by Erin Tate
As she eased deeper into the room, she tugged at her clothes, easing the thin top over her head and letting it float to the ground before bringing her hands to the waist of her pants. She padded past the mirrored wall, not looking at her reflection. Well, it wasn’t really a mirror, but it was the best Terran descriptor she could come up with. It was some sort of projection technology that she hadn’t been able to wrap her mind around when it’d been explained.
Now, she didn’t care to understand. She didn’t want to see it. No matter how curious she was about the changes in her body due to the addition of Kede’s genetic material, she didn’t want to see evidence of her injuries.
Joyce tucked a few stray strands of her hair behind her ear, the skin tingling with the gentle brush.
She tried not to look, tried not to glance at herself in the mirror using her peripheral vision and… failed. The lure was too much for her to resist. How else had she changed? What else had changed? Could she look at herself and dismiss the scars?
She knew her skin was darker and no longer blemished. Other than the evidence of her injuries, every other mole, freckle and small scar disappeared. She wondered if those twisted ridges of skin would smooth out as well. Would the bumps marring her flatten and smooth? She prayed they would. She’d never considered herself vain, but now… she totally was.
Her hair was softer, silky as it slid through her fingers in soft waves. The color seemed brighter, fuller, but mostly unchanged.
Slowly, fearing what she’d find, Joyce turned toward the reflective surface and hoped the rest of her hadn’t altered too drastically. She wasn’t sure what Doshan females looked like beneath their clothes, so there was no telling what she’d find. She really hoped she hadn’t suddenly grown another nipple or something equally bizarre.
The moment she faced the mirror completely, she gasped. Not because of the small, obviously raised spots on her neck and the few on her face. Nor because of the larger swaths of skin on her chest that appeared twisted and turned from the cilotha.
No, she gasped because her sky blue eyes, ones that darkened to stormy gray when she was pissed and lightened when she was happy, were no longer blue.
“Kede?” She called for the stupid male, never taking her gaze from her reflection.
She was not seeing what she thought she was seeing. Because if she was…
“Kede?” She raised her voice a little more.
Skin color was one thing. It was pigment. How many Terrans in history darkened their skin with products? It was not a great feat for Terran geneticists. The procedure was no more difficult than receiving a shot at a doctor’s office. Skin transitioning was like Botox in the 2000s. Nothing. Simple. Quick and easy.
This…
“Kede!” She didn’t bother keeping her voice down any longer. The asshole alien could get off his fucking phone-comm-thing and tell her why—
“Joyce? Where are you?” The rapid, heavy thump of his race through the room signaled his approach.
When he appeared beside her, she slowly turned her head toward him and raised her finger, pointing at her face. “What is this?”
His gaze met hers for a moment and then it wandered, sliding over her in a touchless caress. He focused on her nose, her lips, her neck, and then he ceased his travels when he got to her breasts. Her bare breasts. Dammit. It seemed that a male was a male. Once they were flashed a set of tits, they stopped in their tracks.
Joyce wrapped an arm across her chest, covering her large breasts as much as she could, while snapping the fingers on her other hand. “Hey, up here. Let’s focus on something other than my boobs.”
His attention slowly skated over her in reverse, stroking her as he finally looked at her eyes once again. Instead of a sheepish expression, she got an all-too-sexy, totally unashamed grin. It was a look filled with sex and sensual promise and she frowned at him in hopes he’d wipe it from his face. He didn’t. Nope, the grin blossomed into a heated smile.
Sexy as hell, asshole alien.
Joyce pointed at her face once again. “What is this?”
Kede tilted his head to the side. “I do not understand.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Oh, you so understand.”
“The transition does make physiological changes which include alterations to appearance.”
“Yeah, but no one said anything about this.” She pointed at her eyes. “No one mentioned eye color. When I saw my skin, I asked you and Resane if there was anything that changed that I hadn’t seen yet. Like some weird crap that wasn’t visible while I was stuck in bed.”
“Well…”
“When I said ‘hey, what else is there?’ you should have said ‘yes, Joyce, your eyes don’t match anymore.’”
“We thought you’d be ups—”
“Upset? Why would I? I mean, I know I’m no longer human but… I don’t…” she turned her attention to the mirror.
Before now, her change from Terran to Doshan was conceptual. They said the words, but she didn’t truly grasp the whole conversion concept. Really, other than getting a great tan, nothing else had changed. Now she was presented with undeniable proof of her shift.
Two eyes. One teal iris, one coral.
Like sand, she watched her Terran heritage drift through her fingers and float away on an unseen breeze. Gone. She was no longer Joyce Enner, Executive Assistant to Director Wardsen of the Norbeach Planetary Collective Training and Transfer Base. God, that was a mouthful when she answered the phone.
She was no longer Terran. She no longer had her small Terran apartment with all of her Terran belongings.
No, she’d become Joyce Enner—Tria-se or whatever—Doshan female. Owner of nothing.
It finally hit home. This was real. Real.
The pain speared her heart, stealing her breath with its unexpected attack. She hadn’t loved her life, but suddenly she mourned its loss, mourned what she had been just as she was unable to accept what she’d become.
