by Erin Tate
“Thank you, Joyce.” Yare snared her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.
Kede nearly called for a Kerosa and demanded Yare’s head for his wall.
But he did not.
It would upset Joyce.
Yare released her and pressed his fist to his heart. “Commander.”
With that final salute, the male retreated and the panel slid shut behind him, leaving Kede and Joyce alone once again. He grabbed the handle of the tray and pushed it a few inches.
“Come, let us eat and I shall tell you all you wish to know. If you ask what I cannot answer, we will discover it together with the help of the ship.” His words were as good as a vow.
She did not argue with his suggestion and merely padded toward his small eating area, sliding onto one of the chairs while he placed their food on the smooth surface. It did not take long. Kede had simple tastes and he knew—through Yare—that Joyce was the same. She had one or two favorite Terran dishes and the same number of Doshan delicacies.
Food spread before them, they lapsed into comfortable silence as they filled their bellies. He liked watching Joyce eat. Enjoyed the way she gathered small bits of each item on her plate and ate them at once. Though she seemed to leave her helping of loshee untouched. He had requested Yare provide only items she enjoyed.
Kede gestured with his fork. “You do not enjoy loshee? Yare indicated it was one of your favorite Doshan foods.”
Joyce went back to nibbling her lower lip. “I do, but… it’s…” She wrinkled her nose and a slight blush tinged her cheeks. “Well, Doshans don’t really have dessert,” she shrugged. “And it’s mine. So it goes last.”
“Explain this dessert.”
“It’s usually something sweet. A treat that you don’t eat all the time. It’s usually eaten after you’ve finished with your meal. Loshee is like Terran cheesecake. I love it, but I have to eat everything else before I let myself eat it all.” Joyce rubbed her stomach, drawing his attention to her lush softness. “Otherwise, I’d live on loshee alone.”
“Only after meals? And it is something you desire above all else?”
Joyce nodded. “Occasionally people have dessert first, but yeah, basically after meals. And cheesecake?” She hummed. “Yeah, sometimes I do desire it above all else.”
Kede nodded, rolling her words through his mind until he finally understood. “I see. So you are my dessert, and I would eat you at the beginning of every meal. Perhaps this is how I have failed. I did not express myself correctly.” He stared at her, hoping she could see inside his warrior’s heart. “I value you above your cheesecake, my harae.”
* * *
Joyce wasn’t sure how the hell to respond to that. Like… what? Just, what?
She knew “gee thanks” probably wasn’t the right response, but she didn’t know what the correct one was.
Assuming he wasn’t kidding around, she followed his statement with further explanation. If the food analogy worked for him, then they’d play it out.
“Um, okay. Well,” she hedged. “I love cheesecake, but I wouldn’t just find a piece lying around and take it for myself. The cheesecake could belong to someone. It could have a house or friends or even pets.”
Kede mouthed the word pets. “I will have to research this pets. Is that something a cheesecake would normally have? I admit to not knowing much of dessert or cheesecake.”
Obviously analogies weren’t the way to go.
Bright light save her.
Joyce pushed her plate away, leaving the loshee untouched. Depending on how their conversation went, she’d either want to cry into her dessert or celebrate by chowing it down. Either way, it was necessary to have on hand for later.
“Okay, let’s go back to when we met. Why did you pick me up? Why did you ‘choose’ me?”
“How could I not?”
Joyce gave him a blank look. “It’s pretty easy. You merely keep on walking. Or you don’t stand in the middle of a walkway.”
“No, you misunderstand. I saw you, I touched you. I could not not choose you. I… wanted you more than anything I have ever wanted in my life.” His serious, mis-matched gaze met hers and an emotion she couldn’t identify lurked within his eyes. “I have always thought it would be nice to have a harae even though I knew it could not happen. A mate,” he shook his head. “It was a dream. But then I saw you, I touched you, and knew what it was to crave another. I have never hated my status as a warrior. Even when my mother’s eyes no longer met mine or when the females in my family shied from my attention. Nor when other Doshan females kept their distance.”
He clenched his jaw, as if the memories hurt, and she fought the urge to hold his hand and tell him those bitches didn’t matter. “When I laid my hand on your skin, I hated myself, Joyce. I hated my birthright and light help me, I hated the bright light itself for making me a warrior. Then Hassee made me choose and I chose you.” Kede’s eyes drifted shut, from fatigue? Or shame? Or both?
“I chose you and didn’t think of the consequences. I made mistake after mistake, my—Joyce. I can never apologize enough for the damage I caused and I do not believe there is a way I can ever atone for my errors.” He opened his eyes to stare at her once again. “Tell me how to earn your forgiveness and I shall do whatever you desire.”
It was Joyce’s turn to shut Kede out of her vision. She really didn’t care to be treated like an object nor did she like the silences and secrets, but dear God—bright light, whatever—how could she fault a man who’d been denied for so long. Okay, she could fault him then. But now that she knew him as a man, leader, and protector… The Doshans put so many limitations on their warriors. Kede saw a way to make himself happy while doing his duty to choose a female. His actions were clumsy and went against protocol, but if a man dying of thirst is presented with a hundred glasses of water and told to choose one, he wouldn’t care about the circumstances. He just wanted to drink.
