by Hilary Storm
“Luke stop.”
“No, let me finish. I’m sorry my life has caused you more heartache. Hell, my heart hurts too here. You deserve what I finally have and I can’t give that to you.” He pauses and turns to sit in the Jeep facing forward.
“Cowboy cares about you. I can see that when he talks about you. I just want you to know if that’s something you want to test out, you have my support.”
“Luke, I don’t need your support. Just like you don’t need mine. You don’t need me there in the background to worry about. You have the love of your life back and a baby on the way. You get to be there for your baby.” My eyes swell with tears even though I’ve tried to hold inside my pain about losing my baby.
“You will be there for yours one day, Kimber. Do you know how many times I’ve wished I was just ten minutes quicker getting to you that night?” I can hear the struggle in his voice as he starts to relive the night we met.
“It’s not your fault.” I can’t have him feeling guilty for that night.
“And it’s not yours. Just like neither of us can help how my past came back to change things.” I let his words sink in and see that I’m still in the same mindset I was in a few days ago. I have to separate myself from him, so we can both move on from this.
“I’m going to New York City like I told you. I promise to check in once I get situated.” He looks down at his hands and I begin to tell this man goodbye. “Luke. I’ll always have a place for you in my heart and because of that, I could never interfere with the life you deserve. Lilly is an amazing woman who loved you enough to keep you safe when her life was in danger. That right there lets me know you two are meant to be together. You will have the most gorgeous baby and will make a great father.” I swallow hard to finish. “You’ll get the band back together and do amazing things. Let me find me. I promise, I’ll be your number one fan in the background, but I can’t do that if I’m still hurting for what could’ve been.”
“I can respect that, but I need to know you’re ok. I need to you to answer my damn calls if I call.”
“I can do that. Now will you let me go? Go back home to Lilly, let me figure out where my home is.” He opens his door, walks around the front of my Jeep and opens mine. He holds out his arms, waiting for a hug and tears start to fall from my eyes again. Fuck. He wraps his arms around me and I listen to him talk while he holds me tight against his chest.
“This isn’t goodbye. If you need anything from me, call. I’ll have a fucking army there before you can blink.” I hear him and know instantly that he’s not exaggerating. They’d be there in full force if I ever gave a hint that I needed help. “Please drive safe. And for fuck’s sake. Let me know when you get there.”
“I will. I promise.” He holds me a few more seconds and the silence is deafening. My heart is pounding so hard as I push away, knowing I’m about to drive away from every ounce of support I have left in my life. The two men here with me tonight are both such strong personalities and both have taught me more about me than I could’ve ever imagined.
I take the step back and close the door. He stands in the same spot until I drive away. I don’t let myself look in the mirror, I refuse to let myself look back and it’s time I start living by that.
Chapter Fifteen
AIDEN
She left three weeks ago and I can’t stand the way I’ve felt since that day. I think about that night every day and wish I would’ve done more than just hold her that night. I should’ve told her how I feel, but I knew she was dealing with her own feelings.
I stop the diesel pump and place the nozzle back just when a Jeep full of women pull up next to me. They’re all looking at me and I have no desire to even give them a second look. “Why you so sad, Cowboy? Come over here and we’ll take care of you.”
I slam my truck door and start the engine again. They can’t get me out of this funk. There’s only one woman who can touch this.
I take my phone out and scroll to her name and almost call her, but I move to Holden’s name instead.
Aiden: I need a few days off.
Holden: Everything alright?
Aiden: Yep. I’m headed to NYC.
Holden: Shit. Well, tell her we said hello.
Aiden: WIll do.
Holden: Do you know where to go?
Aiden: Luke told me where to find her.
I turn right on the highway with nothing but my truck and a full tank of gas. If I need clothes, I’ll just have to buy them. I just need to see her and I can’t think of a better time than right now. I’ve barely been able to concentrate since she left.
I turn up my stereo and drive like a bat out of hell thinking about her. I’d love more than anything to get there and convince her to come back with me, but I’ll take the fact that she now lives in New York. I’m not afraid to make trips to see her. Hell, I just need to get us to the point where I can fucking call her and know she’ll actually answer.
I’ve been writing songs in every bit of my spare time since she left. I can’t help it. My fucking heart is chaos and it’s a way for me to say what I need to say when my hillbilly mouth can’t seem to say the right shit.
Talon heard me one day with my guitar and made me go the recording studio for a few hours. It was easy. My emotions were raw and real, so it was a great time to get me in there. We nailed one of the songs and he made me promise to come back for another round soon. I figure once I get this trip out of my system, I can go back in there with a clear head and do even better.
I’ve had the shittiest three weeks. I’ve also been on a few jobs that make me want to rethink my own path. What started out as a fun job working with all my friends on the road has now turned into dealing with a bunch of assholes and bitches who can’t even listen to the simplest instructions on how to keep themselves safe.
