by Kiki Leach
“It was also quite an honest one -- ”
“No it wasn’t,” she replied.
She joined me on the bed and I moved over a little, shifting so as not to share her space.
“Why the distance?”
“I have needed time away from him, physically.”
“It’s almost the worst thing you can do to a man…. Why?”
I swallowed hard and exhaled deeply. It would be my first time admitting this aloud to anyone in months.
“I was pregnant and lost our child.”
She gasped and pulled back, placing a hand over her mouth. I looked over and she crinkled her brows.
“Is my son aware of this?”
“No. I have kept everything from him, the pregnancy as well as the miscarriage.”
“Why in God’s name--?”
“The night I had finally planned to inform Norvack I was with child is the same night I had miscarried. He had gone riding and I wished to surprise him with the news.” I paused. “By the time he returned, there was nothing left to surprise him with -- at least, not in the way we had both hoped.”
“Why didn’t you inform him as soon as you realized you were with child? Informing him could’ve saved you such personal devastation.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Neither do you. Why didn’t you inform him?”
“Because, I…”
“Because you what?” she snapped.
“Because I had been pregnant once before and miscarried!” I blurted. “And I feared long before it happened that the same would occur once again.”
She nodded. “And John was the father of that child.”
“Yes.” I got up from the bed and traipsed across the room, clutching my hands in one another. “I wish to have many children with your son, as many as my body can bear. But the fear of losing a child never escaped my thoughts. And the moment I learned I was pregnant, it was the first that came to me. But I wanted him to know, I was so desperate for him to learn that he would be a father to his own son. But I never had the chance.” I dropped my head. “I understand the need to protect Norvack from the truth, but after knowing of the king’s intentions, is it truly protecting him? Or hindering him from reacting as he should and taking action his own way? If I had the chance to change things, I would have informed him of all.”
“Why not now?” she asked, leaping toward me. “Why not inform my son of this truth now?”
“Too much time has passed--”
“It hasn’t. There is no matter of when this occurred, Cinderella. My son has every right to know the truth.”
“Hypocrisy, thy name is.”
“There is a mirror for you across the room, my dear.” She pointed. “Take a good, long look inside of it.”
I turned away and grit my teeth.
She took a step forward and slipped her fingers beneath my chin, lifting my face until I was forced to look into her eyes.
“This is your truth,” she proclaimed. “As this, is mine.”
I shoved her hand from my face and moved away.
“If I inform him of your truth, you shall inform him of mine, is that right?” I asked.
“I never said such words, Cinderella.”
“It was heavily implied and I don’t hear your denial of it. My losing our child is no more important than Norvack losing his life! Thus, losing another chance to conceive again. A miscarriage we can return from, his death we cannot!”
“Then inform him of it all and risk your place within the palace, as princess, as his wife, and mother of his child.”
“Norvack would never abandon me, not for this reason.” I straightened myself and gulped. “He would understand.”
“He would. But would the king if he were to learn that his son’s wife were unable to conceive an heir?”
“What does it matter if the prince is dead before it were to happen?” I crossed my arms over one another and laughed a little. “I find it so ironic that this man set all of this into motion. If it weren’t for him, Norvack never would’ve married me in the first place, and now he wants his own son dead.”
“If you hadn’t murdered Willem, Cinderella, there would’ve been no need for my son to marry anyone, let alone bear a child.”
She quickly covered her mouth and closed her eyes, immediately regretting her words.
My breathing became shallow the longer I stared at her pale face. I wasn’t surprised she knew, so much as relieved that it would be one less person I was forced to humor.
“How long have you known?”
She opened her eyes and dropped her hand. “Since the night it occurred.”
“Your son informed you?”
“No. You did. Each time Willem’s name was mentioned, you flinched. Or your face appeared sour or angered.” She took a breath. “When I saw your reaction to us in the square, I wondered. However, it wasn’t until you were inside the palace that I was so blatantly sure.”
“And you never spoke of it, why?”
She grinned wide and leaned her head. “It was never my place.”
“If the king learns of this--”
“He shall never learn it from me, Cinderella.” She placed an index finger to her lips and leaned forward. “Shhhh.”
A shiver traveled up and down my spine as I stared at her.
“Norvack isn’t aware that you know.”
She remained silent and I knew I had my answer.
I nodded and whirled away from her.
“Perhaps you’re right,” I said. “Perhaps it is all my fault. I am in fact the one to blame for it all. But it makes no matter and never did as Norvack is not Willem and Belarus has possibly always wanted him dead.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Neither do you, isn’t that right?” I shot back.
She grew angry, as if a giant ball of flames was leaping from her neck, preparing to drag her down straight to hell.
“He is a ROYAL!” she hollered, her face reddening. “Belarus wants another man in my son’s place, that is most certain. He chose John because of his alliance with the King of England, but John Devereux is not a member of any royal family and deep down, my husband is aware that the potential will weaken a throne he helped to build, as well as this country. He despises Norvack because he isn’t Willem. But a child of royal blood may change all of that.”