Of course, Joyce was a walking, talking, very fluffy glass of water.
She released some of her resentment, some of the anger she’d clutched like a soothing blanket over the last several weeks. Holding it tightly hadn’t solved any of her problems. Neither had retaining the distance between herself and Kede. When all was said and done, she was a Doshan female. Her old life was gone. Now she needed to focus on making a new one.
Joyce slowly rose to her feet and eased away from the table, holding back a small chuckle when Kede fought to do the same. The panic on his features would have been comical had the situation not been so serious. She was making a decision and years from now she’d look back at this time and point to this very moment.
This was the turning point in Joyce Enner’s life. Not when she was taken aboard the Vehly, or when healed for the first time. Not even when she received her implant or when Martins tried to kidnap her.
Of course, being turned into a Doshan was a big blip on life’s radar. Plus, there was the recent drama. But things were about to change for her. Whether it was good or bad, she didn’t know.
Joyce slowly extended her hand toward Kede and he stared as if it were a deadly snake. She wiggled her fingers. “Hold my hand.”
Still watching her, his gaze flicking from her face to her arm and back again, he slowly wrapped his fingers around hers. She gently raised and lowered their conjoined hands in a gentle handshake.
“Hi, my name is Joyce Enner. I used to be Terran but I’m Doshan now. I miss my plants, but living on the Vehly is neat. I met this guy down on Terra and he brought me here. I thought he was kinda hot before things blew up and got all dramatic. Maybe he and I can spend some time together with a little less pain and intrigue and a little more talking. Maybe the occasional kiss.”
Kede’s eyes shifted from suspicious to wary and then finally a hint of a smile lingered on his lips. When she mentioned kissing, his eyes turned molten and seductive.
“I know of kissing.”
So like a man. Doshan or Terran, they had their minds on whatever
would get them to the finish line. Shit. She wondered if he was a virgin. She so didn’t want to try and initiate a big, hulking, six-plus feet of male into the art of lovemaking.
She pushed the worry aside. It wasn’t like they were going to get down and dirty tomorrow. They could figure that out later. For now, she had to deal with the kiss-crazed man in front of her.
“I bet you do,” she drawled. “Let’s start with talking about things other than why I’m mad and what information I’m missing. We can go from there.”
Another frown. She wondered if he ever did anything else.
“There is much you should know. Things are happening and there are steps we must complete so you are protected. There is more than the attempts on your life.”
“More than the attempts on my life? More?” She sighed and dropped her head back so she could stare at the gray ceiling. She should see if the systems could replicate paint. She wasn’t really a painter, but anything was better than gray.
At this point, even baby-shit green was better.
“Yes, I must explain the Houses and markings.” He stared at their joined hands and she did the same.
He was so strong, so large, his hand encompassing hers without any effort. Yet he was gentle, holding her with hardly any pressure. His gaze remained intent on where they touched and finally he focused on her. “I wish to sit and speak with you, but I do not want to release you. It is…” He licked his lips and she noted the slight tremble that vibrated through her hand. “I shall be honest.” He stood straight, chest forward and shoulders back as if he presented himself for inspection. “It is the first time you have touched me without force. I do not wish to lose your touch.”
It wasn’t sweet, whispered words that rang hollow in her ears. No, she’d had enough of that on Terra. This was straightforward and to the point. No subterfuge.
And she liked that. A lot. Even if it was stilted and awkward.
“Then you won’t.” She tightened her fingers and gently tugged on him. “Grab the loshee and we’ll sit on your couch.”
Like all other Terran terms, he mouthed the word as if committing it to memory for future use. He did not repeat it aloud. No, he was too busy grabbing her loshee and doing as she asked.
Hand in hand, they walked to his couch and settled on the soft surface to share her dessert. She’d been right to leave it untouched. Because, well, this was a celebration of sorts.
Chapter Nineteen
Kede held her hand through the loshee and while it was nothing new to his taste buds, he enjoyed watching Joyce consume what she called “dessert.” She moaned and groaned with each new bite, closing her eyes as if she embraced rapture.
Every sound further hardened his cawk until he ached for the petite woman. But he remained in place, resting on the cow-ch with her hand cradled in his.
They spoke for many hours, skin against skin as he explained the world he’d dragged her into. With each word, he cringed anew, furious at himself over his actions.
Damn him to the darkness, he was a selfish bastard.
What is a harae?
The question was easy to answer. She was the very heart of a male. He did not know happiness until he mated his harae.
And I’m that? Your heart?
He’d stiffened his spine and answered with his true feelings. Yes, despite their rough beginnings, he recognized her as his. While she termed their culture barbaric in many ways, he refused to back down from his decision.
She was his and he was determined to woo her. Once she selected a House, he would petition her Holder of House for permission to join. If she resolved to establish her own House, he requested the opportunity to prove himself as a fierce protector and excellent provider.