I touch my cheek where I took the hit tonight. Cock sucker was trying to hit one of the singers we were protecting. Truth is, he deserved it. I know he was fuckin’ that guy’s girl right before the show, because I had to stand watch while he did it. Hell, I had no idea she was taken, and who knows if he did either. What I did know is the second the pissed off fan hit my jaw, I was going to lay his ass out, then I was leaving the concert scene for awhile. It’s funny that the instant I decided to leave, I knew I was headed to New York.
I’m not even sure what my country ass is doing driving there, but it feels right.
Luke told me she has a big meeting with some big fighter prospect at a place called Grimaldi’s tomorrow night. If I drive all night, maybe I’ll make it in time to see her before she goes in.
KIMBER
It’s been three weeks since I started my Jeep and took off on my road trip that brought me here tonight. I’ve talked to Luke a few times, but I haven’t heard from Aiden. There have been many days that I’ve considered getting back in the Jeep and driving for days again just to spend some time with him. Or even calling him just to see if a late night phone conversation could make me smile again. When something happens, I wish I could call him and tell him, but I don’t.
Like tonight, I’m meeting a male fighter who heard I was in the area. He wants to pick my brain about bringing a few of the West Coast fighters to this area for some prime events. I take a cab just to make it easier and get there a few minutes early. I’m trying to remember how my father would treat a fighter, minus the part where he would make me work them from another angle. That is out. I’ll never date another fighter in my life for any reason, but I refuse to ever mix business with pleasure.
If this goes as well as I hope it does, it could mean a huge change for the few girls I’ve been working with. Of course, any deal I make will have them as an encore to the main events, and maybe one day my girls can do even better than that.
I walk slowly because my heels and this dress have me feeling a little off tonight. I think my gym time these past few days has changed my build and now this dress fits differently.
I give it one last pull on the hem,
trying to cover my ass, then run my hands over my hair before I enter the door.
I get us a table by the front window and fidget with a menu until he arrives. He walks in with confidence and a walk that reminds me of Greg. I’m glad my years of working with pricks may come into play tonight.
I stand to greet him with a handshake only to have him open his arms and give me a hug. His hand slides down my back and he grips my ass before he pulls away. I internally struggle with how to handle that move, but he quickly sits down and starts talking.
“I’m anxious to get this started. I can see great success on this if we can manage to get a venue that doesn’t cost out the ass.” He places his napkin in his lap and I slowly sit to listen to him.
“I have ten up and coming male fighters that will be in the professional rink soon. I can tell by their drive. Plus, I’m their PR guy, so I’ll make sure of it.” The waiter comes up to the table and he stops talking long enough to order us both drinks and a pizza. I hate when a guy orders for me.
He starts talking again and I quickly decide that I’m not ready to deal with another asshole in my life. I love working with the fighters I have and if for some reason a male fighter comes along that is humble and wants to learn, I’ll be happy to work with him and hell, probably send him to Lou to get his training. But I’m in no way ready to deal with this shit on the daily.
He talks for what feels like an hour and I just listen. Every sentence validates my decision and I struggle dealing with his voice at this point.
I take a drink and set my arm on the table. He reaches across and grabs my hand, sending an instant spark of anger through my body. Who does he think he is? Better yet, who does he think I am? I rip my hand from his and stand to leave.
“This isn’t going to work out for me. Good luck, Mr. Peterson. I know you’ll do well, but I’m not playing games with you. If you ever want to truly talk business, then give me a call.” I lower my dress again then, work my way through the tables before I leave one hundred dollars with the hostess to pay for our dinner. I won’t put myself in a position where I owe anyone anything.
I step outside on the busy street and try to take a deep breath of fresh air. It’s not there. I’m in a big city again and I never ever realized that I missed that about Missouri. I start walking away from the front window just to escape any chance of him trying to stop me. Luckily, he doesn’t come out of the building while I’m watching behind me every few steps I take.
I hear music coming from a building ahead, so I follow the noise hoping to find a place to think about what happened tonight. As I get closer, the song ends and before I can get to the door, I hear the sound of an acoustic guitar begin to play.
The guy at the front door waves me through quickly and I step in about five feet before I come to a slamming halt. It’s Aiden. He’s the one playing guitar and he’s sitting on a stool on stage behind a mic. I look to the right of the stage and there’s a big sign that says ‘Amateur Night.’
He begins to sing and I can’t move a muscle.
“I hope you got your memories. That you can’t drown away. I pray that you're lonely... and it’s a hurt you can't escape.” I move closer as his voice quiets the bar and speaks directly to my heart.
“I hope your face is soaked with tears... and you can barely sleep. Cause’ if your heart ain't aching like mine, then it ain't mine to keep. So take it back. You can have it if you want it, the thing is full of cracks. Find you somebody else that can fix it. Get your life on track. Cause I'm steppin’ back.” Is this song about me? I sit in a chair at the back of the bar and watch him as he looks down the whole time he sings. I can feel every word he’s saying and I want to stop him and tell him I’m here, but I don’t dare interrupt what I’m hearing. I can’t believe he’s in New York. He starts the chorus and tears begin to slide down my face. I told myself I’d never cry over a guy again and here I am doing just that.
