“Yes. I’d marry you every day for the rest of my life.”
His smile was the brightest I’d ever seen as he took the ring from the box and slid it onto my finger. He stood, wrapped his arms around me, and kissed me.
“Forever,” he whispered into my hair.
Life had been difficult for Zeke and me. There were hard times that we almost didn’t make it through. But then we found each other and held each other together. Not everyone meets their other half. Not everyone has the chance to feel the kind of love that Zeke and I have for each other, but I’d like to think that after everything I went through in my life, Zeke was my happy ending.
I’d never be perfect—no one is—but when I was with Zeke, perfection wasn’t needed. The truth was I was a beautiful mess and Zeke was the crazy glue that held me together.
The wind blew her long platinum hair to the side, covering her beautiful face as she turned toward me. She was leaving and it was killing me. She held up her hand with a frown. Sad, icy eyes stared back at me. My perfect little snowflake. She was mine for such a brief moment in my life, and now, she was leaving and moving on. Expanding her mind and becoming a part of society.
She didn’t need me anymore. She didn’t need me to make it better, to hold her close when she was afraid. It sucked. I needed her to need me. I wanted her to need me until the end of time, but things would never be the same, and as badly as it hurt, I knew it was for the best.
So I told her good-bye, watched as she disappeared behind a set of black doors, and I walked away. My heart was broken, I was full of fear, yet I couldn’t help but smile a little with pride.
Before I could make it back to the car, a tiny hand tugged on my arm. Turning, I found her standing in front of me with tears in her eyes.
“I love you, Daddy.”
Those words turned me to mush every time. I reached down and picked her up. Who knew the first day of school was such an emotional thing?
“I love you, too, pretty girl. Mommy and I are so proud of you.”
I kissed her forehead and set her feet back into the grass outside the school. She waved good-bye again and ran back to the entrance doors. Her book bag, which looked too big for her, bounced up and down the entire way.
Before I got back in the car, I wiped away my tears so Patience wouldn’t know I’d gotten upset.
“She looks too little to be going inside that big school,” Patience said when I shut the door and cranked the car.
“Yeah, she does.” I turned and looked at the school once more.
I’d made it back from touring just in time to be there for Sky’s first day of school. I refused to miss it.
“So who won the bet?” Patience asked as I pulled away from the curb.
“I did.”
She looked over at me with a look that told me she knew I was lying.
“I find it hard to believe you didn’t cry,” she said accusingly.
“Fine. You win,” I said as I pulled out a hundred-dollar bill and handed it over.
She folded it up with a smile and stuffed it in her bra. Her full cleavage popped out above her maternity top. Pregnancy looked good on my wife.
“Look at the road, Zeke,” she said with a grin when she caught me staring.
I couldn’t wait to get my hands on her when we got home. Since Skylar was born, we rarely got any alone time and once Kylee, our three-year-old, came, she lived hooked to Patience’s hip. Finn had agreed to take Kylee to the park while we took Skylar to her first day of kindergarten, which meant I had exactly two hours alone with Patience.
When we turned into the drive of our house, all I could think about was peeling off her clothes and making love to her until she couldn’t take it anymore. I’d been gone for three weeks and when I was gone, I missed Patience so much.
You’d think we’d be used to it by now, but there was nothing like coming home to my little family and then spending that first night home in bed with my beautiful wife.
Patience grabbed her back and made a tiny pain-filled noise as we were walking up the steps to our front door.
“You okay, baby?” I asked with concern.
“My back’s been sore lately,” she confessed.
Three pregnancies she’d gone through and every time she never complained. She was only six months in, but I could tell this baby was taking its toll on her. Another girl was on her way. Go figure an ex-womanizer like myself would be surrounded by all girls. It was my torture from the gods knowing one day my three daughters would grow up to be teenagers and would be approached by guys like me.
Patience made another noise and instead of letting her finish the steps, I scooped her up in my arms and carried her to the front door. She laughed and buried her face in my neck until I put her down to unlock the door.
“Why don’t you go sit down and relax. Is there anything you want?” If she had to carry and deliver the babies, then the least I could do was make sure she was comfortable and had everything she wanted.
“No, but I think I’ll take you up on the sitting and relaxing thing.” She sat slowly on the couch and started to rub her back.
Just like that, I forgot all about my needs. Sex could wait when my snowflake needed something.
Zeke massaged my back until I fell asleep on the couch. I’d never admit it to him, but this pregnancy was the hardest one yet.
I missed him like crazy when he was gone on tour, but with the girls, I couldn’t go with him anymore, especially now that Skylar was in school.
When I woke up, I was in my bed and it was three in the afternoon. I folded the covers back and made my way into the living room. The guys were there playing with the girls. The girls loved the boys so much, and Finn, Chet, and Tiny—or as the girls liked to call them Uncle Tin, Uncle Tet, and Uncle Iney—had finally met their match when it came to females. There wasn’t anything the boys wouldn’t do for my girls.
