by Cassie Cross
I can’t stop touching.
Hayley doesn’t seem to mind. When I reach out for her, she leans into my touch. It feels like we’re a couple.
But we’re not.
I keep telling myself that on a loop. Over and over until it sinks in.
Hayley carefully folds her clothes and puts them back in the duffle I brought them in. “Should I…” She awkwardly nods at the bag. “I mean, they’re not mine, so…”
“Keep them,” I tell her. They belong to one of my employees; I have no right to give them away. But I just can’t stand the thought of them on someone else’s body after this weekend.
I do a cursory check of the cabin to make sure it’s in order before we leave, the same thing I do every time I come down here for a long weekend. It’s nice to fall into a routine when the rest of my life feels so out of order.
It won’t be the same the next time I come down here for the weekend. Hayley won’t be with me, but she’ll be everywhere.
“You ready?” she asks. Her brows are furrowed, she looks a little worried. “You okay?” She and I haven’t spent much time together, but she can already read me so well. It’s unnerving. And it’s ridiculous how quickly I’ve fallen for her.
“I’m ready.”
She nods and reaches for the duffel. I quickly reach out and grab the handles from her.
“You gonna get that cooler?” she asks.
“Nah, I’ll bring it back the next time I come down.”
She opens the door, then turns around and gives the place one last look. She’s been stuck here for the past day and a half, anxious to go home. But now that we’re leaving, she almost looks wistful.
I feel wistful.
Hayley steps outside and closes her eyes. She lifts her head up so the sun is on her face, and she takes a deep breath, holding her arms out, basking in it.
“I never appreciated nature until I couldn’t go out in it,” she says with a little smile.
I should go and put this bag in the trunk of the car, but instead I just stand here staring at her.
“It’s been a day,” I tease.
She squints, looking in my direction. “I know, but it was a really long day. I guess that thing about wanting something only when you can’t have it is pretty true.”
“Am I gonna have to worry about you hiking, or falling off a cliff, or getting lost in the wilderness?”
Hayley stares at me, the smile slipping from her face. I wonder what I’ve said wrong.
“No,” she says. “You don’t have to worry about me.”
I’m going to anyway, but I don’t tell her that.
Hayley looks over at the car. “Wow. This is even more of a beater than I thought it was.”
I’m surprised at the shape it’s in, too. The car is a complete shit heap. I know Davis wouldn’t have given me a getaway car that wasn’t mechanically sound, but looking at it now, it seems like a total miracle this thing didn’t fall apart in the middle of 95.
“This place is so beautiful,” Hayley says as she looks out at the lake. “I kinda want to run off that pier and jump into the water.”
I remember her telling me yesterday that she’s never been swimming in a lake. The thought of her soaking wet in that white T-shirt makes me want to encourage her to do it.
“You’d freeze to death,” I remind her, my conscience getting the better of me. Also, cold water seems like a good thing to think of right now.
“C’mon,” I tell her, nodding toward the car. “I’ll buy you breakfast before we head back.”
She smiles and gets in the car.
I take Hayley to the Main Line Diner, a local greasy spoon that’s been a favorite of my family’s since my grandfather built the cabin. It’s a small-town, friendly place where the staff knows my usual and the coffee’s always fresh.
Lou, my favorite waitress, greets me with an excited smile. “Hunter,” she coos, opening her arms wide for a hug. “I haven’t seen you in a while, darlin’.”
She’s short and sweet, a round-faced woman with large red glasses that are too big for her face, and a bouffant that’s straight out of the sixties. She’s been around as long as I can remember.
“Hey, Lou,” I reply, as she squeezes the life out of me.
Her eyes light up when she spots Hayley, a mischievous smile on her face.
“And who’s this?” she asks, sizing Hayley up before she turns her attention back to me. “A girlfriend?”
I’m not sure what to say, but Hayley steps in and rescues me. “I’m Hayley Grey, a…friend of Hunter’s.”
We’re not dating, and I don’t know the right word to describe what we are—if we’re anything—but the friend hurts to hear more than I thought it would, which surprises me. What I want is…
“Nice to meet you, Hayley,” Lou replies with a raised brow. “Friend of Hunter’s.”
Hayley follows Lou to my usual booth, and I manage to catch her blush as she walks by.
We sit, and Lou hands Hayley a menu. I’ve ordered the same thing since I was twelve.
“What’s good here?” Hayley asks.
“Everything,” I reply unhelpfully.
The place is half full, and the jukebox flips over from one happy oldie to another. Spoons clink against cups as people stir cream and sugar into their coffee. An old friend of my grandfather’s nods at me with a kind smile. I like coming here—the place is full of nostalgia and the best parts of my childhood—but can’t stand the pity on people’s faces when they ask how my mom and dad are doing these days, their eyes telling me everything their words can’t.
I don’t want to hear what a good boy my brother was, or how my grandfather would’ve been proud of the man I’ve become. I just wanted to come here and share some of my past with a woman I never expected to fall for, who I’m going to say goodbye to in a few agonizingly short hours.
