Finding Strength (The Searchers Book 5)

by Ripley Proserpina

  Cabs lined up at a taxi stand, and there was only one person ahead of him, so he got in line. In a matter of minutes, he was in the car on his way to the hospital.

  “What brings you to Gulfport?” the driver asked.

  Apollo heard him, but struggled to find an answer. Finally, he got out, “Family.”

  “Oh really?” the man said. “But you don’t sound like you’re from here.”

  He made a sound like yeah, or shut up, but that was it. “Bijoux Shores General, please.”

  Apollo’s request was what probably shut the guy up. It was nighttime, and there was nothing to see out the window, but he kept his gaze glued to the darkness. Better that than meeting the guy’s pitying stare in the rearview mirror.

  “Right here,” the guy said as they pulled in front of the main entrance. Lights glared so brightly it was almost like daylight. “Good luck.”

  He nodded rather than answer, and gave the guy all the cash he had. Then he took off. She was here. Somewhere in this hospital was his girl, and all he had to do was find her.

  “Nora Leslie,” he said to the first person he saw. It was a volunteer, some scared looking college kid who eyed Apollo like he was insane. Maybe he was. Probably he was. And he definitely would be if he didn’t lay eyes on Nora in the next minute.

  “Okay,” the kid said, running behind the desk. “Um. Are you family?”

  “Yes,” he answered, not about to worry about the lie.

  “There’s no Nora Leslie here,” the kid said. “Are you sure—?”

  “Yes, I’m fucking sure!” Apollo barely refrained from pounding the desk with his fists, but even his raised voice was too much. He stepped back, holding out his hands. “Shit. I’m sorry. Honora Leslie. She goes by Nora.”

  “Honora,” the kid said, and started typing. “A-n-o…”

  “H-o-n-o-r-a,” Apollo corrected. “Leslie. L-e-s-l-i-e.”

  “Got her,” the kid said before glancing up at him. “I can show you the way. She’s in the ICU.”

  ICU. He ran his hand down the back of his head and then dropped it to his side. The bag he’d pulled up onto his shoulder fell to the floor. He’d forgotten he even had it. “Yes, please,” he said, digging deep so he sounded more like a man and not a maniac. “Sorry,” he tacked on.

  “Don’t worry about it,” he answered. “They tell us this happens.”

  Still… it didn’t make Apollo feel any better about scaring him. “I’m sorry.”

  “I hope your—family is okay,” he said as he pointed Apollo to a bank of elevators.

  Reaching for his bag, he nodded because she had to be. The trip to the ICU was a blur, and it wasn’t until the elevator opened and he saw Cai, standing with his back against the wall, staring at nothing, then the world came back into focus.

  His friend made eye contact and blinked. Then he blinked again, pushing away from the wall to approach him. “You didn’t call.”

  “How is she?” Apollo asked. “What happened? Is she okay? I—”

  Cai didn’t answer; he just hugged him. Oh fuck. Oh no. Please, God. No. His knees gave out, and all two hundred plus pounds of him dropped to the floor. Cai went with him as Apollo buried his face against his shoulders and wept. “I’m too late.”

  “She’s in a coma,” Cai said.

  Apollo fell back onto his ass, knees propped as he stared at him in disbelief. “She’s alive.”

  “She’s alive.” Cai nodded quickly, probably in case he couldn’t understand his words. Good thinking on his part, because Apollo couldn’t be certain he wasn’t hearing what he wanted to hear.

  “Alive.”

  Cai nodded again. “Alive. But in a coma. Apollo—” His friend gripped his shoulders, his fingers digging into the bare skin. Into muscle. Apollo felt the tremble that moved through him all the way to his fingertips as he held on.

  “Can I see her?” he asked.

  Cai shook his head. “Not now. They’re watching her. In the morning. Then only for fifteen minutes. None of us have seen her yet.”

  It was then Apollo realized the rest of his friends were nowhere to be seen. He stood, slowly, not certain his legs would hold his weight. “Where is everyone?”

  “Ryan and Seok went to Matisse’s to rest. Matisse is in recovery. He’s okay.”

