Blake let go of the roller and caught Aqua around the wrist before she could retreat through the door. As he pulled her back in, her body tensed in his grasp. His lips coasted along the curve of her neck, resting on her erratic pulse. He knew exactly what he was doing, and the effect it was having.
“Why do you still shy away from me?” he nuzzled into her neck.
“I don't.” She moaned as she turned her head to meet his lips with her own.
“Yeah, you do.” Blake smiled as he broke the kiss. He then looked into her eyes deeply. “You're not really thirsty, are you?”
“No.” Aqua tilted her head toward his for another kiss. Blake obliged, and several minutes later the last bedroom wall was still void of paint. Aqua took a deep breath as she pulled away, forcing air into her lungs. “Blake, it's late, I can finish this up myself tomorrow.” She brushed her thumb across the curve of his cheek. “You need your rest, and we both have busy days ahead of us.”
“I like spending every possible minute with you.” Blake searched her eyes. “Are you going to shy away from that too?”
“No. I’m not shying away from anything.” But her eyes told a different story, and she backed up against the wall.
“Wait.” Blake caught her shoulders and looked into her eyes again. “I'm serious, Aqua. I want to know where we stand. Every time we start to get close, really close, you back away.”
“I think we’re standing here in my bedroom.” She laughed. “Isn’t that enough?” She could tell he wasn’t going to let her get away with it.
“No. Not for me.” Blake brushed her hair back behind her shoulders, and she closed her eyes, shocked at how desperately she craved him. “I'm all in, Aqua, and I want to know that you are too. If it's too fast, I understand, but I'd like to know where your head is at.”
Aqua opened her eyes and watched a shadow cross his features. “I'm all in too, Blake. I don’t think we need to rush anything, but I'm not interested in dating anyone else if that’s what you mean.” A flush crept into her cheeks.
“Good.” He smiled as he pulled her close again. “I’ll take that—for now.” Blake leaned in for another kiss.
Aqua turned so he had to kiss her cheek, and moved toward the door.
“Okay, I guess that’s my cue.” Blake moved to the door with her. She glanced at his face when they reached the living room and the disappointment was evident. “I’ll be going now.” He gave Aqua a sad smile. “Good night, Aqua. Sweet dreams.”
When Aqua heard the front door close, she collapsed on the couch. She felt like she had hurt Blake again, but something had held her back. It had felt so good to be in his arms, so why had she stopped?
Something hung over her like a dark shadow. When she heard the sound of the engine outside, she rushed to the door. By the time she reached it, she only caught a glimpse of the red of his taillights. She ran back into the house and grabbed her phone.
Aqua grappled with what to do, what to say. Sorry just seemed to be so lame. What would she be apologizing for, anyway? The fact that she wasn’t ready to go deeper with him yet? Was it such a crime to take things slowly? Aqua thought of the past weeks. They had been halcyon days, full of normal moments, hard work, lots of laughter, sweet kisses and cuddling. Aqua was confused. What was keeping her from the next step? Why was she so afraid?
Aqua placed the phone back on the table and moved through the living room. She closed the front door she had left open in her haste to get her phone. Nodding, Aqua made up her mind. “Thanks, mom for your whacky ways,” she whispered as she entered her mediation room. Aqua lit a few candles. After, she settled herself down on the mat her mom had given her and closed her eyes.
Within moments, she was calm. Aqua could only hear the sound of her breath that flowed deeply in through her nose, out through her lungs, and back again. With each exhalation, she voided the negative and inhaled the good. Blake’s words, “I’ll be going now,” reverberated in her cranium. They had sounded so morbid and final.
Chapter 14
The words, “I’ll be going now,” followed Aqua through her days over the next week.
Busy with clients, requests from her parents, she hadn't seen Blake once, or even heard much from him. They had exchanged a few meaningless texts here and there, but no phone calls. No visits.
