She told him.
“Is that a dream you’ve had? To be a nanny?”
Rachel watched as they left the Christmas-decorated town behind and climbed a long hill devoid of all traffic. “I love children. Nothing makes me happier than being around them.”
Cade smiled. “Well, you’re Providence dropping into my lap. I’m grateful that you’ll be Jenny’s nanny. So much has happened so fast.”
Rachel was gazing down at Jenny and her loving smile made him ache. When she looked up and met his eyes, Cade felt at a momentary loss for words. Rachel seemed like the perfect nanny for Jenny, and this belief shook him deeply. Truth was, he found himself drawn to her as a woman. He tried to shove those feelings away.
“I’m in shock over all this, too,” Rachel admitted in a soft voice. “I’m exhausted and yet, I feel like I’m still on pins and needles.”
“It’s the accident,” Cade soothed, watching the twin headlights stab into the black night. At the top of the hill the highway would straighten and level out. The snow began to ease. “You’re still in shock. I’ve got tomorrow off and the next day. Come on over when you feel like it.”
“You seem to know a lot about Jenny.”
Cade sighed. “Tom and Lily Hartmann were my best friends. Tom died six months ago, murdered by drug dealers. He was a deputy sheriff. Before he and Lily were married, they asked me to be godfather to their future children. If anything happened to them, I’d be the guardian. They had asked me because they came from adoptive families. Their adoptive parents supported their request. I said I would. I didn’t realize it would really happen.”
“Oh, dear,” Rachel murmured. Without thinking, she reached out her hand and laid it on his broad, capable shoulder. When she realized her intimate action, she quickly withdrew her hand. “I’m so sorry. You must be in shock, too. It’s awful to lose people you love.” How well she knew. She’d lost her mother and brothers. It hurt not to be able to call them, to see them or to visit the farm where she’d grown up happy and secure.
“I’m okay,” Cade said gruffly. “But my focus is on Jenny. After Tom died, I was over at their home nearly every day. I helped Lily take care of Jenny as much as I could because I know Tom would have wanted it that way.” Cade shook his head, his hands tightening momentarily on the wheel. The wipers provided a calming effect on him as they whooshed slowly back and forth across the wet windshield. “I just never figured things would go the way they have. I couldn’t believe it when I drove up in the cruiser and recognized Lily’s SUV. I—this is just a crazy time in my life, I guess.”
Rachel sensed the deep emotions barely under tight control within him. “At least Jenny is unhurt. And she’s safe with you. She’ll have a real father in her life and that’s important.”
Running his fingers through his hair, Cade grimaced. “Instant parent. I just never thought of myself in those parameters, Rachel.” And he gave her an intense look. “I’m just glad you showed up. I’m sorry you had to see that wreck. I know it will haunt you for some time to come. Jenny’s obviously happy and feels safe with you.”
“That’s a good sign,” Rachel agreed, gently touching Jenny’s soft, unlined brow.
“It is,” Cade said with a genuine sigh. “My mother, Gwen, runs Quilter’s Haven, a small fabric and quilting store in town. My father, Ray, runs the hundred-acre cattle ranch and I help out on days when I’m off duty. So, we’re stretched thin.”
“Yes, you are.” Jenny stared at his hands. No wonder they looked roughened by hard, constant work. He was a cowboy when he wasn’t a deputy sheriff. His work ethic made her proud of his responsible lifestyle. “Jenny has a father who will truly care for her in the long term.”
Cade nodded. “Yes, but becoming a parent suddenly is jarring. My parents are going to be shocked, too. They’ll be happy to help with Jenny, but they can’t care for her, either.”
“That’s why I’m here,” Rachel said, meaning it. Again, she saw the relief in Cade’s shadowed eyes. His law-enforcement facade had dropped away. She was privy to the man, not the deputy. And what she saw called to her on such a deep level that it surprised her. Since the abuse by Dirk, Rachel had undergone years of therapy. She recognized the extent to which she was an abuse survivor. It had left her wary of men in general. She’d had a few men who were pals, but never a lover. Rachel wondered if she would ever be able to love a man. The scars from her marriage with Dirk Payson had been a prison sentence in so many ways.
“I’m sure glad,” Cade said, smiling. “Once we get things set up, you’ll need a car, won’t you?”
“I will, yes. In New York I never needed one. I can drive, but it was nice not having a car payment.”