Joyce traced her image on the reflective surface, sliding her finger over the two colors, tracing the new hues. Not sky blue. Teal and coral.
The same, but different.
The image of herself blurred, her shape warping and twisting as she stared at the mirror. She wondered if she’d somehow broken it by touching it. Then she noticed the cool moisture on her cheek and she realized she was crying. Apparently she’d retained that human trait. Tears escaped, sliding over her cheeks, and she distantly recognized Kede’s low curse.
She didn’t care. He could say what he liked.
The whites of her eyes reddened as moisture gathered, highlighting the change of her irises even more.
Low murmurs reached her, the deep tone of Kede’s voice answered by someone else. She hadn’t even realized he’d left.
Moments passed and then someone else stepped into the bathing chamber, his massive bulk seeming to decrease the space by half.
“Joyce?” His arms twitched and she let her gaze travel over his form and down to the hand hidden beneath his back.
“Resane.” She returned her attention to her reflection. He was probably there to sedate her. At least that’s what Terrans did when faced with an uncontrollable person. They’d done that a time or two at the base when a prospective ambassador cracked during training. She didn’t imagine Doshans would be much different in this situation.
He eased closer, closing the distance between them. “Joyce…”
She shook her head and closed her eyes, turning away from the mirror. “I know what you want to do with that. Just… let me get clean. Let me wash and then I promise you can sedate me. Will that work?”
She wanted the drugs, wanted to forget the last few minutes and pretend she was still a Terran on a Doshan ship. She glanced at her reflection once more. God, how different things had become in one look.
“You should—”
“Just a shower. I want to be clean.” She focused on him, on his matching green eyes.
They matched when the
eyes of so many other Doshans did not. Something to talk about with Kede. She’d allowed him to push off different discussions over and over, but that was not going to happen any longer.
“Very well. You should be,” his cheeks flushed a deeper shade of bronze. A Doshan blush. “You should have an attendant to ensure your safety. You are still very weak.”
Attendant. Watcher. Guard.
“I won’t hurt myself, Resane.”
He tilted his head in acknowledgement. “And still you need an attendant, Joyce Tria-se.”
She tore her gaze from his, refusing to retain his gaze. “Who?”
She knew the answer, but still, she asked.
“Myself or Kede.”
Another tear escaped. She didn’t want to be exposed to either male. Uneasiness, self-loathing attacked her. She’d been an overweight Terran and now she was an overweight Doshan.
You are mine.
Since Kede was so sure he wanted her, let him be the one to be disappointed by her appearance. The bathing unit door was masked, but there was no doubt he’d see parts of her previously covered. He’d see what he desired and then they’d discover if he was entranced by the idea of her or of herself.
“Kede,” she choked out his name. “I want Kede.”
Chapter Thirteen
Kede paced his quarters, his glare transferring from the medico, Resane’s assistant, lingering near the suite’s portal to the bathing chamber and back again. He didn’t trust the young male within his space. He was unfamiliar, young, and appeared eager.
The male could remain by the doorway. He wanted no other males near his harae. He already ached with the need to shove Resane out of the nearest airlock for being so close to his half-naked female.
He took a deep, calming breath. He could not kill his chief medico. He could not kill his chief medico.
The rustle of cloth and low clink of instruments pulled him from his thoughts and he snarled at the young medico. He could kill that male. Kede didn’t believe he’d be missed. Besides, he was entirely too close to his barely-clothed harae. Yes, he would be justified if he ended—
“Kede.” Resane’s low murmur tore him from his homicidal thoughts.
“Is she well?”
Resane’s expression was grim, his eyes focused on Kede. “She is having difficulty accepting her altered species.”
A gasp brought his focus back to the young medico lingering near the door. Dammit. “Out!” The male did not move and his worry over Joyce transformed into anger. Anger he directed at the medico. “Get. Out!”
The male tripped backward, scrambling for the portal, dropping his equipment as he fought to leave Kede’s quarters and he couldn’t suppress his sneer.
“Frightening off young warriors accomplishes little.” Resane chided him.
“Your medicos should be trained to handle furious males.”
Resane sighed. “We reassigned all the experienced officers while Hassee conducts his investigation. He’s a fill-in from engineering and is one of the few that could be trusted to hold a scanner right side up. He’s—”
Kede shoved his next words past gritted teeth, his patience at an end. “I don’t care about the damned medico. I only care about my harae.”
“And I told you. She’s having difficulty accepting the changes within her.” Resane paused. “Withholding the list of alterations was a mistake. I only thought to ease her into her new species, but…”
But his harae stood crying in their bathing unit, fingers tracing her eyes in the holoflect.
“What can I do for her now?” How could he make her better?
“She wishes to get clean. I told her she would have to be monitored to ensure her safety and it would be either you or me within the chamber.”
The words burst to Kede’s lips before the thought completed. “I will kill you if she chose you.”
“Praise the bright light.” Resane rolled his eyes. “She chose you.”
“What do I need to do?”
