He’d been so jealous. He didn’t give a shit about all of that now. She’d slept with the other guys, not him. So what?
It didn’t mean she didn’t love him. What the fuck was his problem?
Apollo turned onto his stomach and swam to the edge of the pool. He knew what his problem was. He’d gone to therapy after Mom and Dad, he knew their deaths were the heart of everything wrong with him.
Nora didn’t make him feel wrong though. All that bullshit? It was his bullshit. Not hers. It was all his perception.
Because he’d forever feel like he wasn’t good enough.
Good enough to struggle for, to sacrifice for.
He grabbed the edge of the pool and pulled himself out. His clothes were soaking wet, so he’d have to drip his way back inside.
The lights came on as he reached the veranda, so he hurried inside.
“You okay?” It was Nicole, Matisse’s mother.
Apollo held his wet clothes in front of him. “Yes, ma’am. I couldn’t sleep.”
Nicole sighed and held a towel out to him. “You don’t have to ma’am me, Apollo.”
“Sorry,” he said and quickly wrapped the towel around him.
She turned to a chair and picked up a t-shirt. “Here.”
He slid it on and stood there, awkwardly.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Meeting her gaze, he shook his head. “About Nora?”
“About why you weren’t with them,” Nicole said. “Why you stayed home.”
People thought Matisse’s bluntness came from his dad, but Apollo thought Nicole probably had something to do with it as well. “It was a mistake.”
Nicole sat in the chair and waved at the empty one next to her. “Sit, Apollo. Talk to me. Don’t keep all your hurt and anger bottled up.”
“I don’t,” he answered quickly.
Raising an eyebrow, she studied him. When he didn’t speak, she leaned back in the chair. “I don’t know that I understand completely what kind of relationship you all have.” Apollo almost jumped in, but she held up her hand. “I don’t need to. You’re like brothers, you and my son and his friends. I’ve never seen anything like it, and I’ll admit to being worried when Matisse told me about Nora. I’m still worried.”
“She’s amazing,” he cut in.
“I know.” She held his gaze. “I know, and I like her very much, but hon, five men and one woman… that’s bound to cause some problems. Now, Tisse, he doesn’t care what people think about him, but you? And Cai? Seok? Y’all have some history that makes things hard. Harder than it is for Ryan. And I think you struggled.”
To agree felt like a betrayal, but Nicole was right. And part of him wanted to talk about it with someone. Someone outside of his relationship.
A mom.
“I never would have been able to talk about this with my parents,” Apollo said.
“No?”
He shook his head. Leaning forward, he braced his elbows on his knees and linked his hands together. “No. I don’t think so. My mom, she couldn’t handle hard stuff.”
She didn’t reply, so he went on.
“She couldn’t handle a lot, actually. And I don’t think my dad could either, but where my mom checked out mentally, my dad just took assignments far away from us. He left. If they were alive, I would have told them about Nora, and I bet my mom would have gone to bed, and my dad would have changed the subject.”
“Maybe,” Nicole said. “If they did, what would you do?”
Apollo glanced up quickly. “What do you mean?”
“Well,” she said, scooting forward in the chair. “You’re a man now, about to graduate college, and Nora’s the woman you love, right?”
“Yes.” Absolutely.
“So if you told them about her, and they ignored you, ignored what you told them, what would you do?”
Apollo had imagined a thousand scenarios involving his parents. Growing up without them, every life event came with a reality and a fantasy. When he graduated high school, he imagined his parents in the audience. When he got his acceptance to Brownington, he imagined showing them the letter.
All his fantasies, however, were best-case scenarios. Everyone celebrated. His parents were proud.
It was too hard to think about what they’d really be like.
“They’d have to get used to it,” he finally said. “She’s in my life. She’s not going anywhere.”
