It’s not until Colin leans across the table and uses his index finger to wipe a tear that’s just fallen down my cheek that I realize I’ve been crying.
“I’m sorry,” Colin says, averting his gaze as I bring both of my hands to my face to keep my tears at bay.
My head snaps up and I gaze at him questioningly.
“What are you sorry for?”
“What am I not sorry for? I’ve done so much damage with us that every time I try to fix it, I fucking make you cry. It’s like I can’t do anything right these days. And I hate myself for it.”
“Colin—”
I don’t even get another word out before he interrupts me. “I cut Madilyn off.”
I drop my fork and it falls onto my plate with a loud clink, and my gaze locks with his. “What?”
He leans back in his chair, then brings one of his legs up to cross over the other one. One hand comes up to rake through his unruly hair, and he gives me a deep sigh before he talks again.
“I cut her off.”
“I didn’t want you to do that. I just wanted you to redefine the lines.”
He shakes his head. “That’s the thing, though. I never set any lines. Maybe I did, but they were so fine that they were damn near invisible. And that’s why she felt comfortable enough to do and say all she did and said. Because the lines weren’t blurred. They were barely there at all, and that was my fault. I don’t want her to get the wrong impression ever again, and I don’t want to give her any room in our lives—if you choose to forgive me and give us another chance—to try and come between us again.”
I nod, but I can’t believe my ears. I’m torn between feeling sad over the fact that he lost a friend when he so needs one the most, and feeling completely ecstatic that I won’t ever have to deal with that bitch again. I know that he’s still hurting over his dad’s passing, and I don’t blame him for it at all. I don’t even blame him for turning to Madilyn, because at least he turned to someone. At least he let someone in and let someone help him.
He reaches for the gift bag in the center of the table and hands it to me. I stare down at the bag, because I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready for what’s inside it. I know him so well that I know whatever’s inside is going to either completely break my heart or put it all back together again.
I slide my finger under the tape that holds both sides of the bag together, and take the tissue paper out. It’s a small bag, so I know it’s something equally as small inside. Once I’m at the bottom of the bag, I reach inside rather than peering inside. I gasp and my heart stutters to an abrupt stop before restarting again as my hand grips the smooth object.
I pull it out and regard the small heart-shaped rock he gave me on Valentine’s day last year through blurry, tear-filled eyes.
“You left it at the apartment. I wanted you to have it today so that…so that you’ll know, you’re the only one who has my heart, Nickayla Quinn. And you’re the only one who ever will.”
My mouth pops open as I stare into the palm of my hand, seeing the ridges and curves of the one-of-a-kind rock that I believe existed only so that Colin could find it that day, the day of our first date, and give it to me right when I need it. I look up and meet his cool green gaze just as a rogue tear escapes.
It’s only then that I decide. It’s only then that I know I’ve made my decision and after today, there’ll be no going back for either of us.
He gazes at me expectantly, and I close my eyes as I brace myself for what I’m about to say to him. It’s much needed, and I know before I even say the words that it’s about to be an enormous weight off my shoulders.
“Colin,” I tell him, leaning forward and taking his hand. “I forgive you.”
He blanches, shaking his head. “You can’t. I won’t let you. It’s too much to forgive.”
“You don’t get to choose for me whether I can forgive you or not. I can. And I will. I do.”
He continues to shake his head, and I watch as he grows more upset with each passing moment. I push back from the table, standing up and walking over to him. He pushes away from the table as well, and I grab the back of his chair as I swing a leg over his lap and straddle his thighs. His head lolls forward to rest against mine, and I place both my hands on either side of his face. With shaky hands, he grasps my waist and holds me in place.
I don’t know how I got here. Don’t know when I decided to finally let go of what hurt me most about the situation with Madilyn, but I’m here, and I love this boy, and I want to forgive him. I need to forgive him, because I want us to move forward. I don’t know how we’re going to do that, but I’m willing to try if he is.