“Just so you know. It ain't easy lettin’ go. You're movin’ on and I'm hangin’ on to hope. My head keeps spinnin’ all the time. I can't drink you off my mind. And every word I ever said has got me choked. This is my grave. And here I lay.” I fight the urge to run to him and hold him. I’ve missed him like crazy and even though I tell myself I barely know him; I find myself fighting to know more. This song is killing me.
Chapter Sixteen
AIDEN
I can’t believe I came here. Of course she’s going to try to date someone that lives here. I drove like hell to get here, but parking is fucking terrible. I missed her by a few minutes, but managed to see her date feeling her up. I thought it was a business meeting, but it was obvious that I was wrong. I’m happy for her. She needs to go on dates and find herself. It’s a lesson I learned and the only cost was the memory I’ll see over and over in my head. I found this hole in the wall bar just down the street from where she was and thought why the fuck not? I’m ready to see how a few of my songs go with an audience. This one's for Kimber.
I haven’t looked at a single person as I sing with my head down. My cowboy hat hides my face and lets me pretend I’m just in the studio with her on my mind.
“I wish you'd miss me, but I know you don't. I wish you'd kiss me, but I know you won't. You got your mind made up and it's a place I never cross. They say time heals everything, but it comes at such a cost. I’m givin’ up. I tried everything I could, but your skin's done got too tough. You were a lighthouse guidin’ me home when the seas got rough, but I’ve had enough. Just so you know. It ain't easy lettin’ go. You're movin’ on and I'm hangin’ on to hope. My head keeps spinnin’ all the time. I can't drink you off my mind. And every word I ever said has got me choked. This is my grave. And here I lay.” I finally look up to see her standing in front of me as I finish repeating the final chorus. It’s hard to sing when she’s crying in front of me.
I step down from the stool and hand the guitar back to the guy behind me. She walks into my arms and I love how she feels the second I’m holding her again. Her arms go around my waist and she squeezes tight until we’re guided off stage by the MC announcing the next singer.
We get to the edge of the stage and she wraps her legs around my waist to talk to me face to face.
“Aiden. What the hell was that? How can you sing like that, with so much hurt? I had no idea you were missing me like that.”
“Well, it just happened. You got to me Kimber. I came to see you and to tell you I can’t get you off my mind. I wanted to spend a few days with you.”
“Hell yes, Aiden. Do you know how many times I wanted to call you?”
“Was it about a hundred times a day, because that’s what I’ve been dealing with.” She doesn’t respond with words. Instead, she tells me through a kiss that she’s missed me too. I’m just fine with that, in fact I’ve been craving this kiss since she left. I hold her ass in my hands, knowing this dress shows off her ass. I’m glad I feel a panty line that fully covers her ass knowing she was just on a date.
“I thought you were on a date.” She looks at me, confused.
“Oh hell no. That guy was a douche. I couldn’t stand him the second I heard his voice.”
“I saw him grabbing your ass. I waited for you to respond and when you didn’t seem to mind, I walked away from the window.” She slides down and moves us away from the speakers just as the next singer begins.
“He caught me off guard. I’m still trying to decide what I’m doing out here. It’s such a busy place and I’m learning that I really liked it slow.”
“Well, I had just decided I was tired of what I was dealing with and wanted to see what the big deal is about New York. After the parking fiasco tonight, I’m not sure this place is for me either.”
“Let’s get out of here. I’ll take you to my place. But please don’t make fun of it. I only have a bed and a chair so far.”
“The only thing we’re gonna need is that bed and a phone to order food in. Cancel all of your shit for at least three days, Kimber.”
EPILOGUE
KIMBER
It’s been three days and he wasn’t lying. I’m so sore from our sexcapades and every time we venture out, we end up coming back soon after to go at it again.
I thought I liked being around him in Missouri, but he has made it a point to make sure I like it even more here. I reach for my phone on the nightstand across his naked chest. He kisses me when I do and I smile at the feeling of that first thing in the morning. I love how he’s so attentive with me. I feel like I have someone who cares wholeheartedly and I can honestly say, I’ve never had that before.
I open my phone to a picture from Luke. It’s one of Lake. He’s so cute and looks just like his daddy. Poor Luke will have hell with that one and I’m sure I’ll see him one day. I’ve decided to see where this thing with Cowboy goes. Who knows if he’ll be my forever, but he’s for sure my right now.
He’s found his way past the hurt I felt from Luke and somehow makes me smile just from his touch. I love spending time with him and he’s a hell of a lot of fun in the bedroom. He treats me like a woman and always makes sure I’m taken care of. I know that’s something he needs, and well, it’s something I’m not used to.
He rolls me flat on my back and begins to kiss me deeper. The scruff on his face brushes my already sensitive cheek. I can feel him against my thigh as he starts to move over me.
“Kimber. Will I ever be able to leave New York?”
“Yes. We’ll leave some day.” He looks at me with his gorgeous blue eyes and I can’t help but kiss the tiny soul patch of hair right below his bottom lip. I pull him closer and he slides between my legs, filling me and causing me to lean my head back on the pillow before I even have a chance to say anything further.
This is something a girl could get used to.