by George Takei
Sometimes signs are a preferred method of communication because saying the words seems just too hard, especially in front of crowds of people. Public wedding proposals are thus prime candidates for signs, and people have been doing this since time eternal, from flashing “Will You Marry Me, Linda?” on the scoreboard of a ball game to writing “Marry Me Kris” in the sky with a plane. (The Wicked Witch of the West understood the power of written words well with her infamous “Surrender Dorothy” stunt. Few will ever top that one.)
One of my favorite wedding proposals in the past year was by a woman who stood upon a bus while a marching band played below. Not only is it uncommon to see a woman propose, it was delightful and surprising to see it unfold in such a universally touching manner. Here are a few images from that memorable video:
I must say, since marriage equality has swept across the, shall we say, “more progressive” states, gays and lesbians have stepped up their game, and have begun to show heterosexual couples how proposals should be done. Well more than half of the truly great public wedding proposal videos that have gone viral this year are by same-sex hopefuls. Unsurprisingly, and as if straight from the hit television show Glee, gay people have been adding music and dance to their proposals and enlisting their supportive friends and family, who are probably among the first to realize that this business of marriage will never be quite the same. This isn’t surprising, if you think about it. These couples have dreamed for years about the day they could say, “I do,” and so have had that much longer to plan it, down to the costumes, lights and back-up singers.
When Buzzfeed.com approached me to do my own “sign” essay on what would happen now that same-sex marriages were recognized by federal law, I couldn’t resist the invitation. Here are what I saw as the signs of the times:
I’m often asked to comment about “gay marriage,” but the first thing I do is correct the terminology. “Gay marriage” implies too high of a standard to me, one where, à la Sex and the City, Liza Minnelli might emerge from a champagne fountain. I also don’t like to call it “same-sex” marriage—it’s just marriage. There’s as much point in calling my marriage to Brad an “interracial marriage” as it is calling it a “same-sex” one. (Indeed, most people don’t even notice that we’re a mixed race couple; they’re too busy trying to determine which of us would wear the bridal gown. P.S. We both wore white tuxedo jackets.)
Incidentally, we held our wedding at the Japanese American National Museum in the Democracy Forum in Los Angeles, California. The irony of that location was not lost on us, particularly since failures in democracy in America had led to my family’s and my incarceration for the duration of World War II, and to Proposition 8 which sought to nullify our wedding vows through a vote by the people.
I prefer the term “marriage equality” when talking about this issue. Plainly and simply, that is what is at stake. And decades from now, mark my words, no one will bat an eye at the idea that a woman might marry a woman or a man marry a man. Still, as I mentioned in an earlier chapter, we are at a crossroads for LGBT equality. While most young people today overwhelmingly support marriage equality, many in the LGBT community were disheartened to see so many thousands of teenagers and young adults at an anti-marriage equality demonstration in Washington, D.C. right around the time the equality cases were heard by the U.S. Supreme Court. So it was truly fascinating, indeed, when a young reporter, Matt Stopera (also from Buzzfeed), asked them to simply write down on a card why they were attending the rally. Here were some of their reasons:
“God says honor your mother and father, not your mother and mother or your father and father”
“Fatherhood & motherhood are unique and both necessary. But I do fiercely believe our law must protect gay citizens”
“Marriage is NOT A right. It’s a call from GOD!”
“I believe in traditional marriage because its (sic) the right way”
The pictures went viral. This was not only because many supported their positions and shared them widely, but also because many saw this as a scathing rebuttal to the notion that the next generation of Americans were uniformly in favor of the notion of same-sex couples getting married. The fight, in their eyes, was far from over, and they are probably right.
