by Chris Bostic
I wondered about what Vic had said about praying. Nothing else worked, so I debated giving it a try. But I didn’t know what to say. Or how to start.
Sure, I knew the Lord’s Prayer like everyone else, but I couldn’t really conjure anything else. That made me feel inadequate too.
I wasn’t raised that way. My folks took me to church in my early years, before family life fell apart. I’d sat there quietly and prayed for services to be over. That gave me an idea.
“I can’t do this, Lord. I want it to end. I need it to end.” After stopping to gather my thoughts, I tried to start up again. “I’m so done. I need You to help me.”
Nothing.
The night stayed deathly quiet. Then leaves rustled far off to my side. Possibly a squirrel; hopefully not the panther. I swallowed and tried to refocus. I reminded myself to fold my hands. A broken nail on my left hand picked against the bandage on my right. I shook my head to clear those thoughts.
“I need You to carry me. I can’t do this. I’m weak…in so many ways. Once was lost, and still not found. Blind and cannot see. What a wretch.”
I stopped abruptly when a stick snapped somewhere behind me. Fairly close. I couldn’t turn that far without making all kinds of noise, so I sat there unmoving for a while, staring off into space. When nothing turned up, and my heart kept playing off to the races, I went back to my prayer to seek calm.
“Forgive me, Lord. I’ve done plenty of things in my life that I’m not proud of. So many. So many today. And now we’ve killed a man.” I looked up and sucked in a deep breath. Then exhaled loudly. “Out with the bad, in with the good. I need Your goodness. I don’t know how much longer I can go on. I don’t deserve to. Not after all this.” I fought back another burst of tears. “I’m not worthy of Your forgiveness, but if You wish it so, then send me a sign.”
Leaves stirred like there was a breeze, but I felt nothing other than a chill. My heart thrummed, rattling in my hollow chest.
Another branch snapped. I imagined the panther coming to finish me off. My breaths came short and ragged.
A shadow moved off to my side. It grew larger, threatening to swallow me up.
CHAPTER 29
“Grace!” Vince yelled, so close I nearly jumped free of the vine. “I know you’re here.”
I wanted to reply, but he’d scared me witless.
“I heard you talking,” he said, softer that time. “What were you saying?”
I whimpered, wondering if my prayers had been answered, or maybe the exact opposite. I wondered if I truly was going to pay for all the bad things I’d done, and everything I still wanted to do.
“I know you’re there. You can talk to me.”
I knew I could. I just wasn’t sure I wanted to. So I watched the shadow circle me. Without a glow stick, it looked like he was stalking me. But he wouldn’t do that.
“Please. I just want you back.” He paused as if wondering what to say. “I want you. With me. Forever.”
“I want you too.”
He spun around. “Grace.”
“I’m over here,” I whispered. “I’m stuck.”
Even though he was close, he had trouble locating me. So I waved my arms.
Leaves rustled. He squatted next to me, hands searching until he found mine. Our fingers linked together.
“Stuck how?”
“There’s some kind of vine twisted around my foot.” While he fumbled around with that, I asked, “What happened to the glow stick?”
“It died.” He jerked on the vine, but it didn’t seem to budge. “Bad timing, huh?”
“Not really.”
I could feel him looking at me.
“I didn’t want to be found,” I admitted. “But you said some things that made me think….”
“You can talk to me. I think I get you. Just like I knew you’d still be up here, when everyone else was convinced that you’d gone on.”
“It’s only because of the vine.”
“Maybe…or maybe not.” He adjusted his position to get a better grip on my foot. “Damn that thing’s tough.”
“You said some other things.”
“And I meant them too.”
“I know.” I had to play the naysayer, because I didn’t deserve kindness. “But it can’t work. It won’t work.”
“The hell it won’t.”
He gritted his teeth, making me think he was mad at me. He rose over me, making me cower. I raised an arm defensively. With a growl, he pulled with all his might. The vine popped out of the ground, showering us in dirt. Vince sprawled behind me.
“Got it!” He sat up beaming.
“You’ve saved me again,” I said without joy.
“Cheer up,” he said, and then stammered, “I mean…I, uh….”
I didn’t take offense, but I had to get some rules straight.
“Listen up, Vince. I don’t like leaning on someone else. I don’t like to be helped, even when it’s obvious that I need it.” I laughed softly. “Especially twice in one day.”
“That’s a fair warning.” Vince wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “Thank you.”
We sat there in the quiet for a considerable amount of time. Vince catching his breath, and me thinking way too much about things. About whether prayers were answered, or if I even deserved them to be answered. Not to mention how this could be an answer if it meant throwing everything away for Vince, and hurting others.
Vince broke the silence. “Do you think it could work?”
“I don’t know.”
“Be honest.”
“Brutally?” I asked.
“Sure. Why not?”
“Because in all likelihood, after a good night’s sleep, you’ll probably annoy the shit out of me again.”
Vince sucked in a breath through his teeth. “Well, that’s honest.”
On the plus side, he didn’t let go. So I snuggled into his shoulder, saying, “That’s what I do. Are you okay with that?”
“I guess I have to be.”
