She nods and covers my hand with hers. “I’ll keep you both locked away here, where no one will ever find you.”
I smile at her. “Then you’ll never be lonely. Just as it should be.”
I lean in and rest my forehead on her. For a while, all we do is look at each other, feel each other, really notice for the first time how we are without him.
Then I kiss her.
Slowly, softly, with as much love as I can give her.
And she lets me.
27
Daniel
Our kiss is short but sweet, our lips lingering close to each other. I wonder if there’s more to this than just love, if she’s seeking my attention because she has no one else left, or if she really wants only me.
I smile at her. “We can take it slow. There’s no rush.”
She bites her lip and then nods, but she shivers as well. “So cold.”
“Let’s get you out of these wet clothes.” I fumble with her zipper and peel away her pants. She undoes her bra as I lower her straps, and her breasts spill out. For a second, she watches my reaction, but I try to contain myself. Now is not the time. Instead, I help her take off her underwear until she’s completely naked, and then we take off my clothes. I feel her touch on my icy skin, and it makes my cock twitch, but I will it down. As we stand naked in front of each other, we smile.
She’s so perfect.
Perfect in every way.
She turns her head and gazes at herself in the large mirror attached to the closet, and it draws her attention so much that she paces toward it. Her naked, wet body glistens in the sunlight as she stands in front of the mirror and looks at herself. Admiring her beauty, I follow behind her, wondering what she’s thinking as she touches her own body, tracing her scars all around. She hugs herself tight as I approach behind her and place a hand on her shoulder.
“You’re beautiful.”
“Beautifully scarred,” she murmurs.
“They’re as much a part of you as I am.”
“As Marcus was.”
I take a deep breath and sigh. “As he was. Everything and everyone who came into your life made you who you are. They made you a good, honest, loving person.”
“Really? Because when I look at my naked body, all I see is that girl … that girl who let her Master die.”
“Look at me,” I say, and she stares at me through the mirror. “You are not the reason he died.”
She nods a few times, her head gently tipping downwards.
“But he’s gone. He’s not a part of me anymore.”
“He’ll always be with you. Inside you. As a part of what you became.”
Tears roll down her cheeks and I wrap my arms around her as we both look at her.
“You’re free now. He’d want you to be free.”
“Free … without him.”
I turn her around in my arms and hold her tight. She starts crying again, this time for real. She’s been quiet up ‘til now, zoning out whenever she was reminded of him. It’s the first time since his death I’ve actually heard her weep.
Howls emanate from her body, and she latches onto me as if I’m the last thing she can hold on to. It cuts into my heart to hear her scream, and it feels like I’m bleeding on the inside, but now, I must be strong. For her, I will be a rock.
“I’m sorry …”
“It’s okay,” I shush her. “Cry as much as you need to. I’m here.”
I will hug her for as long as she needs, for as long as it takes her to get it all out of her system.
It’s okay to feel the need to cry. After all, she lost someone dear to her. That can’t be easy. No matter who he was.
“I can’t stop.”
She doesn’t need to stop.
Crying isn’t bad. Crying lets her feel and allows her to let it go.
“I know. Just let them run,” I say, and I carefully walk backward with her until we fall down onto the bed. There, I pick up the sheets and tuck us both under.
She hugs me tight, wetness from her eyes prickling my skin, but I’m not fazed. I can handle it. I can take her anger, her fear, her sadness. I can take it all because that’s what people do when they love each other. They don’t tell them to stop or to think of something better. They hold them for as long as they need it. They’re there for each other.
As it should be.
Because the grieving has finally begun.
***
After a few hours, her tears have stopped, and all that’s left is a sticky, salty mess and red eyes. She lies on my chest, her breathing coming in short puffs. I keep smiling at her, letting her know it’s okay, but no more tears are shed. Instead, she just hugs me tight and says, “Thank you.”
“No need to thank me,” I say. “It’s what good boyfriends should do.”
She leans up on her elbow. “Boyfriend?”
“Yeah … I figured since we both like each other.”
Her brows draw together and she makes a tsk sound, before pulling my pillow out from underneath me and slapping me with it. “Don’t be so cocky.”
I grab the pillow and throw it away. “Well, what else would you call it then? We’ve fucked. We kissed. We’ve pretty much done everything normal lovers do.”
“But we aren’t normal.”
“We are now. Nobody can tell us what to do. And I think we can make it even more normal by just admitting that we’re together. At least, then there’s no question about it.”
“Why would anyone question it?” She raises a brow.
I sit up too now. “I don’t know. But if I’m not your boyfriend, someone else can come and claim you as theirs.”
“Why on earth would someone want to make me theirs?”
“Because you’re pretty … and nice …”
“Go on …” She cocks her head.
“Why you …” I start tickling her and hearing her laugh feels so good; I keep going until she begs me to stop.