When Buzzfeed contacted me to respond, this time, I hesitated. I didn’t want to take on these young people’s beliefs directly; I understood that they had been raised with a set of religious and moral beliefs that were as firmly rooted as my own belief that another’s religion and “morality” should not dictate the rights my spouse Brad and I are entitled to under the law. But some response was clearly needed. Here is my photo essay, which I took during rehearsals in New York for a workshop production of my show Allegiance (which explains why it looks like I’m standing in a dance studio):
“I can’t be a princess without a king & a queen”
“Many queens I know agree with you”
“Cause it’s the right thing I can’t see myself being with a woman ewww”
“I can’t see myself being with one either”
“I support marraige (sic) between 1 man and 1 woman because as God says, I believe. As a true follower I believe of him. And I love him.”
“I support the proper spelling of ‘marriage’”
“Because is (sic) against God (sic) Law is (sic) a deadly sin”
“so is wearing a cotton + leather hoodie. Leviticus, 19:19”
“Because we as young people need parents for so many things. And Men & Women make the people they produce I guess I can say it like that and if you put all guys on one island they wont (sic) last cause you need 1 woman and 1 Man.”
“Please tell me where this island of men is. Thanks”
“Because God created us that way!”
“Where did you find this vulcan?”
“Adam & Eve NOT Adam & Steve”
“I believe it’s spelled the French way - ‘Yves’”
“Because it’s right to do it!”
“Oh Myyy.”
It was all in good fun, of course, and meant to underscore how ridiculous some of the traditional arguments against marriage equality sound. Humor has always been my tool of choice when confronting intolerance or ignorance, not only because “funny” material is much more likely to be shared (and thus seen), but also because I firmly believe we all, conservative or liberal, need to laugh more, even at ourselves, and even while standing up for our beliefs. I suppose it’s fair to say: Those who hold up signs should be ready to stand in the shade.
Tell ‘Em George Scent You
In my early days as a social medialite, I often received tweets from other Star Trek alumni, either directly or forwarded from fans. It turns out that several other actors from our celebrated franchise had also made names for themselves in social media. These included British actor Simon Pegg, who played “Scotty” in the rebooted Star Trek movies (which cleverly deployed an alternate time line device — simply brilliant), and Wil Wheaton who played the precocious, adorable but admittedly occasionally annoying Wesley Crusher from Star Trek: The Next Generation.
The annoying bit was no fault of Wil’s — the writers knew they had drawn a large target on his back by putting a teenager on the bridge. They even gave voice to fan grumbling by allowing Captain Picard to berate young Crusher from time to time. If you haven’t seen the epic fan-created “Make It So” Christmas video, set to the tune of “Make It Snow,” you’ll see what I mean. You can view that video here: http://ohmyyy.gt/0PhZwT (and if you don’t laugh at the 0:44 second mark, you have no sense of humor).
Wil thankfully took his haters in stride, and as the teen actor grew up, he did what many of us Trek actors did: go on the scifi con circuit. Wil did so with not only humor and humility — he became something of a rallying point for geeks everywhere. In a famous answer to a fan question, Wil articulated perfectly what it means to be a geek, and how special it feels to gather geeks together at events like a comicon or Star Trek convention. I credi
t Wil for helping to make geekdom “cool” again, even giving popular television shows based entirely on such humor significant followings. Indeed, The Big Bang Theory embraced geek life whole-heartedly, and even gave Wil a guest spot as Sheldon Cooper’s lifelong nemesis, in an obsession worthy of Khan v. Kirk. Fans couldn’t resist emulating Cooper’s hearty curse with a fist shake: “Wheeeeeeaton!! Wheeeeeeaton!!” (This epic takedown can be seen here: http://ohmyyy.gt/9n2EQa)
It was Wil who tweeted an idea to me which was simply so funny and irresistible that I had to make it into an actual “thing.” Most fans know and recognize my signature catchphrase “Oh Myyy,” which was of course the title of my first book about the Internet, and is the punchline of this book as well. (If you want to know the genesis of how the phrase “Oh Myyy” became so associated with me, you can read about it in the book that bears that title.) But Wil took it to a whole other level. This was is what he tweeted me to me:
I chuckled mightily, but let the idea slip away. Then some “enterprising” followers of Wil went to work. Not long afterwards, a fan named James Martin tweeted the following to Wil, who again shared it with me.