I crept past the living room and into the kitchen to get a glass of water. I passed the photo of our wedding day on the wall and laughed at our crazy crew. Zeke had Finn, Chet, and Tiny on his side, of course, and I had Sydney, Megan, and Hope. The picture was of all of us posing with funny faces.
I loved looking through our wedding photos. It was one of the first times that everyone I loved was in a room together. Even Zeke’s dad made an appearance. Apparently, he’d been sober since Zeke left and had been going to therapy for his anger issues. Zeke still had his issues with him, but whenever we visited South Carolina, we were sure to take the girls by to see him. I could hardly believe how different he was with the girls.
I was rinsing my glass and sticking it in the dish drainer when Zeke came up behind me and put his arms around my not-so-tiny waist.
“How are you feeling, beautiful?” He kissed the back of my neck.
“Better. You should’ve woke me up. I slept all day.”
“Good. I’m home now, baby. You relax and let me take care of the girls.”
I turned and put my arms around his neck. My belly poked out so much that I couldn’t get as close to him as I’d like. He looked down between us and then back at me with a sweet smile.
“You know I can’t just lie around in bed all day.”
He leaned down and kissed me sweetly on the lips.
“How about I keep you up all night tonight, exhausting you until all you want to do is lie in bed all day tomorrow?” He ran his tongue along the seam of my lips.
“That sounds delicious.” I flirted back.
“You’re delicious.”
That night, once the boys went home and the girls were all tucked in. Zeke took me in our room and proceeded to undress me.
“I’ve waited all day to be alone with you.” He kissed my shoulder and ran his fingers down my sides.
“You were alone with me today.”
“Yeah, but you weren’t feeling good and you needed sleep.” He planted tiny kisses from my shoulder up the side of my neck.
“I’m so lucky to have y
ou. Most men wouldn’t care about how their wives felt after going without sex for weeks.” I lifted my arms so he could take off my top.
He leaned down and kissed my stomach, and then he untied my drawstring pants and pulled them down. He worked his hands down my thighs, and then massaged my sore calf muscles until my legs tingled. When he got to my ankles, I couldn’t take it anymore, so I sat down on our bed.
He took his time planting soft kisses on the insides of my legs as he massaged my feet. It felt amazing. It wasn’t long until I was lying in bed completely naked and he was kissing every part of me.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered over and over again.
“I feel huge.” I sucked in a breath when he ran his tongue across my nipple.
Everything was so sensitive and I was aching for him. I pulled on his hips to press him against me.
“I promise you’re not huge. You’re perfect.”
I chuckled a little to myself. “Oh, am I?”
He was sucking my earlobe now and slowly working himself between my legs. I could hardly wait to feel him inside me.
“Absolutely. You’re more than perfect and you’re hot. As a matter of fact, if you get any hotter, you might melt.” He smiled down at me with those words.
I could remember when he used to say that to me all the time, and I smiled to myself when I thought about everything we’d been through to be together.
I leaned up and kissed him while I ran my fingers over the three tiny snowflakes on his forearm. Zeke kissed me back and then he spent the rest of the night making good on his promise to exhaust me.
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From the bottom of my heart thank you so much for reading! MWAH!
Tabatha Vargo
You can keep up to date with my upcoming releases, reveals, teasers and giveaways on my website www.tabathavargo.blogspot.com
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XOXO!
First and foremost, I’d like to thank Melissa Andrea for always being there when I get a mushy brain and can’t think straight. There’s nothing like having a person you can call who will listen to all your mindless rambling until a story unfolds. You’ve become my best friend throughout all of this, and I can’t wait until we’re neighbors.
Secondly, I’d like to thank Regina Wamba, the best cover designer around. Not only are you my amazing cover designer, you’re my friend. I think you’re amazing in all that you do and I’m blessed that I ran into you. Thank you for all that you’ve done for me and all that I know you’ll do in the future.
To Cassie McCown, the person who gets to see messy me, thank you. I’m a storyteller, not an editor, and I’m so glad to have such a patient, sweet, and caring person on my side when it comes to making my work the best it can be. Thank you for digging through my mess and cleaning up after me. You’re amazing, and I look forward to working with you in the future.
To my family, thank you for learning how to stack the dishwasher, load the washing machine, and clean up after yourselves. You guys have been so patient with me and I appreciate all the support you give me on a daily basis. I’m mommy first and foremost, but I love you all for picking up the slack when my head is stuck in a story.
And finally, to Matthew, you’re my base, my lover, and my best friend. You’re the reason I write such beautiful romance. You’ve taught me well. We’ve grown together, and helped each other become what we are today. I thank God every day for giving me you, and I look forward to our future together. I love you, baby. Forever.