As she turned the lock on her door, Aqua glanced at her phone again. Was it possible that he was just as busy as she was? Or was he avoiding her? There was always time for a quick phone call. Aqua was adamant that she wasn’t going to let pride get in the way—they were adults, not children, so she sent Blake a quick text.
How are you?
After several minutes she checked her phone and saw no reply. She knew that he should be officially off work already, although he had explained that as a ‘concierge doctor’, he was returning to an updated model of the doctors of old, who did house calls for their patients, and handled all the patient care rather than handing it off to a nurse or PA.
As much as Aqua didn't like to be paranoid over unreturned texts, she couldn't get the thought of him out her mind. Their last parting had been so strange. One moment they were in a heated embrace that could have led to even more passion, and the next, they were strangers or worse—two people who had just broken up. Feeling like this had been predominantly her fault, Aqua decided to send him another text.
Haven’t seen you in like ages. Do you have time to get together tonight?
Aqua realized that she sounded like she was begging, but she didn’t care. Her instincts told her that if you want something in life, you have to make that clear to the universe. Her mom had taught her that.
A few seconds later her cell phone rang. Aqua snatched it up; breathless and hoping that it was Blake. “Hi, I'm sorry I haven't been in touch I just…” Aqua was about to lay all the blame on herself that they hadn’t seen one another…
“Aqua, it's Mom. I'm sorry to ask this, but we really need your help. There's a heavy rainstorm coming in, and your father is determined that he can handle everything on his own, but you know his back is tweaked and…”
“I'll be right over, Mom. No worries.” Aqua hung up the phone. In her haste to grab her coat and car keys, she didn't notice that Blake had replied to her text. As she drove out to her parent's farm, she worried about what they might be facing with the impending rainfall. Aqua arrived just as the first drops of rain began to fall. Within moments, it became a deluge. At her father's side, she managed to shore up the garden and get the goats into the shelter of the barn. Soaked to the bone, Aqua stepped into the kitchen and found her mother waiting with hot tea ready.
“Here you go, sweetie.” She handed it over. “And you might want to check your phone, it's been ringing off the hook.”
“My phone?” Aqua blinked. Then she recalled passing it to her mother to take inside. Only then did she recall the text she had sent Blake. Aqua’s heart dropped as she picked up the phone and saw that there were several missed calls from him. There was also a text replying to hers that said he would be over in ten minutes. “Oh no.” She sighed.
“What’s wrong? Blake?” Miri leaned in to look at her daughter’s phone. “Is he bothering you?”
“No, Mom. Of course not. Why would you even think that?” Aqua rolled her eyes.
“Sometimes it's hard to tell. Some men don't show their true colors until they have you wrapped around their finger.”
“Blake is a very good guy, Mom.” Aqua frowned as she looked up at her mother. “I'm the one who is mistreating him, though I didn't mean to. I'd better get home.”
“All right, sweetie. Thanks for your help.” She reached out and took her hand. “Just keep in mind, some people can be hard to predict. And make sure that you dry off so you don’t catch a cold.”
“Listen, Mom. I know that you're not that fond of Blake or his family, but I am. I knew him when I was a teenager, and I know him now. I know who he is on the inside. He’s a good man with a good heart,” Aqua stated wit
h more frustration in her voice than she’d intended.
“Oh?” Her mother’s eyes widened.
“Yes.” The word buzzed past Aqua’s lips without a second thought. “Good night, Mom. I love you.” Aqua turned and walked out of her parents’ house and toward her car without looking back. The rain finally let up a little, but she was still soaking wet by the time she pulled into her driveway. To her surprise, Blake's car was there. She hadn't expected him to wait. He stood under the overhang near the front door and watched as she stepped out of the car. “Blake, I'm so sorry.”
“You're soaked.” Blake passed his gaze along her clothes until their eyes met. “You should get inside. Where have you been?” His voice had an edge to it.