The medico shrugged. “Be there to support her should she need assistance. She will tire easily and will likely not last more than a few minutes beneath the spray.” Resane moved past him, gripping Kede’s shoulder and squeezing as he strode by. “Thank the light holder she did not choose me. I hope you have more strength than I because the sight of her plump—”
Kede spun, whirling around and forcing Resane to face him. In the single, fluid move, he had his friend in the position he desired. From there, he swung his arm in a great arch and finally punched the male in the face.
Resane staggered beneath the blow, stumbling a few steps before catching himself against the wall. He rubbed his jaw as he stared at Kede.
“You will not speak of my harae in such a manner.”
Resane pressed his lips together and looked away, focusing on the wall. “As you say, Commander Tria-se.”
Kede gritted his teeth as anger over Resane’s words joined his worry for Joyce. “Dammit, Resane.”
His friend shook his head. “No, you were right. I forgot for a moment that she is Doshan. We don’t speak of our females in that way.”
Resane pushed away from the wall and strode toward the pile of equipment near the doorway.
As he crouched beside the stack, the words gathering in Kede’s chest burst free. “Any female, Resane.” The medico paused, a questioning gaze on him. “The males on the Vehly will not speak that way about any female, be they Terran or Doshan.”
Resane raised his eyebrows. “As you say, Kede.”
He jerked his head in a tight nod and then looked toward the bathing chamber, at the portal still open and waiting for his entrance. “You will see yourself out?”
“Of course.”
Accepting his friend’s answer, he moved toward the small room, intent on assisting his harae in any way possible.
As he reached the doorway, Resane’s worry tinged voice stopped him. “Kede? You need to see this.”
Resane bent and retrieved something from the pile of scattered equipment near the portal to the hallway. The clumsy male he’d banished never returned for the items.
His friend raced to him, holding out a small device. As soon as Kede gripped the item, his heartbeat stuttered. “Why did that young medico have a flare? Only high-ranking officers and ambassadors should have access to this device. What division did you say he came from?”
“Engineering and he’s only been in service for two years. He should not…” Resane growled and Kede felt the urge to do the same. “I do not know.”
Kede handed the device back to his friend. “Take it to Hassee and have the young male brought to him for questioning.”
“You do not want to speak with him directly?” The shock was evident in his tone.
It chafed him to hand this responsibility to another, but he had more important things to handle. “I trust you and Hassee to secure the male and discover the truth.” He stared at the still open door, strained to hear the sniffles and coughs of his female. “I need to care for Joyce.”
He left Resane near the suite entry, knowing his friends would handle the situation while he tended his harae.
When he strode into the bathing chamber, she was as he’d left her—leaning against the low counter as she gazed at her reflection in on the holoflect. Tears still coated her cheeks, but at least new moisture hadn’t trailed down her face. Her arm covered her breasts and he bit back the growl that jumped to his lips. Resane had seen his female unclothed. Everything in him demanded he battle the male and make him forget his own name as well as the sight of Joyce’s bare skin.
“Joyce?” He kept his voice low, unwilling to frighten her.
She slowly turned her gaze from the holoflect and onto him. “I’m not me anymore.”
Kede nearly fell to his knees beneath the weight of her heartache. He felt her fear, her anger, and her agony. “My harae…” he reached for her and she didn’t protest when he tugged her close and enveloped her in his gentle embrace. She turned h
er head to the side and rested her cheek over his heart. Her lush curves pressed against him, but he didn’t feel even a hint of arousal at her closeness. He could only focus on healing her hurt. “You have not changed. Are you most upset about your eyes?”
She nodded. “It didn’t seem real and now it is and I’m not… me.”
“You are. Terrans say the eyes are the window to the soul.” She nodded again, giving him more of her weight and he took it, gladly. “But Terrans can hide so much. Your eyes now tell others, without subterfuge, the type of Doshan you are on the inside.”
“What do you mean?” She lifted her head, focusing her gorgeous teal and coral eyes on him.
Serenity. Dedication. Strength. Balance. Empathy. They were all facets to his female and each was reflected in the color of her irises. As much as she protested becoming an ambassador, she truly was meant for the position.
“Come and cleanse yourself. I will explain.” He stepped back and urged her to turn toward the small cubicle meant for cleansing. It originally only provided sonic bathing, but he’d had his modified to enable liquid washing as well. Terrans liked to take showers and he’d wanted his Terran to have all that she desired.
She wrapped her other arm around herself, the move no longer meant to conceal her plush body but to comfort. His people had done this to her. He had done this to her. With his animalistic desire to have her on his ship, he’d brought her nothing but pain. The exact thing Doshan males were taught not to do.
At the small cubicle, he waved his hand before the panel and the barrier slid into hiding, granting her entrance.
Joyce shuffled forward a step, and then another, before pausing. She looked at him over her shoulder, those eyes now rimmed in redness. “Thank you.”
“Of course.” He waited for her to say something else, anything else, but she simply stood still as a statue before him. He let his gaze wander over her scantily clad body, taking in her posture, the tenseness of her muscles and the slight tremors that racked her. The knuckles on her hand were stark white against the new bronze hue of her skin. “Joyce?”