by Sadie Mills
'Yes, it's never affected me quite like that before.'
She rolled back so that she lay beside him, blinking up at the sky.
'What time is it?' she asked.
It must have been getting on. The sun had gone, the blue sky deepening; darkening. Lucy could already see stars.
'No idea,' Josh admitted, rolling onto his side, smiling down at her. 'Probably too late for pie.'
His fingertips drifted across her cheek. Lucy shuddered from the bite of the breeze, tugging the white canopy up over her shoulders; staring up at him.
She watched him take a steadying breath, his smile faltering; eyes closing briefly; bursting open.
'I'd really like it if you'd move in.'
Lucy's eyes flickered. Her face set; it was unreadable.
'I'd love to,' she murmured.
Joshua's eyes closed briefly. He could hear the "but" from her tone.
'But I don't think I can. Not until you tell me your name.'
He blinked down at her, brow crumpling.
'What are you talking about?'
Had she banged her head?
'Lucy? Are you all right?' He squeezed her shoulder, eyes searching her face. 'You know me. I'm Josh. Joshua Snow.'
'Uh-uh-uh,' Lucy warned him in a singsong voice.
He caught the twinkle in her eye and gaped.
'No you're not,' she said flatly. 'That's a lie by omission.'
She grinned.
'What is your middle name?'
Joshua paused. His eyes narrowed.
'I'm going to fucking kill Froggy.'
'Language!' Lucy chastised him.
Joshua snorted.
'You're a fine one to talk! I heard you on the walkie talkie you know…'
He regretted saying it immediately. The smirk started to sag.
'But, you know... understandable really,' Joshua added quickly. He rubbed her soft arm and shrugged.
'You still haven't answered,' she warned him. 'I don't want to hurry you, but the clock is ticking.'
Josh shot her a look.
'It's just a name,' he told her, crinkling his face.
Lucy frowned.
'So why are you being so secretive about it?'
'Well, it's not a great name,' Joshua confessed.
'How can I live with someone if I don't even know their initials,' she said, folding her arms, in mock offence. 'No, no. I'm not that sort of girl.'
Joshua muttered something under his breath.
'...What did you say?'
He rubbed his face and muttered again.
'I can't hear you,' Lucy told him.
'Archibald! It's Archibald!' he said grumpily.
Lucy eyes widened; sparkling up. Her lips twisted, mouth falling open.
'Archibald?'
'It's a family thing,' he grizzled.
'Joshua Archibald Snow...' she mused, staring up at the stars.
Joshua sighed heavily.
'All right, all right.'
'Archie,' she breathed, her eyes flicking to him. She raised her eyebrows. 'Yeah, I like that,' she said thoughtfully.
'...Really?' said Josh.
'Mmm-hmm,' she nodded up.
Joshua smiled proudly. It was his grandfather's name.
‘My neighbour's got a Persian cat called Archie.'
Josh's smile began to crumble. That wasn't quite so good.
Lucy reached up, running her fingers through his hair, humour sliding from her face. She blinked up at him with her big, blue eyes.
'I love you, Joshua Archibald Snow.'
Joshua smiled, leaning down to her slowly, tenderly rubbing his tip of his nose against hers.
'I love you too, Lucinda...'
Joshua froze.
He drew back quickly, frowning.
'Hang on... What's your middle name?' he asked suspiciously.
Lucy looked up and grinned.
'No chance!' she giggled.
'Oh come on!' Joshua gaped.
'I'm not telling you,' she said, stubbornly shaking her head. 'We can lie here all night if you like, but I still won't have told you by morning.'
She snuggled into his arms, smiling to herself.
'…Or there again, you could stop fucking around and just take me home.'
Josh peered down at her, eyebrows raised, an astonished grin spreading across his face.
'I want to sit in that swing seat,' she remembered sleepily, 'with a nice glass of wine.'
He cocked his head, mulling it over.
'Yeah,' he mused. 'I quite fancy some wine.'
Lucy raised her head, eyes opening, gazing into his.