“In case you’re wondering, I know I’m not perfect.”
“Neither am I,” he replied.
Another long pause filled the empty space. No lights, no leaves rustling, no vehicles on the road. No one calling my name.
Vince started it last time, so I had to ask, “What about them?”
“What about ‘em?”
“How are they gonna take this? You know…if we get together.” I shook my head and wondered if I could throw away the last ten years with Vic, and half that with Pete. “It’s over. We won’t be friends. We’ll never see ‘em again.” I looked up at Vince. “I don’t have another best friend.”
“I don’t have another friend.”
“Shit. You have tons.”
He shook his head. “Not close. There’s people I hang out with, I guess.” He hugged me tighter. “I don’t know Pete that well. I only hang out with him ‘cause of you and Vic.”
“I guess so. I brought him into this mess, and I’ll have to kick him out too.” I exhaled exaggeratedly. “Guess that means I get the worst part of this.”
“Hey, you callin’ me the worst part?” An uncomfortable laugh turned to a sigh. “You know I still have to break it off with Vic too?”
“I’ll give you that. No matter what it’s gonna suck for both of us.”
“Agreed.” Vince rested his forehead on mine. “But most importantly, we would have each other.”
It didn’t sound bad in the moment. In fact, that’s all I wanted. But it begged a bigger question when the sun came up. “Is that enough?”
“It is for me. Absolutely.”
His level of conviction ran so deep. Maybe he didn’t have a problem saying one thing one day and doing something different the next. I didn’t know if he was a true man of his word. Not if he could cut things off with Vic, though they obviously hadn’t been getting along great lately. But his willingness to walk away troubled me as much as having to break off my engagement to Pete. But wasn�
�t that better than lying to their faces every day?
“Grace?”
“I’m…I’m not sure. I want it to be enough.” I exhaled slowly. “I just can’t say that. Not today. Maybe not ever.” The damn tears began welling up again. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. It’s honest.” I felt him smile. “That’s what I need to keep me honest…and you. I have big plans for myself, thanks to you. I’m gonna turn things around and get out of this funk…and I’m pretty sure I need your help for that.”
“Is that right?”
“That is, if you’re okay being needed.”
I needed him in that moment. Maybe for longer, but I couldn’t be sure. And that’s what kept nagging.
“Probably,” I finally said. “When daylight comes, I’ll have a better idea about everything.”
“I think I can wait that long,” he said with a chuckle.
“We might not get out of here by then anyway,” I said. “Have you even heard a car on the road?”
“Only that truck.”
“Then should we go find the others?”
“Not yet.”
His hand came up to brush against my cheek, the one without the bruise. He snaked it around behind my head, grabbing me gently by the nape of the neck, pulling me toward him.
My lips went to his like a magnet. They mashed together and stayed there.
Fingers threaded into my hair. Kneading at my scalp. Caressing my head.
Vince reached for my shirt, pulling it up by the tail. Next thing I knew, it was tossed into the forest, leaving me with a ripped tank. A tank that ripped again as he grabbed for it.
He paused for a second. Perhaps wondering if I would freak out. There was no chance. This was something I wanted badly in that moment. But the damp forest floor was not the place.
I broke off our kiss, breathless.
“Oh, Vince.”
“Oh, Grace,” he mocked. “I want you so bad.”
“I’ve never wanted anyone or anything more than I’ve wanted this.”
He kissed me again. My tank top came off.
Hands slipped around my back to undo my bra. When the clasp came loose and the girls fell, his fingers went to my nipples. Pulling gently, tugging. Then cupping a breast and teasing the nipple with his tongue. Slipping it into his mouth.
I sat back moaning, and pushed him away.
“Not here,” I whispered.
He stared, a gleam in his eyes. Fingers still caressing my nipples. “Not now?”
Oh, fuck. I moaned again, mournful. “Better not.”
He pulled me into a hug. I leaned against him, my bare chest against his. He held me a while without moving, just breathing heavily. Then his hand dropped into my lap, fingers reaching for my waistband. Working their way inside my panties.
I put my hand on his and brushed against the bulge in his shorts. That send a quiver through my body almost impossible to resist.
“Whoa.” I leaned back. “Vince, we can’t.”
“Not now?” he repeated. “But somewhere? Sometime?”
“Hell yeah.” I paused to gather my thoughts. “If tomorrow comes and the feeling’s still right….”
“Goddammit.”
“Don’t say that.”
“I’m not mad. This is the happiest I’ve been in a long time…and I don’t want it to stop.” He leaned back, putting a sliver of distance between us. “But I will.”
“I don’t want to stop either.” I reached behind me to pick up my bra. “But we have to.”
“I know. And that’s good enough for me.”
I smiled at that. “That was…sweet. Is that the right word?”
“I’ll take that. I’ll take whatever you give me.”
“Then just kiss me.”
He leaned in, lips headed straight for my nipple.
“I’m up here, Vince.”
“Fine.” He hugged me and planted a soft kiss on my sore cheek.
I snuggled into him, and we stayed that way for a while. Bare skin on bare skin. Short of breath. Two hearts beating in rhythm.
