Love Me With Fury

by Janelle Taylor

  True to her word, Alex assumed a leisure and safe pace. Since the baby was six weeks old, surely her body was healed. She revelled in the warm May air, suddenly realizing tomorrow would be June first!

  How swiftly and eventfully time had passed since her meeting by the pond with Stephen. This time last year, she had just arrived in America. Now, she was safely home and had a six-week-old son by a man who would no doubt haunt her forever. She weaved her way through the overgrown path into a world set apart from reality. She looked around; it was like truly coming home at last.

  She walked to the pond and sat down upon the grassy bank. Too cool to take a swim and risk a cold, she dangled her feet in the sensuous water. Her palms pressed to the ground behind her, she leaned back and closed her eyes. The sun was warm and relaxing; sweet fragrances filled her nostrils; the birds sang as if for her enjoyment alone. She withdrew her feet and stretched out by the pond, trailing her fingers in the water. She dreamily closed her eyes once more to allow her senses to extract the intangible beauty and uniqueness of nature. In this dreamy setting, her mind began to drift…

  “I don’t believe it,” came the mellow sound of that never-to-be-forgotten voice.

  Her eyes flew open; she stared up at the vital man towering over her. It couldn’t be! As if frozen, she could neither speak nor move. He knelt down beside Alex, her gaze never leaving his arresting face and mesmerizing aura. Was there no place she could ever hide from him? Did she even want him out of her life forever? Her heart and body became instant traitors to her. Her pulse raced and her body enflamed.

  “I’m sure we’re thinking the same question, so I’ll answer first. I just arrived.” His eyes noticeably slipped to her flat stomach. A scowl lined his impressive features. “Did you lose the baby, or am I a proud father by now?” he asked coldly.

  She paled and trembled. She was sorely tempted to lie, but felt she couldn’t carry it off under his piercing stare. “I have a son,” she whispered, stressing the first word.

  “I beg to disagree, love, but we have a son. Where is he?” he demanded, furiously noting the gold circle upon her left hand. “Who’s the lucky man?” he contemptuously snarled.

  She suddenly moved as if to jump up and dash for safety. He grabbed her by the waist and sent her none too gently to the ground, flat on her back with her wrists pinned above her head. Lying upon her to prevent any further struggle, his grasp tightened upon her wrists. She cried out in pain.

  “You’re hurting me, Josh!”

  ‘No more than you hurt me, woman! Where’s my son? How dare you prevent me from having him!” he shouted at the defenseless girl.

  “Did you think I would just lie there waiting for you to return with your American friends or some trunk to stuff me in until you could imprison me upon your ship again? My God, Stephen, what about our child?”

  He looked at her in a strange manner. “You stupid fool! I went to get a man to marry us. I was going to leave you at my home until I could return!” he stormed at her.

  Her look of shock couldn’t be fake. “You were going to marry me?”

  “Absolutely! You were carrying my first child. And…damnit, Angel! I love you and need you. A day hasn’t passed I didn’t think about you.”

  “You love me? I don’t believe you! You’ve never even hinted at any strong feelings for me, except for carnal desire!” she resisted him.

  “It’s clear your fiery passions have been sated more than mine! How could you marry another man? How could you let him touch you?” he thundered his jealousy and rage.

  “But he hasn’t touched me. And he never will! No man has but you, Josh,” she instantly argued.

  “You expect me to believe a man could live with you without touching you? Don’t take me for a fool, Angel!” he snarled harshly at her deception.

  “I swear it, Josh! The man I wed needed a wife for business reasons, and you know why I needed a husband! We made a bargain: marriage in name only until one or the other wanted freedom. I’ve never been in his room or he in mine. Nothing has happened between us. How could it when I was carrying your child? I love you, Josh. I have since that first day here.”

  They stared at each other, weighing and absorbing these facts. “I should have told you my plans before I left the hotel. I was coming back to marry you, love.”