“Oh, God, you dirty bastard,” she says.
“But you love me,” I say. “Admit it.”
A smirk appears on her face as she narrows her eyes. “You’re just afraid …”
“Afraid of what?”
“That you might not be able to keep me for yourself.”
“No, I’m not.” I frown. “What gave you that idea?”
She picks up her own pillow and smashes it into my face. “Asshole. You just said you thought someone else would claim me. As if I’m some sort of property.”
“No, of course not,” I say, defending myself. “Oh, forget it.” I snatch away his pillow too and throw it on the other one.
“Ha, I won,” she says, chuckling.
“Good for you,” I say, clearing my throat.
“Hey … but I do love you, you know,” she says casually.
I raise a brow. “Yeah, right.”
“No … I mean it.” She smiles. “I do love you. I just can’t …”
“Oh, I gotcha.” I give her a thumbs-up. “No rush. I just wanted to make sure.”
She rolls her eyes again. “Daniel, you’re the only one, and I don’t think anyone will ever compare. There, happy?”
I grin. “Happy.”
Her stomach growls, and she grabs herself as if she’s in pain. “God, I’m hungry.”
“Let’s go down to the bar then.”
“Do you think they have food there?” She pulls the sheets off her.
I jump out of bed and reach for the box, taking out a few bills. “Of course. I thought you watched all the tapes in the house?”
She shrugs. “Eh, I might’ve fallen asleep with a few.”
I shake my head and beckon her. “Let’s go.”
“Um … aren’t you forgetting something?” she says, pointing at me.
I look down and only then do I notice I’m still butt-naked, and so is she. She laughs as I stampede toward the closet and fish out two bathrobes. “There.” I throw one at her and put the other one on. It only barely manages to cover my
ass, but still I say, “Done.”
She chuckles again. “You really look …”
“What?” I say, narrowing my eyes at her. “C’mon. Say it. I can take it.”
She holds her hand in front of her mouth, clearly trying to stop the laughter from spilling out. “Perfect.”
“That’s what I thought,” I say as I march toward the door. “Let’s go.”
***
The first thing we do is buy some clothes in a shop at the airport. Everywhere we went we were getting strange looks, so we thought it was best if we got some proper clothes first. The cashier doesn’t seem to have any problems with us wearing them while we buy them, seeing as we came here with just a bathrobe to cover our naked butts, which is good.
After we bought everything we need, we go to a nearby restaurant and take a table for two. It’s quiet, just the kind of place to start at, especially for Ava. She’s quiet and a little shy at first, but when the menu arrives, she lights up completely.
“Oh, wow … so many things to eat!” she says, licking her lips. “I can pick anything?”
I chuckle. “Anything you want. We’re free to do whatever we want.”
She rubs her lips together, her forehead creasing as she focuses on the menu. “But I can’t possibly pick … they all look delicious. I want to taste them all.”
I shrug. “Then taste them all.”
Her jaw drops, but her eyes are on fire as well. She looks at the waiter. “All of them!”
He makes a face. “What? You want everything?”
“Yes, please,” she mutters, blushing. “If it isn’t possible, I understand.”
“Oh, no, it’s possible. I think we can do it.” He clears his throat. “All items on the menu for Madam. And what would you like to have, Sir?”
“Oh, I’ll eat along with her,” I muse, folding my hands behind my head.
The waiter tucks his pen back into his pocket. “All right. Thank you for ordering.” And he walks away again.
I can’t help but smile brightly at her as she starts rearranging her fork and knife until they’re perfectly aligned with her plate. When she notices my smile, she says, “What?”
So I say, “Nothing.”
Her eyes narrow. “You’re looking at me funny.”
“I’m just amazed,” I say.
“What? You said I could order them all,” she says.
“I know,” I say. “I’m just amazed at how something so simple can only make me love you more.”
Her face turns completely red and she averts her eyes. “Hmm …”
“Well …” I mutter after a few seconds of silence. “Let’s order some drinks too.”
I beckon the waiter, and we both order drinks. When the food arrives, she seems overjoyed, her face beaming as she picks out a little something from every dish. We gobble it up like no tomorrow. It’s so good. We laugh, make jokes, have fun … and honestly, it’s almost as if we’re a normal couple. Like we finally belong somewhere. Like everything is falling into place.
For the first time in as long as I can remember, I can honestly say she looks happy.
Really happy.
Like someone who is free, without burden, without fear.
Her smile tells me we’re going to be okay.
I just know it.
With full bellies and lots of new tastes explored, we go back to our hotel room. She’s still talking about how good the food was and how badly she wanted to eat it all, even though it was way too much food for just the two of us. It makes me smile just thinking about all the things we’re still going to experience.
Except, right when we enter the hotel room, she says, “I think I feel sick.”
I rub her belly. “Aww, there? You ate a whole human.”