The fact it had to end kept us melted together longer than we should have.
CHAPTER 30
“We’ve got to go,” I said, sitting up to fasten my bra.
“I know.” Vince sighed. “I just don’t want you to go.”
“I had no idea you were so…clingy.” I shot him a grin that I hoped he could see in the low light. I think he picked up on it.
“Very funny, Grace.”
“I know what you mean, though.” I bobbed my head. “Everything changes when we’re back with the others.”
“I wish it didn’t have to.”
“But it does…at least for now. Okay?”
“Until tomorrow.” He stood and offered me a hand to pull me up. “Are you even gonna remember this tomorrow?”
“Why? Because I’m drunk? Or was drunk?”
“Yeah. You’re not,” he scoffed.
“I feel pretty okay, really. The run helped.”
“Just the run, right?”
“Exactly.” I slipped a hand into his. “But if you want to help me walk that would be nice.”
“Sure.” He dropped my hand to put his arm around my waist. Then he let me go. “Uh, Grace?”
“What?”
“You might want a shirt.” He smiled devilishly. “Or not.”
“Shit. Where is it?”
We searched around, looking for a spot slightly less dark than the rest of the blackness on the forest floor. I found my tank top first and held it up.
As I held the shredded fabric in my hands, I shivered. I must have stood there a while.
“You okay?”
I shook out of it. “Just admiring your handiwork.”
“Say what?”
I held up the tank top, not that he could see it very well. “My tank is shredded. Worse than before.”
He was over by me in a second, arm back around me.
“I’m good,” I whispered. “I don’t know how to explain it, really, but…this is different. It doesn’t bother me at all.” I took a deep breath and exhaled exaggeratedly. “I guess it makes a helluva difference when you want it….”
Vince stood quietly by while I collected my thoughts. I supposed most people wouldn’t have wanted a guy to touch them for days, maybe weeks, after the hell I’d been through. And now I was practically throwing myself at him.
I guessed I wanted to give to someone else what some creep had tried to take from me. Only it was more than that. To think I had been hardly Vince’s biggest fan a few hours before. Our connection had become so deep. So intense.
Funny thing was, he wasn’t really a jerk. Maybe a bit obnoxious, but mostly troubled. Like me. If that’s what it took for someone to understand me, then I could deal with that.
I still needed to sleep on it, to see what tomorrow would bring, and the next day. But there was no doubt I had fallen for Vince. It was almost laughable. Possibly I did laugh out loud.
“Grace?”
I snapped back to reality to find myself resting my head on his shoulder. He ran a hand over my hair, exactly like I’d been craving. Like anywhere with him was the safest place on earth.
“Please don’t ever change.”
He lifted my chin to look in my eyes. “Say what?”
“From this day forward, from what you are right this second,” I said. “You do that, and I think tomorrow will be a bright, shiny day.”
He reached down to pick me up. I jumped into his arms, straddling him, ankles locked behind his back. He pressed against me, sending sparks through my veins.
Then he promptly sat me back on the ground, kissing me softly one last time.
“Damn, you’re quite a woman. Like no one else. How I feel about you is no secret now, but….” When I tensed up at the unexpected pause, he chuckled slightly and said, “But I need to save my strength. It’s gonna be a long walk back to Frankfort.”
I followed his gaze up t
he hill toward the road. “I can’t believe there hasn’t been a car.”
“Or a sign of the others. At this point, we might not have to worry about them after all.”
“I guess so,” I replied. “So do we head for the highway, or back down to the distillery road?”
“I’m not sure we can even call it a highway at this point, and I don’t know what we gain by going back to the distillery.” He scratched his chin. “You got us up here….”
“Aren’t you glad?”
“I’m not complaining. So….”
“We’ll go to the road.”
“Cool.” Vince took my hand, and we headed up the hill.
“Watch for vines,” I cautioned, reminding him of my recent entanglement. One a little more literal than figurative.
We didn’t walk too fast. There was no rush at that point, so no reason to risk falling. No reason to wear ourselves out any further.
With the earlier bursts of adrenaline worn off, my soft footsteps became more of a plod. The same with Vince, plus a bonus limp from his bad ankle.
Our breathing labored. My calves burned again, but I wasn’t going to complain. Instead, I went back into robot-mode, shut my mind down, and concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other.
When Vince stopped to rest, I looked around and quickly determined we were getting nowhere fast.
“Maybe we should’ve gone downhill,” he said.
“Don’t criticize…my choices,” I replied between breaths.
“I’m not.” He sucked in a deep breath. “Well maybe I am.”
“We’ll find it. Soon enough.” I pointed ahead through the trees. “See that gap?”
He cocked his head to the side. “Not really. You sure?”
“You got me there. Just trying to be positive.”
“Alright, positive, let’s get back to it.”
I checked back into dream world. Though my hand stayed locked in Vince’s, I hardly noticed he was there—other than the occasional curse that slipped out when he stumbled on a downed limb or busted through some vines.
He didn’t get tied up the way I had. Instead, he forced his way through like a bull. Or more like a slow freight train. There was no charging going on.