“Chris is nothing if not discreet,” Joanna said through her teeth.
David laughed bitterly. “Isn’t that the truth? Jesus. He’s my best friend. My fucking business partner.” He shook his head. “After all these years, I…”
She squeezed his hand. “I know the feeling.”
He turned to her. “How long have you known?”
Joanna avoided his gaze. “Don’t do this to yourself. It won’t fix anything.”
“No, but maybe it’ll help me get my head around a few things.”
She closed her eyes for a moment and sighed. “David…”
“Please,” he whispered.
Finally, she turned to him. “I knew for about six months before I found out Alexandra was pregnant.”
He blanched, his eyes huge. “And you knew…that the baby…”
“I, um…” Joanna cringed.
“Just tell me,” he pleaded softly. “I know this has got to be hard for you too, but I…I have to know.”
She looked down at their hands. He was gripping hers tightly now, and she ran her thumb along the back of his to remind him what he was holding on to. He glanced down, and sure enough, relaxed his grip a little.
Still gazing at their hands, she said, “I confronted her.”
“You did?”
Joanna nodded. “She’d been acting weird around me for a while, and when I heard she was pregnant, I put the pieces together.”
“And she told you.”
Another nod. “After we’d had it out and calmed down a bit, we agreed to keep it between us.”
“What? Why? You didn’t even tell Chris?”
“No.” She lifted her gaze. “The thing is, the only thing that would change was how many people got hurt. You and Alexandra were still trying to fix your marriage. And…and I guess the biggest thing was we didn’t want Tiffany caught in the middle.” She swallowed hard. “We didn’t want her being used as a weapon.”
David’s lips parted.
Joanna went on. “We thought that as long as everyone believed she was your daughter, no one would get hurt.”
“So that’s it? You just turned a blind eye to the fact that she was sleeping with your husband?”
Joanna flinched. “What could I do?”
“Something other than stay with a man after he had an affair?”
“An affair?” She snorted. “You make it sound like she was the only one. Didn’t you notice how many women he fucked over the years?”
He stared at her, disbelief etched all over his face from his jaw hanging open to the creases in his forehead.
“Maybe it was just easier for me to see.” She sighed. “It’s hard not to notice when you’re living in the same house.”
“But you couldn’t leave?”
“No. I was a wreck back then.”
David’s lips tightened. “I remember.” He squeezed her hand gently. “I definitely remember.”
Her cheeks burned. “About the time I decided I’d had enough, I was too sick to function. When I got back on my feet, I thought I could just bide my time for a little while. Get my head back together. And then I’d leave.”
He grimaced. “And then Chris got sick.”
Joanna nodded slowly, struggling to push back the lump rising in her throat. “He got sick, and I couldn’t leave, and now—” Her voice cracked. “Now I’m stuck.”
“Jesus,” he breathed. “I can’t…” He shook his head. “But if Chris doesn’t know, then…why the hell did things change between him and Alexandra when she was pregnant? I do remember that much, and she always brushed it off as Chris being preoccupied with your condition. But, was there more to it?”
Joanna scowled. “Chris doesn’t like his mistresses gaining weight any more than he likes his wife gaining it. And Alexandra, being pregnant…”
“He—” David’s jaw dropped. “You’re kidding.”
“I wish I was. The whole time he was begging me to put on some weight because I’d gotten too thin, he would turn around and give her shit for—”
“That son of a bitch!”
“That’s what your ex-wife and I both thought. And it’s… That’s the other reason she and I decided to keep this from Chris. And from you. Maybe it wasn’t her place or mine to make the decision, but the baby deserved better.” She moistened her lips. “Alexandra and I both knew you’d be the better father.”
“You…” His eyebrows pulled together. “So you just…you let the affair go?”
“What could I do?” Joanna chewed the inside of her cheek to distract herself from the ache in her throat. “My husband was never going to be faithful. He was never going to be happy with me or with any woman. The best—” She swallowed. “The best I could hope for was making sure his daught—the baby didn’t get punished for that.”
David stared at her, eyes wide. Then he gently freed his hand from hers and gathered her in his arms. “God, Joanna. I can’t believe how wrong I was about Chris, but I really can’t believe how wrong I was about you.”
Joanna couldn’t even respond. She closed her eyes and sank into his embrace, basking in the relief of finally telling someone the truth, and of being heard and believed and understood. Eventually, she managed to whisper, “I’m sorry my husband did you so wrong.”
“It’s not your fault.” He pressed a tender kiss onto the top of her head. “And nothing’s really going to change now.”
“It’s not?” She drew back and met his eyes.
“No. Alexandra’s agreed to keep my name on Tiffany’s birth certificate, and we’re not changing the custody agreement. I know, but it doesn’t mean Tiffany has to.”
Relief surged through Joanna’s veins. She’d agonized over hurting David with the truth, but she’d also been terrified of how this would damage the little girl who’d unwittingly been pulled into this mess.