Mr. Martin somehow had found an image of me that looked like I was promoting something fancy, like a watch or a fragrance, or perhaps an expensive liquor. I appreciated the nod it gave both to my Star Trek roots and the fact I was now open about my sexuality. “Set phasers to stunning” is a phrase that many nerds and geeks have since used, and that I have since adopted and deployed.
When my team saw this, they knew they had to make Eau My happen. I concurred and channeled Captain Picard instructing them to “make it so.” Now, to be sure, we had no idea how to do this. Where do fragrances come from? No one knew. How do you choose a scent? No idea. And how do we even go about finding someone to make, market and distribute such a thing? Stumped. (Ironically, for years my character “Sulu” had been on the box cover of a men’s fragrance, but I’d had very little to do with that; it long had been in the able hands of the Trek franchise marketers.)
Happily for me and my team, Wil’s tweet became so popular that fragrance manufacturers actually contacted me about it. About nine months later, I had selected a scent among the many options provided (it is described as “having top notes of mandarin zest, Italian bergamot and fresh ozone transitioning to night-blooming jasmine, white freesia petals and grated ginger….sensual woods, crystalized amber, soft skin musk, and vetiver will delight you when dry.” Eau my indeed.) And with that, we were ready to launch the fragrance, just in time for the holidays.
To get the new product off on the right footing, I wanted to see if fans could guess what we’d named it. So I had my staffers put out a teaser on Facebook, showing me with a bottle of the stuff, but with name blurred out:
To no surprise, many of my longtime fans knew right away, as they had all seen the tweets and posts from Wil a year earlier. But the rest of the world wasn’t in on the joke and when word got out, I must say, we won the Internet for a day. Bloggers and online sites picked up on the product’s “puntastic” name and fans shared it widely. Even NPR got in on the fun:
DAVID GREENE, HOST:
GOOD MORNING, I’M DAVID GREENE. GEORGE TAKEI, FROM STAR TREK, IS ADDING ANOTHER LINE TO HIS RESUME: PERFUME MOGUL. THE SCENT IS BEING SOLD THROUGH AMAZON AND OF COURSE, IT’S CALLED...
GEORGE TAKEI: OH, MY.
GREENE: THAT’S TAKEI’S SIGNATURE CATCHPHRASE, WITH OH SPELLED E-A-U. TAKEI’S FANS ON FACEBOOK WERE GUESSING THE NAME OF THE PERFUME BEFORE IT WAS ANNOUNCED, AND THEY HAD SOME PRETTY GOOD IDEAS.
ONE SUGGESTED OLD SPACE. ANOTHER SAID, “IT’S GOT TO BE A FRAGRANCE THAT KLINGONS YOU ALL DAY.”
IT’S MORNING EDITION.
Brad, who listens avidly to Morning Edition, was tickled pink to hear our novelty product mentioned on national radio.
We had some more fun with the fragrance’s name. One example used this photo released by Noah’s Ark Animal Sanctuary:
I asked fans to complete the line, which later became the title of this very book, Lions and Tigers and Bears. (You can read about these unlikely friends at the Noah’s Ark Animal Sanctuary website,
www.noahs-ark.org)
That “lions and tigers and bears” puzzle was easy enough, probably too easy, so I tried out something a bit tougher for the sports fans in my next promotion:
Although most people could piece this one together, I caught some flak for showing the “Bengals” instead of the “Tigers” in this image. Apparently many fans were unclear on the idea that that’s what a Bengal is and alas the pun sailed over their heads, like an overthrown Hail Mary.
Unfortunately, I under-threw the next Eau My promotion with this simplistic puzzle:
Credit Instagram @nabhan_illustrations
I wrote, “No liking unless you get this. Then fill in the blank: ___________ you need something for that special nerd in your life” with a link to the fragrance.