“Maybe I can help you there. My dad has a small pickup truck he no longer uses.”
Rachel laughed. “A pickup? I’m sure I can get used to driving it. That would be helpful because then I don’t have to have a car payment on top of everything else.”
“I’ll make sure you get paid properly,” Cade promised her. He made a right onto a road that was nothing but muddy ruts. “This is the way to the Moose Head Ranch. It’s about a mile down this bumpy road, so hold on to Jenny.”
The blackness was complete around them as he carefully threaded the car through the muddy ruts. The snow had stopped falling and as Rachel looked out, she realized that her life was changing remarkably and with shocking swiftness. And yet, a sweet joy thrummed through her heart as she held Jenny in her arms. It wasn’t her baby, but that didn’t matter. Her other jobs as a nanny had been with older children. Closing her eyes for a moment, Rachel savored the sense of utter safety she felt despite the turmoil in her life. Was it due to Cade’s nearness? She thought so. How handsome he was. And then, Rachel wondered if he was married.
Opening her eyes, she glanced at his hands on the wheel. He didn’t wear a wedding ring. A lot of men didn’t so it meant nothing. Wetting her lips, she said, “For some reason, when I first saw you out there tonight, you looked married.”
Cade’s mouth thinned. “I was married,” he said abruptly. Realizing he’d snapped at her, he added more softly, “I don’t want to talk about it right now.”
Taking his unexpectedly grim answer in stride, Rachel realized that was a closed topic between them. Yet, as she looked over at him, she saw a terrible grief in the deputy’s eyes. What was that all about? She didn’t dare ask at this point.
“I’m sorry,” she said. Her apology seemed to deflate the tension that had suddenly ballooned between them. Cade was like Fort Knox, Rachel decided: closed up and private.
Cade’s mouth thinned. “I’m the one who should apologize. I was married,” he said, voice strained. “Abby and my baby girl, Susannah, were killed in an auto accident two years ago.”
CHAPTER FOUR
RACHEL WAS TOO STUNNED to assimilate Cade’s awful admission. He had lost his family! To some degree she understood his pain, like a knife in the heart. No wonder Cade looked so anguished.
His mother and father, Ray and Gwen, met them at Cade’s sprawling three-thousand-square-foot single-story log home. It was nearly one in the morning. Rachel felt exhausted and yet super alert as Cade opened the car door and helped her out.
Gwen, a woman in her fifties with curly, short silver-and-black hair, led Rachel into Cade’s home. Her gray eyes were sharp and filled with care. Ray went to the kitchen while Gwen took Rachel and the baby toward the back of the house.
“I don’t know if Cade told you, but he lost his wife and daughter two years ago,” she said. Motioning down the hall to an open door on the right, she added, “This was Susannah’s nursery. Cade just hasn’t had the heart to touch it yet. Little Jenny will claim it now. Come on in, I have everything ready.”
Rachel saw the pale pink nursery with the crib and everything a mother would need to care for her infant daughter. The crib even had a baby quilt inside. Gwen took Jenny from her. The infant was just waking up, her eyes half-open.
“Cade said
you were going to be the nanny,” Gwen murmured, gently unwrapping Jenny and placing her beneath the colorful baby quilt. “There.” She straightened and turned to Rachel. “I think you should stay in the guest bedroom. There’s a door between it and the nursery.” She motioned toward the wooden pine door.
“But I was going to stay at the cabin I’d rented.”
With a brusque nod, Gwen turned out the light. A wall light shed enough of a glow into the room so that no one would trip or fall. “Yes, I know. Right now, Cade’s in shock. He’s lost Tom, his best friend. Now, Lily.” She hustled out of the room and left the door partly open. With a gesture, she took Rachel to the next room. “He’s going through a lot and he’s going to need help. My husband and I don’t feel he’s in the right state of mind to be caring for this baby yet. We need your help for now, Rachel, if you’re okay with that?”
Entering the bedroom, Rachel nodded. “Of course. I’m the least affected by all of this, so I’ll focus on Jenny’s care, feeding and bathing.”
“Excellent,” Gwen said, giving her a warm smile. She pointed to the queen-size bed. “This is a nice large room. If I were you, I’d keep the door open to Jenny’s room.”
“Oh,” Rachel assured her, “I will. I’m so wired right now, I can’t sleep, anyway.”