  “What the fuck happened, Cai? I have no idea what’s going on and this not knowing is killing me, man. It’s fucking killing me.” Apollo braced himself against the wall, but a wave of exhaustion hit him, and he found a chair. As he sunk into it, Cai sat next to him. But wouldn’t look at him.

  “We were going out to dinner. Matisse wanted to take his bike—”

  Every muscle in his body froze. Matisse on the bike. He saw where this was going. Nora was on the bike. Why? He’d begged his friend to get rid of that thing. To not ride it. But Matisse was a grown man, and he could make his own decisions. He ignored the tiny voice saying the same thing about Nora.

  “He and Nora were behind us a ways. There was an accident on the interstate, and everyone was stopped. Some guy, we think he was drunk, didn’t slow down in time. He rear-ended a stopped car, which rear-ended a stopped car, and so on. Nora was in back; she got the brunt of the force.”

  A million images assailed him. “Helmet?”

  “It was on.” Cai sighed. He rubbed his palms together and linked his fingers. “But her brain is swollen. They’re talking about removing part of her skull.” He looked at Apollo, and he could see just how much that terrified his friend.

  “The coma?”

  “They put her in a coma to heal. They had her in surgery. I don’t know for what. I think they told us but…” Cai’s voice trailed off, and he stared at the wall like he’d see the answers there. “I don’t remember what they said.”

  Apollo nodded and rested back in the chair. “And Tisse?”

  “Concussion. Broken bones. Road rash. He’s asleep, but he’ll be okay. Home in a few days, maybe less.” It was going to break him when he woke up and learned what had happened. He’d blame himself. Fuck. He’d come so far. Nora had brought Matisse peace. Contentment. This could undo everything.

  “Are you going to stay?” Cai asked, and Apollo was so shocked he actually startled.

  “What?”

  “You left,” he said, and held up his hands at whatever he saw on Apollo’s face. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad, but we need you. And you need to figure out if you can be here.” Cai stared at him hard, his jaw flexing. “She may not be the girl we know anymore. But she’s ours. Mine. So if you’re in, then you’re in, but if she wakes up and you suddenly decide you can’t do this–”

  “I wouldn’t do that,” he interrupted.

  “You don’t know that,” his friend said. “I never would have thought you’d have left her in the first place. Anyone could see how much she meant to you. For God’s sake, you loved her first.”

  “I still do.”

  “Then prove it.” Cai stood like he couldn’t spend another minute seated. He jammed his thumb against the elevator button and then let his forehead drop to the wall. He lifted it and let it thunk. Once. Twice. “I need some coffee.” The doors opened. No one else was in there, and Cai stepped inside, but he wasn’t done. “Fucking prove it and stay.”

  11

  Apollo

  10 years old

  Mom had left the groceries scattered on the floor again, and Dad sighed when they walked inside. “Tessa?”

  She didn’t answer, and Apollo side-eyed his dad. Ever since he’d picked him up at Grandma’s, Dad had been moody.

  No one answered, and Dad sighed again. It was such a loud sigh that he watched Dad closely, because he knew what was coming next.

  Slamming.

  Banging.

  Dad pulled the groceries from the bags and shoved them into cabinets and the refrigerator. He didn’t put things in the right places, and he didn’t put the plastic bags into the funny little plastic bag holder Mom used.

  N
ot that his mom had done any of those things lately. Lately, she was quiet and lost. She didn’t even bother to turn the TV on.

  Dad turned around and saw him watching. “What’s the matter, bud?” He grabbed Apollo’s shoulders and pulled him close to hug him.

  Before Dad left, he’d been too big for hugs, but not anymore. It had been so long since anyone had touched him or cared about him that he found himself leaning into whoever put their arm around him. Dad.

  Grandma.

  Grandma was great at hugs, at least in the beginning. Now she seemed angry, too, and watched Dad with narrowed eyes. Like he’d done something wrong.

  Releasing him, Dad stepped into the living room and called out again, “Tess?”

  “Upstairs.”