  Tears brimmed in her green eyes and flowed into her tawny hair. “I didn’t know, Josh. I never even suspected such an incredible thing. I didn’t have any reason to trust you. I had to think about the baby. It’s like the fates are battling over our destinies. One is frantically and cruelly trying to keep us apart; another is struggling to throw us together. It isn’t fair, Stephen,” she cried out in anguish, weeping and trembling.

  He pulled her into his arms and held her tightly. “Don’t worry, love; we’ll figure something out,” he offered her solace with words and caresses.

  “You mean you still want us?” she fearfully asked.

  He smiled tenderly. “Both of you and as soon as possible.”

  She hugged him fiercely. “I was afraid I’d never see you again. What will we do if my husband changes his mind and refuses me a divorce?”

  “I’ll kill him first!”

  “You can’t! You’re in enough danger as Joshua Steele without adding murder to your list of infamy. I’ll talk with him. If he refuses to comply with our bargain, I’ll take the baby and leave. You should see him, Josh. He’s beautiful. He has your eyes and hair. When he gets older, he’ll look just like you. He coos and holds your finger tightly. He’s the most wonderful gift in the whole world. I didn’t know it was possible to feel so much love and pride. Sometimes I think my heart will burst with them.”

  He watched the softened lights which glowed in her eyes. “Motherhood becomes you, love. I didn’t think it possible for you to grow more radiant and beautiful, but you have.” He kissed her deeply and Alex hungrily responded.

  “Let’s go see him now. You can come with me this minute,” he eagerly stated.

  “I can’t. The minute anyone lays eyes on you, the truth will be as clear as this pond. I told you; he looks just like you. Are you forgetting the power of a man’s pride? To see you standing there with me would only inspire him to fight us. Please let me handle it my way,” she pleaded. She would discuss Spencer’s obvious disinterest and desertion with her father. She would make him help her get a divorce, then she would leave with her true love.

  “I want to see our son,” he stubbornly insisted.

  She pondered these intertwined problems. She brightened. “I’ll bring Josh here to see you at midday tomorrow.”

  “Josh?” he echoed.

  She laughed in blissful elation. “I’m a wicked woman, Stephen. I named our son Joshua Stephen. Of course you can change his name after we’re married if you prefer another one,” she jested.

  He smiled broadly. “How did you plan to forget me after naming our son after me?” he merrily hinted.

  “How could I possibly forget you when your son is steadily becoming your spitten image? Anyway, I was half asleep when they asked me, and I gave the first and most appropriate answer,” she happily retorted.

  “No need to change his name. I like your choices very much. Joshua was special to me long ago and Stephen is my name.”

  “Stephen what?” she boldly inquired.

  “I’ll tell you the moment I gaze into the face of my son,” he teased. “Deal?”

  “Anything you say, my love,” she dreamily agreed.. A worried look chased her smile and glow away.

  “What’s wrong, love?” he asked.

  “When we go to America, would you give up the sea and stay home with us? I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you again. It’s so dangerous, Stephen. You could be killed, or captured, or wounded. Please give up Steele. We could live in a grass shack for all I care. I only want you safe and near.”

  He caressed her cheek. “Those are precisely my plans, love. I have a family to think about now. I promise
to be around to watch him grow up and you grow out with our next child.”

  “Another child?” she echoed in wonder.

  “‘It isn’t uncommon for a baby to follow such abundant acts of passion,’” he quoted her words from the day at the hotel in Washington. “I don’t plan a celibate life like your present husband has followed.”

  She giggled. “I know I’m still rather green in such matters, Captain Steele, but I think he has some problem which prevents anything between us. I would kill him if he tried to touch me,” she vowed seriously.

  “You’re right, love; I think I have some lucky lodestar guiding me. We always seem to find each other again. Maybe it’s the goddess of the black mist. She certainly seems to favor me at sea.”

  “You will be here tomorrow, won’t you?” he asked anxiously. “If you’re not, I’ll search heaven, earth, and hell until I find you,” he playfully threatened.

  “Nothing and no one can ever keep us apart again, Stephen. I’ll be here. If he refuses an agreeable divorce, I’ll bring the baby and never look back.”