“Hmm, aren’t we all.” Placing her hands on her hips Gwen looked around. “I’ve put towels, wash cloth and soap on your dresser over there. The bathroom is right across the hall. Cade’s master-bedroom suite is on the other side of the nursery with a master bathroom. This will be all yours.”
“A hot bath sounds good,” Rachel said. She loved the wedding-ring-design quilt across her bed. The curtains matched the fabric in the quilt. The entire room, even the floor, was knotty pine. A braided green-and-white area rug completed the rustic look.
“I’m sure it does. Just one more thing and we’ll leave you alone. Jenny needs goat’s milk.”
“Cade told me.”
Nodding, Gwen lifted her hand. “Let me show you where we keep the bottles out in the kitchen. And then we’re going home to get some sleep after this crazy night.”
Rachel liked Gwen’s brusque, efficient manner. In some ways, she reminded her of her own mother, Daisy. Both women were short and lean. Gwen’s hands were reddened and chapped. Farm and ranch work took a lot out of the owners and Rachel knew that from experience. Gwen walked quickly to the kitchen.
Cade looked up. He’d been speaking to his father, Ray, at the counter.
“I’m just showing her where Jenny’s goat’s milk is,” Gwen explained, opening the refrigerator.
Rachel noticed the weather-lined face of Ray Garner. He was as tall as his son, but more wiry. He wore a blue-and-white-plaid long-sleeved shirt, jeans and a pair of well-worn cowboy boots. His gray felt Stetson lay on the round table at the end of the kitchen. Gwen slid her hand around Rachel’s arm and pulled her closer to the fridge.
“We milk our goats twice a day. Cade was keeping a good supply for Lily and would take the bottles to her every morning before he went to work. Lily was very health-conscious and Jenny was thriving on goat’s milk.” She shut the fridge and led Rachel to the cabinets near the kitchen sink. “Lily was very old-fashioned. She insisted on glass milk bottles, not the plastic ones. They’re in here.” She pointed up to them in the cabinet. And then in a lower tone, Gwen added, “Abby, Cade’s wife, believed in glass bottles too, and that’s why we have them.”
Heart aching, Rachel realized that Cade had not removed his lost family from the house. Could she have done if it had happened to her? She didn’t think so. “That’s fortunate,” she told Gwen, taking some of the bottles and placing them on the countertop. “Did Abby put the goat’s milk in the bottle and then set it in a pan of water on the stove to heat?”
Grinning, Gwen patted her shoulder. “You’re very bright. Yes. Neither Abby nor Lily believed in using the microwave. They worried it might change the cellular structure of the goat’s milk. So, this might be old-fashioned, but we know it’s completely safe for the baby.”
Rachel nodded. “I was nanny for a little boy from India, and his mother insisted on glass bottles and no microwave, either.”
“Whew, that’s good. I don’t have to train you up in this, then.”
“No, you don’t.”
Patting Rachel on the back, Gwen said, “Listen, this is all you need to know tonight. And by the way, there’s nothing but cotton diapers, no disposables, in the nursery. You okay with that, too?”
Rachel grinned. “No problem. My Indian family was the same way.”
Gwen rubbed her hands. “You and I are going to get along just fine! Go get your bath and hit the hay. I’ll pour some goat’s milk in three bottles and put them in the fridge. That way, when Jenny wakes up hungry in an hour or two, you can stumble out here and get it ready for her.”
“Sounds good,” Rachel said. She walked over to Ray Garner. “Mr. Garner, I’ll say good-night for now. It was nice meeting you.” She held out her hand to him.
Ray nodded, gave her a tired smile and shook her hand. “It’s nice meeting you too, Ms. Carson. I don’t know what we’d do without your coming like a rescuing angel into our lives right now.”
“I’m not an angel by anyone’s definition, Mr. Garner,” Rachel protested. Not after the awful mistakes she’d made.
Ray Garner gave her a kind yet appraising look. Cade was also watching her, making her even more self-conscious. In the middle of so much upheaval, she hated to admit how attracted she was to him. She tried to ignore the feeling and managed a smile. “Cade, I’m going to get a bath and Gwen wants me to stay in the guest room next to Jenny’s nursery. You okay with that?”