“I’m in love with you, Colin Westwick,” I say. “And I forgive you for everything. Sorry.”
“You can’t,” he groans, his breathing shallow.
“I can, and I have.” He averts his gaze, and I use the grip I have on his face to force him to look at me. He does, and from the stricken look in his gaze, I know he’s surprised by all of it. “Do you want to be with me?”
He nods slowly, and his breath catches in his throat as he speaks. “Yes. Always. But I don’t deserve to be.”
I roll my eyes, tossing my head backwards as I yell at the sky.
This part of his personality gets old extremely quickly. The part where he thinks he has some control over my emotions, my decisions. Where he thinks he knows what I deserve better than I do. Sometimes, he’s right. But most times, he’s so wrong it makes me sick.
“I deserve someone who tells me a million times a day that they love me. I deserve someone who puts more thought into my birthday than most people put into anything in their entire lives. I deserve someone who put all the pieces of me back together when I thought it wasn’t possible. I deserve someone who knows when I need to be alone just as well as when I need to be held. I deserve someone who realizes and recognizes their mistakes and works to fix them. I deserve you, Colin. And you deserve me. I love you.”
For the first time in a long time, I believe every word I’m saying. We’ve been perfect for each other from the very start.
I was never a damsel in distress. Not anymore than he was some wounded puppy that needed to be nursed back to health. We’re two broken souls, and it took the both of us falling completely to pieces and losing almost everything to pick those pieces up and become whole again. To become one again and break free of the demons that held us back.
“Nickayla, you don’t deserve me. You deserve someone who can give you all the love you deserve. You deserve someone who can give you happiness. Someone whose life is perfect—someone who won’t bring you more pain and turmoil than you’ve already endured.”
I take his chin between my thumb and forefinger, using just enough force to bend him to my will and look at me. “I don’t care that your life is filled with pain and turmoil. I don’t care that one day will be peaches and cream and the next will be a fucking hurricane.” I take a deep breath. “I don’t need you to let go of your darkness in order to love me, Colin. I just need you to let me be your light.”
He gasps and crushes my body against his chest as his breathing labors. He clutches me like I’m his anchor, like he’ll sink and drown if he lets go of me. He buries his head against my chest, and I recognize what he’s doing immediately. It’s much like when, once upon a time, I would rest my head on his chest, letting myself become acquainted with the sound, the pace, the feel of his heartbeat. There was a point in time where I knew his heartbeat better than I knew my own, because I spent so much time curled against him. Now, I’d wager that it’s the opposite. He’s spent more time with my heart lately than I’ve spent with his. And I’m more than happy to trade places with him if that means I can be his breath when he has none.
Letting go of me only slightly, his hands travel up the small of my back and rest at the nape of my neck. As I gaze up at him longingly, he presses a kiss to my lips, and he never pulls away. He whispers against my lips, “I love you, Nickayla. Will you g
ive us another chance? Will you please come home?”
I attack his lips with a kiss of my own before I wrap my fingers in the hair at the back of his neck. “I will. After prom.”
“You promise?”
“I swear.”
He pulls me closer against him. “I love you so much.”
“I love you more.”
Shaking his head, he plants a kiss on my neck before his lips travel back to mine. “Not possible.”
I nod. “Always possible.”
Twenty Eight.
I told Mom and Daddy that I was moving back in with Colin the day after my birthday. My parents had a hard time with the idea of letting me go again, but at the same time, I’m pretty sure that they’re happy not to have me moping around anymore.
Last week, Colin was named valedictorian by our principal, and right now while he’s at work, I’m proofreading his valedictory address. He wants it to be the very best, so I promised I would rip it apart and then go through each piece with a fine tooth comb before giving it back to him. That’s what I’m doing when there’s a knock on the apartment door.
