Wings and Faith

by Joy Redmond

  Mandy wrapped her arms around her, closed her eyes and in her heart, she saw a tiny little girl walking up and down her crib, sucking a bottle. She reached up and touched Emily’s hair, and it was the same silky feel as it had been that day so many years ago when she told her little sister bye. Tears sprang to her eyes, but she fought them. She controlled her breathing and willed the tears not to fall.

  “It’s so good to see you again. I never thought I’d ever see this day. You’ve grown into a beautiful woman.” She looked down. “And who are these two little cuties?”

  “This one is Candi, she’s three. And this one is Dani, she’s two.”

  “Hi, Candi and Dani. I’m your Aunt Nikko. Nice to meet you.” The two girls hid behind their mother. Mandy laughed. “A little bashful. They sure are pretty.”

  “Just give them time. They come out of their bashfulness fast.” Emily laughed, and Mandy detected the same laugh as she remembered hearing from Ellie and her heart nearly stopped. Emily looked toward a car that was pulling into the driveway, then faced Mandy. “Well, look who just pulled up.”

  Mandy turned and watched a dark-haired woman with a distended belly holding the hand of a toddler and walking toward her. Mandy blinked and swallowed hard. She was looking at a younger version of Mammaw, and for an instant, Mandy thought she was having a vision. She caught her breath and her heart let loose with love as she watched Shelia walk up the driveway.

  Mandy wasn’t sure how she was supposed to greet a sister who was a stranger. She merely smiled and said, “Hi, I’m your older sister, Mandy, but you can call me Nikko. We all got a name change when we were adopted.” She reached out to give her a big hug, but Shelia stiffened. Mandy dropped her arms. “Well, who is this little cutie?” Mandy said as she patted the toddler on the head.

  “This is Tia,” Shelia said, then rubbed her belly. “I’m not sure who this one is. I’ll have to wait a couple months.”

  “Hello, Tia. I’m your Aunt Nikko.”

  “Hi, Nik,” Tia said as she threw her hand into the air and a sweet smile lit up her face.

  Well, at least one of you likes me, Mandy thought. “Shelia, you look so much like Mammaw.”

  “Yes, I saw that resemblance when I met her. She’s a dear lady and Pappaw is a sweetheart. It was really good meeting them. Uncle Carl and Aunt Lou seemed to be fine people too,” Shelia said, and a tiny smile spread her lips.

  “Well, let’s not just stand here. Come on to the porch. We’ll sit out here and let the kids play in the yard and we can get to know each other,” Emily said.

  Mandy followed her sisters to the front porch. I’m not sure exactly what I was expecting to feel when I met them, but this sure isn’t it. And I’ve got to remember to call Emily, Sari.

  They spent the rest of the afternoon on the porch talking. Sari and Shelia wanted to hear all about Daddy. Mandy sat back for a second and cleared her mind of everything except her memories of Daddy and the floodgate of the past opened. She started where the memories took her and she felt Daddy sitting there with them. She kept them laughing and they seemed to be fascinated with the man who fathered them. Before long it felt as if they had known each other all their lives.

  “I wish you two could have gotten to know our daddy. He was a character. If we could have found each other just three years ago—” Mandy dropped her head. Don’t go overboard about Daddy. He was a shitass too. He gave them away just like he did me. It’s just that I got to spend my first six years with him and I was so crazy in love with him. They never knew him. All they know is their parents gave them away with no explanation. That has to hurt.

  Sari said, “I’ve met Ellie. I’ve tried to get to know her and like her, but frankly, I feel nothing for her. The woman who raised me is my mother.”

  Shelia said, “I have no interest and no intention of meeting the thing that gave birth to me. I have a wonderful mother and daddy, and that’s all I need. I am glad you shared stories about the man who fathered us. I think I would have liked him.”

  Mandy cleared her throat, wondering if she should ask about their other two brothers and sister. As if Sari could read Mandy’s mind, she said, “I’ve met Cody, Paul, and Wynonna. I feel a strong connection to them. We’ve made plans to have a cookout next weekend. I wish you could come for that.”

  Mandy smiled. “I wish I could too, but I can’t make such a long trip two weekends in a row. However, I did get to meet them. Daddy brought them to Kentucky and they stayed with me the year before he died. They were sweet kids. They took to me right off the bat and called me Sister. I feel a connection with them too.”

  “I met them yesterday,’ Shelia said. She paused for a long moment. “I came. I met. My curiosity has been satisfied. I’m headed back to California,” she said in a deadpan voice. She merely stared at the planks in the porch floor as Mandy looked at her.

  Well, alright then. What do I say to that? Mandy thought.

  By dark, Shelia was ready to say her goodbyes. She did exchange phone numbers and address with Mandy, and she promised to stay in contact.

  Mandy stood close by Shelia’s side, wondering if she should try to hug her. To her surprise and delight, Shelia threw her arms around Mandy and hugged tightly. Mandy felt the hug was genuine and watched with a heavy heart as Shelia and Tia walked away. I have my doubts about us staying in contact, but at least I got to meet you and hug you. If that’s all I ever get, it’ll have to do. I love you. I hope I see you again.

  Mandy waved to Tia, who had her face stuck to the back car window as Shelia drove away. Tia waved and blew kisses.

  Mandy spent the night with Sari and she caught herself before she called her Emily. She’d always be that baby girl in Mandy’s heart. And Mandy wondered if it would have been better to have kept the memories and not have to deal with the present.

  The next morning, Mandy hugged her sister and two nieces and they promised to stay in touch. She headed back to Kentucky, having no idea what she felt. It was almost the same as Shelia had said—she came, she met, her curiosity was satisfied, now she was on her way back home. The drive back gave her time for reflection about her life, and that of her family. She had lived the life fate had dealt to her and though she couldn’t go back in time and change anything, she could get on with what the present and the future held for her.

  Mandy pulled into the driveway of her parents’ home. Get my kids and get the hell out of Dodge, she said to herself as she got out of the car. She walked across the front yard, and her children ran out to meet her. She hugged them to her heart. “Mama’s glad to be back and see you little house apes. Are you ready to head back to Missouri?”

  The children cried out in unison, “Yeah, Mama. We’re ready!”

  Mandy thanked Iris and Otis, hugged them, told them she loved them, and then shooed the children to the car. She turned and glanced back at the couple who had raised her and noticed how they had aged. They may not have been the best parents in the world, but they chose her to be their daughter and she would mourn them in her own way when they were gone.

  As they drove home, Mandy told the children about her visit with her sisters and how happy she was to see them. She described their little cousins and how nice it was to visit them.

  Tony said, “We went over to see Granny and Poppa, but Daddy didn’t come by. It’s like we don’t exist since he got married and had another little girl. Boy, did Granny give him hell about that!”

  Mandy chuckled. “Tony, watch your language. I’m sorry your daddy acts that way and I’m sure your granny gives him plenty of hell. Giving hell is what she does best. However, this time it was warranted.”

  Kati said, “Daddy can kiss my ass. He never did love me. I don’t really care. As for Granny, she is too bossy, I have to say. But I love her. I bet you’d still like to give her hell, wouldn’t you?”

  “Kati what I’d like to do and what I do, do, is two different things.”

  Abbie burst out laughing. “Mommy, you said doo-doo!” />
  They all laughed, then Abbie said, “I got to see my daddy. We got ice cream. Then he took me back to Grandmother.”

  “That’s good sweetheart. I’m glad all of you had a good visit. Now, let’s put this weekend behind us and get on with our new lives in Missouri.”

  The rest of the trip, they all laughed and joked and it was as if they were all new people once they were out of Kentucky.

  When they drove across the Kentucky state line, once again, Mandy put the trip behind her. If she heard from her sisters again, it would be nice. If she didn’t, well, she was used to losing family. Her closest family was in the back seat of the station wagon. At this time, that was all that mattered.

  Chapter Nine

  During the next two months, Mandy and the children spent as much time outdoors as they could. There was a beautiful park which was a part of the Trail of Tears that they visited on weekends. A petting zoo was a few miles up the road from the park, and the children enjoyed petting and feeding the animals. They picnicked, played ball, and Mandy had never been happier.

  The time Mandy spent with her children made her soul soar and sing whenever she heard their laughter. She watched them explore the world around them and became absorbed into their universe of childhood and wonderment. Her delight was endless and her mind was at ease.

  It was mid-July when Mandy took Kati and Tony to spend three weeks with Granny Pearl, Poppa Lester, and their aunt, uncles, and cousins. Their aunt Allison had two sons, and Kati and Tony thought they were the greatest.

  Mandy kissed Kati and Tony goodbye and told them to make time to spend a few days and nights with her parents. Kati said, “I’m going to wear my shorts. I don’t care what Grandmother and Granddaddy say. They act stupid.”

  “I’ll leave that up to you and your grandparents. My dog isn’t in this fight. I’ve fought it all my life and I’m done. So it’s up to you, and good luck.”

  “I’m not going to wear long pants either. It’s summer and it’s hot,” Tony said.

  “That’s also between you and your grandparents. I’m staying out of it,” Mandy said.

  After Mandy delivered Kati and Tony at their granny and poppa’s, she and Abbie went over to her parents. Mandy asked Abbie if she’d like to spend the night with her daddy, and she agreed. Billy had remarried and no longer lived with his parents, but Mandy found his number in the phone book and gave him a call.

  Billy came over when he got off from work and took Abbie home with him. An hour later, Billy brought Abbie back to the Hodges’ house. Mandy opened the door and Abbie threw her arms around her mother. “I wanna stay with you, Mommy.”

  Billy said, “She cried from the minute I picked her up. She refused to go see Grandma Ceil and Grandpa Marvin, so what am I supposed to do with her?”

  Mandy could smell booze on Billy’s breath and it turned her stomach. “You leave her with me and go your merry way. I’m sorry she doesn’t want to see your parents, but they are strangers to her. She’s only five. She has no memory of them, and she’s too young to want to spend the night away from me yet.”

  “Well, I tried,” Billy said. “She’s a mama’s baby. I don’t know what to do with her.”

  “It’s fine, Billy! Maybe when she’s older.” But she won’t be staying around you as long as you stay a drunk. You can bet your beer butt on that! Mandy felt all the bitterness she thought she had gotten rid of begin to boil inside her again.

  Take your baby and get the hell out of Kentucky! she told herself as she watched Billy stagger off. Thank God I didn’t have to face Kati and Tony’s daddy, Jack. Their granny Pearl was hard enough. Now she’ll have a few weeks to poison Kati and Tony’s minds and let them know what a horrible mother they have. And what a tramp I am.

  The next morning, Mandy was up early and eager to get going. She kissed her parents goodbye, then she and Abbie headed back home and it felt good to call Missouri home. Three hours later, Mandy was home and her heart lifted in spirit and joy.

  Mandy had made friends with a neighbor, Effy, who was a single mother and worked as a bartender for the local Holiday Inn. When Mandy arrived back in Cape, Effy came over for a visit. “I thought you were going to be kid-free for the rest of the summer. You need a social life, girl. All you do is work, tend to children, clean house and work in the yard. There’s more to life.”

  “I’m ready for a social life. But I don’t have a babysitter for Abbie since her sister and brother are spending the summer in Kentucky.”

  “Have you forgotten that I have a thirteen-year-old daughter? She’ll be glad to babysit. It’s Saturday night. Holly can keep Abbie, and you can come out to the bar, listen to good music and dance. All the men will be fighting like schoolboys to see who can get to you first.”

  “I love to dance. It’s been a long time. I love to listen to live bands too.” Mandy shook her head. “It’s been many years since I’ve had a night out on the town, so to speak. I think I’ll take you up on the invite. I’ll be at the Holiday Inn by nine o’clock. My feet are already itching to dance.”

  For the next two weeks, Holly babysat Abbie, and Mandy was at the Holiday Inn, dancing and having the time of her life. Men were falling all over her. The problem was, she had no interest in any of them except as dance partners. She turned down many invitations for dates, refused to give out her phone number, and some men were bold enough to ask her to come to their rooms for the night. Mandy would always say, “I came to dance. When the music stops, I go home, you go your way.”

  Then one night, a handsome man with dark, curly hair and sky-blue eyes sat down on the barstool next to her. “May I buy you a drink?” He gave her one of the sweetest and most beautiful smiles that she’d ever seen. Her heart did a little dance of its own.