The morning light shines in through the window next to us, highlighting the messy waves in Hayley’s hair. She doesn’t have any makeup on and still looks kind of sleepy, but here in this simple diner in the middle of nowhere, she’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
She looks up from the menu, catches me staring.
“What?” she asks, her lips curving up into a smile as she bites on her lip.
“You’re gorgeous,” I tell her. Maybe I shouldn’t, but we only have a few more hours together, so why not?
She smiles, tucking her hair back behind her ear as she looks down at her menu. “Thank you,” she says quietly.
Lou walks over and pours me a cup of coffee, then asks Hayley, “You want coffee, darlin’?”
She shakes her head, wrinkling her nose. “No, thank you. Orange juice, please?”
Lou nods. “You want a short stack, two orders of bacon,” she says, looking at me. “Are you ready to order?”
“I’ll have two fried eggs, toast and bacon,” she says, folding her menu and handing it over. “Thank you.”
Lou smiles at her warmly. “Comin’ right up.”
“You have a usual,” Hayley says with a bright smile, like it’s the cutest thing in the world. “You have a usual at this little diner full of senior citizens that plays Motown on the jukebox. I wouldn’t have guessed that about you.”
I’m intrigued. “What would you have guessed about me?”
She purses her lips. “Mmm…I would’ve guessed that you ate breakfast alone. Hard-boiled eggs and oatmeal or something else kinda tasteless and healthy to keep up all that,” she replies, waving in my direction. I mean, I thought you looked good before I saw you naked, but yeah…all that is A-plus amazing, and I wouldn’t have guessed you’d come to a place like this and eat so much saturated fat.”
I’m smiling at her like a complete dumbass, but I can’t help myself.
“Don’t look at me like that,” she says, all flustered.
“Like what?”
“Like you think I’m cute.”
“I do think you’re cute,” I reply.
That question takes me by surprise. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
Hayley shrugs. “I don’t sleep with my friends, and well…after we leave here you’re gonna drop me off, and we’re…”
Not going to see each other anymore, is what she stops herself from saying. I don’t blame her—I’ve been stopping myself from thinking it all day.
“Yeah,” I say, my voice rougher than I intend it to be.
Slowly, Hayley reaches for my hand, lacing our fingers together.
“I never said thank you,” she tells me.
“For what?”
“For coming to that club. For bringing me here. For making sure I was safe. For teaching me how to protect myself. You took a really scary experience and made it—”
“Remote?” I reply, needing to break up the tension.
She laughs, then sees right through me and squeezes my hand. “Nice. Amazing. Hunter, I—”
“Here we go,” Lou says with a cheery voice, setting our plates down in front of us. “You two let me know if you need anything, okay?”
I nod, not able to speak.
“Enjoy your breakfast,” she says with a wink. “Friends.”
Hayley slides her hand back into her lap, and we eat in relative silence, making polite small talk now and then. She comments on the song playing, and I tell her a story about an old friend of my grandmother’s I see shuffling down the sidewalk across the street.
Friday night seems like a lifetime ago, and yet I haven’t had nearly enough time with Hayley. I want to know everything about her, could listen to her talk for hours. But she’s clammed up now, maybe because she felt like she was on the verge of revealing too much.
I’ve been there many times this morning.
Maybe it’s best like this, putting up walls that will make goodbye easier.
I ask for the check as soon as we’re finished, telling Hayley we’d better leave if we want to beat the holiday traffic. When I pay, Lou sends us off with a knowing look and a bag full of donuts for the road.
Neither one of us says much of anything until we’re about 45 miles outside of D.C. It’s been an easy drive; we haven’t hit much traffic. I’m grateful for that. The last thing I want is for this ride to be any longer than it needs to, for so many reasons.
We hit a snag just outside of Fredericksburg, slowing down to a near stop in a jam that looks like it goes on for at least a mile. After drumming my fingertips on the steering wheel trying to think of something easy to talk about and failing, we finally hit open road. Hayley reaches into the bag between us on the seat and pulls out a donut.
She takes a bite and moans.
I fidget in my seat, thinking of cold showers and old ladies and anything to get my body to settle down. The last thing I need is to be in a car with a hard-on for the girl who’s the best sex of my life and also never wants to see me again.
“These are so good,” Hayley says, her voice sexier than I’m sure she intends it to be.
“Told you,” I tease.
She grins at me, kicks off her shoes, and puts her feet up on the dashboard. She leans back in her seat, relaxing like we’re heading off on vacation somewhere and this isn’t nearly the end of the line for us.
She closes her eyes, letting her head loll back against the headrest as she slowly licks the powdered sugar from her lips.
I let out a strangled grown that’s drowned out by the rumbling of the engine.
If I didn’t know better, I’d swear she’s trying to kill me.
11
Hayley
We pull up to the curb in front of my apartment, and the place looks just like it did the last time I saw it, but so much has changed.
Hunter gives me a long look before he turns off the car, then walks over and opens the door for me. I step out and try to breathe through the heavy weight on my chest that’s slowly been making itself felt since we turned the corner onto my street. I don’t know what to say, and Hunter must not either, because he pops the trunk, pulls out the duffel, and then awkwardly hands it to me.