“Blake, I’m sorry.” Aqua felt the tension of his muscles as she placed her hand on his arm. Yes, he was angry, there was no question about that. “I'm very sorry. I had to go and help my parents with the farm—there were a few things my Dad couldn’t do without my help and right now he won’t let Mom do anything,” she pleaded.
“Are you always going to do that for them, rescue them?” Blake turned back to look into her eyes. “They're adults, Aqua. You don't have to take care of them. What happened to your invitation to me?”
“Excuse me?” Aqua let her hand fall away from his arm. “They always took care of me. They took wonderful care of me. Of course, I’ll help them when they need it.”
“Did they? By filling your head with illusions and fantasies? In the real world, Aqua, when you ignore someone, it sends a message. When you invite someone over, don't bother to be there, then ignore their calls—what do you expect? All you had to do was tell me that you weren't interested or available. What was the point behind your texts, anyway?” He narrowed his eyes as he studied her. “Is this a game to you? Am I the only one taking this seriously?”
“Of course not.” Aqua bit on her bottom lip as she tried to sort through the mixture of emotions rushing to the surface. Maybe her mother was right. Maybe she was blinded by what she wanted to see. “How could you talk about my parents like that?” She asked, her voice defeated.
“I'm just telling you the truth, Aqua.” He reached out to take her hand. “It's okay, I know that you love them, but that doesn't mean you have to get caught up in their nonsense.”
“No.” Aqua jerked her hand back from his touch. “Don't. You have no idea who they are, and yet you are so quick to judge them?” She fought the anger that burned through her. “My mother and father, they would walk across the fire for me. They love me in a way that you could never understand because maybe you have never been loved that way.” As soon as the words left her lips, she regretted it. She knew she had gone too far.
“Really? My parents love me just fine. You think because their love is shown differently from yours that they don’t?” Blake rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. The action made the muscles swell. It was distracting, and Aqua closed her eyes for a minute to refocus.
“Would they if you weren't a doctor, Blake? What if you failed at everything you tried? Would they love you still?” Aqua stared hard into his eyes.
“I would never let that be my life.”
“Well for the record, Blake, I chose a path that went against everything my parents believed in. But not once did they question or abandon me. They supported me, and loved me, no matter what. There is nothing crazy about that. I think, maybe all of this was a mistake.” She took a deep breath. “Maybe you should go.”
"So, that's it?" He stared at her, his jaw clenched, and his gaze sharped.
"I think it's for the best, Blake." Aqua took a step back from him, she’d begun to shiver despite every nerve in her body craving his touch. "Maybe we were trying to force something that just shouldn't be." She wrapped her arms tightly around her middle. “Maybe there was a reason why it didn’t work out all those years ago.”
"Or maybe you're just too scared. Just like you were when we were kids, and just like you were when you first saw me again." Blake stepped closer to her, so close that the skin of his forearm brushed against the curve of hers. "I let you go once, I don’t want to do it again."
"Blake." She squeezed her eyes shut. It was impossible to be pragmatic when he was near. Why was it that he could infuriate her so intensely and drive her crazy with desire all at the same time? But she couldn’t ignore the ache deep in her stomach, and it had nothing to do with her feelings about Blake, but rather his feelings about her parents. They were a package deal. "I'm not going to stand by and listen as you insult my family. That is not an option."
"Is that what this is about?" Blake brushed the silk of his palm along the curve of her cheek. When she turned her head away from his touch, he rested his hand on her shoulder. "Aqua, at least tell me the truth. Is that too much to ask?"
"They're not bad people, Blake, regardless of what you think. If you just took the time to get to know them, to learn more about some things they do, you might realize that their goal is the same as yours. They want to help people."
"They want to con them." Blake narrowed his eyes. "I know you don't understand that but…"
"You're the one that doesn't understand." Aqua brushed his hand off of her shoulder and took a step back, anger dripping from her voice. "You think the only thing that has merit is what you can see and touch and taste. But you're not the only person on this planet with eyes, or fingertips, or a tongue. Everyone sees things a little differently, Blake. It's not as simple as right or wrong, or valid or invalid. It's a matter of belief and passion. When my mother creates a tincture for someone, she does it with love, faith, and confidence in her ability to help them to be well. Never once has she caused any harm to anyone who came to her for help."
