by Joy Redmond
I haven’t had a spirit visitor and nothing out of the ordinary has happened for two years. But they’ve taken vacations before. They always come back, she reminded herself.
She wondered if the person she had been before the adoption would ever come back. She had the memories, but that was all. The first ten years of her life, she had been Carnikko Randall. After the adoption, she lost her name and her identity. She became Amanda Hodge. However, she used the personality of Carnikko, or Nikko, when she wasn’t around her adopted parents, Iris and Otis. When they were around, she had to assume the personality of Amanda, or Mandy. She had spent the past twenty-three years being two people.
When she looked in the mirror, she still saw herself as Nikko, and she talked to her. Nikko was the brave one who spoke her mind and did as she pleased. Mandy was passive and never sure what she was supposed to say and do. That’s when Nikko took over. Mandy told Nikko, that when they got to Missouri, she could take the lead and Mandy would recede into the deepest crevices of her mind. She had held Nikko at bay, long enough. The thought of being one person again gave her a sense of freedom that she had longed for, for so many years.
That afternoon, Mandy’s neighbor Max and his wife Robin, helped her load the U-Haul. It was a tight squeeze getting the antique pieces that Mandy’s adopted parents had given her and the oil paintings that Iris, her adopted mother had painted especially for the house, along with the many boxes, but they got it all in. And the back of the station wagon was loaded to the roof.
That night, Mandy and the children fixed a large pallet in the living room floor. The house held good and bad memories for her. But come morning, she would be off to a new life, a new town, a new state, and she planned on burning the bridge between her old life and her new one.
It something should happen, God forbid, and I’m forced to return to this town, I’ll just swim the river. But I swear on everything holy, I’ll never return, she told herself before she closed her eyes in sleep.
Chapter Two
The next morning, Mandy woke up before the sun rose, eager to get on the road and to a new life; a freedom she had only dreamt about. She prayed she would be able to get out of town before her adopted parents decided to pay her a surprise visit. How would she explain the empty house and the loaded U-Haul? Dad would become enraged and probably try to chain me to the tree in the front yard. Mother would turn on the waterworks, and there’d be a flood in the front yard. I can do without it, she thought.
She gently shook the children. “I know it’s early, kids, but come on, get up and get dressed. We’ll fold up the blankets, grab the pillows and we’re off. I’ll stop somewhere for breakfast as soon as we’re out of town.”
The kids came alive with excitement. It was an adventure, a new place, and they seemed thrilled to be going on a trip. Soon, they were dressed and each child picked up their bags containing their toothbrushes, a change of clothes, a towel and washcloth. Then they helped fold the blankets and grabbed their pillows.
Tony said, “I want to run through the house and say bye to all the rooms. And I want to say bye to the big basement where I used to ride my Big Wheel.”
Kati said, “I’m going on to the car. I’m still sleepy. I’ll take Abbie with me.”
Mandy had no desire to see any room in the house. She had already burned that bridge. “I’ll be in the car with the girls, honey. Take your time. Be sure to turn the lock on the front door when you come out.”
Kati and Abbie were in the backseat and had fallen asleep by the time Tony came running to the car. “Can I sit up front with you? Those two are hogging the whole back seat. And they don’t have on seatbelts.”
“Get up front with Mama, son. They’ll be okay back there. But you and I will put on our seatbelts. It’s gonna take me a while to get use to these things,” Mandy said as she buckled up, then twisted the belt, trying to loosen it a bit. “I hate the feeling of being restrained, but it’s for our safety.”
Mandy carefully backed the car and U-Haul down the driveway. She glanced up at the house just as the sun was peeking over the rooftop bathing the house in morning rays. Many memories filled her mind and she remembered the first time Billy came over to say hello, and how Kati and Tony had accepted him as their daddy. Their own father had nothing to do with them after he remarried and had another child.
She remembered how wonderful it had been in the beginning of her and Billy’s relationship, and the first year of their marriage. She could still hear the happy laugher of Kati and Tony as he acted like a clown for them. Her most beloved memory was the day that Daddy had come back into her life in this house, and her brothers, Don and Lee had come for a visit on the same day.