“That’s fine,” he said. “It’s a better idea under the circumstances. I appreciate you doing this. Mom said that in about a week, she can transfer you over to your cabin. You don’t have to stay here forever. Once I get legalities out of the way, I can start taking care of Jenny at night when I don’t have duty.”
“We’ll sort this all out as we go along. Good night….”
CADE SAT ON THE EDGE of the bed. He’d just taken a tension-releasing hot shower. As he dried his hair with the white terrycloth towel, he listened to the quiet of the house. With Jenny and Rachel nearby, the ranch home felt different. He tried to figure out why, but couldn’t.
Reeling from exhaustion, he noticed it was nearly 2:00 a.m. He’d made the call to Lily’s adoptive family earlier, which had left him feeling worse. He padded into the bathroom, hung up the towel and turned off the light. Slats of moonlight filtered into the huge master bedroom through the venetian blinds.
After climbing into bed, Cade pulled up a quilt that had been made by his mother as a wedding gift to Abby and him. His hearing automatically keyed to the partly opened door to the nursery. When Abby had become pregnant, Cade had cut a door into the nursery from their bedroom. Closing his eyes once he punched the pillow into place, Cade remembered the many nights that they would take turns getting up to care for Susannah when she cried out in hunger. Sleep deprivation had been a way of life, but he’d never minded that.
It was happening all over again, and now Cade felt groggy as the night’s events deluged him. What luck to find Rachel. His father had been right: she was an angel in disguise, regardless of how she saw herself. A sigh tore from his lips as he buried his head more into his pillow. It was Christmas morning. What kind of gift had just dropped into his life? Emotions churned through Cade, bringing up the past, the remnants of grief he still felt on some nights in the quiet home. Now, his house was a home once again with a beautiful young stranger and Lily’s baby. What kind of strange, twisted fate was this? Cade couldn’t stop the onslaught of his grief over Lily’s death. Jenny would never know her mother. And suddenly, he was a father without a wife. He had legally sworn to take care of Jenny. Cade wasn’t sure what these Christmas gifts meant. In minutes, he dropped into a deep, badly needed sleep.
THE PHONE WAS RINGIN
G, and Cade jerked awake. He fumbled for the landline on the nightstand. Bright sunlight burst around the wooden venetian blinds.
“Garner here,” he muttered, rubbing his eyes to wake up. Usually the sheriff’s department used this phone to get hold of him when he was off duty. Tossing off the blankets, Cade swung his bare legs out of bed. His feet landed on the warm sheepskin rug next to the king-size bed.
“Cade? This is Gary.”
Blinking, Cade pushed his hair off his brow. Gary Henderson was the commander of the sheriff’s department, his boss. “Yes, sir?”
“Did I wake you up? It’s ten o’clock. Merry Christmas, by the way.”
“Late night,” Cade mumbled thickly.
“Yes, that’s why I’m calling. I wanted to make sure little Jenny was okay.”
That was like Henderson. He was a father of two teenage daughters. His wife, Tracy, was a first-grade teacher. “Fine…the hospital doctor said Jenny was fine.” Another scent filled Cade’s nostrils: that of bacon frying. And then he groggily recalled Rachel was here, in his home. Was she out in the kitchen making breakfast? That brought back a sheet of warm memories to Cade.
“Good to hear. Well, listen, you’re going to have court papers to file the day after Christmas because you’re Jenny’s legal guardian. Plus, I’m asking two other deputies to go over to Lily’s home. We need to locate her will and find out what her requests were and try to fill them now that she’s gone.”
“Yes, sir, I know.” And he filled him in with the calls to Lily’s adoptive parents. “There’s a lot on my plate right now.”
“I’m authorizing you a week’s leave with pay, Cade. Your life has suddenly taken a new road and there’s a lot you have to get in order.”
“Thank you, Captain. I really appreciate that.”
“No problem. I guess in one way, Jenny is a Christmas gift to you. If there’s anything you need, just let me know. We’re here to help.”
Grateful, Cade hung up the phone, and felt as if he needed another twelve hours of sleep. He didn’t hear any noise from Jenny’s nursery. Knowing Rachel was up, he grabbed his dark blue terrycloth robe and pulled it on. He opened the door and walked into the nursery, but Jenny was gone. Probably out with Rachel in the kitchen. Standing there, Cade realized he had to get dressed. He couldn’t just waltz out there like this. Rachel wasn’t his wife. She was an employee.
Deadly Identity Page 4