Fans were unhappy. “Too easy, George.” “Lame.” “Give us something harder, jeez.” These comments of course only further frustrated those who didn’t get the reference, making them feel stupider by forcing them to scan the comments for the “just in case” solution.
Looking for something more challenging, a staffer suggested posting something for the younger demographic, which he’d lifted from a fan post on our wall. I have to admit, I didn’t quite get this myself, even after it was explained to me:
Now, how on earth did the word “pooh-n-tang” come to mean vagina? While “tang” is understandably derivative of the word “thing,” I would have assumed the prefix referred to quite another orifice. Oh my, indeed. There probably wouldn’t be enough Eau My in the world to cover that, had I been correct.
One of the joys of working with a younger staff is that they keep me hip and current, especially in my vocabulary. They are my own walking, talking urban dictionaries. It is perhaps because of them, and their idea that I make a “happy dance” to “I’m Sexy and I Know It,” that I’m asked to go on “current” culture shows, such as Andy Cohen’s Watch What Happens Live on the Bravo network, and I’m expected to rap using phrases like “She says she’s fabulous.” Quite honestly speaking, I don’t really use such phrases in everyday parlance. Ain’t nobody got time fo’ dat.
I had the staff put the pooh-n-tang meme up on their new Facebook page “Oh Myyy,” which they launched with my husband Brad as a separate page for some of the more, shall we say, bold and racy posts. I learned from fan comments, however, that the word poontang is considered by some to be derogatory by many women (though many other women are fine with it, and deem it just part of urban jargon). I was shocked, however, to see some of the vitriolic comments left by some of the male fans in response to the complaints by women. I keep hoping my page will be a place for tolerance and civility, but it isn’t always so, and it doesn’t take much to start an argument or name-calling on the Internet. In fact, some fans wrote to me and complained that I did not delete the post or the comments. I found the post funny enough and harmless enough to leave it be, and I tend not to delete fan comments unless they are spam, pornography or hate speech, as I do believe in the marketplace of ideas, and that people shouldn’t take the Internet too seriously.
But it is exhausting to receive so many opinionated emails and wall posts. As my own schedule gets busier and the rigors of life in the social media spotlight grow more exhausting, I’ll be relying more and more upon Brad and the staff to keep the midnight oil burning on my behalf. Their new “Oh Myyy” page is dedicated specifically to my “3H” mission — humor, humanism and humanitarianism — and so as I post more infrequently, you can expect to see them taking up the cause in a greater and greater capacity down the road.
When I mentioned to fans the new page and why it had been created, however, you’d think half of them thought I was going into retirement that very day. “We’ll miss you George!” “I hate to see you go George!” “It’s been fun having a favorite gay Uncle.”
> Well, friends, I’m not done with this new phase of my life, and simply because I’m looking ahead to retiring sometime down the line doesn’t mean I’m quite finished yet. It does demonstrate, however, that the Internet very quickly adjusts and sometimes even quite brutally moves on to the next piece of news. As I write this, the tragic and somewhat ironic car accident death of Paul Walker (star of The Fast and the Furious movies) was quickly replaced by the more expected passing of former South African President Nelson Mandela, who was so beloved even Paris Hilton tweeted that she loved his “I Have A Dream Speech,” and Facebook was overtaken with pictures of Morgan Freeman, who angrily was forced to explain that he was still very much alive.
That’s the thing about the Internet. It can raise you up quickly, but then drop you back down into total obscurity as soon as the next big poontang comes along. I’ve tried diligently this year to use what social media presence I have to do good for the world, on issues of marriage equality and the lessons of the Japanese-American internment, all the while keeping an increasingly feisty and outspoken fan base happy and laughing along with me for the ride. It hasn’t always been an easy balance, and at times I’ve had to keep my emotional responses to a minimum, channeling Spock as best I can so that I don’t become as pliantly responsive as Siri or as incurably grumpy as Tardar. I hope that this book has given you a further and deeper glimpse into life on this side of my computer screen (or more lately, my iPhone), and that you stay with me for the remainder of this adventure, wherever it may lead: