I grind my teeth a little. “I admire your guts. I wish I could say the same.”
“You can.” He tips my chin so I’ll look at him. “You’re still alive. You’re here, with me, enjoying life. Well, at least as much as you’re able to, still being someone’s possession and all.” He grabs my face with both hands now. “You’re strong, Ava. You might not think it, but you’ve survived through it all and you came out better. You know what it feels like, you lived through it, and no one can take that away from you. These scars aren’t weakness, Ava; they’re power. They show you have the courage to go on. You’re still here, and you know what? It’s only going to get better from now on. Trust me.”
I smile at him, a bit fazed, so I nod instead.
“Good. Keep it in your head, yeah?”
I nod again.
He cocks his head. “Turn around.”
I shift positions and feel him squirt some liquid over my back. The sponge gently touches my back, and he caresses me with it, carefully moving over each and every one of my scars, almost as if to outline them.
“How did you get your scars?” he asks after a while.
“Lashes. Many of them.”
He squeezes the sponge out over my shoulder and continues to massage me with it.
“I think they’re beautiful. Do you know why?”
“No,” I answer, feeling the warmth of his touch.
“Because they make you who you are. And I like you … just the way you are.”
I glance over my shoulder, a sudden rush of heat gathering at my cheeks. He smiles, and at that moment, I feel the butterflies flood my stomach.
“Thank you …” I mutter.
He places the sponge on the side of the tub and then wraps his arms around my shoulders, his chin leaning on me. “You know … I didn’t just like fucking you … I mean it was amazing, but I don’t just like you because of that. I like you … because of who you are. I like you as more than just … a servant,” he whispers into my ear.
I take a deep breath as his lips part and he places a gentle kiss underneath my ear.
It suddenly feels so hot and steamy in here, I forget how to breathe for a second.
“I like you for you, Ava. Just you.”
He plants another kiss right on my neck.
It feels so good … but sinful at the same time.
Like we’re not supposed to be doing this at all.
Master Marcus isn’t here. He didn’t give us permission.
Yet I want nothing more than for him to continue.
For a moment, I even wish he’d just take me away so that I didn’t have a choice. So I didn’t have to make an excuse as to why I shouldn’t do it … it would be so simple not having any responsibility for my actions.
But I know that’s not how things work.
“Daniel …” I mutter.
“Shh …” he whispers into my ear, creating goosebumps all over my body. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not,” I whisper. “Master isn’t here.”
“Exactly.”
He continues to kiss me anyway, and I can’t help but close my eyes, my head leaning back because it needs more. I need more.
I need everything.
And it terrifies me to the point of shivering in place.
His hands slide down toward my breasts, and they peak in anticipation of his thumb, which skids across my nipple. I moan softly, and I feel his body pressing up against mine, his cock hardening against my back.
“Are you cold?” he murmurs.
He pinches my nipple until it tightens and kisses my neck until I whimper.
I’m having trouble finding words. “No … it’s just wrong.”
He hisses. “Just because Master Marcus isn’t here doesn’t mean we’re not allowed to kiss.”
“But it is because he never said we could.”
“He doesn’t need to give permission. He’s not the boss of us.”
I gasp, my eyes flashing open. “Why do you say that? You know he’s our owner.”
“He is now … but I don’t expect this to last forever.”
My body sudden launches itself into the air as if it was sucked up by some magical voice telling me to stand. I’m naked, water and wetness dripping off me as I stand before Daniel. I make a fist, slamming my lips shut, as he gives me a bewildered gaze from down below.
“Where are you going?” he asks.
“I’m clean,” I say, and I step out of the tub, not thinking twice.
I don’t know what moves me, but it’s as if an invisible force pulls me away from Daniel. Something tugs at my heart, but I ignore it. Instead, I grab two towels and place one by his side. He still looks at me as though I’ve lost my mind. Maybe I have. Maybe I’m wrong for not letting him seduce me, but it feels like I’m betraying Master Marcus if I let him.
But some part of me wants to cry as I pat myself down with the cloth, wishing I’d stayed in the tub … Thinking that this is what I need. And I know exactly why.
What my heart truly desires is Daniel … And it scares the living shit out of me because I’m only supposed to want my Master.
So I dry myself without saying another word and leave.
***
Daniel
After Ava got out of the tub so quickly, I haven’t attempted to kiss her or even touch her again. I know I overstepped her boundaries … I did it because I thought she needed a little push, but it turns out I’m not capable of helping her after all.
Maybe only she can help herself out of the self-imposed guilt.
I know she feels it … deep down in her heart … the guilt eats away at her; it shows on her face.
She wants me to love her, but she won’t allow herself to.
And it pisses me off.
But I won’t take it out on her. Instead, I focus on doing the dishes and making sure the kitchen is spick and span. She’s been dusting and vacuuming around the house, almost making up chores as she goes along just so she doesn’t have to have an awkward conversation with me.
Marcus left us alone in the house, informing us that he had to go ‘talk’ to some guy named Viktor. Whatever that means. I don’t know what his business is, but I’m not too keen to find out either. Something tells me Marcus is just as nefarious as my Mistress is, and I should be on my guard.
He left us with unusual assignments. Instead of me training her, we’re supposed to learn more about this world. He gave us books to read, shows to watch, and websites to visit. I’ve never been allowed to use a computer, so when I fumble around with the mouse and keyboard, Ava stops her chores and helps me out. I guess she couldn’t continue to avoid me after all. Her giggles as she watches me click on something make me nervous, but I also continuously smile when she’s around.
I can’t help it. It’s just so awkward in a way, how we communicate.
Like we’re only ‘just friends’ even though I fucked her raw.
But I know now there’s more between us than just that.
Sometimes, she just looks at me out of the blue and then turns completely red, averting her eyes when I catch her in the act. I try not to make a fuss out of it, but sometimes, I can’t help but to muffle a laugh. Her eyes sparkle in a way that makes me want to grab her and pull her in for a kiss.
At times, I’m tempted to do exactly that … but when I even attempt to inch closer, she backs away.
It’s almost as if there’s this inner voice telling her not to proceed without her Master’s permission. As if she won’t allow herself the freedom he’s trying to give her.
Can’t she see that his rules and domination of her prevent her from learning to stand on her own two feet?
Yeah, he can teach her all the basic stuff, and in turn, she can teach me … but he’ll never be able to show her what true freedom means. It can’t come from someone she’ll always deem above her, someone she puts on a pedestal.
It has to be someone on her level. Someone who understands her. Someone who can relate
to her issues.
Someone like me.
And the more time I spend with her, the more we get to know each other. We laugh, we cry, and we make jokes and stupid comments. We learn what it’s like to be normal, but only in the safety of his home. She only feels comfortable enough to let go when she knows she has his approval.
It’s so wrong … and I don’t think it will ever change.
He might have good intentions, but it’s not going to work unless, one day, he steps away and lets her go. But I doubt that will happen.
I have this feeling deep down in my stomach, something gnaws at me … something tells me he can’t be trusted.
Specifically, the part he suddenly became sick and never really told us why. A stomach ulcer, he says, and he pretends he’s better, but I still see dark circles under his eyes. Only a few hours ago, I saw him rub his temple. I don’t think it’s over yet.
I can see he wants to be strong for her, but in reality, he’s weak …
I don’t know what I’d do if the day comes when he’s no longer strong enough. If I will stay with her or run.
I did it once because I wasn’t sure if I could leave her. I was already too attached to her to leave her behind.
But now … I realize that if I do end up running, I’ll probably take her with me, even if it’s against her own will. She won’t like it, but it’s the only right decision.
I take a long, deep breath and blink a couple of times, trying to push the thoughts from my head, but it just won’t work.
I’m lying on her lap with a book in my hand while she reads a magazine when my eyes leave the pages and look at her instead. “Ava. What do you think is wrong with our Master?”
“Hmm? Why do you ask?”
I close my book and place it on the table. “Well, he looked pretty sick the other day, and now, he’s acting like nothing happened.”
“Well, it was only an ulcer,” she says.
“That’s what he tells you.”
She lowers her magazine and stares at me. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Don’t you think he still looks sick? I think something’s wrong, and he won’t tell us.”
“Of course, he would,” she says. “Master Marcus doesn’t lie.”
“What if he is lying?”
She frowns. “He wouldn’t. I don’t believe it.”
“Hasn’t he done it before? Remember the party?” I say.
She looks away. “That was for a good reason. He knew I was going to panic if he’d told me upfront what was about to happen. Besides, it was to rescue you.”
“Okay, but hasn’t he done it before? Sometime before you met me?”
She parts her lips as if she means to interject before she has an answer, but then she closes her mouth again and her eyes skid about. “Well … there was this one time …”
“See? He lies to you.”
“No.” She throws her magazine over the couch. “Why are you making him seem like the bad guy here?”
I sit up straight and turn toward her. “All people lie, Ava. It’s what our species does. It’s what we’re good at. It’s a survival strategy.”
“Survival strategy? Why would he need that? He’s stronger than anyone I’ve ever met. He killed for me.”
The words come from her mouth as if she’s actually proud of him, even though I think it’s despicable that he would even go so far as to take another life without regretting it. I’ve regretted every single wound I ever inflicted on a person … but, then again, I’m not a Master. I don’t know what it’s like to live in their world, but I suspect it isn’t all as good as she thinks it is.
“Are you even hearing yourself? He killed for you. That means he’s a murderer.”
“He killed a man who didn’t deserve to live.” She starts raising her voice.
“Who gets to decide who deserves to live and die? Marcus?”
“He’s our Master. He decides everything.”
“Wrong. He’s a human being and so are we. So can we decide who we kill and let live too?”
She stands up and growls out loud like an enraged animal, and then starts stomping around the room. “Why are you saying all these things? Are you just trying to make me angry? Because it’s working, so well done.”
“I’m trying to show you that he isn’t what you think he is. He’s not perfect, Ava. In fact, he isn’t even good for you.”
“Don’t say that.” Tears run down her face as she points at me, violence creeping up in her eyes. “Don’t ever say that.”
“If he’s so good for you, then why hasn’t he released you yet? Isn’t this the point of all this learning?” I pick up the book and throw it down again to make a point. “These things, he gives them to us so we’ll learn how to be normal human beings again, yet he still keeps us trapped here.”
“No!” she yells, putting her hands on her ears.
I get up and walk to her. “Don’t you see? We’re like animals in a cage. He’s keeping us as pets for his own amusement. He’s just like all the other Masters.”
“Shut up! Shut up!” she keeps repeating, trying to block me out, but it won’t work. I’ll keep shouting until she hears me. Until it finally hits her that he isn’t a god.
“He is a human, like us. We are just as important. He’s not above us, yet he treats us like he is.”
Tears stain her cheeks as she starts to chant to herself to make more noise, so I grab her arms and jerk them away from her ears.
“He’s not a god. He’s not your Master. He’s a man. Just like me. A man who can bleed, just like me.”
“Stop it,” she says. “Stop it. I don’t want to hear it.”
I pull her closer to me, hissing, “But you need to hear it. It’s for your own good.”
“Why?” she mutters, crying. “Why do you do this?”
Through gritted teeth, I say, “Because I love you.”
Her eyes open and widen in shock, and she freezes in my arms.
Then out of nowhere, she slaps me. Right on the face.
I go quiet, and so does she, and for a minute, all we do is stare at each other.
I can’t believe she just did that. She’s never hit me before. I wonder if she’s ever hit anyone before.
She would never have done that to Marcus. But she did it to me …
I search her eyes, but all I find is fear and regret. And then there’s something else. Pain. Unspeakable pain.
She hit me … but it wasn’t to make me stop talking about Marcus.
It was to stop me from loving her.
She wouldn’t hit just anybody. Not those she thinks are higher up on the ladder than she is. And she considers everyone to be higher than her. She puts everyone on a pedestal, valuing herself as the lowest of them all.
Yet she still hit me.
Which makes me realize … that she might finally think of herself as more than just a servant. She sees me as an equal. And from the look in her eye, I can tell she despises that I said I love her.
It’s because I do love her … and because she can’t handle the truth.
The truth where we both know she loves me just as much.
The truth she’s afraid to admit.
And I pushed her to her final defense. Her only means to put a stop to what’s happening. I made her hit me.
The tears that flow from her eyes as her face softens make me meek. Make me regret how far I went to get her to believe. To give her true freedom.
It wasn’t worth sacrificing her heart.
“I … I’m sorry …” I say, letting out a sigh. “I really am sorry, Ava. I shouldn’t have pushed you so far.”
She licks her lips, sucking in the tears as they roll down. “How could you force me to hear all that and think it was okay? I can’t …” New tears form in her eyes, but she swallows them away. “I can’t go back,” she utters. “You told me stuff I should never have to hear, and now, I can’t go back. I can’t go back …” She grabs herself, wrapping her arms
around her body as if to find something to hold onto.
So I do the only thing I can think of and pull her to me, wrapping my arms around her. She falls apart in my arms, grasping my shirt as if it’s the last thing she can hold onto, burying her head in my shirt.
“How could you do this … how … I can’t go back. I can’t forget. Not after this,” she repeats.
“Shh …” I run my fingers through her hair and caress her back. “It’ll be okay.”
“Don’t say that because it won’t. Don’t be a liar. Don’t be like …”
I don’t want her to have to say it, to have to admit to herself that her Master isn’t perfect, because I don’t want her to have to go through that pain. So I interrupt her and say, “I won’t lie to you. Ever.”
“Promise?” she says, as she looks up at me with red eyes.
“Promise,” I say, smiling a little.
She lets out another sigh. “Good. But don’t think I’m not angry because I am.” She frowns.
I smile. “I deserve it, so if you wanna hit me, go ahead. I won’t fight back.”
She bites her lip and contemplates it for a second, and then she shakes her head. “I’m not going to stoop to that level again.” She swallows. “I shouldn’t have hit you.”
“I don’t blame you. I was pretty harsh on you. But I only do it because I care about you so much.”
“But why? We’re only … servants. Why do you care so much about what I think?” She gazes up at me with those eyes that unravel me.
“Because I just do. I can’t explain it. I just feel it.” My grip on her body grows tighter, but so does something else. I can’t help it. Holding her just makes my blood rush. But I want to show her that I’m here for more than just sex.
“I don’t want to see you hurt, Ava,” I whisper as our foreheads lean against each other. “Your smile … it’s about the only thing in this place that makes me feel good.”
“My smile?” She blushes. “But it’s just a smile.”
“It’s not just a smile. It means you’re happy, and I like to see you happy. Maybe it makes me selfish, but I’d do pretty much anything to see your smile.”
Ultimate Sin Page 19