Bad memories came in on cat paws and overshadowed the good. She still felt the pain of Billy denying that Abbie belonged to him. Then booze took the place of his wife and kids for the next three years, and the marriage went straight to hell. She deeply sighed. It’s all behind me. I’ll make new memories and I’ll be happy as soon as I cross over the Kentucky state line. Missouri, here we come!
“Mama, what if Grandmother and Granddaddy see us before we get out of town?” Tony asked, his eyes wide, bringing her out from the depth of the past.
Mandy chuckled. “I’ll just outrun them!” She reached over and patted his leg. “I know they get up with the chickens, but it’s too early for them to be out and about. And I’m taking a different route should they decided to come by for one of their surprise visits. I’m sorry you kids didn’t get to tell them bye, but trust me, they’ll be in Missouri for a visit before we get settled in.”
“I’m glad we got to say goodbye to Granny Pearl and Poppa Lester last weekend. But they just thought we were saying goodbye until our next visit.”
“Honey, it was goodbye until your next visit. I’m not taking you away from your granny and poppa. They can come for a visit if they want, and I’ll bring you back to see them as often as I can.”
“I know, Mama. I just hate it that we have to do everything on the sly.” Tony tucked his head, then as if he had put his grandparents out of his mind for the time being, he said, “How long does it take to get to Cape Girardeau?”
“It’s a good three hour drive. It’s a two lane, winding pig path. And I have to drive slowly. I’m pulling a U-Haul and I can’t stop on a dime. Why don’t you go back to sleep and I’ll wake all of you when I get out of town and find a place to buy breakfast.
“I want to stay awake and see the sign that says Welcome to Missouri,” Tony said.
Mandy chucked. “You’ll see a sign that says, Welcome to Illinois, first. We’ve got to cross over a little tip of Illinois before we get to Missouri.”
“Okay, I’ll stay awake for that, too. I love to travel. I’ve never been out of Kentucky. Does it look different in other states?”
“Each state has its own beauty, but the parts of Illinois and where we’re going in Missouri pretty much looks like Kentucky. We’ll also have the same weather. Hot summers and cold winters. You wouldn’t know you were in a different state if you didn’t know.”
“Then I guess I’m glad that I’ll know,” Tony said and laughed.
An hour later, Tony was asleep. They crossed the Kentucky state line. “Goodbye, Kentucky!” Mandy said, and tingles ran through her body. Lord, please don’t ever make me have to come back to Kentucky. Let me and my children find happiness in Missouri. Is that really too much to ask for?
Suddenly, the headlights began to flash off and on.
So, you’re back. Well, what the heck are you trying to tell me? Or, are you saying goodbye to Kentucky too? I’m glad you’re going with me to Missouri. Just don’t scare my children. They don’t understand the spirit world.
Mandy felt a gentle tap to the back of her head. I’ll take that as your blessing. Thank you. Whoever you are.
Chapter Three
By the time Mandy had crossed the Kentucky state line and entered Illinois, the children had woken up and were hungry. “Han
g on. Let me get through Shawneetown. I don’t like the looks of this place. We’ll stop when we get to Harrisburg.”
After eating a big breakfast, they were on their way. “We’ve got a way to go before we reach Missouri, but there’s a lot of pretty scenery.”
The children were in awe of their surroundings, and Mandy’s heart was filled to overflowing with joy. She couldn’t remember a time when she felt so free. A little over an hour later, they crossed the Mississippi River and saw the sign, Welcome to Missouri.
“The Show Me state!” Mandy cried with glee. “Show me a happy life!”
Soon, Mandy said, “We’re entering Cape Girardeau. Our new home! Just a few more blocks and we’ll be where we’re going to live—until I find work and we can get a better place. I’ve got the house key. You pays ya rent, ya get ya keys.” She laughed. “Me pays me rent last week!”
Mandy turned onto Rock Creek Lane. “Fourth house on the right.” She pulled into the driveway.
