by Lila Moore
“No one. Probably a wrong number. The caller ID said Unknown.”
I didn’t believe her, but I didn’t feel like arguing.
“Lay down,” she said.
I let her tuck me into bed and tend to me like a sick child. Astrid usually went to yoga class on Sunday but she stayed by my side all day babying me. I didn’t mind too much. We ordered pizza and spent the day watching eighties movies like Heathers and Some Kind of Wonderful. Around bedtime, I reached for my cell and was surprised to see it was missing.
“Where’s my phone?”
Astrid slid it out of her pocket. “I didn’t want it to distract you.” She handed it back to me.
“Why would it distract me?”
I looked at the screen. I had thirteen missed calls. They were mostly from my aunt, but two of them were from Sledge. I got out of bed.
“Where are you going?” Astrid asked.
“To call my aunt. She’s probably worried sick.” Astrid jumped up and snatched my phone out of my hand. “What are you doing?”
“Your dad ordered you to go to your aunt’s house every weekend didn’t he?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s finished. You’re not going there anymore.”
I laughed. “Easier said than done.”
“You’re an adult. You don’t have to do what your parents say anymore. If you want to be free, then it has to start now.”
The future opened up before me in a terrifying way. My parents were awful to me, but they were a known quantity. There were no surprises from them. Astrid wanted me to take the road untraveled. It was fraught with danger but ultimately it would lead to my freedom.
“You’re right,” I said. “I have to stand up for myself.”
I dialed my aunt’s number. She picked up on the first ring. “Bobbi! Thank God. I was so worried. What’s going on? Your father said-”
“I don’t care what he said. I’m not speaking to him anymore. I’m not coming to your house on the weekends either. You’ve always been nice to me and I’m grateful, but it’s time for me to move on.”
There was a crash in the background as if something had been dropped. My aunt sighed with frustration. “Your father won’t like this.”
“It doesn’t matter. I’m eighteen.” I looked to Astrid for support. She nodded her head, encouraging me on. “I’m going to find my own way. I’ll pay for college myself and figure it out.”
“Mm-hmm,” she said skeptically.
There was another sound of something falling to the floor. Then I heard my aunt’s muffled voice say: “Stop that.”
“Who’s there?”
My aunt rarely had visitors and when she did, she didn’t speak to them in such stern tones.
“What? No one. Why?”
“Who were you talking to?” There was a sharp cry in the background. The sound only lasted a second, but I was sure it was a baby. “Is there a baby there with you?”
“No. Why would I have a baby? It’s that damned television. I can’t find the remote and the volume is… well, you know.”
“No, I don’t. Maybe I should come over tonight.”
“No,” she said quickly. “You’ve made your decision. You have to stick to it now.”
My aunt was being very odd. I never would have expected her to support my decision. My father, her brother, supported her. He bought her a house and paid the bills. She would never defy him.
“I’ll call you tomorrow after you’ve had a night to sleep on this decision. I suspect you’ll feel differently in the morning than you do right now. I won’t tell your father about this. You need time to think. Once you come to the right conclusion, you’ll understand how foolish you’re being.”
“I’m not-”
“I’ll see you next weekend, dear. Goodbye.”
She hung before I could argue further.
“What did she say?” Astrid asked.
“She doesn’t believe me. She thinks I’ll see the error of my ways and return to her house every weekend like my father ordered me to.”
“Shows how much she knows. You’re not going to back down.”
There was an edge to Astrid’s voice, as if what she was really saying was you’d better not back down because I’ll kick your ass if you do.
“Right,” I said distantly.
“Bobbi, you can’t be having second thoughts already?”
“No, it’s just that when I was on the phone with my aunt, I thought I heard…”
“Heard, what?”
“Nothing. I guess it was her TV, or maybe it was just my imagination. I thought I heard a baby crying.”
Astrid frowned and tilted her head to the side like she was dealing with a truly pathetic person. She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight.
“You’ve had a long day. You need to get some sleep.”
“Yes, mother,” I said jokingly.
“No arguments.”
I let her tuck me into bed and take my cell phone away.
“Sledge called too,” I said.
She perked up. “Yeah? Are you going to all him back?”
I shrugged. “I don’t think so. I know you think I’m a fool for ignoring him, but do you see why? Carrying this secret is killing me. Every time I’m around him I feel like a villain. He doesn’t know about the baby and I can’t tell him. He would never forgive me. And I can’t blame him for that.”
“There’s nothing you could do. They stole your baby and gave him away. They’re the bad guys here. Not you. They forced you to carry this lie.”
“I should have done something to stop my father from taking the baby away. I should have fought, or gone to Sledge. I wasn’t thinking clearly. What my father said made sense to me at the time. He was right about Sledge. He would have given up his future to be with me and take care of our baby. Hockey is his passion. He’s never happier than when he’s on the ice. If he’d quit because of me, I would never forgive myself. Besides, what kind of future would we have had? There are no jobs in our hometown. We would have lived in poverty. Sledge would have to give up his hockey dreams to work as a mechanic or something like that. He would resent me and I would hate myself for costing him his dreams.”