  Apollo saw his dad’s shoulders relax. He came back into the kitchen, grabbed a bag of goldfish crackers, and handed it to Apollo. “Have a snack and watch TV, okay? I’m gonna check on Mom.”

  “’Kay.” Apollo accepted the bag and sat on the couch, waiting for Dad to put the TV on. It had taken a little bit of getting used to again, someone watching out for him. Giving him snacks or a blanket to snuggle into. The first week Dad was home, before Mom came back, Apollo had still been trying to make dinner.

  And the first time Dad found Apollo checking the locks in the middle of the night, he’d made a face he’d never made before.

  Apollo had hated that, and now he’d do anything so he wouldn’t see it again.

  Dad rubbed the back of his head as he went by and then took the stairs two and three at a time, his long legs eating up the distance. One day, Apollo wanted to be that tall.

  Focused on the TV, at first, he didn’t hear his parents fighting. But then his dad got loud, and his mom started to cry, and it was all he could hear.

  “…leave the groceries in the middle of the floor. Have you taken your medicine?”

  Mom’s voice was low, but Apollo could make it out. “I think so.”

  “You think so, Tessa? You think so? You have to take it every day. Every. Day.”

  Staring at the ceiling, he willed his father to shut up. Mom didn’t do well when people pushed her too hard. It just made her quiet, sleepy. If Dad kept talking to her that way, she’d go under the covers and not talk at all.

  “I’m taking it every day.”

  “Let me see the bottle.”

  Someone stomped across the floor, their footsteps making the bulbs in the ceiling light shake. “Here.”

  “There’s a week’s extra of pills in here, Tessa.”

  “You miscounted.”

  “I didn’t. You lied. You’re not taking them.”

  Mom lied? Why would she lie? And what were the pills for? Apollo sat up and rubbed his hand along the back of his head over and over as his parents continued to fight. Why was his mom taking pills? Was she sick? Dying?

  He put the crackers on the floor. His belly hurt, and he wasn’t hungry at all anymore. Dad yelled, something about Mom not getting better on purpose. Trying to keep him at home when she knew how important his work was. He said she was ruining everything.

  Heat rose from his stomach into his face, and he clenched his fists. Dad didn’t know anything, and why was it so important that he leave? Didn’t he know, couldn’t he see how much they needed him? If Dad left, then things would get bad. Mom would go to bed, and Apollo would be hungry.

  Weren’t they important, too?

  Now Mom was crying louder, and Apollo’s entire body heated with anger. This wasn’t okay. Dad didn’t get to come back here and yell. He was supposed to be a fixer. A helper.

  Launching himself off the floor, Apollo stared at the stairway, gathering his courage. He’d never interrupted Mom and Dad when they were fighting, and a small part of him warned him it wasn’t a good idea.

  But then Mom gave a sad little gasp, and his feet were moving without him deciding it. He ran upstairs, flung open their bedroom door, and stood there, out of breath.

  “Apollo.” Dad saw him first, and with one glance at Mom, hurried to him. He touched his shoulders, turning him to guide him out of the room, but Apollo dug his feet into the carpet.

  “No!” he yelled, and from Dad’s wide eyes, he’d surprised him. “No. Stop yelling at Mom! You don’t understand. We need you. Mom needs you. I know you have to help all the people, but we need your help, too. Why are you mad that she needs your help?”

  Hot tears ran down his face, but he was too big to cry, and he wiped them away quickly. Hopefully Dad didn’t see, because he wasn’t being a baby.

  “Little man…” His father’s eyes widened. They went a little glassy as tears filled them, and Apollo wanted to take everything back. He’d made Dad cry. He hadn’t meant to.

  “I’m sorry.” The words spilled out of him. “I’m sorry.”

  Shaking his head, Dad got down to his level and hugged him tight. “No, little man, there’s nothing to be sorry for. You’re right. You and Mom need me. It’s my job to help you. I’m the one who’s sorry, Apollo.” Dad straightened and turned, holding a hand out to Mom. She smiled at him, a real smile even though she was crying, too, and hugged him. Then she grabbed Apollo and pulled him between them.

  “Apollo-sandwich,” she whispered, wiggling a little to squish him. “I love you.”