“It didn’t change with your son.”
She snarled.
“Why the look?” I questioned. “I speak the truth, one that includes admitting that this conversation is going nowhere. We’re speaking in circles and have for hours now!”
“Cinderella!” She swallowed hard. “My fate is on the line as well as my son’s. No matter what you convey or how, the king shall learn of it and I shall be dead by daybreak.”
“Inform him of my misdeeds and we shall die together.”
“This isn’t a game!”
“Isn’t it?” I narrowed my eyes. “Or perhaps you play it too well. Do you in fact value your own life before Norvack’s?”
“Of course not!”
“I’m not certain I believe your words. And I’m not certain that you would sacrifice your life for your own son. Though I am certain that you would sacrifice his to save yours.”
She lifted a hand and struck me hard across the face, so hard my cheek stung and turned red. But I appeared unaffected in her presence.
“How dare you,” she muttered. The words were as cold as ice; her breath sliced against me in tiny slivers.
I placed a hand on my face and stretched my jaw, attempting not to react to the sting of pain.
“Have I said nothing of truth?” I asked her.
“You wouldn’t know a single truth if it reached out to strike the other side of your face until the skin fell off.”
“And speaking of truths--”
“No truth shall set you free unless you are six feet under, and even then, a man will find his way to dance upon your grave. Therefore, if
you inform him of my truths, I shall inform the king of yours.”
She clutched either side of her gown and rushed toward the door, slamming it closed behind her.
I went over to the mirror to look at the side of my face. It seemed to create a slight bruise. I pushed my tongue against the inside of my cheek and flinched. Never before had I felt I had wasted so much of my time with that woman until that very moment.
I didn’t understand her! Norvack deserved to know that his father wished to replace him with a member from the rival army. And not just any man, one who had taken my virginity and nearly swallowed my soul. It wasn’t until Norvack that I ever even learned to trust a man again, perhaps why what he had done seemed so much more painful, emotionally, overall.
Hours later, as I continued my best efforts to cover the now darkening bruise with as much powder as I could find, Eliza reentered my chambers with a gauze in her hand. I glanced in the mirror and squint in suspicion and hesitance.
“What?” I asked curtly. “Come to discolor the other one with more of your ‘truths’?.”
“I never meant to strike you in that manner.”
“In that manner? No, I’m almost certain you didn’t as you had hoped to strike me much harder. Having said so, you have seemed quite eager to strike me since the moment I entered the palace. Now given your knowledge of Willem and what you blame me for, I’m aware of why.”
She walked toward me and lowered her head, smiling a little. “That is not quite as true as you may believe it to be.”
She handed me the gauze. I took it with caution and looked up at her.
“I don’t wish for your death, I never did. That wasn’t what this was about.”
“And I don’t wish for yours,” she said. “Though you would in fact sacrifice my life to save Norvack’s.”
“I would. And I apologize for admitting so, but I would.”
“Don’t apologize, my dear. As I would do the same in risking yours.”
She took a seat aside me and stared across the room.
I didn’t shift away this time.
“My son has always been an exceptional man. He believes in love and freedom and in living a life without fear. The very idea that his father wishes him dead is not something he can bear, even if he is keenly aware of it. It would remain in his mind and I am not convinced he wouldn’t sacrifice himself if only to please him.”
“And leave us both behind,” I said.
She nodded.
“He loves you more than his own life, Cinderella. But I fear he would love the respect of his father even more. If you wish to save him, you mustn’t inform him of this.”
I was positive she was still manipulating me to the core. However, this time, it worked. She knew the way to reach me would be through my own fears, as well as playing upon Norvack’s insecurities and weakness for his attempts to please the king.
I took a deep and heavy sigh and looked to the ceiling, exasperated and completely defeated.
Then I looked in her eyes and saw a slight, mischievous grin forming on her lips that read she had reeled me in like a fish on a string.
“He shall never know,” I informed her. And then I tilted my head. “Unless--”
“Unless?”
“Yes.” I paused. “If I conceive at any point, he shall learn the truth.”
“Which truth?”
“All of them. He may wish to sacrifice himself for the love of his father, but he would never wish for a potential son to be raised by him. Or John.” I stood before her and grinned. “I’ll allow this to continue until then. You’re free to leave as you wish.”
She arose and looked me up and down, then up again. “We are not so different, you and I. Not as we both had initially believed. Serenely played, my dear. Quite serenely.”
Upon her second exit, I let out the air I had been holding in, quite tightly. Now more than ever, I felt more pressure to conceive. No matter what she said or what I felt, Norvack deserved to know the truth, even mine, even if it was going to cost me my husband.
Even if it was going to cost me my life.