“I am so sorry,” she said again.
“No. Don’t be.” He lifted her chin and made her meet his eyes. “If anyone should be, it’s me. If I’d known all the things he’d done, I never would have tried to make you face him.”
“You didn’t know.”
“I should have.”
“We both should’ve done a lot of things.” She shrugged. “We can’t change the past.”
“No, we can’t.” He pulled her into another tight embrace. “But for the future, you deserve a hell of a lot better than what he did to you.”
She held him tighter. “So do you.”
For the longest time, they just held on to each other. Neither spoke, neither moved. They just…were. And as much as she hadn’t liked David for many years, only recently discovering his kinder side, she found herself wishing he wouldn’t let go. She’d been starved for human affection since long before Chris had started passing that affection around to every thin, pretty woman in his employment. Though David was the last person she’d ever expected to get it from, she liked it. She liked the way she felt in his arms—comfortable, like she didn’t have to be anyone else for a little while—and when he stroked her hair, she didn’t want him to ever stop.
Eventually, though, he did, and he loosened his embrace.
As they separated, their eyes met.
Joanna froze. So did he.
The longer they held each other’s gazes, the faster her heart beat. Something gleamed in his eyes. Something wild, barely contained. Not rage, though—something much more dangerous.
David swallowed. Joanna took a breath.
Is he…
Oh my God, is he really looking at me like that?
His eyes flicked to her lips, then met her eyes again, and her pulse went crazy.
“Whatever it is you’re thinking,” she whispered, “the answer is yes.”
His eyes widened. “What?”
“You heard me.”
“Yeah, I did, but…” Hand trembling, he touched her face again. His thumb traced her cheekbone, and his palm warmed her jaw. “Joanna…”
“David, I—”
He kissed her.
And everything—time, the world, her heart—stopped.
This was so wrong. And yet…
She didn’t even realize she’d moved her hand until her fingertips brushed the stubble on his jaw. They both shivered, pulling each other closer as her fingers slid into his hair. Her heart was definitely back in motion now, pounding against her rib cage as the tip of David’s tongue teased her lips apart.
She didn’t remember ever being kissed like this. As if nothing in the world mattered to the other person than savoring and tasting every nuance of a long, gentle kiss.
Their eyes met again, and oh, yes, she’d read that gleam right. His fingertips brushed her cheek, and the soft contact sent a shockwave right down between her thighs. She had no business responding this way to anyone, least of all this man, but she did. And she loved it. And she wanted more.
She ran her fingers through his hair. Cradling the back of his head, she pulled him down and kissed him, and she meant it. Deep, hard, passionate—she’d never kissed anyone like this before, and it felt amazing.
Abruptly, David drew back. “I’m…I’m sorry. I can’t do this.”
“We don’t have to do anything.” Even though I want you so, so bad.
“I’m sorry,” he said again and touched his forehead to hers. “God, Joanna, you…” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “You deserve better than someone who wants to get back at your husband.”
“Is this just about revenge?” Joanna touched his face. “Or do you really want me?”
“I…” He met her eyes. “I want you more than you can imagine.”
She trailed trembling fingers down his cheek. “Then why are we stopping?”
David stared at her, eyes huge and lips apart. Joanna was about to encourage him, to reiterate that this was about them and them alone, but he curved his arm around her waist and drew her into another kiss. He kissed her hard this time, forcing her lips apart and exploring her mouth. She gave as good as she got, too—gripping his short hair until he moaned against her lips, refusing to let him or his skilled tongue be in control.
His hand slid up her inner thigh. She held his shirt and his hair tighter, afraid he’d let go. Pull away. Stop this.
Afraid he might remember why they shouldn’t be doing this at all.
Because…
Damn it…
They shouldn’t…
Joanna broke the kiss, and she barely kept herself from cursing aloud as the exhilarating flurry of arousal evaporated.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Everything.”
She met his eyes. And her heart sank even further. What are we doing?
David swallowed.
“I’m sorry.” Joanna shook her head. “I…I can’t do this.”
“I know. We…” He took his hand off her thigh, and they drew apart.
She forced back the emotions rising in her throat. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”
“Don’t. There’s no point in blaming anyone.”
That wouldn’t stop her from blaming herself. God, what had she been thinking?
“I should go,” he whispered.
Joanna still couldn’t make herself look at him, but she managed a nod.
He hesitated, maybe trying to find some parting words, but then he turned and walked away. The workroom door opened, closed, and she wasn’t sure if she really heard his footsteps going down the hall, or if that was just her imagination.
Whatever the case, she was alone now. She rubbed her hands over her face and swore into the silence of her workroom. She’d hated Chris for cheating on her, and now she’d cheated on him. With his best friend. Though she knew damn well she deserved better than Chris. As did David.
Still…she was a married woman, even if it was only on paper.
