Walk a Lonesome Road
Page 22
“No. But I do barely know you.” He’d spent three months with Ren and seen him at his lowest ebb, but he’d spent ten years loving Lomare and learning all her secrets, her foibles, her flaws, her loveable heart. He knows he wants Ren, how he feels—but it’s too soon to say he can predict him the way he could predict her.
“Well, I was hoping we’d have a chance to get to know each other better,” Ren says, smiling slightly, though there’s something guarded in his eyes.
“And if I don’t go, or I don’t stay? Will you make them make you forget?”
“No.” The answer’s so fast, so sure, Ren has to have thought about it. “I’ll move on, because I owe it to Jinase and Misa to do that. But I won’t forget you.”
He lies down, his head on the crook of Dek’s shoulder, and their fingers lace together on Dek’s chest. “Do you still love her?” Dek asks, because if they’re going to get to know each other, they should start with the big things, like the ex-wives and lovers.
A hesitation. “I love who she used to be. Who I thought she was. I don’t know her now, and I don’t love what she’s apparently become. I can’t love or forgive someone who could hurt my boy like that, let alone me. But she’s Meram’s Ma, even if she gave him up. Damned if I know how she could do that,” Ren mutters. Still a running sore after nearly a decade, it seems, but then why would it ever heal, when he’s never had an explanation for why she did it.
“What if...she came back into your life and said it was all a mistake, she wasn’t behind it, they forced her or something? Would you take her back?” Then Dek holds his breath because he’s almost certain he doesn’t want an answer to this.
Ren doesn’t speak for some time, and Dek figures he doesn’t want to answer this one. He reaches over and turns the light off—they need to get under the covers, it’s too cold not to, but right now he’s comfortable and Ren generates an extraordinary amount of heat.
“It wasn’t a mistake. The Elected found proof she was involved.” Dek tightens his fingers in sympathy—he’d been hoping, just a little, that Ren could have been spared some of the horror, but it wasn’t to be. He’s surprised Ren never mentioned it, but then they’ve hardly had a chance to talk about it. “But even if it was, I’m not the man I was when we were married,” Ren says, his voice barely a whisper in the dark. “Even if she came back by some amazing set of circumstances, she’d have to accept that. And you. Because the man I am now, isn’t married, has a daughter, loves you. None of these things can be put aside like they don’t matter.” He shifts. “Want to get under the blankets?”
They rearrange things and Dek picks their clothes up off the floor because after surviving Denibwe and the mountain trek with Ren, and eleven damn cold winters here in the north, he does not want his fucking headstone to read ‘Broke his neck tripping over a pair of pants in the dark’. Ren claims him as soon as they’re under the covers, holding him tight, almost desperately, and Dek wonders how he copes on his own down south. Maybe this Teji just helps to fill that emptiness in Ren, a man who has to touch and love and be loved, or he’ll die. “It’ll take some sorting out, me moving down with you.”
“Yes, I know, and you’ll get help.”
“Can I tell Tik?”
Another long pause. “You’ll have to tell him you’ve moved. You can’t tell him my real identity. Especially since he knows me. We’ll have to cook up a cover story that’ll stand up to Janil’s talent. The only other alternative is to fake your death and I’d hate to do that to Tik.”
“And that would mean I couldn’t come back.”
“No.” Ren goes stiff, a little, against his body. The idea of Dek not staying with him, hurts, that much is clear. “Let’s leave your options as open as we can. I meant it when I said I didn’t want to destroy your life.”
“You won’t.” He fumbles around and finds Ren’s hand, then leans in and kisses him. “Get some sleep.”
He feels Ren’s smile. “Yes, sir.”
“Idiot.”
“Always.” Then Ren snuggles down, the covers wrapped tight around him, and holding onto Dek’s hand like he never means to let go. Dek never means to let go either, but there are so many unknowns.
Ren rumbles again. “You keep that up, I’ll use my talent on you to make you sleep.”
“Go ahead. Been a while.”
“Are you sure?”
“I trust you.”
Ren kisses his neck, under the beard. “Courage,” he murmurs. “Courage big enough for ten men. Now, close your eyes, be still.”
Dek obeys, and Ren lays his hand on Dek’s forehead. In very little time, a peaceful languor builds in his chest, radiates outward slowly, like the warmth of hot spiced beer on a cold night. His limbs go heavy, his mind calms and he starts to drift into sleep. But as he feels Ren’s hand lift from him, he reaches up and catches it. “Got a better idea.” He fumbles and finds Ren’s face, near to his. He cups his jaw, nudging him down, and as Ren’s lips get near enough, he leans up and kisses him, tongue delving lazily, his hand burying itself in the mass of hair at Ren’s nape. “Put me to sleep this way.”
Ren doesn’t answer in words but his actions do, his lips slick and inviting on Dek’s. He shifts so his big body is half on top of Dek’s, heavy, lush and warm, enfolding him like Lomare’s blanket, made with love and used with love, protection against the coldness and uncertainty of the future. Dek surrenders to that sweet embrace. If he falls, Ren will catch him. If he wants to fly, Ren will be there too. And Ren can be his new home, if Dek will only let him. “Don’t let me go.”
“Never will. Trust me to get you across this mountain, Dek.”
And he will, even if it’s hard and it hurts, and he has to lose some things along the way, because if they make it, the reward will more than make up for all of it.
And in the morning, he’s definitely going to shave.
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Walk a Lonesome Road is set in the world of Periter which is much like our own, and other than in geography, differs in only one major respect—some of the people living on it have a gene which when expressed, gives them paranormal abilities. Approximately half the races in this world carry this gene, which is switched on during development by a number of environmental factors. The gene also makes the person infertile.
Walk a Lonesome Road is a remix of the main Pindone Files arc. If you enjoyed this, then you might also enjoy:
Cold Front
Unsettled Conditions
And a prequel, A Peace Within
The other arc set in Periter is the Darshian Tales:
Kei’s Gift
Falling From the Tree
Staying Power
Home Ground
Going Down is also part of this universe, but is separate from the above in time and geography.
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