  “Who is this ‘he’ you keep referring to?” he questioned.

  “I’ll tell you everything tomorrow, my love. I don’t want you tempted to come and sneak a look at our son. It could spoil everything, and we’re too close to our life together. Please, do as I ask this time.”

  “For once, I trust you implicitly.”

  “I love you so much, Stephen.”

  His mouth closed upon hers and his hand sought her breast. His mouth seared hers. God, how she wanted and needed him. As his hand slipped under her skirt and sought another place of agonizing need, she writhed in urgent desire to possess him instantly and desperately.

  In frustration and anguish, she cried out and thrashed upon the grass. She opened her eyes, her body damp and taut with the emotions tormenting it. She looked around in confusion. Where was Stephen? She turned over and wept bitterly, the beautiful and all-too-real dream vanished. She cried for a long time.

  “Why do you torture me this way, Stephen? That’s how it should be! That’s how it should be,” she wretchedly moaned.

  Her breasts ached with the fullness of milk. It was past Josh’s feeding time. She slowly pushed herself up to a sitting position. She struggled to pull herself together before returning home. Somehow and some way, she had to dispel his magical touch…

  Alex rode home at that same slow pace, the stepping of her beloved horse bringing discomfort to her breasts each time he put his hooves down. She dismounted with the assistance of a groom and hurried inside. The nurse was beside herself with worry and annoyance.

  “I was about to send someone to search for you, Lady Farrington. The baby has been crying for nearly half an hour. I feared some harm had befallen you,” she ranted on and on.

  Tempted to demand she shut up, Alex fiercely resisted that needed release. She had the right to worry and scold her. “I’m sorry, Martha. When I halted to rest, I fell asleep. I dared not rush back, so I came as quickly as I could. It won’t happen again,” she promised like an errant child, the realistic dream still tormenting her.

  She went to the nursery adjoining her room and picked up her wailing son. She shed just as many tears as she entreated him to stop his, “Don’t cry, little love; Mama’s here now.”

  She went to the rocking chair, sat down, and unbuttoned her dress. She placed him near the left breast. Instantly he began to suckle upon it, his distress gone. She sang softly as she rocked him, her gaze tracing his every feature.

  More tears eased down her rosy cheeks as she murmured sadly, “Oh, Josh…I love you so much.”

  Martha wondered at the despondency in her mistress’s voice and the sadness in her eyes as she spoke softly to her son Josh. Deciding she was merely lonely and worried for her husband whom she hadn’t seen since leaving America, she shook her gray head sadly and left Alex to herself.

  Once sated, she placed the sleeping infant in his cradle, gazing down at him for a long time. Her dream had one point of reality: she could never forget the man who confronted her each day through his son. No matter what had happened, she didn’t resent her child at all. She loved him with all her heart, as she did his father.

  She ordered a tub of hot and soapy water. She needed to relax this tension in her mind and body. After soaking until the water was chilled, she got out and dried off. She dressed in a tea gown of soft yellow, enhancing her beauty and coloring. She pulled the confining ribbon from her amber tresses and brushed her hair until it shone with silky gold highlights. She dabbed on a cologne with a hint of wildflowers.

  As she left her room, she told Martha she would be in the garden getting some fresh air and sun. She told the woman to bring a pallet and her son to do the same when he awakened.

  Martha patted her shoulder in fondness. She softly encouraged, “He’ll be home soon, Lady Farrington. Don’t be so sad.”

  Just before asking who she meant, Alex smiled and replied, “I know, Martha. I miss him so much.” Naturally the elderly nurse didn’t realize she meant Joshua Steele and not her husband. But until Spencer Farrington showed up and they talked, her life would never settle down.

  Angry with him for this humiliating ignorance of her for so long, Alex resolved to give him a piece of her mind if and when he finally and graciously appeared! How dare that arrogant, selfish creature treat her this way! After all, he had needed this alliance as much as she had! Besides, if his reputation and that talk overheard in Washington were accurate, he sounded to be the only man who could help her forget Joshua Steele. If fact, they sounded like the same man! Did she dare use him as a substitute for Joshua? Could she ever fall in love with another man?