She did not immediately say no and he took heart in that fact.
Was I ever truly your possession?
No. Never. It was a status required by law. He admitted he’d demanded the males retain their distance. That had been out of his possessive feelings and her protection. Kede was not the only warrior on a ship who did not know how to interact with females. There were over two thousand males who had done nothing more than look at a female Doshan after the age of eight when they began their training.
They remembered their mother’s love and the lust they felt when near a woman.
A female offers the comfort and warmth of love while sating the male’s lust.
It is dangerous to have one on the ship, surrounded by males.
It’d been hours and while she’d learned much from him, he’d learned even more from her.
Like the fact she had no House. The Enners left Joyce unprotected from the elements and she was forced to seek shelter with others who’d been abandoned as younglings.
She was an or-fan and had never been a-dop-ted.
She had few friends and none of these pets she spoke of though she had wished for a dog. He made a mental note to speak with Resane to see if a dog could be safely brought aboard ship. He hoped it was not a large beast the males would see as excellent prey.
Now their evening was drawing to an end. Her head dipped even now and he glanced at the timekeeper. Many hours had passed since Yare brought them sustenance and it was very late indeed. He should carry her to her rooms and secure her for the night.
Yet that would involve releasing her. He was not yet ready to let go.
He allowed himself to be a selfish bastard a little longer.
Kede rubbed his thumb along her inner wrist, feeling her strong pulse against the pad of his digit. Her skin was soft and smooth, no evidence of hard labor marring her flesh. He had seen so many vids of females performing the tasks of males and he was glad his Joyce never endured such hardships. Her soul was battered by her past, but she was not physically marred by her life.
He admitted some of the bruising her heart took was due to his actions.
He would fix things.
Even if she did not choose him as her harau.
Joyce released a snuffling snore, and he grinned. The low sound reminded him of sleeping in the barracks when he was in training.
Her head dipped, easing toward the back of his cow-ch and he knew it was time to end their evening. He ached to slide her into his bed, but he knew enough to realize that would upset her. She would not choose him if he continued to make selfish mistakes.
Jerking his head in a nod, he made his decision. He would take Joyce to her rooms next door, secure her with his own codes, and then leave her.
He did not believe he would sleep through the night.
Perhaps he should simply remain outside her door. Invading her space would upset her, but remaining near could not violate her privacy.
Yes, that was the perfect idea.
He carefully released her and dug through a drawer to find his emergency kit. There was an emergency covering that would satisfy his needs for an evening. Tomorrow he would speak with the supplies department to see if there was something more suitable to sleeping outside her door.
Wrapped blanket in hand, he returned to Joyce and carefully roused her.
“Joyce,” he whispered her name. “You must rise, my harae.” He winced the moment the term left his lips, but he could do nothing for its release. “It is time to return to your rooms.”
Joyce snuffled again and she slowly opened her eyes, blinking rapidly until more focused orbs met his. “Kede? Huh?”
“You fell asleep as we spoke. It is time for you to return to your rooms.”
With the end of his sentence, he noted the falling of her expression. As if she were saddened to be returning to her space. She had demanded the rooms, and that they be secured against all. He was unsure why she would be disappointed at being escorted to her space.
“My rooms. Right.” She nodded, but the sadness prevailed.
“Joyce? Do you not wish to return? I will do as you ask.” He held his breath, praying she wanted to remain. He did not allow his hopes to rise very far in case she was about to pummel them into the gr
ound.
“No, going to my room is a good idea.” She sounded reluctant, but he did not try to change her mind.
He’d already treated her as less than a Doshan female in the past. He would not do so now. Company was at the female’s discretion. She wished to return and she would.
Kede held out his hand for her, waiting for her to place her palm over his. He assisted her from his cow-ch and led her toward the door. He still clutched his emergency covering in his other hand and he tightened his hold. Her skin against his… It was as if he’d been welcomed by the bright light. There was never something he enjoyed more.
Not even the last hug and warm smile from his mother rivaled this touch.
The panels parted for them and he examined the hallway before drawing her from his suite. It took moments to pad the twenty feet that separated their doors and there they stood for a moment and then two.
He waited for her to grant herself entrance and yet she still didn’t.
“Joyce?” He furrowed his brow. “Is something wrong?”
Her gaze was focused on their joined hands he suddenly felt as if he’d done something wrong, that he’d offended her by touching her without permission.
He quickly eased his pressure and moved to slide free of her grasp. “I am sorry, I presumed too much.”
Joyce shook her head and raised her attention to him. He noted the wide smile that graced her lips and the brightness of her eyes. “No, I was just… enjoying this part.”
“Which part?” His frown remained.
“Being walked to my door after a date. Even if Doshans don’t do that, it just felt… nice.”
“Date?” He mouthed the word again. “You mentioned this before.”
“Yeah,” she shrugged. “When two people who like each other more than friends spend time together. To see if they enjoy being together.”
“We did this date?” He narrowed his eyes.
She gave him a rueful grin and tugged free of his touch. “I thought we had, but I guess not.”