'We're going to need a bigger bottle,' she smiled.
PARACHUTES
&
PEPTO BISMOL
The Freefall Trilogy
Part III
For Nana, with love.
A sassy lady who introduced me to frog's legs.
When I grow up, I want to be just like you.
'Come on, Myrtle.' Joshua said softly, watching Lucy's brow crinkle in her sleep.
Myrtle, Myrtle, the leatherback turtle...
'Stop calling me that,' Lucy grizzled.
Josh smiled to himself. He unclipped his safety belt, pausing; staring at her for a moment longer. She looked so peaceful, he didn't want to wake her.
But he had to. They couldn't sit out there all morning - it was cold. He pressed the red catch, drawing her safety belt up; carefully untangling her arm, feeding it over her shoulder.
'OK baby,' he coaxed, pressing a kiss to her warm forehead, gently squeezing her shoulders through the padded parka. 'Time to wake up now. Rise and shine.'
Lucy's eyes blinked open, squinting through sooty lashes, scanning their surroundings.
The blue hour.
It was dusk. Or was it dawn? She'd lost all concept of time. They sat in his battered Land Rover, in an unfamiliar courtyard. She could feel the cold seeping in now that the blowers had stopped. Lucy yawned, rubbing her eyes.
She peered through the bug smeared windscreen, down at the grey cobbles; up to the weather-beaten white terraces closing in on all sides; the shuttered windows and ivy clad walls. A little tabby cat prowled the shadows a few feet away. She heard the alarm call of a blackbird (at least, that's what she thought it was); she followed its flight up to an inky blue sky.
The stars were just coming out, or maybe fading away.
'Please stop calling me that,' Lucy complained.
Joshua smirked.
'What... baby?' he taunted.
Her eyelids were like lead, but Lucy still managed to cut him a look.
'You know what I'm talking about.'
She hadn't even thought of it when she handed over her passport. She was too busy worrying about the dodgy photo; the bird watermark pecking her head. He'd taken one look, smiled to himself, and slipped it away. Lucy had been kicking herself ever since.
'But I like it,' Joshua told her. 'It's a flower, isn't it?'
He sounded almost sincere.
'Eight years of ridicule is what that is,' Lucy grumbled. 'You haven't got a clue how much shit I got for that at school...'
She paused for a moment, blue eyes flickering. Her lips twitched.
'Actually, I suppose you have,' she said quietly. 'Haven't you, Archibald?'
Lucy wasn't the only one with an embarrassing middle name. She'd been nothing but nice about his, up until now. Her proud grin slid as she watched his spread wider and wider. She raised her eyebrows.
'Private joke?'
'Yeah,' Josh nodded. 'You could say that...
'It's a funny old world,' he told her, with a mysterious shrug. He beamed back for a second longer, then turned away.
'Come on,' said Josh, abruptly flinging his door open. 'Let's get you inside.'
The cool air hit her like a bucket of cold water.
'How are you feeling now?' Josh asked, arm wrapped gently around her waist, guiding her up the stairs, feet matching hers, step for s
tep.
'Confused,' Lucy admitted. 'Where the fuck are we?'
Joshua's laugh bounced around the stairwell. Lucy frowned down at the dirty, uneven steps.
'What I meant was,' he said patiently, 'do you still feel sick?'
Lucy's feet faltered. She peered up; saw his smile through the darkness and cringed.
They'd stood together on the deck, hand-in-hand, looking out at the romantic sunset. The last embers of day traced the sky in gold and mandarin, plunging into a sea that went on forever.
Josh smiled down at her, scraping an errant blonde curl back behind her ear, the light glinting in his vivid green eyes.
'I love you, Lucinda Myrtle Simkins.'
Her stomach lurched. She only just made it to the rail in time. In a breath, she was honking her guts up over the side.
'Yes. Fine. Much better, thank you,' she said quickly, dying inside as she remembered him holding her hair back as she knelt in their cabin, retching over the toilet.
