreading. Quite what these plans would be, he couldn’t seem to work out, but he was sure something would come.
> Whenever he was alone, Jacob found himself wondering what use returning to school would be in light of the future that lay ahead for him, or even if he’d still be alive by Easter. Weeks rolled by and there had been no contact from Dae, though Jacob felt secure that there was no threat from Makash. All the while, he focused on growing stronger. With exercise his mind was becoming more agile; he felt a new confidence in his physical and mental capabilities. He kept close tabs on events in Astrae, was good at gleaning information without discovery and heard or sensed nothing to worry him. Fear of attack had melted away and the spark of rebellion still harboured began to catch hold again. Jacob felt now, more than ever, that he did not want to leave this life he had come to love all over again.
And there was still uneasiness about Luca. There had been one or two difficult situations at first, when Ellen had had to make a hasty exit and had sulked about it afterwards, but at least there was a new girlfriend on the scene now. Jacob didn’t care much for Melissa and she thought Jacob was a weirdo, so Luca gradually stopped coming round in favour of spending time with her. Jacob also suspected (and it helped with the guilt) that Luca’s relationship with Melissa had been going on for much longer than Luca was admitting to, a point on which Ellen agreed.
‘Do you want me to call for you tomorrow?’ Ellen was lounging on Jacob’s bed finishing her homework as he ploughed through a seemingly endless pile of textbooks in preparation for his first day back.
‘Do you think that’s a good idea, us going in to school together?’
‘If you’re worried about Luca, it’s pointless. He’s going to find out sooner or later…’ she smiled slyly, ‘it is a bit obvious, don’t you think?’
Jacob had never really thought about it, but now that he did, maybe she was right.
‘Poor Jacob,’ Ellen taunted as she caught his momentarily bemused expression. ‘So clever with pointless stuff like algebra and geography - so thick when it comes to real life.’
‘Hey!’ Jacob grinned. ‘That’s girl’s territory, emotions and stuff.’
Ellen launched the pillow at his head. ‘How dare you, chauvinist pig!’ she cried in mock horror.
Jacob ducked the pillow easily and laughed.
‘Well?’ Ellen pressed.
‘Well, what?’
‘Do you want me to call tomorrow or not?’
Jacob answered slowly, ‘I don’t think so, Ell. I just don’t think I’m ready for a showdown with Luca on my first day back.’
‘On the other hand, do you want to walk in by yourself?’
Jacob had tried not to think of that either, but presented with it now as a stark choice, the idea filled him with dread. Ellen was always astute when it came to reading his feelings and, once again, she was right. His story had been well documented in the local press for a while and he knew some of the kids at school would relish the excuse to have a laugh at his expense, or else provoke him to distraction with their curiosity. He didn’t think he could stand the whispering and staring and awkward questions. It had been bad enough being displayed as a sideshow when Luca had been parading potential girlfriends in front of him in hospital, now he would be open to the scrutiny of the entire school. Maybe it would be good to have an ally.
‘Ok,’ he sighed, ‘call for me.’
Ellen frowned. ‘Don’t worry, I won’t hold your hand or snog you or anything in public.’
‘Don’t be angry with me, it’s hard, that’s all. I’ve been away a long time and it will be weird enough without other things to explain.’
At dawn, Jacob woke, tense and alert. The house was silent, his parents still sleeping. He swung out of bed and padded over to the mirror. His eyes were dark blue, the day was sunny; everything seemed to be under control. He washed and groomed slowly and deliberately, took himself downstairs and sat at the table, gazing out at the fresh morning through the kitchen window, taking great care to keep himself calm. He heard muffled footsteps on the ceiling above: someone else was awake.
His dad’s sleep-pummelled face appeared at the kitchen door. ‘You should have woken me instead of sitting all by yourself. Want some breakfast?’ Jacob shook his head. ‘Nervous stomach, eh?’
His dad’s morning routine had always been brief and efficient on workdays and this morning was no exception. A quick wash, a fresh pressed suit and cup of coffee later he was leaving with an airy wave.
‘Try not to get anxious, you’ll be settled in no time.’ Phil’s voice trailed off as he headed into the hallway and then the front door slammed.
The noise brought Maggie down. ‘I didn’t know you were up. You should have woken me instead of sitting all by yourself.’
Jacob smiled. ‘That’s what Dad said. I’m alright, honestly.’
‘Had some breakfast?’
‘Yes,’ Jacob lied.
‘Good. You’re thin enough as it is without going to school on an empty stomach. I’ll get my purse for your lunch money.’
Jacob browsed through his books, took his time putting a bag together and listened to his mum complain about the window-cleaner. Shortly after eight he took a seat in the kitchen waiting for Ellen’s knock at the front door. When the knock came and he went to answer it, his stomach lurched to find not Ellen, but Luca, grinning in the porch.
‘Don’t look so pleased to see me!’
‘I wasn’t expecting you today.’ Jacob darted a look along the path. There was no sign of Ellen; if he acted quickly maybe he could get rid of Luca in time. ‘I thought you’d be walking in with Mel.’
‘What? And leave my best mate to walk in alone on his first day back? Why would I do that?’ Luca hitched up his rucksack. ‘Coming then, or have you had a better offer?’
‘Melissa won’t like being dumped in favour of me. Why don’t you text her, you could still meet her.’
‘Nah. She’s going in with Nazra this morning. She was ok about it. I know you’re not keen, but she’s really not that bad when you get to know her.’
‘I’m sure she’s lovely,’ he replied absently. There was nothing else to be done. Jacob knew Ellen would be fuming about being stood up, but he couldn’t tell Luca, not like this. ‘Come on, we’ll be late.’
Even before they had gone a few feet, Jacob looked back and saw Ellen behind keeping a discreet distance. She had obviously guessed the situation. Jacob tried to signal an apology to her. Whether or not she understood, he got no acknowledgment. Just when Jacob was convinced he had got away with it, Luca turned around.
‘What are you looking at?’ He squinted up the street. ‘Is that Ellen? It is! What’s she doing, she doesn’t come in this way…’ Luca shot Jacob a sudden shrewd look. Jacob felt the colour rise in his cheeks. ‘Holy Mary Mother of God, I’m such an idiot.’ The look on Jacob’s face had communicated the truth to Luca in an instant. ‘I see how things are now. Don’t let me be a gooseberry.’ Luca strode away clenching his fists.
Did he go after Luca or not? The anger and sense of betrayal his friend had displayed was palpable. And who could blame him? He hovered uncertainly, waiting for Ellen to catch up.
‘I don’t know why you’re waiting for me,’ she snapped as she marched straight past.
Jacob followed her. ‘I’m sorry… what was I supposed to do?’
‘Tell him. That’s what you were supposed to do.’
‘I couldn’t, you should have seen his face when he got to my house this morning. I couldn’t tell him.’
‘Probably not. Which is why we should have done it when I said so, weeks ago.’
‘Ellen!’
‘Leave me alone.’
‘Come on, please, Ellen, don’t do this to me.’
‘To you?’ Ellen stopped and faced him. ‘What about me? I suppose it was ok to leave me and go off with Luca without even a text, or a quick message to your mum, it was ok to hurt my feelings as long as you didn’t get into trouble with Luca.’
‘There wasn’t time... Ellen, I’m really, really sorry.’ Jacob trotted after her, pulli
ng her to a stop. He clasped her hand in both of his and she turned to face him. ‘Ellen, you were right yesterday, I can’t do this without you. Be mad at me later if you want but please, not this morning.’
Ellen sighed, melted by his beseeching look. ‘Come on, we’ll be late.’
Jacob was pleasantly surprised. He was able to walk through the gates of St Joseph’s holding Ellen’s hand, and that fact in itself seemed to cause more of a stir than his own appearance. A few wolf-whistles, some stifled giggles, one or two raised eyebrows, a couple of casual greetings later and it seemed as if he had never been away. Many of the year sevens didn’t even recognise him; they had started at St Joseph’s during his absence. He marvelled with some relief at how quickly he had become old news.
Jacob scanned the yard for Luca, eager to set things right. He spotted him standing with Melissa, glowering in his direction.
‘I’m going to talk to Luca,’ he told Ellen.
She nodded and made her way over to a group of sniggering girls from their class. But Jacob never got as far as Luca. The bell rang and Luca rushed inside with uncharacteristic enthusiasm.
Ellen caught up with Jacob and they went in together. ‘Want me to talk to him?’ she asked.
Jacob shook his head. ‘I’d better do it,’ he said. Though secretly he hoped Ellen would ignore his chivalrous sentiment and do it anyway.
The morning passed without too much fuss, apart from a well meaning but excruciating moment when the class had settled after registration. His form tutor, Mrs Dulson, stood up with a sweeping gesture across the room in Jacob’s direction.
‘I’m sure you’ll all join me in welcoming Jacob back after his long period of incapacity.’ She gave him a matronly smile. ‘It’s lovely to see you well again, Jacob.’
There were one or two feeble bouts of hand clapping and some spontaneous jeering from the back of the room. Jacob’s face burned and he fumbled in his bag under the pretext of finding his pen. Mercifully, the rest of his teachers didn’t feel the same urge to make such an announcement.