I’m hoping that it’s Mich, come to keep me company so we can do facials and mani-pedis before prom, so I get up and wrench the door open. To my surprise, there’s no one at the door. Instead, there’s a small package sitting in front of it wrapped in brown paper, and my name is scrawled on it in perfect, swirly script.
Looking down the hallway of our apartment complex on both ends, I wonder who it was who could have delivered it and run off so quickly.
I step back inside the apartment and sit down, crossing my legs in front of me as I rip the wrapping paper off. Beneath the wrapping paper is a CD I’ve wanted for a few years now but kept forgetting to buy every time I went into F.Y.E.
It’s Wakey! Wakey!’s debut album, Almost Everything I Wish I’d Said The Last Time I Saw You. I’m about to rip the plastic wrapping off when I realize that there isn’t any.
“That’s weird,” I say aloud, and then I open the CD.
When I do, there’s a slip of paper right in front of where the CD is. I pull it out and open the folded piece of paper.
Meet me here
And don't be late.
Your next clue awaits
Where we had our first date.
I look around the apartment, hoping that no one’s in here so they don’t see me grinning like a Cheshire cat. I grab Colin’s hoodie and pull it over my head. Snatching my keys off the counter, I head out and lock the door. Sticking the CD in my purse and the slip of paper in my back pocket, I climb into my car and wonder what it is that Colin Westwick has planned for me today.
Based on the short poem, I know exactly where he’s waiting for me. Our first date was at the bowling alley in the Harlow Galleria.
When I arrive twenty minutes later, there’re only about twenty people inside the bowling alley. I wonder if Colin’s going to wait for me just inside, or if he’ll be waiting specifically at the lane that we bowled at. Either way, I race inside, and I scan the entire alley looking for him. I can spot the boy I love in the largest of crowds, so I know for sure that I’ll be able to find him immediately.
When I don’t see him, I race over to the lane we bowled at for the first time. When I get there and he isn’t there, I turn around, hoping to find him strolling toward me.
“Excuse me, are you Nickayla Quinn?” a man says.
I nod. “I am.”
“I was told to give this to you.”
He extends a small journal to me, and I stare down at it. On the cover, the words, Nickayla Alicia Quinn: Senior Year, is scrawled in Colin’s cursive script. I smile, noticing how he’s labeled this journal just how I label all of mine. I open it to the first page, and another slip of paper falls out. I kneel down to pick it up.
Your next clue
Isn’t too far out of reach
You’ll find it where
We once raced on the beach.
Stuffing the journal into my purse, I take off running out of the bowling alley, screaming a quick “Thank you!” to the man who delivered it to me. I hop in my car and drive to the beach. With each passing second I grow increasingly more excited about what’s awaiting me at the next stop on this scavenger hunt Colin’s prepared.
Over the course of the past year, Colin has done lots of things for me. But this is the first time in a long time that he’s actually gone all out to surprise me for no reason at all. It’s not my birthday anymore. It’s not our anniversary. I can’t imagine what it could be that he’s pulling out all the stops for, but I’m not going to question it for the simple fact that I love it.
I make it to the beach and park in the exact lot that we parked in when we came here last year, and I make a beeline for the water. I’m not running for long when a man comes into view, holding a bouquet of fresh peonies in his hand. I know immediately that he isn’t Colin, based on his stance and his cool confidence. My Colin is normally incredibly shy when it comes to him being romantic. In times like this, he’s like a child trying gain his mother’s approval. And he couldn’t be any cuter.
“Nickayla Quinn?” the man asks when I approach him.
“That’s me.”
He hands me the flowers and walks away, and I’m left dumbfounded, wondering how this man, and the man in the bowling alley knew my name. Instead of dwelling on it, though, I pluck the note card attached to the flowers and read the small poem that’s scribbled on it.
We had fun here
And many games were played
Where I got you to enjoy
Your first Valentine’s Day.