“And we’re here.” She reached into her purse and took out a key. “Here, Tony. Go unlock. You kids can have a look around before we start unloading. It isn’t anywhere close to the house we just left, but it’ll serve the purpose until—until when, I don’t know.”
Mandy stepped out of the car and looked around. “A lot of trees, which I love. And a lot of raking leaves, which I hate.” She laughed as she followed the children inside. Once inside, she said. “We have three bedrooms, even if the one in the back is the size of a broom closet. And we only have one bathroom, but it does have a shower over the tub. The living room and kitchen are nice size. For tonight, we’ll make pallets. Tomorrow, I’ll go shopping and I’ll get some beds.”
Tony said, “I’ll take the small bedroom. Kati and Abbie can have the bigger one.”
Kati placed her hands on her hip. “I’m not going to share a room with a little brat. She’ll be into all my stuff and tearing up everything. I need a bedroom to myself!”
“Cool it, Kati. Abbie can share a bedroom with me. But don’t refer to your little sister as a brat. I know there’s almost ten years difference in your ages, but she’s a sweet child. I won’t have you hurting her feelings. You better change your attitude, girl. I put up with your Granny Pearl’s asinine personality, but I’ll be damned if I’ll take it from you.”
Kati stomped off to the kitchen in a huff, her footsteps loud, mumbling to herself.
Great. We’ve been here for five minutes and we’ve already got a battle going. Lord, help me. I can’t abide another Pearl in my life.
Kati pouted and refused to help with the unloading. Mandy ignored her. She and Tony unloaded the car and U-Haul, and they were exhausted, but happy. When it was time to eat, Kati was all sweet. “I’ll get everything out of the boxes and help you get things put up. I’ll start with the kitchen. What are we gonna have for supper?” She gave Mandy one of her sweet smiles.
“As soon as I catch my breath, I’ll go get something. How about tacos? I saw a Taco Bell a few blocks away. Just find some glasses and wash them while I make a run. And we’ll be drinking water. I’ve got to save all the money I can until I have money coming in.”
After they had eaten, Mandy unloaded boxes. Kati and Tony set up the kitchen. Abbie helped Mandy place towels and washrags on the shelf in the bathroom closet. They worked together as a family, and Mandy was proud of her children as they pitched in.
Mandy walked into the living room. “Things are coming together, kids. Thanks for your help. Let’s push the TV over to that corner,” she said, pointing. “I’m surprised that old TV is still working. And I wonder how many channels we can pick up. I can’t afford cable until I get a job.”
Mandy fixed a large pallet in the middle of the living room floor and they watched Charlie’s Angels. Thirty minutes into the program the children were asleep, fully-clothed. Mandy barely remembered the ending before she fell asleep, fully-clothed.
Mandy was dreaming of a knocking sound and it was irritating. She awoke and realized someone was knocking on the front door. “Well, who is coming for a visit at this time in the morning?” Sleepy-eyed, Mandy headed for the door, opened it, ready to tell someone to go away. She was a bit surprised when she saw a little girl who looked to be about Abbie’s age.
“Hi. My name is Lizbeth,” she said with a slight lisp.” Can I play with your little girl?”
“Well, hello Lizbeth. Nice meeting you. I’ve got to take my little girl, whose name is Abbie, to get some breakfast. She can play when we get back. Where do you live?”
“Wite ober der,” she said, pointing her finger to the house next door.
“That’s good. You watch for us to come back home, then you can come over and play with Abbie.”
Mandy shut the door and looked at Abbie, who was sitting up and rubbing her eyes. “Abbie, you already have a friend. You can play after we have breakfast.”
“I don’t like her. She talks funny,” Abbie said.
Mandy laughed. “Well, kids, you’re going to find that most people here in Missouri talk differently than we do. But we’ll get used to it.”
That night, before Mandy fell asleep on the pallet, she wrote her adopted parents a long letter. She asked them to forgive her, and she told them they were welcome to come for a visit anytime. She signed it and capitalized, I LOVE YOU.