But the only thing more intense than the guilt burning in her stomach was the phantom remnants of David’s lips on hers. She touched her lower lip, shivering at the memory of his perfect kiss.
His perfect kiss that never should have happened. It was wrong. Even fantasizing about it was wrong. Remembering it? Jesus, Joanna…
But why the hell did she hate herself more for stopping than for starting?
Chapter Fifteen
They just had to work in Chris’s home office today, didn’t they?
Of course they did. There was no need to drive all the way into downtown Seattle for everything they needed to do today. David had a conference call in a couple of hours. Chris was crunching numbers. Both were going over proposals from several management teams for new projects and taking a couple of departments in new directions, not to mention a bid from a company interested in buying one section of Berserker Tech. Plenty of work to do, but nothing that couldn’t be done from home.
Damn it.
As he thumbed through files on his tablet, David searched for an excuse to go into the downtown office after all. Some reason to justify losing an hour of productivity for the drive across Lake Washington to the city. Coming up with a believable reason required focus, though, and he didn’t have any of that today.
It wasn’t like he had to justify himself to Chris. They were business partners. Equals. But deep down, David was convinced that any move he made would be suspicious. That Chris might look at him and see what happened last night.
Or, quite possibly worse, Chris might ask a benign question, and David would unleash the tirade that had been simmering at the tip of his tongue since yesterday. If it weren’t for the wad of peppermint gum, he’d probably have ground his teeth down to nubs just since breakfast.
My wife, you son of a bitch. You fucked my wife. You fathered my kid.
So help me, asshole, if you weren’t sick, I’d choke you with my bare hands.
I would have done it yesterday. Instead of going to Joanna’s workroom and—
His stomach clenched. This guilty conscience was unbearable. Especially since it was bullshit to even feel guilty about it. Yeah, he’d made out with Joanna, and given half a chance, he’d have fucked her, but—
That thought sent a shiver through him.
“Cold?” Chris asked.
“No.” David thumbed the pages of the file he’d been staring at. “I’m good.”
Chris eyed him. Panic shot through David. Did he know?
Chris tilted his head. “You all right? You seem a bit distracted today.”
Oh, you could say that…
David’s cheeks were suddenly hot. “I’m, uh…yeah. I’m good. Just…” He scrambled for a believable excuse. “Nothing to worry about. Just some shit with Alexandra.”
“Gotcha.” And Chris went right back to looking at his tablet. No flinch. Not even a flicker of concern or fear or panic.
Fuck you, asshole.
David went back to trying to read the pages in front of him, but he couldn’t concentrate. He could barely sit still. Every time he so much as looked at Chris, the guilt burned even hotter. And then came the anger. And more guilt.
I should’ve called in sick.
But then I’d have to come in tomorrow.
Fuck.
You fucked my wife.
I almost fucked yours.
You don’t deserve either of those women. You treated both of them like shit, you asshole.
David rubbed his eyes. His emotions jerked him in so many directions, they may as well have been a tilt-a-whirl. One second, he was furious with Chris. The next, he wanted to confess what he’d done and beg his friend’s forgiveness. And then he’d remember what it was like to be in Joanna’s arms and wish he could do it again. And maybe no
t stop this time.
“Have you gone over the specs R&D sent over?” Chris asked without looking up from his tablet.
David pressed his gum against the roof of his mouth with his tongue. “Not yet. Have you?”
“No.” Chris rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. “Can’t think clearly enough to get past the first page or two.” He leaned back and sighed. “I think this new drug is fucking with my brain.”
Hilary glanced at him, forehead creased with worry. Then her eyes darted toward David, and he swore she was silently pleading with him to either tell her this was fine, that it would pass and everything would go back to normal, or fix it. Which, of course, he couldn’t.
And with that, the anger and frustration boiling over in his chest turned back to guilt.
While you had your tongue down Joanna’s throat, her husband was up here in this office, inching closer and closer to dying.
You dick.
“I’ll, uh…” David cleared his throat. “I’ll look at it as soon as I finish this.”
“I promised an answer before close of business today. We need to get on it ASAP.”
Of course, in this case, “we” meant “you”, which had always been one of Chris’s little passive-aggressive techniques. And David couldn’t even get pissed about it now, or shoot back a snide then get on it like he would’ve just a few months ago. Chris wasn’t pawning it off out of boredom or laziness. The man was trying not to die, and the side effects of his treatment were damaging his concentration.
David stood abruptly and spat his gum in the trash. “I’m going to get some more coffee. I’ll be right back.” Halfway to the door, he paused. “Hilary? You want anything?”
Without looking up, she shook her head.
“Chris?”
A dismissive gesture.
Fine. At least neither of them made any motion to come with him. He needed a few minutes alone to collect his thoughts.
Halfway down the hall, he paused and glanced back at the closed door. How many times had he left Chris alone with his personal assistants over the years? Sometimes for a moment to get coffee, sometimes to go downtown.
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