She laughs but then cringes. “Laughing hurts.” She burps. “God, I never knew eating this much would make me want to puke.”
“That’s what you get for ordering so much,” I muse.
“But it was so good …” She makes another face. “I thought I could take it, but I suddenly feel so … I think I’m gonna be sick.” She immediately rushes toward the toilet and throws up half the food.
I sigh and rub her back until she’s done, handing her a towel.
“Well, there goes the fabulous dinner,” she mutters after a while.
“It’s okay. You just gotta learn to take it slow,” I say. “We’ve got plenty more time to eat all the food we want.”
“I know. I just don’t know why I felt so sick all of the sudden.”
I walk her back to the bedroom and we sit down on the bed. “Want to lie down for a bit?” I ask.
“No … I feel fine now.”
I frown. “Really? Because you looked pretty sick just a minute ago.”
“Yeah … I don’t know what it is, but now that it’s out, I feel much better.” She sighs. “So, what do we do now?”
“Whatever we want.” I shrug.
“Where do we go from here?” she says. “Do we stay? Do we leave?”
“Well … I could swear I saw something tucked in the bottom of the box. Hold on.” I smile at her and then bend over to take the box out from underneath the bed. “There were a lot of papers in it, but there was something that caught my eye.” I open the lid and sift through the papers until I found what I’m looking for. “Look.”
I hold up the paper, showing her the details of a house somewhere in Oregon. It’s a certificate and attached to it is a small note.
This house is yours. It’s already paid off completely. I used untraceable funds, so no one from the Alliance knows about it. Just like your identities and accounts, everything was done in secret so you can find the peace you deserve without anyone hunting you down. I hope you like the place and your newfound freedom. It was the least I could do.
“A house …” Ava mutters. “He gave us a house?”
“Seems like it,” I say.
She smiles brightly then hugs me tight. “I can’t believe it. That’s wonderful!”
“Yeah, it’s something, all right.” I take a deep breath and sigh. “Maybe he wasn’t so bad after all.”
“Maybe he wasn’t,” she repeats, licking her lips. “Let’s go there.”
“What, now?”
“Yeah, why not?” She shrugs, and we smile at each other.
I guess there’s no reason not to.
I grin. “All right, let’s go.”
28
Ava
I can’t believe we’re going out into the real world now.
Not just the airport but to a real city this time.
On our own.
With no Master to accompany us.
No one to tell us what to do.
It feels too good to be true, yet I can’t push away the familiar sting in my chest.
I miss him, I honestly do, and I guess that feeling will never go away.
Marcus … the man I knew as my Master was also the man who ruined my life. It’s hard to see them as one and the same. To me, they’ll always be two separate people … but I guess that’s just ignoring the truth.
So instead, I focus on the good things happening right now.
We’re driving on the road, on the way to our new home. Daniel bought a cheap car at a second-hand dealer. At first, I was confused as to how he could drive, but then he explained his Mistress wanted only her personal guards to drive her because she didn’t trust anyone else, so a license makes sense.
We stop every once in a while to get some food and take a bathroom break, and this time, it’s my turn to buy some candy and drinks. As I walk into the store, my stomach can’t help but growl at every candy bar and sandwich I see. I feel like I could eat a horse or more, which is strange because I never used to eat this much. I also never used to feel this sick either, but my body must still be in shock or something. I can puke out of nowhere and then also feel hungry again in no time. It makes me wonder if there’s something wrong with me. And even though Marcus clearly said his tumor
was not contagious, I still can’t shake the feeling that I’ve changed.
As I pass the aisles looking for the Mounds Bars, which I know Daniel loves, something in the corner draws my attention. A section filled with items I recognize from the television and all the magazines I read … women’s articles.
Somehow, I’m drawn to it because I’ve never seen them hanging in the store.
When I was still with my old Master, we were forbidden to ever show that we had a period. If we even got one, that was. Most of us were too fragile, too sick and thin to get it, but sometimes, we did. If that were the case, some other maid would hand us a pad, like it was some sort of secret exchanged only between females. It was like a sin to even talk about it.
Yet everything is on display here like it’s the most normal thing in the world. It probably is. It should be, to me as well. That’s what Marcus told me, anyway. The last time I got my period was when I lived with him, which was scary to say the least, especially when he found out. But he told me not to worry about it; he said it was the most normal thing in the world. He even gave me some pads himself, something I never thought would happen.
Marcus didn’t want me to feel ashamed. He wanted me to be proud, even of something like that. Being a female is nothing to be ashamed of, he’d say. And so, I stand in front of the rack, wondering if I should just grab something for the sake of it. For the sake of being proud. For the sake of being female and being okay with it.
But then I notice some other products hanging on the racks, and my eyes are immediately drawn toward the packaging. I want to grab it all, curious to try it all out, so I do. I load up my cart with one of each and then grab some more food before rushing to the counter.
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