  His face was mashed against his father’s chest, but Apollo didn’t mind. With his parents on either side of him, he felt loved.

  Safe.

  12

  Apollo

  Present Day

  Apollo crossed his arms and leaned against the wall, staring out the window. One of them could visit after the doctors made their rounds this morning. Rounds were at five. He just had to make it to daylight.

  “Do you want more coffee?” Cai asked, and he shook his head. His stomach was already sour; one more sip of nuclear-grade caffeine would have him vomiting all over the tile. “You sure you don’t want to see Matisse?” his friend went on.

  Again, he shook his head. First, Nora. Then, Matisse. His friend was alive, healing. He had his parents, and Ryan and Seok would be arriving later this morning.

  He needed to see Nora. He couldn’t do anything else until he laid eyes on her.

  Cai didn’t push him, just gave him the space, and silence, he needed. And slowly, the sky turned from black to gray, to orange, to blue.

  Apollo lifted his phone. Five. Any minute. He could make it another minute.

  Just like he did when he worked out and felt his body couldn’t take one more step, do one more push up, he counted each second. If he made it to one, he could go to two. And from two, then three. He hit a hundred and started all over again, counting the seconds and trying not to acknowledge the thoughts that were spinning in his head.

  His entire being was taken up with not panicking.

  “Cai?” A nurse poked her head into the lobby, leaning her body partially through the doorframe. “You ready?”

  Apollo stood when Cai’s name was called, and now the nurse studied him. “Are you Nora’s family?”

  He nodded, because he couldn’t speak yet. The nurse glanced at Cai. “Who goes first?”

  Apollo turned to Cai, silently beseeching him to let him see her first. His friend glanced toward the nurse and then back to Apollo. “Do I have to wait after he comes out?”

  The nurse nodded. “Fifteen minutes.” She smiled at Cai. “That’s it.”

  “Go,” Cai said without looking at him.

  Apollo touched his shoulder as he walked by, because he still couldn’t talk. Finally, he was going to see her.

  The nurse waited for him in the hall. She handed him a mask and then took off at a brisk clip. “I’m going to fill you in on what to expect,” she said, business-like but not uncaring. “There will be a lot of wires and monitors. The doctors had to shave her head, and she’s wearing a collar. She’s pretty banged up, and has had stitches, some of which are on her face. You can talk to her, and you can hold her hand after you sanitize yours, but keep the mask
on at all times.”

  He went immediately to the hand sanitizer on the wall and spread it into his hands, rubbing it all over them. After the time on the plane, he should probably shower from head to toe. But this would do for now.

  “How—” His voice caught, so he started again. “How was her night?”

  The nurse smiled as they came to a stop. “Good. She stayed steady, good pulse, good heart rate. She’s a tough cookie.”

  She was. His girl was the toughest.

  Apollo let out a breath as he nodded.

  “Okay. Mask on.”

  He pulled it over his face, tucking the rubber bands behind both ears to keep it in place and then ran his hand down the back of his head.

  The nurse walked in first, and Apollo was surprised to see another nurse in there. She blocked Apollo’s line of sight. All he could see were Nora’s feet beneath a blanket. “This is Nora’s nurse, Marie,” she said to him.

  Apollo nodded, and Marie smiled before going back to her work.

  “I’ll be back in fifteen minutes to get you,” she said.

  “Thanks,” he replied, and then she was gone.

  “You can go on the other side of the bed,” Marie stated, and he sucked in a breath.

  Apollo moved around the bed, his gaze on the motionless form. And froze.

  “Baby.” He hadn’t meant to speak. But, God. His girl! Throat closing, he forced his feet to move until he stood next to her head.

  She looked—broken.

  Her hands… why had the nurse said he could touch her hands? One was in a cast and the other was scraped and bruised so badly. Her fingers were taped together, and he suspected at least one finger was broken. He had a sudden vision of her flying through the air, her hands outstretched to catch her fall.

  The collar, stiff, white plastic, covered her from her shoulders to her chin. He’d worn a collar once after taking a bad hit in a match that had sent him to urgent care, and the collar had hurt worse than the injury.