Reynolds gave me the okay on the powder and then bought half of it from me on the spot. I spent the rest of the night singing my ass off and goofing off with the boys. Amanda, Kevin’s most recent girl and also Faith’s friend, came with Kevin and watched from my couch. I thought about quizzing her on all things Faith but decided against looking like a total pussy boy.
The following Wednesday, I got to spend time with Faith. We got stuck in the back room, putting together posters for some car washing event the church was having. The church was big on raising money. Faith explained to me how the money was used to improve the church, but all I could think about was how sweet her mouth looked when she talked.
I watched across the table as she drew pretty angel wings on her words and dotted her I’s with hearts. Chicks were always doing senseless shit like that, but when Faith did it, it was cute. She didn’t do things to impress others—she did them because she wanted to go the extra step, because she enjoyed doing her best.
Every now and again, her hair would fall into her face and she’d push it back. She never wore it up. As much as I loved her hair, I’d love to push it back and look at her face clearly just once. I bet Stephen the perfect church boy got to see her face.
“So you never told me how the date went,” I said as I picked up a black marker and started to write.
She looked up from her poster and a soft-pink blush covered her cheeks when she smiled. It left my stomach feeling funny. I didn’t like it. Actually, I hated it.
“It was fun. We went to a movie,” she said as she nervously tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.
She was so cute when she did that.
“That’s it?”
“What do you mean that’s it? What else were we supposed to do?” she asked, confused.
She really had no idea how the whole dating thing worked. Of course maybe I was the one that had it all wrong. Had that been me, we would’ve made out for at least an hour, followed by some hardcore sex, and then I would’ve taken her home as late as possible, if I even took her home at all.
I bet pretty boy took her home early and I bet he didn’t even try to kiss her.
“Did he kiss you?”
I wasn’t sure where the question came from. I wasn’t one to blurt things out, but I’d thought about it so much since that day in the kitchen when she told me she had a date and I needed to know.
Her eyes widened with my question and the blush on her cheeks went from pink to red. Still, she didn’t answer.
“Well, did he? I bet he didn’t. He doesn’t look like that type.”
Her brows pinched a little and I thought maybe I’d made her angry, but then she spoke.
“No. He did.”
Just like that my day when from okay to shitty. I envisioned myself ripping Stephens’s braces from his teeth and forcing them down his throat. The little rat-nosed bastard wasn’t good enough to breathe the same air as Faith, much less put his nasty fucking mouth on her.
“Oh.” I cleared my throat.
It was the stupidest thing to say, but I felt like I was choking and it was the only sound I could get past the imaginary blockage in my throat. Plus, it was better than what I’d been thinking. I was pretty sure if Faith knew I wanted to beat the living shit out of Stephen her opinion of me wouldn’t be good. Not that her opinion of me was any good to start off with.
“I mean, he kind of did,” she said as she put her head down and continued to work on the poster.
“What do you mean kind of? Either he did or he didn’t.”
I should’ve been happy for her. She looked happy and I didn’t miss the big smile she had on her face when she’d told Sister Francis she had another date with him the following weekend. I spent five minutes after that wishing I hadn’t heard it.
“He kissed me on the cheek.”
I couldn’t help myself. I laughed. What a punk bitch. I’d kiss my grandma on the cheek—if I had a grandma—and yet he’d given his date a goodnight kiss on the cheek. There was no doubt about it; he was a puss.
“What’s so funny?” she asked, offended.
With laughter still in my voice I said, “Nothing. I can’t believe he kissed you on the cheek. He’s a wild one, Faith. You better watch out for that boy.”
This time she laughed. Her laughter was so nice. She didn’t laugh nearly as much as she should’ve.
“It’s not funny. He’s just shy. Besides, maybe he’ll give me a real kiss on our next date.” Her face dropped when she said those words.
I stopped laughing.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
She stood and looked down at me in panic.
“Oh God, Finn. What if he tries to kiss me?”
Again, my stomach felt weak with that thought. I didn’t want his lips anywhere near her. I’d thought once or twice about telling her she was too good for him, but then she’d smile and sound excited about their date, and I’d swallow those words. Faith’s smile did things like that to me. I couldn’t explain it. It didn’t make any sense and I didn’t understand it.
“Then kiss him if that’s what you want.” I swallowed hard.
Tiny hands were choking me. Not literally, but that’s what it felt like.
“I’ve never kissed anyone before.” Her cheeks lit up with embarrassment.
I knew that. It was one of the main reasons I thought about kissing her so much. The thought of sharing her first kiss with her made my heart beat funny. I wanted to share something that special with her. I wanted to brand myself in her memories that way. I wanted it more than anything I’d ever wanted before.
“You’ll be fine. Kissing is something that comes naturally.”
“But what if I’m bad at it? Oh my God, I can’t do this.” She ran her hands through her hair. Her anxiety showed clearly on her face.
I couldn’t keep my gaze from falling to her pouty pink lips. She’d be an amazing kisser. The thought of pressing my lips to her soft, cushiony mouth gave me a physical reaction. Not the usual physical reaction I had with girls, but something deep inside—something that bound itself around my emotions and squeezed.