  So many questions! No answers could be forthcoming until she met this wayward husband of hers.

  XVIII

  “Twice or thrice had I loved thee,

  Before I knew thy face or name.”

  —“Air and Angels,” John Donne

  “What in the devil are you talking about, Jefferson? Me married to Lady Hampton? She claims we have a son?” Spencer shouted in disbelief and fury. What could that vain girl be thinking of to pull a ruse like this? There was only one female he would ever marry!

  Bewildered by the wild rantings of Spencer Farrington upon his arrival home, Jefferson couldn’t make heads or tails of his behavior. “Where’s Will? If that old cuss has bound me to that witch, I’ll strangle him! How dare the old buzzard do this to me! For damn sure it isn’t legal! Just wait until I get my hands on that conniving vixen and my brazen grandfather!” Months of agony and denial tormented him.

  “You can’t disturb him right now, Master Spence,” the elderly servant declared, grasping the infuriated man’s arm to prevent him from storming up the steps and verbally assailing the enfeebled lord of this estate. “He’s bad off, Master Spence. He’s growing weaker every day. I don’t think he’ll live to see next month.”

  “He’s that low, Jefferson?” Spencer asked, leashing his temper. What had happened to his carefree life and control? Angelique!

  “I’m afraid so,” the aging servant sadly replied. “Lady Alex and the baby are the lights of his heart. They’re the only things which keep him going. He loves her like a daughter. They spend lots of time together. He’s sleeping now, but he’s having dinner tonight at Hampton Manor with your wife and son.”

  “Darnit, Jefferson! I don’t have a wife and son! That’s what I’ve been trying to get across! I’ve never married any woman. But when I do, it won’t be that spoiled brat!” he thundered near exasperation. The strain and sacrifice of the past months savagely attacked him. He hadn’t been the same since Washington. How much longer would this bitterness, loneliness, and hunger plague him? He was still in love with a dream which couldn’t come true.

  “But, Master Spence,” Jefferson protested, “it’s true.”

  “Did Will and Charles dream up this proxy marriage?” he demanded suspiciously.

  Baffled, he shook his head. “Lady Far
rington came back from America already married to you. She’s been living with her father until you came home. You have a fine baby, named Michael,” the forgetful old man stated, using Spencer’s father’s name instead of the baby’s.

  “She claims I married her in America?”

  “She said you sent her home because of the war. She talks about you all the time. That girl surely loves and misses you.”

  “I just bet she does,” he sarcastically sneered. So, the haughty Lady Hampton got into trouble in America and was using him to save her name and honor! Well, the little tramp wouldn’t get away with this treacherous act! How dare she try to foist another man’s child off on him! Did she believe herself so beautiful and irresistible as to think she could cunningly enchant him upon his arrival and entice him to go along with this bold farce? Since she arrived claiming to be wed to him, her father and Will weren’t in on her little scheme. Just wait until he burst her bubble in her face!

  “Don’t tell Will I’m home yet, Jefferson. I’m going to Hampton Manor and find out what that little tart is up to. She’d better have one good story to tell,” he scoffed angrily.

  He changed into buckskin riding breeches, a blue linen shirt, and a fawn colored riding coat. He headed for the stables and saddled a horse. He rode like an obsessed man until he reined in before the stately manor belonging to his neighbor.

  He knocked loudly and persistently upon the door. The head servant opened it and looked inquisitively at him. “Lord Spencer Farrington to see Charles Hampton,” he stated icily.

  The man beamed with pleasure and stepped aside. “Come in, come in,” he repeated cheerfully. “Mistress Alex will be so happy you’re finally here. She’s been so worried about how long you been away, sir.”

  He grimaced. “I’d like to speak with Charles first. I would prefer you didn’t tell Alex I was here just yet,” he mysteriously stated, his eyes and voice carrying a vivid hint of annoyance and coldness.