“She’s not, is she?” Nicole glanced over his shoulder, out the window. “And that’s the heart of it. You’ve chosen her, and she’s chosen you.” She laughed. “She chose all of you. Not like some spoiled brat who couldn’t make up her mind, but as a woman whose heart saw to the heart of each one of you.” She looked at Apollo. “Right?”
It was hard for him to find his voice. “Yeah,” he answered. “She does. She sees me. She’s it. So it wouldn’t have mattered what my parents did, or how they treated me, because she’s it for me. The family I chose.”
“You know why she’s with you.”
He did. In his head, it all came together, and his doubt went out the window like it had never been there to begin with. She saw him. He was special to her.
He imagined Nora’s face, the way it lit up when she saw him. He heard her voice, asking him to stay with her. She needed him, him. No one else could ever take his place in her heart.
Apollo was suddenly exhausted and happier than he’d been in weeks. “Yeah. I know why she chose me.” Because he was her safe place. He protected her. Loved her. He fucking worshipped the ground she walked on, and Nora knew it.
The five of them weren’t lined up according to preference in Nora’s heart. They were all a first choice. That was why she couldn’t choose.
He, Apollo Morris, orphan and no one’s concern, was Nora’s first choice.
28
Apollo
Apollo slept that night. His epiphany brought peace, even though he was still worried about Nora. And he slept hard. Dreams came, images and snippets of memories of his parents, and he woke up in the gray early morning light.
Sitting up, he stared out the window. The faces of his mother and father held on, along with the emotions they always dragged up. His life had changed completely the day they’d died, and for the rest of his life, until last night, he’d been nagged by a sense of inadequacy.
Next to his bed, his phone jumped to life. He grabbed it. Seok’s name flashed across the screen before he connected the call.
“Is she okay?” he asked.
“Yeah.” Seok sounded tired. His voice was scratchy, and quiet, like he was trying not to be heard. “But she asked about you. The therapists are coming this morning.”
Apollo flung the covers off his body and started to search for his clothes. He propped the phone between his head and his shoulder as he struggled into his jeans. “Which ones?”
“Which ones?” Seok repeated. “Um.” He sighed. “I don’t remember. Speech, I think. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, man,” Apollo said quickly. “You’ve been up all night. I’m on my way.”
“Okay,” Seok replied, and hung up without another word. Apollo slid his phone into his back pocket, grabbed his wallet and hurried out of the bedroom. The bathroom was across the hall, and he brushed his teeth and slapped on deodorant.
As he opened the door, Ryan ran into him. “Sorry! I didn’t even knock!”
“It’s okay.” He was saying that a lot this morning.
“You’re ready to go? Will you wait?”
His stomach was tight with anxiety. He was ready to go, but Ryan obviously felt the same way. Fifteen minutes wouldn’t kill him. “No problem.”
He got downstairs to find Matisse’s mother, Nicole, walking past the stairs. She stopped when she saw him. “Matisse awake?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” he answered.
“He’s healing slowly,” she said. “I’m afraid he’s doing too much and it’s slowing it all down. I’m going t
o check. Are you leaving for the hospital?”
“Yes,” Apollo replied. “Ryan, too.”
“Take my car.” Her heels clacked against the marble floor as she made her way to a table next to the front door. Tossing him the keys, she smiled. “And hurry. If you’re gone, maybe Tisse will follow doctor’s orders.”
That wasn’t likely. Matisse, like all of them, was spending every free second at the hospital. It must have been uncomfortable, bordering on painful, but his friend never complained. It was like he pushed all feelings aside.
Check on that later. Nora wasn’t the only one who needed time to recoup.
Ryan hurried down the stairs. “You have keys,” he observed. “Thank you, Nicole.”
“You’re welcome,” she replied and opened the door for them. Glancing upstairs, she waved them forward. “Get going.”
They did as she asked, hurrying through the door to her car. “Tisse is going to be pissed we left without him,” Ryan said.
“Cai can always drive him.” He didn’t think he could wait any longer, especially not if Nora was awake and asking for him.
“Why are you up so early?” Ryan asked as they got into the car.