“Your life is a mess. There’s no doubt about it. But you’re wrong about one thing: I do understand. I get it. I probably wouldn’t want to see Sledge again if I was you either. He’s a reminder of everything that was taken away and everything that could have been.”
“So, why are you trying to talk me into seeing him?”
“I think he’s good for you. I know you still have feelings for him. I saw how upset you were when he got hurt at the game. And…”
“Don’t even say it.”
“…he’s rich. He cares a lot about you, Bobbi.”
“No.”
“He’ll help you out financially. You just have to ask.”
“I can’t ask him for money, not after what I’ve done to him.”
“You may not have a choice. I won’t lie to you. Supporting yourself while in school is going to be hard. Sledge’s money could really help you.”
“I can’t ask him for money. I would feel terrible.”
“At least let him take you out.”
“I’m cutting off all contact with him. I have to move on. We’ll never get our baby back. The only way either of us will move on with our lives is if we stop seeing each other.”
There was a loud knock at the door.
“I’ll get it,” Astrid said. She ran to the door and said: “Oh.”
Who could it be? Probably one of Astrid’s conquests. It wouldn’t surprise me if Harley decided to come back and spend the night with Astrid. I hoped she’d get rid of him.
“Bobbi?” Astrid called.
I got out of bed and walked to the door. Sledge stood in the hallway. He looked huge in the narrow doorframe. His face lit up when he saw me. I looked terrible. I wore old, wrinkled plaid pajamas and a sweatshirt with no bra. My hair was a rat’s nest and I wasn�
�t wearing a hint of makeup.
“Bobbi, I hope this okay. I tried calling, but you didn’t answer,” he said.
Astrid looked at me from the corner of her eye.
“It’s fine,” I lied.
It had been a horrible day. I just wanted to go to sleep and start fresh tomorrow. Hopefully, I could put this day behind me and move on with my life.
“I, uh, have to talk to the Resident Advisor about something,” Astrid said. “I’ll leave you two alone.”
She slipped out the door and walked down the hall. I invited Sledge inside. He took in my tiny dorm with a meaningful glance. The place wasn’t much to look at. Astrid had attempted to bring some life into the room by covering the cement walls with posters, but it hadn’t done much good. Svetlana was right. The dorm looked like a prison.
“Sorry for the mess,” I said.
I felt embarrassed by how much mess I’d managed to create in such a small space. Damp towels were all over the floor and my class notes were scattered around my desk. I kicked the towels under my bed. I didn’t want to think about the events of earlier today.
“Is something wrong?” Sledge asked.
“Why?”
“You just look… tired.”
“I didn’t get much sleep last night.”
“You were at the hospital late. I shouldn’t have kept you waiting.”
“It’s fine. I was worried about you.”
“Were you?”
“Of course. I don’t want you to get hurt. Besides, what if you’re unable to play again? I know how passionate you are about the game. It would break your heart.”
“There are worse things in life,” he said cryptically. I waited for him to explain what he meant, but he didn’t. “Did you get my flowers?” He gave the room another meaningful glance. It was then I realized he was looking for them.
“Oh, um, yeah.”
I didn’t want him to know about what happened with my father. The thought of all those beautiful roses destroyed in the stairwell made me feel sick.
“Where are they?”
My mind went blank. “They’re… I…” My voice broke. Tears filled my eyes. I looked away.
“What’s wrong?”
“I lost them,” I said. “They were taken from me.”
“Someone stole the flowers I bought you?”
He looked at me like I was crazy. I knew how clumsy the lie sounded. I laughed trying to force my tears away.
“Not exactly. It’s a long story. The roses were beautiful though. I really appreciate it.”
He looked down as if he didn’t believe me. Maybe he thought I tossed the roses into the trash when I saw they were from him. I cleared my throat and winced. All the vomiting I’d done earlier had left my throat incredibly sore and scratchy.
“Would you like to go downstairs and get a drink? There’s a good bubble tea place around the corner.”
“Bubble tea?”
“Yeah, it’s great. You’ll love it.”
“Okay, sure.”
I was eager to change the subject away from what happened to the flowers he’d sent. Besides, it might be easier to tell him we could never see each other again if we were in public. Doing it in private felt too intimate. I was worried Sledge would figure out how to talk me out of it. Having people around gave me a strange kind of strength. I felt safer with strangers in my presence.
“Let me just change clothes,” I said.
“Okay.”
Sledge looked for a place to sit before deciding to take a seat on the edge of my bed. I walked around the corner into the closet I shared with Astrid. Frantically, I pushed the clothes around looking for something to wear. It suddenly occurred to me that it didn’t matter what I wore. I was going to tell Sledge I could never see him again. Did I really need to look good?
I pulled on a pair of jeans and a tight black sweater. I quickly ran a comb through my hair, though it did little to tame the mess. I slid on a pair of black ballet slippers and said: “All ready.”
Sledge checked me out and smiled. His reaction surprised me. I wasn’t wearing anything special.
“Let’s go,” I said awkwardly.
