Even though I’m nervous as hell about seeing him after the way we left things last, I have to admit my stomach is full of butterflies knowing I’m going to see him in a couple hours. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t missed him.
***
I finished up my workout a little early so I’d have time to shower before I see Landon. After I’m dried off, I grab my clothes and go into a bathroom stall to change. I’ve never quite gotten to the point where I can change in front of people comfortably. The terrible experiences I had in gym class are hard to shake, no matter how much weight I’ve lost.
The girls would whisper and laugh at me in class, that was nothing new, but one day really sticks out in my mind. I always went to the very last row of lockers to change. Usually, I was by myself since I didn’t have any friends. I had just taken off my gym shirt and was trying to get into my regular clothes as quickly as possible so that no one would see me. Valerie and her friends walked to my end of the lockers and she said, “Sorry, I didn’t realize there was livestock in here. Can we take a picture of you in your habitat? We’ve never been this close to a cow before.” She pulled a camera out from behind her back and snapped a picture before I got a chance to cover myself completely. The girls walked away laughing while I threw on my clothes and ran out of there. Once I got outside, I ran to the bushes and expelled all the contents of my stomach. I was so upset, it was making me physically sick. Still, I refused to cry and give those bitches more ammunition against me. I heard they were showing the picture to the girls in the locker room, but the gym teacher saw it and took her camera. She had to have her mom come get it or something, but she was never punished.
I’m so lost in thought that I didn’t hear anyone come in, so when I walk out of the stall the person I see startles me, and that nauseous feeling comes back.
“This is the last place I’d expect to see you,” Valerie says, her arms crossed over her chest.
We’re not in high school anymore and I’ll be damned if I let her intimidate me like she did before. “Can I help you with something?” I lean my side against the frame of the stall, trying to appear bored and nonchalant by her presence, but really, my skin is crawling having to look at the person who caused me so much sorrow in the past.
“Actually you can. You can stay away from my husband. He doesn’t want you and is just using you to get back at me for dating someone else. Although,” she pauses and looks me up and down, “if he was trying to make me jealous, he could’ve at least picked someone attractive.” She snarls at me to emphasize her point.
I stand up straight, towering over her petite frame. “If that’s the case, then he can tell me that himself. But the way I see it, you’re just a gold-digging whore looking for a meal ticket. So if you’ll move, I really need to be on my way now.” I inch past her, brushing her shoulder in the process.
She lets out a wicked laugh, but it’s her words that make me stop. “He really does have you fooled. You think Landon is this good guy who sees you for the new and improved Autumn? You are so naive. Who do you think helped plan all those pranks? And that video that was passed around? Who do you think recorded it? You may have lost all that weight, but he’ll always see you as Porky, just like the rest of this town. So let me give you some advice,” the sound of her heels against the tile tells me she’s moving closer. “Walk away and leave with what little dignity you have left.” I never turn to face her as she says this. With tears brimming my eyes, I keep going and walk out the door.
Rushing through the gym, my eyes are downcast to keep people from seeing that I’m on the verge of crying. No, Landon couldn’t have done those things, right? Am I falling for the same shit because an attractive guy is showing me attention? Oh God, it’s like the whole Chad stunt all over again.
My eyes are still trained on the ground when I push through the doors. Suddenly, I plow into a hard surface and almost fall on my ass from the unexpected collision. A firm grip lands on my arm, keeping me upright. Looking up, I’m met with worried eyes.
“You okay? What’s wrong?” Landon asks. His eyes start to scan the area, probably looking for the person that upset me. Too bad that person is him.
I yank my arm free from his grasp. “Don’t touch me!”
He holds his hands up in surrender. “Whoa, what happened?” His eyebrows are drawn down in confusion.
“You’re what happened.” I push his chest, putting more distance between us. “Did you think it was funny to take the former fat girl out on a date? Is this some kind of good deed, or another sick fucking joke? How could you do that to me!? Do you even care how much I suffered in high school because of the shit you were a part of? What did I ever do to you to deserve being treated like I was a piece of fucking trash? Huh?!” All the blood rushes to my head in my fit of rage. I’m screaming and everyone is staring, but I don’t care. This is the lowest level of deceit and he’s lucky I don’t kick him in the fucking balls.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Autumn. Why don’t you calm down and we can talk about what’s upsetting you.” His words are soft and slow, like I’m a small child he’s trying not to frighten.
“Go to hell, Landon, and stay the fuck away from me. I never want to see you again.” I storm past him intent on getting to my car before I break down in front of everyone, but Landon snags me by the elbow.
“Just wait. I don’t—“
“I swear to God if you don’t get your hands off of me I will castrate you.” The look I give him must be lethal because he quickly lets go as if my skin is on fire. Once I get to my car, I slide in and start the ignition. I pull out onto the road and let the dam break free. All those years of holding it in has finally taken its toll with this last blow to my heart. I’m forced to pull over into a parking lot since I can’t see through the blurry vision my tears have created. Leaning my head on the steering wheel, I let it all out. I cry for what feels like hours, letting the pieces of my heart fall out slowly, tear by tear.
What the fuck just happened? Standing in the middle of the parking lot, I watch her car speed off as my mouth gapes open. I’m so confused by everything, my mind is having a hard time processing it and I have no idea where to go.
“Wow, she’s really upset. I wonder what that was all about,” I hear an all too familiar voice say from behind me. The sound of it grates on my nerves, and I know without a doubt she’s responsible for this somehow.
Spinning around quickly, I yell, “What the fuck did you say to her, Val?”
Her eyes go wide and her mouth hangs open a little as she tries to look innocent. I know better, though. “I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I stalk up to her until I’m invading her personal space, my body vibrating with anger. “Don’t play fucking games with me right now. I warned you to stay away from her, didn’t I? Now tell me, what the hell did you say to her? I will not ask you again.”
Staring at me with unblinking eyes, she waits a few moments before she answers. “Relax, I only told her the truth.”
At any moment I’m about to lose it. My eyes close and I breathe deeply in through my nose. “What truth would that be?” I question through my teeth. Opening my eyes, I take another calming breath in an attempt to not flip my shit on her.
“That you helped pull all those pranks on her in high school.” She shrugs like what she said is no big deal, but I know it’s the fucking end for me. There’s no way in hell Autumn is going to get over this.
“You did what?!” I shout. “I had nothing to do with any of that shit!”
“Well, she doesn’t know that, now does she?” I’m seeing red. No, I’m on the verge of blacking out from all the fury that’s rolling through my veins right now. Never in my life have I wanted to hit a woman, but this is definitely the exception.
My feet carry me backwards, putting distance between us for fear of snapping on her. “You’re going to pay for this, Valerie. I swear if it’s the last thing I do, if it takes every
goddamn dime I have, you will be so fucking sorry you did this.” Jogging back to my car, I don’t spare Valerie another glance as I get in my car and race toward Autumn’s house.
Picking up the phone, I dial my lawyer’s number. It goes to voicemail after a few rings, so I leave a message. “Don’t give that bitch a fucking thing. The house, nothing,” then I hang up.
***
Pulling up to Autumn’s house, I don’t see her car in the driveway but I get out and knock on her front door anyway. Rocking back and forth on my heels, I listen for any kind of noise but hear nothing. After a few more attempts, I jump down the porch steps and run a few doors down to Layla’s house. I pound on her door and wait for her to answer.
“Hey, Landon. What’s up?”
“Have you seen Autumn?”
“Nooo,” she drawls out. “Why? Is she in trouble?” Her tone quickly changes to one of worry, instantly becoming alarmed.
“No, she was told a bunch of lies and I need to find her and tell her the truth.” The thought of her thinking I’m capable of doing that to anyone has my stomach in knots. Does she really think so little of me?