This was way nicer than anything he’d driven before, and he took his time adjusting the seat and mirrors before pulling out of the driveway. As he glanced behind him, he expected to see Matisse running after them, shaking his fist. But no. They turned onto the main road without any angry Cajuns in the rearview mirror.
“Seok called,” he answered. “I was up before he did, but a therapist is visiting Nora this morning. She asked for me to come.”
“She’s more herself.” Ryan crossed his arms and leaned back into the passenger seat. “Remembering more. Less emotional.”
“Her brain is healing,” he reminded him. “It’s going to take a while.”
“I know,” he said, “but it’s scary, seeing her like that. One minute the Nora we know, and the next sobbing. The worst part is that it scares her, too.”
“I know.” Apollo rubbed his hand down the back of his head and then back up. Glancing at his friend, he tried to figure out what to say. There really wasn’t any way to ease his worry. This was just the way it had to be for now. They’d ride this wave until it came to shore.
The rest of the trip was silent, both of them caught up in their own anxiety and anticipation. They hurried through the hospital and up to Nora’s room. Seok stood as they came in, looking worse for wear. His hair hung in greasy hanks around his face, and he had deep, purple circles beneath his eyes.
“Hi,” he said. “I’m glad you’re here.”
“You need to go home, man,” Apollo said. “Get some sleep.” He handed Nicole’s keys to him.
“I thought the same thing,” Nora replied. “But I wasn’t sure if it was just my brain injury. He’s still incredibly handsome, but he does look like he could use a night of uninterrupted sleep.” Peering toward the window, she frowned. “Or day. Or maybe a day and a night. Take care of yourself, Seok.”
“Someone needs to stay with you,” he said, turning toward her. He leaned over and kissed her forehead carefully, and her frown deepened. He hadn’t spoken unkindly, but the sentiment seemed to bother her.
“It makes us feel better to stay with you,” Apollo added, trying to ease the tension.
“Thanks,” Seok said, holding up the keys. With one more kiss for Nora, he left.
Their girl looked better today. Brighter eyed. More comfortable. Having the neck brace off made all the difference in the world. Still, she moved stiffly and gazed at them as they moved around the room.
“Seok said a therapist is coming this morning,” Apollo said.
“Yes.” She shifted on the bed. “Speech, I think. I had him write it down so I didn’t forget; it’s over there.” Lifting her arm, she pointed to the bedside table. Ryan was closer, so he read what was written on a pad.
“Yup. Speech.” He put it down and studied the room. “Have you had breakfast yet?”
“They’ve come and gone.”
“Do you want something else?” Ryan asked.
“God, yes,” she replied, emphatically. “Not oatmeal. Not cold cereal. Not a stale bagel. Those are my only requests. And coffee.” She rolled her eyes. “And before you tell me I can’t have coffee yet, I know. I just want it.”
Ryan chuckled. “You good to stay while I seek out anything besides a bagel, oatmeal, or cereal?”
He nodded. “Grab me a piece of fruit and a yogurt?”
“No problem.” Leaning down, he kissed Nora’s cheek. “Good morning, Nore,” he whispered and kissed her again.
She closed her eyes and leaned toward him before stopping abruptly. “Ouch.”
There was a soft knock on the door. “Nora Leslie?”
A woman about Nora’s age, maybe a little older, stood at the door, a bag slung over her shoulder and a file held in her arms.
“Yes,” Apollo replied.
“I’ll be right back,” Ryan said. “Text me if you think of anything else.” He smiled at the woman who smiled and blushed and stepped aside so he could pass by.
“Miss Leslie, I’m Beth Wells. I’m a speech pathologist. Your doctor referred you to me.”
“I’m not having any trouble speaking,” Nora said.
Beth nodded. “Do you mind if I come inside and explain what I do? Then you can decide if you want to go forward or not.”
“Sure.”