As if that’s going to soothe their feathers. They’ll either show up at the door the day after they get this letter, or they’ll write back, telling me what an ingrate I am. And I’m sure I’ll see tear drops on the stationary. Mother will make sure of that.
She sealed the envelope, found a stamp in her purse and then took the letter out to the mailbox. You won’t make me jump through your hoops anymore. I refuse to be your puppet. All strings have been cut. She walked back to the house. “Damn, this feels so good!” She was a real live, grown up woman, capable of making her own decisions and it felt as if a thousand pounds had been lifted from her shoulders.
A week later, all three children had made friends in the neighborhood, Mandy had furnished the house with cheap furniture and she had a phone installed. She had filled out an application for a phlebotomist position at the local hospital. She waited for the dreaded letter or visit from her parents. She was anxious and nervous, but she was also walking on clouds, happy and busy.
Two weeks later, she still hadn’t heard from her parents, and she was relieved, but she was anxiously awaiting a phone call from the hospital. The call came the next day informing her she had been hired for second shift. She let out a loud whoop and danced around the kitchen.
Second shift would be fine during the summer, but when school started, she’d never see her children more than a few minutes a day. “I’ll worry about that when the time comes. Right now I have a job! Thank you, Lord!” she cried. “Now, to find my white uniforms, wash and iron them, and I’ll be ready for duty.”
She walked out of the kitchen and was about to head up the hallway when she saw a shadow-like figure going into the middle bedroom, Kati’s room. It was a tall figure, slightly stooped, and walked with a limp, which made her think it was a man. Her heart went into her throat.
“What the shit! Who are you? What do you want?”
The figure disappeared into a fog-like mist and silence covered her as if it were a shroud. That was a little spooky, she thought, as she rubbed the hairs that were standing up on the back of her neck. “I don’t know who you are, but I don’t like the feelings I’m getting. Please go away and don’t come back.”
She heard a faint laugh that echoed in her mind and invaded her senses and a chill gripped her heart.
“Holy shit! What was that all about? Who the heck was that spirit?” She took a deep breath and reasoned. “Maybe it was great-great Grandpa. I’m not sure I want the spirits from that far back paying a visit. And I need to stop talking to myself.” She shrugged her shoulders and laughed it off.
Three days later, Mandy was getting ready to go to work. She gave the children instru
ctions on what they could and couldn’t do. The most important thing was to be inside the house by dark.
Kati was in a snit because she had to babysit Abbie, but Tony said, “I’ll take care of her, Mama. You go to work and don’t worry about us.” Mandy looked at her son and how grown up he was.
Mandy kissed her children, then headed to the car. She waved at them as she pulled out of the driveway and drove up the road. A couple of blocks later, she felt a gentle tap on the shoulder. “I know. Everything is gonna be fine. We’ve got this.” She smiled, and warmth spread through her body.
Chapter Four
Late one evening, Mandy was in a patient’s room, trying to find a working vein on a woman who had taken chemo. Her veins were hardened and damaged. The head nurse opened the door and said, “Mandy, you have a phone call. You can take it at my station.”
“Tell them to hang on, I just found a good vein and I’ve got to get her blood drawn.” Mandy gently glided the needle into the patient’s arm and heaved a sigh of relief as she watched the vial fill up. She quickly withdrew the needle, put a band aid on the puncture spot, and then hurried to the phone.
“Hello.”
Tony was on the phone, gasping as he gulped for air but he managed to say, “Mom, me and Abbie were out in the driveway and I was showing her how to pop a wheelie on her bike. When it got dark, we went inside.” Tony paused as if he couldn’t catch his breath, then continued. “When we came in the front door we could hear somebody in the house and it sounded like they were tearing up the place. So we ran back outside and we’re our neighbor Harry’s house. He called the police, but I wish you’d come home.”
“Stay at Harry’s and I’ll get home as fast as I can,” Mandy said. She dropped the phone and turned to the head nurse. “Please call the lab and tell them I’ve got to get home. Somebody broke into my house and my children are scared to death!”