“That’s impossible,” I rasped.
“It’s completely possible. Amanda says she’s kissed a lot of guys who were bad kissers.”
I cleared my throat so my voice wouldn’t squeak with tightness.
“No. It’s possible… just not for you.”
“How do you know?”
No way could I answer that. What would she think if I told her that her lips were too sweet, her mouth too luscious? Kissing her could never be described as bad—never. I could say that in confidence without ever even getting close to her lips.
“I just know.”
She wringed her hands and put her head down. Her breathing changed, and when she looked back up, she was biting the inside of her mouth nervously.
“Could you show me?”
Alarms went off in my head.
“Show you what?” I asked.
No way was she asking me what I thought she was asking me. I didn’t know if I could handle that. Even a tiny bit of her would push me overboard.
“Could you show me how to kiss?”
She couldn’t even look at me when she asked. Her fingers were turning purple she was squeezing them so tightly. She was so innocent, so perfect, and yet she was asking me for something. She needed something from me. Even it was something small, it made me feel important. I hadn’t felt that way often in my life.
I stood and moved closer to her. My knees shook slightly, prompting me to lean against the table. I’d never felt like this before, all anxiety and nerves, but Faith did this to me every time I was around her, and I wasn’t sure I could continue being selfless for long.
“You’re joking, right?”
I secretly hoped she wasn’t joking. Even if I had to pretend to be doing it for unselfish reasons, if I ever laid my lips to hers, it would be totally selfish and I was afraid I’d never let her go.
“Never mind. I get it. Why would you want to even pretend to kiss me?” Her cheeks were blazing.
“That’s not what I meant. I mean are you sure? I’d be your first kiss kind of in a way. I know that’s kind of a big deal to some chicks.”
I needed her to understand what I was taking away from her—what I was taking away from Stephen if he’d even thought about. More than anything, I needed her permission just once more. I didn’t want her to regret me later. That would kill me.
“Yes.”
Her voice sounded different. It was thick with what I could only describe as passion. I didn’t think she was capable of such an emotion, but when I took a better look at her, I could see that her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were lazy and glazed over.
I tucked a stray piece of chocolate hair behind her ear. Her big brown eyes collided with mine, and for a brief moment, I felt a hint of panic at her being able to see right through me. She was staring at my memories and my thought process, and it scared the shit out of me.
I licked at my lips and her eyes dipped to my mouth. She was so innocent. Had another girl looked at my mouth that way, I’d know they wanted me to kiss them. Not with Faith, though. She did it without realizing her eyes were saying, “Kiss me, Finn.”
The soft scent of fresh powder and roses swarmed around me when I moved in closer. I wanted to kiss her. I deserved just that one innocent moment of showing her how to kiss—of being her first anything. I’d been a decent human being since the moment she bumped into my life. I’d earned a tiny kiss.
I moved in a bit more and her gaze was broken when her eyes fluttered closed. She lifted her chin and bit softly at her bottom lip. She was ready for it and she looked so damn sweet. It was like a kick to the face. I might have deserved a brief kiss, but she didn’t do anything bad to deserve me.
I moved back and her eyebrows pinched in confusion before she opened her eyes and looked back at me. I took a deep breath and pressed my forehead to hers. She was all around me, pulling and pushing at every emotion I held deep within, but I couldn’t do this to her. I couldn’t take away such a special moment.
“Your first kiss should be special. I don’t want to take that away from you.”
Before stepping away completely, I took the opportunity to feel her skin once more. I used my thumb to caress her cheek and it felt as soft as it looked. Being this close to her was amazing. She was amazing, and some guy was going to be one lucky son of a bitch when she fell for him. Hopefully it wouldn’t be that punk Stephen. She deserved a real man.
I closed my eyes and swallowed hard. Stepping away from her was the smartest and dumbest thing I’d ever done, but she was worth it.
And then her lips brushed mine and it was as if fireworks went off in my stomach. I opened my eyes and was met with her closed lids. Her long dark lashes fluttered and her eyes opened briefly, searing me deep before she closed them again and sighed against my mouth.
I lost it. I pulled her closer to me and wrapped my arm around her waist. Deepening the kiss, I lost my other hand in her long, wavy hair. I didn’t want to push her so I kept my lips sealed, but even without all the hot tongue action, it was probably the best kiss I’d ever had.
I lost track of time. I lost all rational thought, but I gained so much in that moment. I gained insight into something that was real. Not just a quickie in some chick’s bed, no sloppy wet kisses that would lead to more, just a moment that was genuine. She was branding herself on my memory, and I knew no matter where the world took me, my first kiss from an angel would never leave me.
I wasn’t sure who started it. Probably me since she was innocent, but my tongue met hers and the taste of her invaded my mouth. She was sweet—so damn sweet. I pressed against her more and I felt her fingers dig desperately into my arms. A tiny noise slipped from her mouth and ran down my spine before dissolving into a hot sensation in my thighs and pelvis.