Lucy had never been seasick before. She really wasn't looking forward to the journey back.
'Are we still in France?' she asked, in a half-arsed attempt to change the subject. He'd been so cagey. They could have been in Timbuktu.
Josh guided her from the stairwell, down a dark corridor. She caught the glint of his smile in the scant light.
'Yeah. We're still in France.'
He drew to a halt in front of an old, oak door, steadying her before dropping to his knees. Joshua flipped back the coir doormat, grabbing the key and rising with a triumphant grin. He slid the key into the lock, turning it with a click.
The door swung inward. He held it open above her head.
'Et voila!'
He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, guiding her inside, pressing a kiss to her temple.
'Make yourself at home. I'll just bring up the cases.'
She waited, listening to the squeak of his Cons echoing down the steps, clutching her abdomen. Finally the stairwell fell into silence. She bolted down the narrow corridor, frantically flinging the doors open. She only just found the bathroom in time.
He found her in the kitchen when he got back, standing in front of the sink, looking out of the window. She turned back to him, eyes wide, mouth slightly ajar.
'Paris?' Lucy breathed.
She still looked pale. Joshua set the brown paper bag down on the worktop and came to her side, wrapping his arms around her. He buried his nose in the loose blonde curls. Her hair was growing; halfway down her neck already. It felt soft, it smelt of patchouli.
'Paris,' Joshua nodded, gazing with her across the rooftops, through the chimney pots and apartment blocks, to a tiny Eiffel Tower.
Her blue eyes rolled up, brightening with the breaking sun. His heart lurched. She looked like she was going to cry. Her lips suddenly parted. He saw that pretty white smile; heard her giggle, and all was good with the world.
'Come on. You need to eat something,' he said, pulling away.
'I'm not hu—'
'You haven't eaten in nearly a day,' Joshua warned, stalking to the cupboards; flinging them open and clattering the plates. He pulled two out, inspecting them, catching Lucy's frown. 'Don't give me any of that.'
Lucy wrenched open the crusty bread roll, dropping it on the plate as a plume of steam broke free, scalding her fingertips.
It did smell good, at least.
'There's a bakery around the corner,' Josh told her, tearing off a piece of his croissant. 'Are you sure you don't want one?'
Lucy shook her head.
It wasn't seasickness. She'd been having an entirely different problem since their arrival, from the opposite vicinity. She was loathed to eat anything at all.
'Coffee?'
'No thank you,' she told him flatly. She broke off a tiny piece of bread, hesitantly popping it into her mouth.
'Nice?'
She chewed and nodded. It was, rather.
She settled into the wooden café chair, snatching her tumbler of milk, drinking thirstily.
Joshua smiled to himself.
'Something funny?'
'Nothing,' he said in a sing-song voice, opening up a jar of... she had no idea what, with a loud crack. Lucy stared at him.
'What?'
'Just thinking,' he said, staring through the glass at the clear orange substance. It didn't move when he tilted the jar. He sniffed it suspiciously.
'Marmalade?' offered Lucy.
Joshua frowned down at it, then held it to the light.
'I don't think so.'
She watched him pick up a knife, breaking off a piece of his croissant and slathering whatever was in the jar across the ragged edge of dough.
'It could be goose fat,' Lucy smirked, covering her lips with her fingers as she chewed. 'Or dripping?'
She watched him hesitate for a moment, then put it into his mouth.
'Mmm...'
Lucy frowned, watching Joshua's eyes draw shut, smiling to himself as he chewed.
'Oh my God, that's amazing!'
His eyes blinked open, bright as shattered green glass. Lucy snatched the jar from his fingers.
'What were you saying?' she asked distractedly, peering down at the label.
Gelée de Coing
Lucy's French was virtually non-existent. She sniffed at it. It smelt like nectar. Her mouth started streaming. She took the knife, layering it all over her bread.
'When I was a kid,' she heard Josh say, dragging the jar from her fingers, 'me and my brother found a little baby bird.'