"It harms them to turn their back on traditional medicine. It harms them to turn their noses up at scientific proof." Blake threw his hands up into the air. "How can you deny that? Those are cold hard facts!"
"And what about the people who have been harmed by traditional medicine? Have you ever thought about that?" Aqua took a deep breath and forced herself to remain calm. "Why don't you go speak to Glenda Powers about how traditional medicine helped her? She almost lost her life to it. Now she goes to my mother for medicine when she needs it, and because my mother caters each tincture to her specific needs. She's never had a bad reaction to it. She can finally live a pain-free life and can function again normally. Are you going to tell me that's all in my mother's head too?"
"No." Blake sighed and rubbed his hand across the back of his neck. "I'm familiar with Glenda's case. But her reaction was rare, and not something that happens to most people."
"That may be the case, but why be so dismissive of a modality that can help when traditional medicine couldn’t?" Aqua frowned as she sought his eyes. "What are you really so angry about, Blake? Isn't it possible that you were angry at me and took that anger out on my parents?"
"What?" He stared at her incredulously. "Is that what you really think?"
"I don't know what to think. You're intelligent, compassionate, and an amazing person, and yet you're fixated on the idea that my parents are none of those things. Don't you see that when you view them that way, you're viewing me that way as well?"
"No, that's not true." Blake caught her hand with his and pulled her close. "Your nothing like them."
"But I am." Aqua’s gaze held a deep sadness. "I may not be exactly like them, and I wouldn’t choose the path they have for my life, but you know what, Blake? I’m proud of them. They taught me to love and to accept others for who they are. They taught me to follow my dreams and never be satisfied with anything less than true love and respect. They molded me Blake, and I am so grateful to them for it. Sure, some of their ideas may seem a little strange, even to me, but I know that they are doing those things out of love, and from a desire to help others, not to cause them any harm. If you can't see that, then there is no point in continuing anything between us. I'm not interested in just having a good time. If you truly h
ave such a narrow and limited view of the world, then there is no way this relationship will ever work."
“Maybe you're right.” Blake sighed as he ran his hand down his face. He looked haggard and drawn.
As he turned to leave, the rain started to fall again in a torrent. Aqua watched as he walked through her door and toward his car. His shirt became translucent in the porch light as the rain soaked through it. As much as she wanted to remain angry, Aqua couldn't ignore the sorrow that swept through her. When he opened the door to his SUV, she was certain that she would never feel his arms around her again. Aqua found herself at the end of the walkway. He looked over the top of the door at her and despite the darkness, and the rain, she could see the sadness in his eyes.
“Go inside, Aqua. Take a hot shower and get warm.” With those words, spoken like a doctor, and not her boyfriend, he turned and got into his car, backing slowly down the driveway, and away.
“Blake.” His name slipped from her lips, an instinctive reaction. She wasn’t sure how long she stood there in the rain; when her body began to shiver uncontrollably, she turned and went inside.
* * *
The next few weeks passed uneventfully and Aqua kept herself busy with setting up her office, networking with small and medium-sized businesses, and going through the motions of life. She had no appetite, and her parents mentioned with worry-filled faces that it looked like she had lost weight. She didn’t really care. It was as if a piece of her heart left with Blake that night, and she found herself pushing the memory of his words away, they were too painful to hold in her mind.
Was there any rejection more painful than the realization that the person you loved more than you even knew was possible had so completely and utterly rejected the people closest to you and thereby rejected you too? Aqua didn’t think so.
She had questioned whether she would ever find a love as beautiful, sweet and lasting as her parents’ love, and just when she thought she had possibly found something every bit as wonderful, it was torn away with heartless and careless words.
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