Once I was done telling him the sad little tale of my boring life, I lay there while he played with my hair and sang some songs. I’d never heard the songs before so I assumed they were the band’s music. His soft melodic voice relaxed me to the point that I could no longer tell if I was asleep or awake. At some point, I felt his lips against my forehead and I heard him whisper goodnight.
When I woke up the next morning, I was alone in my bed. I rolled onto my side and pressed my face into the pillow where he’d been. I could still smell the light scent of his cologne. When I sat up in bed, a pink rose from my mom’s rose bush lay on my bedside table on top of a scribbled note.
If it looks like an angel, talks like an angel,
and sleeps like an angel, then it must be an angel.
See you soon, beautiful.
Love,
Finn
If my parents noticed I was acting different, they didn’t say anything about it. I probably wouldn’t have heard them anyway since my head was so far in the clouds. On the ride to school, I had to push my smile down so my mother didn’t see it.
I spent the rest of the day floating and riding my Finn high. Amanda stared at me from across the picnic table at lunch like my head was on fire.
“Tell me again how you slipped in the shower and bruised your face.” She said suspiciously.
Rolling my eyes, I laughed as if it was nothing. “Just me being clumsy as usual.”
I took a bite from my apple and smiled secretly to myself with thoughts of Finn.
“Okay, what’s up with you? You’ve been acting crazy all day.”
When I didn’t answer right away, she threw a grape at me. I picked it up and playfully threw it back at her.
“It’s nothing. I’m just having a good day.”
“Uh-huh. When did you start lying?”
I didn’t bother telling her anything about Finn. I still wasn’t exactly sure what it was we were doing. I didn’t want to look like a fool by telling Amanda that Finn and I were together and then have him show up the following weekend with some new girl.
I didn’t know much about guys, but I knew Finn was a ladies’ man. He had to be. He was too attractive and too confident not to be.
A sickness sank into my stomach with the thought of Finn saying and doing the things he was saying and doing with me with some other girl. An earlier conversation we’d had before ran through my mind and I could remember him telling me that he had girls in his life.
Maybe I was moving a little too fast with my emotions. Maybe wrapping myself around Finn so quickly wasn’t a good idea after all, but it was so hard not to. Especially when he was saying and doing things I’d been yearning for.
That afternoon after dinner I finished up some homework, got ready for sleep, and then relaxed in bed with my favorite book until I could feel myself getting tired. Part of me tried to stay awake in hopes that Finn would swoop in and stay the night with me again, but soon my eyes were heavy and I fell asleep.
By the time Wednesday came around, it had been two days since I’d seen or heard from Finn. I was starting to worry that maybe he really had been messing with my head. I spent the day feeling sick to my stomach and worrying a hole in my heart. I was willing to do anything that would take my mind off of Finn.
When it was time to go to church, I rebelliously slipped into my only long jean skirt instead of the normal khaki and pretended I didn’t see my parents’ disapproving eyes when I met them at the car. Once we were at church, my cross warmed my palm as I sat through my dad’s sermon on sinful ways and remaining holy.
I could feel the congregation’s eyes on me since it had already gotten around the church about my night out with Finn. They knew Daddy’s sin sermon was for my ears only and seemed to praise Jesus a little louder for my sake. It hurt. My church family was supposed to love me no matter what, but it felt as if they were all turning their backs on me and condemning me.
Stephen wouldn’t even look at me anymore, which was fine by me. The last thing I wanted was more attention. His parents had no problem keeping their eyes on me, though, and I spent the entire time wishing I could disappear under the pew and sneak out the back.
The next day at school, I decided I’d had enough wondering about Finn and that talking to Amanda was my best option. I watched her stuff her face with her lunch and text from across the table.
“When’s the last time you saw Finn?” I asked abruptly.
There was no need to beat around the bush. Pulling the Band-Aid off fast was less painful.
She looked at me with her mouth open before she recovered and answered. “I saw him last night. Um… why?”
It was time she knew what was going on in my life. It seemed that she was the only person in my life who wouldn’t judge or look down on me. It made me appreciate her friendship even more.
I spent the rest of lunch telling all. I could tell by the way she was looking at me that I shocked her. Even though Finn and I hadn’t done anything sexually, she looked at me with wide eyes as if she were in awe of me.
“Okay, so you guys are, like, a thing?” she asked.
“I don’t know what we are,” I said as I covered my face with my hands and growled in aggravation.
The truth was I missed him and I wanted to see him. I wanted to know what was going on between us, if there was anything there to fight for. If not, then I was going to drown myself in schoolwork and church the way I always had and move on.
“I’m going with Kevin to Finn’s house tonight for practice. You should come and talk to him.” She shrugged.
And just like that, I made plans to sneak out with Amanda once again. It wasn’t a smart move, I understood that, but it was necessary as far as I was concerned. I wasn’t looking forward to going to the scary side of town, but I could be brave for Finn.
I went straight to my room when I got home and did my homework. At dinner, I was silent as I ate. I felt awful knowing I was being deceitful, but it felt worse not knowing what was going on with Finn and me.