Please feel free to contact Tabatha at the following avenues.
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Thousands of children deal with abusive environments every day. For more information regarding sexual molestation/child abuse please visit the American Humane Association.
If you or someone you love suffers from drug abuse, get help. Contact the National Institute of Drug Abuse for more information on how.
If you or someone you love suffers from depression or anxiety disorders, get help. Contact the Anxiety and Depression Association of America for more information on how.
Finding Faith
Copyright © 2013 by Tabatha Vargo
All Rights Reserved. Printed in the United States of America.
No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manor whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events or real people are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Perfecting Patience/Tabatha Vargo
Editing services provided by Cassie McCown/Gathering Leaves.
Cover Art by Regina Wamba/Mae I Design and Photography
Formatting by Inkstain Interior Book Designing
ISBN-13: 978-1493576746
ISBN-10: 1493576747
For Matthew.
I love you.
Faith… sometimes it’s passionate and fleeting. One minute you’re swimming in it, diving into the deepest recesses of the one you worship. You bathe in their heat as their healing presence swarms all around you and builds an almost unbreakable devotion.
You believe in them, trust and rely on them blindly, knowing that if you fall, their loyal hands will catch you. You’re convicted, so strongly dedicated to them that the rest of your world falls to the background and there is only their grace.
And the next minute, your reverence has broken apart, exposing breath and bone. Bringing you down and leaving you faithless in all things that once held purpose and hope. Beliefs unbind and all you can do is hold on to the memories of when you felt savored and whole.
I was once faithless. Believing only in myself and the things that I could touch with my two hands, but then love took up residence in my heart and stole my soul. Something bloomed inside of me that lacked explanation and reason and I nourished it, believing with that love, all things were possible. I prospered, held strong with just a promise of desire’s sweet breaths.
And then I was abandoned and there was nothing.
Passion and desire desert you and you find that Faith, however tainted and brief, has changed you, reshaped your DNA and made you someone you never thought you’d be. And then you look back at the one that held your devotion for so long, and you find she’s not rapture in soft pink, but a demon with creamy skin and endless eyes—endless eyes that I swore would never capture me again.
“I blew him,” Amanda said loudly.
A girl walking down the hallway looked over at us like we were disgusting. I waited until she was out of earshot to respond.
“What do you mean you ‘blew’ him? Is that like some sick slang for something sexually disturbing?” I asked, confused.
Amanda’s laughter got the attention of everyone around us. The last bell had just rung and the hallways were packed with girls in uniform hustling to get home. Her face was red and tears of laughter ran from her eyes.
“Oh my God, Faith, you crack me up, girl.” She wiped the smudged eyeliner from underneath her eyes and took a deep breath.
I had no idea what was so funny, but at that point, I was too embarrassed to ask. I assumed that whatever she was talking about was sexual, and knowing her, it was probably disgusting. I was clueless to stuff like that. Daddy said when the time was right my husband would show me everything I needed to know.
My parents always made sure to keep me in the dark about the opposite sex. I once saw a naked man briefly while I was flipping through the channels. My
mom saw it, too, and three days later, my dad had the cable turned off.
Amanda’s laughter stopped and her face cleared. “Wait, you really don’t know what that means, do you?”
I didn’t bother answering. Instead, I put my head down to hide my red cheeks and stuffed my hair behind my ear. I didn’t think my face could get any hotter—that is until Amanda took the time to actually explain the ins and outs of oral sex.
I spent the next twenty minutes staring at her like she was the most repulsive person alive as she explained in detail how she’d spent her night with her new boyfriend Kevin. Almost everything I knew about sex, Amanda taught me as she told me about her different boyfriends and what they’d done on their dates.
“That’s disgusting.” I felt sick to my stomach just hearing about it.
“Actually, it’s kind of nice.” She shrugged. “I’m sorry I laughed at you. Sometimes I forget your situation.”
She reached in and gave me a big hug. She knew what my life was like. She’d once had to live the same life before her situation changed.
“Don’t worry about it. Sometimes I forget you’re finally free.” I laughed.
“Free, my ass! Mom’s being a total bitch about me using her car for anything. Speaking of, Saturday night movies… yes or no?” Amanda asked as she pulled out her English book and slammed her locker shut.
She ran her fingers through her long blond hair and adjusted her hot-pink purse strap on her shoulder. Her chunky heels clunked against the floor as she waited for my answer. She could always pull off fun clothes like that. Honestly, I had no idea why she was still friends with me.
We’d known each other since we played with baby dolls and wore lacey socks with our Mary Janes. Sadly, on occasion I still wore lacey socks. When we were younger, we were both sheltered and childish, but she grew up and was no longer under her dad’s strict thumb since her parents had shocked the church and got a divorce.
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