  “Yes, you may. I’m drinking Coke but you can buy me one if you like.”

  “If I’m going to buy a drink then a drink it’ll be. Not Coke. Hey, Effy. Bring this beautiful lady an Old Charter and Coke.” He laughed. His laughter was music to Mandy’s ears, and his smile showed a perfect set of pearly whites and he smelled heavenly. She felt a tingle ripple through her body. She inched closer to him and took in his man smell.

  “Make that an Old Charter and Seven-Up. I don’t want to ruin a good Coke,” Mandy said, and laughed. It’s time to get loose and let down my hair.

  “By the way, my name is Amos. And I know your name. Mandy rolls off the tongues of every man who comes to the Holiday Inn. I’ve been watching you for a while. I was just biding my time, waiting for an empty stool beside you. Tonight is my lucky night.” He winked. “And it might be your lucky night.”

  At first, Mandy didn’t know how to interrupt his remark, but when he laughed, she knew he was joking, and his laughter went straight to her heart and settled in.

  From that night on, Amos and Mandy were a couple. Every Wednesday night and every Friday and Saturday night, they danced, drank, and laughed, and Mandy couldn’t imagine another man by her side. When he kissed her, she tingled. And when they were in bed, Mandy felt as if she wanted to fuse into his arms and stay forever. She loved how the muscles in his arms pulsated when he held her close during lovemaking and his wide shoulders trembled with passion. They danced perfectly on the dance floor and they danced a perfect waltz in the bedroom.

  Amos always went down to Sikeston on Sunday nights and drank with his buddies at the Elks, but Mandy seldom went with him. The few times she had gone, Amos got drunk. He became a loveable drunk and never bothered a soul or caused any trouble, but Mandy was still uncomfortable around a man who had one too many as far as she was concerned. She had too many bad memories of living with her alcoholic husband Billy who was unbearable.

  Summer came to an end too soon, and it was time for Mandy to go back to Kentucky and bring Kati and Tony home. She wondered how they would accept Amos. Abbie liked him, but she had a strong feeling that her oldest two would have a fit when they learned their mama had a boyfriend.

  Amos asked Mandy if he cou
ld drive her to Kentucky and meet her parents and two oldest children. “That wouldn’t be a good idea. Don’t ask me to explain, just take my word for it. It’s an easy trip. I’ll leave Saturday morning and I’ll be back early Sunday afternoon. Thanks for offering though. And brace yourself when you meet Kati and Tony. They probably won’t give you a warm welcome.”

  “My daughter Jillian is fifteen. I’ll bring her by and maybe she and Kati will like each other. They go to the same high school. That might be the ice breaker.” He laughed the laugh that was music to Mandy’s ears. “I bet me and Tony will be friends in no time.”

  “I’d love to meet Jillian too. Let’s hope she and Kati hit it off. And Tony is a good-natured boy. If you treat his mama good, he’ll be good with us being together.”

  Much to Mandy’s delight, Kati, Tony, Jillian and Amos took to each other.

  As time went on, Kati and Jillian loved each other as if they were sisters. Mandy loved Jillian as if she were her own blood daughter. Amos and Tony were great buddies. Abbie loved everybody.

  Fall arrived and it was time for campfires and marshmallow and wiener roasts. Mandy was filled with contentment and peace of mind, and like a valley full of bluebells that grew and flourished in the warm sun, so did she.

  When Halloween arrived, the children dressed up in spooky costumes and played tricks on each other. Kati and Tony took Abbie trick-or-treating. Mandy stayed home and fixed apple cider and gingerbread cookies.

  Mandy thought it was the perfect time for a happening, but it was just another Halloween. It had been a year since Fairy Dust had appeared. Every day, she wondered when another spirit or spirits would pay a visit.

  Winter set in and it was a tough one, but they weathered it by playing board games and cards, and watching a few sit-coms. The children enjoyed making snowmen, and as much as Mandy hated snow, she braved the elements and helped them build a few. Then came the snowball fights. Amos and Tony took on the women and they were pelted hard. Mandy managed to get a few balls thrown, but her aim wasn’t good enough, and her hands went numb.