I sat quietly in my room and read until I was sure my parents were asleep. Once I could hear my dad’s loud snoring sounding from down the hallway, I pulled out an outfit that I borrowed from Amanda and slipped it on. I thought it was sweet of her to run home during school and pick through her clothes for me. If I was going to go back to Finn’s garage, I didn’t want to stick out too much.
The dark jeans were tight and hugged my hips like a second skin and the black shirt barely covered my stomach. Every time I lifted my arms, I felt a breeze on the skin just above the waist of my jeans. Even though the clothes were tighter than I was used to, I felt more comfortable in them.
I pulled my hair back in a ponytail and tucked my cross beneath the collar of my shirt. When I finally took a second to look in the mirror, I was amazed at how different I looked. I felt good—comfortable in my skin and ready to take on the wrong side of town. It was amazing the confidence a pair of jeans could bring.
When Amanda tapped on my window, I slid out with little problem. Turns out it’s much easier to move around in a pair of jeans than it is a long skirt. I padded across the damp yard to Kevin’s car and was once again met with Tiny sitting in the back seat.
I didn’t even look back to check to see if my parents had woken up as we pulled away from the curb. The nerves that I felt last time I snuck out were nowhere to be seen. The only thing I felt was happiness as we made our way through town and closer to Finn.
I sold the last of my stash, fixed my car, and bought a new tire. It felt damn good to have the Mustang back on the road. I was determined to get my life in order and be good for Faith. I didn’t want to sneak around with her. I wanted her dad to be okay with me dating her, and if I wanted that, I had to go straight.
I spent the day after getting my car fixed going around and putting in applications everywhere I could. My drug-selling days were over and I wanted to earn honest money. Mom, who never even knew I was dealing, agreed that it was time
I stepped up and got a job. She needed my help, but she also understood that I had to make my own way—be a man and all that.
I missed Faith like crazy, but I wasn’t going to approach her dad with anything until I could show him that I’d changed and was doing better for myself. My plan was to go to church the following Sunday to speak with him. He needed to know that I was in love with his daughter and I meant her well.
By Wednesday, I didn’t think I could take it anymore. All I could think about was sneaking in her window and spending the night with her again. At the very least, I wished I could hear her voice over the phone. Instead of giving in, I wrote songs for the band. Who gave a shit if they were ballads? It felt good to get my feelings out on paper.
Once Reynolds showed up at my house for practice Thursday night, I was hungry for just a glimpse of Faith. I’d never known what it felt like to miss someone so much. He beat on his drums and bullshitted while we waited for Kevin and Tiny. I turned him down when he offered to do a line with me and I was proud of myself.
I watched from my couch as he lined it up on my coffee table and then sucked it up through a dollar bill. He captured the rest of it from the table top with his finger and rubbed it on his gums with a big goofy smile.
“You need to lay off that shit, man,” I said as I took a swig from my beer.
“Oh come on, Finn, not you, too. I got this, dude. No worries.” He ran the back of his hand across his nose.
Overdosing was a real thing where I came from. I’d only ever seen it happen once, but I knew people over the years that had taken their drug habits too far. I was well on my way out of that shit. The people around me could do what they wanted, but I was done.
I walked toward my mic when I heard a car pull up. I was ready to take my frustrations out in my music. Expecting Kevin and Tiny to walk into the garage, I was taken back when Jenny, my ex-girlfriend, walked in.
“What’s up?” I asked as I fell back onto my couch. “Haven’t seen you around lately.”
She shyly smiled at me as she sat next to me on the couch. I’d never noticed before how trashy she looked—her hair was too blond, her makeup too dark. Everything about her was just wrong, and I found myself feeling sick to my stomach that I’d ever touched her.
“I thought I’d stop by and watch you practice. I miss it… I miss you,” she said as she laid her hand on my knee suggestively.
I picked up her hand and dropped it in her lap.
“Nah, I’m good, but you’re welcome to stay and listen if you want.” I trashed my empty bottle and went to the cooler and grabbed another.
She followed me and when I turned around, she threw her arms around my neck.
“Are you seriously going to turn this down?” she asked as she pressed her tits to my chest.
I looked down at her cleavage and almost gagged. She smelled like cigarettes and stale hairspray, and I wanted her as far away from me as possible. I pulled her arms from around my neck, turned her, and pinned her up against a wall.
Excitement filled her eyes and she licked at her lips.
“That’s what I’m talking about,” she said as she leaned in to kiss me.
I pulled back. “Hell no. We’re done. As a matter of fact, I think you should go.”
I was about to release her when I heard Kevin’s loud voice behind me.
“Damn, man! I thought we were going to practice. Knock that shit off. You can fuck her later.”
I turned around and started toward my mic again, but I stopped when I came face to face with Faith. The wounded look in her eyes shot right through me. I knew exactly what she was thinking.
She turned and left the garage quickly, and I cursed and followed behind her. It was going to take some quick talking on my part and a lot of trust on hers.
“Wait up!” I said as I grabbed her by the arm and spun her around.
A single tear rushed down her cheek and broke my heart. I reached up to wipe it away, but she turned her head and looked away from me.