Her soft breath bathed my cheek. She was kissing me just as hard as I was kissing her. Tongue and teeth collided in something more passionate than I’d ever known. And then it was over and I was left trying to catch my breath.
She’d broken the kiss, her warm breath cooling against my moist lips. I took a deeper breath and the taste of her rolled over my tongue, making me want more. Opening my eyes, I found her standing there looking back at me in expectation. She looked almost unaffected by the kiss, but then I noticed her dilated pupils and the tiny shiver that quaked through her. She smiled innocently at me.
“What do you think?” she asked.
Her voice sounded forced and heavy.
I couldn’t tell her what I really thought—I wouldn’t even if I could. Instead, I took a deep, refreshing breath, grinned down at her, and stepped away.
“I… I think you’ll be fine.”
Me, on the other hand, I wasn’t too sure about anymore.
Wow. I’d finally had a taste of what I’d been missing and I wasn’t sure I’d ever be the same again. I couldn’t even believe I’d been so open about wanting to kiss Finn. Maybe having an excuse to do so made it easier, but once my lips were on his and he kissed me back, I was changed. When he stepped away from me and went back to work on his poster, I knew I was a different girl.
I’d only been kissed once in my life, but I was positive no other kiss would top that one. I may never be more than a friend to Finn, and I may live a boring life until I’m married to someone equally boring, but at least I had that moment. It was almost as if Finn’s kiss had given me the courage to face the uneventful life that was laid before me.
Things got weird then. Finn stayed quiet while I made posters for the car wash. At one point my dad came in and asked if Finn could come in on an off day and help with cleaning the rock patch out front for a new parking lot the church was getting. He agreed, which meant I’d be going to church on a Thursday after school instead of doing homework. It was strange actually being excited about going there.
The following day I went to the church with my dad. I lied again and said there was stuff I needed to do in the kids’ room. In reality, I sat at the window and watched as Finn helped shovel the rocks into a big container the church rented.
Every now and again, he’d use his shirt to wipe the sweat from his face and I’d get a view of his stomach. He was so beautiful—sculpted by the hand of God. There could be no other reason for such perfection. He might be a full-blown sinner, but his eyes were made of heaven and when he looked at me, there was warmth that I’d never known.
I’d been so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t even realize when Finn disappeared. I stood on tiptoes and angled my head in different directions trying to see where he went, but he was nowhere to be found.
“Do you always stalk people from the church windows?” he whispered from behind me.
I spun around so quickly that I lost my balance and he had to catch me. His body felt hot against mine and his drenched T-shirt stuck to the front of my simple white blouse.
“I… I wasn’t,” I stuttered
“Uh-huh. So you always sit at the windows for an hour, staring out?” he slid his arm down my side and I felt it in my knees.
“I wasn’t,” I said clearly.
“Okay, if you say so, but let me ask you something. Do you like looking at me, Faith?”
His eyes slipped to my mouth and I sucked in an excited breath. I silently begged that he would kiss me again. I ached to feel his mouth on my mine. I liked the way he was looking at me and the way he felt so close against my body.
I was going to go straight to hell when I took my last breath. What kind of person sat in a church room and fantasized about a man? I had to admit it to myself; I was definitely fantasizing about Finn.
“I wa—” I started.
He ran his thumb across my lips, stopping my words. His eyes penetrated mine as he took slow, deep breaths. He moved his other hand, adjusting it on my ribs.
“Don’t say you weren’t. You were. I saw you. And you know what? I liked
it. I liked it almost as much as I like looking at you.”
I swallowed the moan that rose in my throat.
“You like looking at me?” The words barely came out.
His fingers spread into my hair, making my scalp tingle.
“Very much. As happy as I am that I won’t have to come back to this church in a couple of weeks, I’m sad that I won’t be able to look at you anymore. You make coming here tolerable.”
His words were too much, too sweet, and I couldn’t help but close my eyes and melt into him once his hand started massaging the back of my hairline. He was giving me something I hadn’t known I needed. I’d never needed to be close to someone else. I’d never needed pretty words. I’d accepted my future of being stuck with a man of God who was passionate as a stick. But Finn had me rethinking that future. Maybe I wasn’t as wholesome and good as Daddy said I was. Maybe I was more sinner than I realized and maybe I liked being that way.
He pressed his lips to the corner of my mouth and I waited for him to press them against my lips again, but the kiss never came. Slowly I opened my eyes to find him staring back at me with a confused look on his face. He shook his head a bit and then stepped away. My body felt too heavy and I almost dropped from the extra weight on my knees.
“What is it?” I rasped.
My voice sounded different. Not young and inexperienced, but heavy with lust and greed. I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted it badly.
“This is wrong,” he simply stated.
He looked so unaffected by me that it stung a little. However, he was right. What we were doing was wrong and I was glad he had enough self-control to pull away from me since I didn’t think I could ever pull away from him.
I put my head down so he couldn’t see my disappointment, tucked my hair behind my ear, and cleared my throat.
“You’re right. I’m sorry.”
Get Rocked Page 47