'Oh my God, that is amazing!' Lucy crooned, closing her eyes as she chewed. She took another bite, suddenly famished.
What on earth is this stuff?
She grabbed her milk, guzzling it.
'We kept it in a shoe box,' Joshua explained, 'All it would eat was bread and milk.'
Lucy's mouth stilled, mid-chew.
'You will fly again,' he told her, fixing her gaze. 'I'll make sure that you do.'
There it was, standing between them. The elephant in the room. No matter how hard they tried to ignore it; go on with life as normal. Chinese takeaways, bottles of wine on the swing seat; movies, flowers, walks on the beach. They were great distractions, but it never really went away. It was always there, lurking in the shadows.
Lucy thought back to who she was before - the day that they first met. It was only two months ago. BASE jumping; wingsuits; Jeb Corliss; flying squirrels. So idealistic - such a dreamer. Once upon a time, she used to be free. One random kick, and it was all gone. It seemed so long ago - what happened to that? The life she knew before just disappeared.
She could still see every ear of corn as she came in to land. The memory of his face in that last blink. Waiting for impact; waiting to get crushed like a bug.
Lucy had been tired ever since.
She closed her eyes, lowering her head, pushing the plate away.
'Lucy!'
She felt Joshua's fingers close around hers. She heard her chair scraping the tiles.
'Lucy, please!'
She wrenched her hand from his; she couldn't stop it. A laboured breath, and Lucy was running away.
'Please don't cry.'
Was that selfish? Maybe it was. Maybe she needed to let it all out. But the sound of it, the sight of her, retching and sobbing? It killed him to just sit there and watch.
'Sorry!' she sobbed. 'I'm ruining everything!'
Ah fuck...
He tightened his arms around the warm little ball.
'No!' he pleaded, voice tearing. 'Please don't say that... Look I shouldn't have brought it up. It's my fault,' he said guiltily.
She froze in his arms. He watched her peer up through her tears.
'But you're right,' she croaked. 'I do want to jump again.'
'You will!' he told her, drawing the tendrils of sweat-darkened hair back from her red face.
'I'll help you,' he said, feeling the weight of his promise as soon as the words left his lips.
She buried
her face in his chest. His arms tightened around her, grateful to feel her muscles slacken; the panic ebb.
'Please don't cry. Shhhh—Shhhh—Shhhh.'
It was the third full-blown freak out that he'd witnessed. Josh hadn't dared admit it to himself, much less raise it with her. He swept it under the carpet; buried his head in the sand. She smiled all the time - hey, that's all that mattered.
But was she really happy? He'd never quite been convinced. Her eyes were different now; they looked older, weary. The veil had finally fallen. He could see it now: the fear, eating away like a cancer.
It was so much easier to blame Froggy. The other two panic attacks had started with him. He was her instructor; that's where the buck had to stop. Trying to coax her back on the plane - Froggy wasn't exactly known for his diplomacy. It had to be his fault.
Two full blown panic attacks on the airfield; crying, running away? Every time Josh caught up with her, she was like a frightened little mouse. Shaking like a leaf; she couldn't talk; couldn't breathe. Froggy told him she needed help - something about PTSD. It all ended up in a big row.
She'd be fine within a few hours of getting her home. Fineish. Actually, not fine at all. But she slept like a log - much longer than him. She didn't have nightmares - not that he ever saw. Josh lay in that bed, watching her for hours.
But something had changed. The light in her eyes had gone out. Lucy was tired all the time. She buried her face in his chest as he stroked her back. Her white t-shirt was translucent, he could see her bra-straps through it; feel the cold sweat on his hands.
'It died, didn't it?' he heard her whisper.
Her breathing was slowing; the sobs had finally stopped.
'...Huh?'
She peered up at him, dashing the tears from her cheeks on the back of her fists.
'The baby bird,' she sniffed.
Joshua frowned down at her, biting his lip. His gaze flicked up to the ceiling. He squeezed her tighter, rubbing her shoulders, eyes closing in realisation.