“Faith, nothing was happening. I was telling her to leave, I swear.”
She swiped at her face and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, that’s exactly what it looked like!”
I’d never heard her yell before. More tears spilled from her eyes and I cussed myself for being so stupid.
“I’m so sorry, baby. Please don’t cry.” I pulled her tighter to me and wrapped my arms around her.
She tried to pull away and I held tight until she relaxed against me. I felt her body shaking as she cried against my shoulder. I rubbed her back softly.
“I’m so sorry you saw that, but I swear, Faith, I was telling her no. I was asking her to leave. I’ll go get her right now and she’ll tell you. I promised you that I’d never do anything to hurt you and I meant it. Please just trust me.”
She looked up at me and sniffled. Even with a red face covered in tears, she was beautiful.
“This is all so new to me, Finn. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know what this is that we’re doing. If this isn’t anything and I’m seeing things that aren’t there then just tell me. I’ll walk away no questions asked.”
I chuckled softly to myself. She was so far off.
I captured her face in my hands and softly kissed her.
“That’s the last thing I want you to do. I know I’ve been quiet lately, but that’s only because I’ve been out trying to get a job and get my life in order. I want to be good for you, Faith, and right now I’m not.”
It was weird putting my emotions out on the table like that, but I trusted her with my life. She would never hurt me and I felt safe giving my all to her.
“You are… you’re perfect for me. Since I met you, everything’s better. You make everything better and…”
I didn’t let her finish. I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to kiss her. So I did. She gripped the front of my shirt and I filled my hands with her hips and pulled her closer to me. There’s was no such thing as too close when it came to Faith.
We held hands as we went back into the garage. The guys, who were lounging on the couch, waiting, rolled their eyes and bitched about me running out.
“It’s about fucking time, dude. Are we going to do this or not?” Reynolds asked.
I smiled at Faith as I sat her on the couch. It was then that I was able to actually look at her. Her hair was pulled back and I could see every inch of her face and neck. The top she wore was black and low on her shoulders, revealing even more of her creamy skin. Her tight jeans accentuated every curve and dip of her hips and legs.
She looked so fucking sexy and sweet that I almost scooped her up right then and took her to my room. Leaning over, I whispered in her ear.
“You look so sexy tonight.”
Her cheeks turned pink, and I softly kissed her lips before turning away from her.
I sang my heart out that night. Not once did I break eye contact as she watched from the couch. Every word I sang was for her, and when she smiled up at me and bobbed her head a little to the music, I felt accomplished. I’d always loved being a part of Original Malice, but something about singing with Faith as my audience made it feel real.
When practice was over, everyone left but Faith. I promised Amanda that I’d get her home safely, and I would, but I wanted to spend some alone time with her. It had been days since we’d seen each other and I since she’d already snuck out anyway, there was no need to waste a perfectly good night.
“You have a beautiful voice,” she said as I sat beside her on the couch and pulled her onto my lap.
She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed my cheek. She felt so good against me, but I remained in control of myself. My body begged to be with her and my mind spun every time she moved in my lap.
“You have a beautiful everything,” I said as I captured her lips with mine.
I’d never been so happy in my life. I’d never made plans for the future. There was never a person in my life that was a constant. I wanted Faith to be that pers
on. We were young, but it didn’t matter. She was the one I wanted and I wanted her until I was no more.
I made sure to take my time with every move I made. As badly as I wanted to have sex with Faith, I knew I needed to take it slow, and as unmanly as it sounded, I wasn’t really ready to take that step with her. It had to be perfect for her since she was so perfect.
An hour later, I took her home and walked her to her window. I kissed her again and helped her climb in. Her ass and hips felt amazing in my hands and I had to stop myself from squeezing and pulling her back out against me. She was going to be the death of me.
Once she was in, she turned around and smiled. “Same time tomorrow night?” she whispered.
I couldn’t help myself, I chuckled. My little angel was turning into a devil. I didn’t like the idea of her sneaking out, but I also didn’t want to deny her anything. If she wanted to see me, then she was going to get what she wanted.
“I’ll park at the stop sign. My car’s louder than Kevin’s. Goodnight, beautiful. I’ll see you tomorrow night.”
“Goodnight.”
She kissed me one last time and then slowly pushed her window closed.
I didn’t even remember the walk back to my car. She made me higher than any drug I’d ever taken and I was becoming addicted to her.
I was definitely in love. Period. There was no longer any doubt in my mind about that. Finn was it for me. There’d be no other. I understood that the minute I stepped foot into his garage and saw him standing there holding another girl against the wall.
The look on his face when he saw me could only be described as broken. Pain filled his eyes and his mouth fell open as if he’d just been told someone he loved dearly had died. The moment seemed to pause as everyone around us looked in and tried to figure out why the world felt like it was crumbling.
I didn’t care. I felt like a fool. Amanda knew everything about me and Finn, and she walked in on the same thing I did. I couldn’t get out of that garage fast enough. I didn’t want to cry like a big baby in from of a room full of strangers. I’d had enough humiliation.
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