Apollo sat in a chair next to Nora’s bed while Beth explained how she would evaluate Nora’s memory and language. “Sometimes, it can be hard to recall the words you want to say, or you’ll say a word you don’t mean to use.”
“It won’t hurt,” he said to her, taking her good hand.
“I don’t want to feel stupid,” she replied.
“Can you give us a second?” he asked Beth.
“Of course,” she replied and left them alone.
He moved his chair closer to the edge of the bed and studied Nora’s face. Her bruising had gone down, and her stitches had been removed. He reached for her hand, the one without broken fingers. She’d jammed them when she fell, but hadn’t broken them. Since she’d landed at an angle, one side of her body was a little rougher than the other.
Skimming his thumb along the back of her hand, he searched for his words carefully. “You’re not stupid. Your brain was hurt, though.”
Carefully, she took her hand from under his and lifted it to her head. She followed the shape of her head. “What if this shows that I’m really messed up?” she asked. “Right now, I know I have a hard time remembering everything, so I write it down. But there’s something about a test, you know? If it’s there in black and white, it makes everything seem so much more real.”
“More real than spending so much time in the hospital?”
She grimaced. “Fine.” She sighed. “Let’s take a test.”
Apollo kissed her cheek and went to get the therapist. She stood in the hall, speaking quietly to one of the nurses but hurried over when she saw him. “What’s her decision?”
“She’s going to go for it,” he said.
“Great,” she replied. “I promise, it won’t hurt.”
29
Nora
The test wasn’t so bad, objectively speaking. But Nora recognized that she couldn’t quite be objective about anything right now.
Beth read her some numbers, she repeated them. She read some more numbers, and this time, Nora repeated them backwards.
She had to remember a series of words Beth told her and then repeat them a while later.
It felt less like a test, and more like a series of puzzles. She did the best she could, but there were moments when she struggled, and it made her want to cry.
And as soon as she got a little emotionally flooded, that was it. She couldn’t do anything.
“Let’s take a break,” Beth said. “You’re almost done.”
Ryan arrived, arms full of food and drinks. “Yo
u’re done? That was fast.”
It wasn’t. That had been the longest thirty minutes of her life.
“I think this meets all the criteria.” He handed her a beautiful blueberry muffin and a cup of—
“Is this coffee?” She accepted it with her good hand and brought it to her nose.
“It’s decaf,” Ryan replied. “But I thought, maybe it’d make you feel better to have something a little familiar.”
Nora took a sip when suddenly Apollo and Ryan both pulled out their phones. “What is it?”
They read their texts and then glanced at each other.
“Guys?” she asked.
“Someone broke into the house,” Ryan said. He sighed and put down the food.
“I’m going to leave,” Beth said. “Give you some space. I’ll check in again in a bit.”
She hardly registered her leaving, Nora was so stuck on the idea of someone breaking into their house again. “How do you know?” she asked.
“Matisse got an alert. He reviewed the cameras.” Ryan said.
She could sense someone watching her. Frowning, Apollo approached her. “Are you okay?” he asked.
“Yes,” she replied, lifting her hand to her mouth to bite her thumbnail on her less injured hand. “Someone should call Seok. Does Matisse say what the damage is? Someone’s going to have to go back.”
Sitting on the edge of the bed, Apollo suddenly froze. “Shit,” he whispered and took his phone back out. “Tisse?” He stood and started to pace. “Was there video? Did you see who it was? What was taken?” Listening, he stared out the window and rubbed his hand down the back of his head.
She remembered the feel of his hair beneath her fingers and had the urge to touch him. But he was too far away and her leg… she wasn’t moving around much.
Sighing, she tried to ignore her building frustration. Sitting in this bed sucked. She couldn’t do the most basic things for herself, and now? Someone was going to have to go back to Vermont.
It was probably a good idea if some of them got away for a bit—get some space from this tiny hospital room and her crazy, rollercoaster emotions.
Finding Strength (The Searchers Book 5) Page 12