I peer across the beach where the carnival is, and I don’t waste time trying to get in the car. I make my way out of the sand, and toward the other side of the beach where the carnival takes place. Once inside, I purchase a dollar’s worth of ride tickets. I wander about the carnival until I reach the Ferris wheel, which, if I know Colin as well as I think I do, is where he left my next clue as some kind of sick joke.
I wait to board the ride until I see the gondola that Colin and I rode in last Valentine’s Day, Christmas, and this past Valentine’s Day. Gondola 15. I climb in, crossing my legs and closing my eyes as the ride takes off. I lean forward, opening my eyes, and I reach under the seat. Just like I predicted, there’s a note card taped beneath my seat with my name on it. I open it up, reading the note inside.
Within the next hour, I continue on my scavenger hunt. At my mom’s house, I was greeted with one high heel. At Le Chateau D’If, Sabrina gave me a hotel key. I can’t lie, I raised my eyebrows at that one.
On the back of the hotel key was a Post-It note with the very last clue.
I won’t make you run anymore
Although you know I can
Come find your last clue
Where all of this began.
…
There’s luminaria illuminating the pathway that leads up to the lake house when I pull up to it. I hop out of the car, all of my gifts and clues in tow. I march up the steps to the house and head inside, and I’m not at all surprised to find that there’re candles all over the floor, save for a small path left open for me.
“Colin?” I call into the house.
When I don’t hear any response, I follow the path laid out for me until it leads me to the back door. My hand on the doorknob, I twist it and head outside. On the deck, flower petals adorn the rustic wood, and Little Things by One Direction plays.
Colin is standing on the edge of the deck, leaning against the railing. His hair whips about him, and his breathing looks erratic, almost like he’s not sure if I’ll come or not.
“Babe,” I say.
He jumps a millisecond before he turns around to face me.
I smile, setting my purse down on the table that’s besides, pulling out the nude Mary Jane pump with a glitter ankle strap with my index finger and swing it a bit.
“I see you got my gifts,” he says with a smile.
Laughing, I shak
e my head. “One of them is incomplete. What exactly shall I do with only one shoe, Mr. Westwick?”
With a nod toward one of the patio chairs and an imperfect crooked smile etched upon his face, he winks at me. “Put it on.”
I raise an eyebrow, but he doesn’t budge. He merely watches me and nods in encouragement. I take a moment to admire the smile that’s taken up residence on his face since we got back together.
Shrugging, I take a seat and I kick my Chucks off. Slipping out of my socks, I place the shoe in my lap and unfasten the buckle. I lean down and slip my foot in, then buckle the strap around my ankle.
Once the shoe is secure, I look up and push my hair out of my face. Before me, Colin is on both knees, the pair to my shoe in his hand. He peeks up at me through long lashes, his unruly hair falling onto his forehead.
I stare at him, awestruck, and try to force my heart to work properly. However, such is the case when it comes to Colin, my heart acts of its own accord, and there isn’t a thing in the world that can change that. Shit, and now, my brain is following suit and doing what it wants to do, because all of a sudden I’m completely frazzled. I have to remind myself to keep breathing. Colin gives me a smile, seemingly amused by my speechlessness. His eyes crinkle when he smiles, an attribute I’ve learned to love.
“Nickayla, will you go to prom with me?”
My heart is in my throat as my emotions go on overdrive. I’m overwhelmed with all I’m feeling, all he’s done and said so far today. As he waits on my answer, one of his hands comes up to cradle my cheek. His gaze is tender and full of love and adoration, his smile warming me from the inside out.
I hold my breath, because I’m afraid if I let it go, I might cry, and I don’t want to ruin the perfect moment. He’s standing before me with a spare shoe in his hand and ready to slip it on my foot like I’m fucking Cinderella, and I feel like I just stepped into a fairy tale. Gasping, I give him a frantic nod, and he leans forward, easing my foot into the shoe slowly and seductively, his touch setting my body on fire.
Almost Everything (Nickayla Quinn Trilogy Book 2) Page 24