“Well I haven’t seen or heard from her.” At that moment, I hear a car coming down the street. I look over in time to see Autumn pulling into her driveway. Sprinting back to her house, I catch her before she can make it up the porch steps. Grabbing her shoulders, I turn her so she’s facing me. When I get a good look at her, I can tell she’s been crying. Her tear stained face is splotchy and red, her eyes are swollen, and she’s still sniffling. The sight of her this way breaks my heart into two, especially knowing that I’m indirectly responsible for making her feel that way.
She tries to pull away, but I tighten my grip on her. “Wait, please, I know what Valerie said to you and you need to hear me out. I just need five minutes of your time.” When she doesn’t say anything, I repeat, “Please.”
“There’s nothing…for you…to explain.” Her words come out choppy as she hiccups her way through them. Another indication that she had been crying a lot.
Lowering myself to her eye level, I say, “Yes, there is. Everything Valerie told you is a lie. I never did any of those things to you.”
She rolls her eyes at me and sniffles some more. “Okay, Landon. Sure…you didn’t. I told you…that I didn’t…want to see you…anymore.”
“I know, but I had to tell you the truth. Valerie’s making all that shit up to tear us apart.”
Wiggling herself free from my grasp, she locks eyes with me, “I don’t want to…hear it. Leave me…alone.” She walks into the house and slams the door behind her, shutting me out.
Right when I think things are finally looking up for me, I get dick punched and knocked back down. I run my hands in my hair and grab the ends, pulling them in frustration. Turning away from the house, I stare out into the street in a state of bewilderment.
“What did you do to her?” I’m pulled from my state of shock by Layla, who has now walked down the street and is standing next to me.
Releasing my hair, I drop my hands to my side. “I didn’t do anything. Valerie got to her and put it in her head that I was part of the group that made fun of her in school.”
“Shit,” she utters under her breath.
“Yeah, shit. I don’t know what to do. She won’t hear me out. How could she think I’d do something like that?”
“We’re not all the same as we were as kids, Landon. There are a lot of people in this town that participated in the bullying and talk to her now like none of it happened. They might have forgotten, but she,” she pauses to point at Autumn’s house, “definitely hasn’t.”
“But that’s not me!” I shout. My hands clench into fists as rage and desperation set in. Someone has to see that I was never involved in those vicious pranks.
She studies me for a moment before responding. “I believe you, but my opinion isn’t the one that matters.
“Will you talk to her? Please. It’s killing me knowing that she’s crying and upset over something she thinks I did and I can’t hold and comfort her. Please talk to her.”
She sighs. “Okay, I’ll talk to her. But I can’t make any promises. She’s pretty traumatized by her childhood and tries hard to bury it. I know Valerie just resurfaced years of bad memories with her little stunt. How you ever married that twat is beyond me.” She shakes her head and heads up toward Autumn’s house. I stand there and watch, hoping to catch a glimpse of her when she opens the door. I’m disappointed when Layla doesn’t knock and just walks in.
Rubbing at my chest in an attempt to dull the ache that resides there, I walk slowly to my car. Once I’m seated, I rest my head against the steering wheel. How the hell am I going to convince her that I’m not at fault here? I don’t know the answer to that yet, but I do know that I’m going to strangle that bitch Valerie for causing this.
“Put. The ice cream. Down.” Layla walks up behind me while I have my head in the freezer, sneaking a bite of comfort food. I haven’t used food as a way to deal with my emotions in quite a while, but old habits die hard. Sighing, I drop the pint of ice cream back in the freezer and chuck my spoon into the sink.
Facing her, I squint my eyes at her and place my hands on my hips hoping she sees that I’m annoyed. Before I can say anything, she beats me to it. “Come out with me tonight,” Layla whines. “It’ll do you some good and get you out of this funk.”
“I’m not in a funk, Lay, I just don’t feel like driving 30 minutes out of town to some silly bar where guys think it’s cool to pop their collars.” I plop down on my couch, having no intentions of getting out of my sweatpants and t-shirt.