I led the way down the hall. As we approached the stairway I suddenly remembered the roses. They were still scattered all over the stairs. I didn’t want Sledge to see them. I’d have to explain what happened. I’m a lousy liar, so I’d probably have to resort to the truth. I wasn’t sure how Sledge would react to knowing his old coach, my dad, had destroyed the flowers once he realized they were from Sledge. I suddenly turned on my heels and headed back to the elevator.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Nothing. The elevator is better.”
“We’re only on the second floor. Stairs are probably quicker.”
“I prefer the elevator. I’m getting lazy in my old age,” I said with a smile.
He narrowed his eyes. “You’re acting strange tonight.”
“Strange, how?”
I knew I sounded like a lunatic, but that didn’t stop me from trying to downplay it. Of course I only managed to dig myself in deeper by sounding even nuttier.
“You just seem uncomfortable. Did something happen? Last night you were more relaxed.”
“I’m fine. I just haven’t slept much.”
We stood in front of the elevator waiting. It took forever. By the time it arrived, we could have been in the café already.
“I really-”
“You know-”
We both spoke at the same time. We laughed and Sledge said: “Sorry. Go ahead.”
“I just wanted to say thanks for the roses. They were beautiful. I really appreciate them. Whatever happens after tonight, I want you to know I’m grateful to have met you. I’m happy you were in my life.”
“Bobbi, what are you talking about? You sound like you’re dying or something.”
The elevator doors opened and we stepped out into the lobby. It was dark now. There were a few students coming back for the night, but it was mostly quiet. Being back in the lobby made me uncomfortable. The ghost of my father still haunted the halls. I didn’t want to see him pop up again. He’d kill me if he knew I was with Sledge only a few hours after he’d warned me never to see him again.
I felt skittish like a cat with a long tail in a room full of rocking chairs. But I also felt a bit naughty. I’d never really defied my father like this before. Part of my initial attraction to Sledge was that I knew my father would disapprove.
I looked back at him as I walked across the lobby. He was tall and handsome in a leather jacket and tight-fitting jeans. The girl that worked behind the sign-in desk turned to watch him. His eyes were on me. It felt strange to have the full attention of a man like Sledge. It made me blush.
I had to keep things in perspective. We could never be together.
I headed out the front of the building and walked around the block. Sledge trailed close behind. I ordered for the both of us and he paid. We took a seat outside and watched as people walked down the streets. It was late Sunday night. The main drag in front of the university wasn’t as busy as usual, but there were still a lot of people out.
“So, what is this?” Sledge asked, sipping his tea.
“It’s tea with milk.”
“What are these dark things at the bottom?”
“Tapioca. It’s good. Try it.”
He looked up at me skeptically as he took a drink.
“Well?” I asked.
“It’s not bad. So, what did you mean in the elevator? Why were you being so dramatic?”
I sighed. “I can’t do this Sledge. I can’t see you anymore.”
“Why not? Is there someone else?”
I debated lying and saying there was, but I knew Sledge well enough to know that would only make him more motivated to win me over. He’d want to track the guy down and kill him.
“No. You have a girlfriend and I have school. It’s not right. I’m too busy and I don’t want to become on
e of those girls.”
“What do you mean?”
“The kind of girl who hooks up with guys who are taken.”
“So, you have been thinking about sleeping with me?” he said with a sly smile.
“No, that’s not what I meant.”
It suddenly occurred to me that Sledge may not be interested in me at all. I’d jumped to that conclusion when he invited me to his game and sent me flowers, but what if he wasn’t interested? I’d found a new way to embarrass myself.
“You’re turning red,” he said.
I put my hand to my cheek. “No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are,” he said with a smile. “You don’t need to worry about Svetlana. Our relationship isn’t that serious.”
“She said she loved you last night.”
“She was just trying to make you jealous.”
“Why would I be jealous?” My voice cracked. I took a quick sip of my drink.
“Are you jealous?”
“No, of course not. Nothing can happen between us.”
“Why not? I mean, you make it sound like it would be the end of the world. We can take things slow. This is a good start-just the two of us, enjoying the night over drinks.”
It was relaxing to be in Sledge’s presence. He made me feel safe. I looked around the streets. If my father showed up, he’d be powerless against Sledge. I looked back to him. His lip was busted and he had a bruise beneath his right eye.
“How’s your head?” I said, changing the subject. “You took quite a beating last night.”
“It’s fine.” He waved his hand in the air dismissing my question.
“Why did those guys jump you?”
He frowned and looked away. “It’s nothing.”
“What?”
He ran a hand through his hair coolly. “Nothing. We just got into an argument a couple nights ago.”
Whenever Sledge played with his hair it meant he was hiding something. It was an obvious tell. He was a horrible poker player.
“What are you hiding?”
“Why do you think I’m hiding something?”
“I can tell.”
He narrowed his eyes. “You know me too well.”
I shrugged. “Are you going to tell me what really happened?”
He looked away. “I slept with the goalie’s girlfriend. He found out and as you can imagine, he’s less than pleased about it. His friends decided to jump me to teach me a lesson.”