The Façade
I lay in bed that evening, nervously nipping at my nails and awaiting Norvack’s return. He had been absent from the palace all day and I wasn’t certain that he would come back, let alone come to me that night, but I remained hopeful.
As I shifted in the bed, I heard the door creaking back and rolled over. He entered, covered in dirt and a few scrapes to his arms and face.
“Oh my God!”
I leapt from the bed as fast as I could and ran over to him. He winced and raised a hand to stop me before I could get too close. His trousers were ripped as was his tunic. His hair was sprawled all over his head. He looked as if he had been dragged by a pack of wild dogs for hours on end.
“What in God’s name --?” I hollered, looking over every inch of him I could see. “What happened to you?”
“A small scuffle with a man from the village.”
“Small scuffle in the village? In Hadenville?”
He nodded and bypassed me, heading over to the mirror to look at the marks on his face. He scrunched his brows at his reflection and began wiping the dirt from his face with the large handkerchief that was deeply stuffed inside his pocket.
“This was more than a scuffle,” I muttered.
I went outside the room and called for Brigita to bring a small basin filled with cool water, as well as a compress.
“Yes, Mistress!” she hollered up.
I arched a brow and looked back over to Norvack. “Did Brigita find you?”
“No.”
“You reentered the palace without anyone seeing you?” He nodded again. “How did you ever manage to get away with such a thing? Especially with the queen roaming at night as she so often does.”
“The same way you managed to sneak into my chambers as a child to steal my crown.”
“Climbing through the window?”
“Something like that.” He dropped the handkerchief and snickered to himself. “I never learned how much you received for that crown.”
“Enough to live on for a year.”
“That’s all?”
“Perhaps if it were that of the king, there would have been no need for us to marry. So be grateful. Or…”
“I’m grateful,” he replied.
We each smiled at one another. It was the first genuine moment I had felt between us in days, perhaps even weeks.
Once Brigita arrived with the basin and compress, I tried to keep her from seeing Norvack’s condition. I opened the door slightly, only wide enough to retrieve the items, and thanked her. She appeared suspicious and questioning, but nodded and exited without saying another word. I sat the items down near the door then went back over to Norvack and helped him remove his dirty clothes.
As he stood above me, as naked as the day he was born, he smirked at my blushed expression.
“There isn’t a thing here of mine that you haven’t seen time and again, my favorite girl,” he said. “In the morning, at night--”
“I’m quite aware of how often, Prince. Sit down.”
I went over to the basin, grinning, and dipped the compress deep into the water.
“Do you recall the last time taking care of me?”
“How could I ever forget it?” I said, carrying the basin over and sitting it down beside him. “You were nearly killed on the battlefield, stabbed near the heart.” I looked down at the scar on his chest and caressed it with the tips of my fingers. “It’s still prominent, visible… I assume it always will be.”
He looked into my eyes as I glared back into his. Water dripped from my finger tips and onto his skin. There was a sense that something more could happen, the moment felt so highly sensual and erotic. But when I saw him reaching for my hand, I pulled back and dipped the compress once more.
“What in God’s name were you doing out there tonight, Norvack?”
He took a deep breath and made a face.
“Do you remember my telling you of the times I visited the village, in particular, your cottage?”
“Yes.”
“I spent the day there today, thinking of how so much has changed between us since the day we married. I remembered courting you, and how often you resisted me. And despite it all, I declared to myself that you would be mine, come hell or high water.”
“What made you recall all of that?”
He paused and grew pensive. “What I did to you the other day was unacceptable, and incomprehensible, even for me. As a man, as your husband and protector. But I felt the need to prove something to myself, and to you.”
“And that was the manner in which you felt it necessary?” I asked. He didn’t answer. “No matter what happens between us, I shall always be yours --”
“I fear losing you despite it,” he blurted.
I lifted my brows in shock. “You fear losing me to John?”
“To John or any other man who attempts to steal my power and throne.”
“But you fear John in particular because of what once occurred between us.” I sighed. “Norvack, I have never loved you for your power and throne. Never for the gold or jewelry. It was the incentive that got me here, it was the power and influence you had over me that forced me into this marriage --”
He looked to the floor and mumbled. “I never forced you to marry me.”
“No, you demanded it. Once I was finally inside the palace, you gave me the option, but you did in fact force me to come.”
“Had I never informed you of my knowledge of Willem, had I never threatened to go to the king, would you have married me otherwise?”
“No, because I despised you and what you did to me was pure blackmail,” I said. “But I also didn’t know you outside of those unfortunate qualities. You forced me to come here, but you have never forced me to stay. You gave me chances and choices and it has always been my choice to stay at your side and remain in this palace as your wife. And if you were dethroned tomorrow, I would still remain at your side, even more proud than I was on the day we married. You should never worry of losing me to a man like John. What occurred between us was so long ago. So long, perhaps he doesn’t even remember it.”
“And if he does?”