I can’t tell him that these clothes have too many memories attached to them and I don’t want them. I also don’t have the heart to give those memories away, so I take the bag from him and set it at my feet.
“If you—”
“I wanted to—”
We both start talking at the same time.
“You first,” he says after letting out a long sigh.
“I said it back at the diner, but really…I cannot thank you enough for everything you did for me. Putting your life on the line, putting your life on hold for me, and opening up your home to me…there are no words, so I have to settle for thank you.”
With a breathtaking smile, he says, “You’re welcome.” He reaches up and plays with a strand of my hair. “I’d do it again in a second.”
That kind of sets the butterflies in my stomach out in full force.
“In my experience, things get hard once you get home after something like this. If you need someone to talk to, if you have a bad dream, or…whatever. Please call me.” Hunter slips a card into my hand, his personal cell number scrawled across the back in his messy handwriting. I stare at it for a moment, so glad that he’s given this to me and still wishing he hadn’t. I won’t be able to throw it away, and I don’t think I’ll be able to stop myself from using it at some point now that I have it.
I swallow past the lump in my throat and nod, then ignore my better judgment and surge up on my tiptoes and wrap my arms around him, burying my face in his neck.
He does the same, and we hold on tight for who knows how long. I feel safer in his arms than I’ve ever felt anywhere else, and the smell of his skin comforts me like nothing else ever has. My head is swimming, and the very last thing in the world I want to do is let go.
This—I know from experience—is where my judgment starts to get cloudy and where I start ignoring warning sighs. Hunter isn’t Carson. I know that.
He isn’t going to steal my rent for drug money, he isn’t going to pawn my GPS to get high.
He isn’t Carson.
I know that.
But still…when he lets go, I can’t make myself ask him to stay.
“Oh my god,” Alexa says as she launches herself off the bottom step of the stairway that leads to the front door of my apartment building. She moves at lightning speed and puts her arms around me so tightly that it’s difficult for me to breathe. I try to hold her back, but I can barely move. “Are you hurt? Are you okay?” She lets me go and steps back, appraising me for injuries. “Are you hurt?”
I smile at her. “I’m okay,” I reply softly, gently gripping her forearms to ground her a bit.
“I’ve been so worried about you,” she says, bringing me in for another hug before she takes my hands in hers. “I’m so sorry I nagged you to go out. I should’ve never pressured you, and your life is your life. Whatever you need to do, whatever you want to do, just do it, don’t listen to me. If you want to lie in bed all day, watch Netflix, and never have sex again, I will fully support you. I’ll even bring you snacks.”
“I appreciate that,” I reply with a laugh, although I can’t help the heat that creeps up into my cheeks because Hunter is right there overhearing all this.
This Alexa is a far cry from the collected person I talked to on the phone yesterday, who was teasing me about my hot bodyguard. She was probably worried sick when I spoke to her but kept herself calm for me so I wouldn’t freak out.
I look over at Hunter, who’s grinning at us with a soft look in his eyes.
“Who are you?” Alexa asks, narrowing her eyes at him. I know my best friend, and she’s going to be like an attack dog toward any unfamiliar males for the foreseeable future.
Hunter is unfazed. He steps forward and reaches out his hand. “My name is Hunter, I’m—”
Alexa launches herself into his ar
ms, and from the looks of it she squeezes him even tighter than she squeezed me.
Hunter gives me this cute, helpless look over Alexa’s shoulder as he pats her back. I can’t help but smile, because the whole situation is adorable. Alexa is enthusiastic and fun, a fierce, loyal person who wants the best for her friends and counts anyone who is kind to those friends as part of her circle.
“Thank you for taking care of my girl,” she tells him. “I always want her safe, so thank you for keeping her that way. And thank you for keeping me safe, too, since I know you’re the one who sent Jesse.”
Hunter’s helplessness relaxes into a kind smile as he wraps his arm around Alexa, giving her a hug before he sets her down.
“You’re very welcome,” he replies. “How was Jesse?”
“Are you asking as his boss? Is this a performance review?” she teases.
“An informal one, sure. I like to make sure my people are worth keeping around,” he teases back.
“He got me out of that club, which seems like it’d be the most important part. He brought me home, even cooked for me a few times. Wouldn’t let me out of his sight until this morning.”
Pride lights up Hunter’s handsome face. “Good to know.”
“You should give him a raise,” Alexa says. “I think he’s a keeper.” She smiles in a way that lets me know there’s more to this story and makes me wonder if I’m not the only one who’s going to have a difficult time leaving this weekend behind me.
“Noted,” Hunter replies.
“I ordered pizza,” Alexa says. “I brought wine, too. We’re gonna watch movies all night long and get a little drunk since we don’t have to work tomorrow.”
“Sounds like a plan,” I tell her with a smile.
“I’m gonna get going,” Hunter says.
The smile falls from my face, because I don’t want him to leave yet. I’m just not sure what else I can say. Inviting him inside seems like a bad idea… If I don’t want to say goodbye now, doing it after spending hours with him in my apartment will be ten times worse. Probably impossible.