“It might help you get over—“
“Don’t say it.” I warn her, holding up my hand. Pressing her lips together, she moves her hand across them like she’s zipping it shut. I haven’t talked to Landon in the last month since my run in with Valerie. The possibility of him helping plot the harassment I endured on a daily basis is gut-wrenching. He hasn’t given up, though. Every morning there’s a single tulip lying on my porch with a handwritten note. On the rare occasion that I allow myself to block out all the bad, I think back to the first time he gave me a tulip. It was our first date and it was probably the happiest I had ever been. It’s a bittersweet memory, since the dark cloud of lies and deceit hang over it, almost blocking it out entirely.
I know he says he didn’t do those things, and part of me believes him. I just can’t take the risk. It’s one thing to have people in your town make fun of you. It’s something completely different when you find out it came from a person you care about and is supposed to care about you. Doubts about us were already plaguing my mind. Add this on top of everything else and I don’t know how I’ll move past it. Our relationship would be built on a foundation full of doubts and mistrust, and that would only result in disaster.
“Pleeeeease.” Layla is persistent, I’ll give her that.
“Seriously, I don’t feel like it. I’d have to shower, shave, get ready; I just don’t want to go.”
“Fine.” Crossing her arms over her chest, she pouts like a petulant teenager. “I’ll just stay in with you then.”
Folding my legs under me, I turn toward her. “You really don’t need to babysit me. I’m fine, I promise.”
“Autumn, you’ve been moping around here for a month now. Your apartment is starting to smell—“ I wrinkle my nose in offense—“and the only time you leave is to go to work. And you wouldn’t even do that if I didn’t convince you not to quit.” I called in sick the day after the big blow up since I didn’t want to see Brenda. I told Layla I was going to put in my resignation because it would be too hard to work with Landon’s mother. Layla talked me out of it, and I’m glad she did. Brenda has been really respectful of my privacy, but sometimes I can tell she’s dying to question me about Landon.
“I’m not moping, I’m just…relaxing.” It’s a lame attempt to cover up the fact that I have been a little sad lately.
&nbs
p; “Relaxing from what? Your busy social life? You need to live a little.”
“Okay, I’ll go out with you next time.” This pleases her because she flashes me a huge smile, seemingly proud of herself.
“I know what you need. You need to laugh, and I think I’ve got just the story for you.”
Teasing her, I roll my eyes. “Uh oh, another famous Layla story. Wonder what she has in store for us today,” I say sarcastically. Layla’s known for building up stories only for them to fall flat when she finally spits them out.
“No, this is a good one. Promise.” She moves around a little, getting comfortable on the couch. “You remember that guy I’m dating? David?” I nod. “So we’ve been getting hot and heavy for a little while now.”
“Wait,” Sitting up I interrupt her, “how long have you been seeing David?”
She looks up at the ceiling in deep thought. “About…a month or so. Why?”
“You just made it seem like you’ve been seeing him for longer and I wanted to make sure you weren’t holding out on me.”
“Never.” She winks and keeps going with her story. “So like I was saying, we’ve been doing the deed. A lot. He keeps asking to put it in my butt.” Thank God I’m not drinking anything, because I definitely would have spit it all over my living room.
My eyes widen in shock and disbelief. “I can’t believe you just said that. Geez, Layla, don’t you have a filter?”
“What?” she shrugs. “That’s what you love about me.”
“True. Continue.” I wave my hand, gesturing for her to keep talking as I try to mentally prepare for whatever she’s about to tell me.
“Anyway, so I keep telling him no. I’m up for adventure and trying new things, but I’m not down with putting it in my butt.” She shakes her head to emphasize her point. “That’s an exit only hole for me. But I started to feel bad because he seems to really want it, so I tried to meet him in the middle and compromise.”
“Let me guess, you let him put in just the tip.”
Tackled by Love Page 17