by A. P. Watson
Nate sat up beside me, his arms stretching over his head. “Oh my God. This is the first time I’ve woken up in bed with two women. I need to FaceTime my mother!”
“We’re all wearing clothes. Wouldn’t she notice that?”
He shot me a glare. “Damnit, Wren.”
“I mean, Ter and I can take off our tops if you want. Might make it seem more plausible.”
“My mother knew I was gay before I did. She wouldn’t believe it even if she saw you straddling me in the nude.”
“Who are we straddling naked?” Terayn bolted upright, combing dark strands of hair from her eyes.
Nate scooted backward, resting his back against the padded headboard. “And Snow White awakens.”
Ter blew Nate and me a kiss. “Morning, babes.”
“Wait, which Disney princess am I?” I asked.
Ter stared at me and then rolled her eyes in a slow circle. “Really? You mean you don’t know?”
“Ariel?”
“Girl, you’re too sassy to be Ariel. You’ve got Megara written all over you.”
I clapped my hands together in excitement. “I always did love her.”
“Ter’s right. Meg is a sassy man-hater. That fits you perfectly.”
“You got me there.”
Ter jumped off the bed, stretching her arms and legs. “Alright, who wants to shower first?”
“Not me. I have to eat before I can take a shower.” Nate rubbed his belly as he turned to me with the most pitiful expression on his face.
“Okay, okay. I’ll cook us some breakfast.”
“Good. I get first shower then,” Ter yelled.
“So, what is the plan for today?” I glanced between Nate and Ter, patiently waiting for them to answer my question.
“I’m meeting Eric this afternoon and then we’re going to dinner,” Nate answered.
“Ter?”
“I have my appointment at Mignonette Bridal this afternoon. I’m picking up my dress, because they finished the alterations on it.”
“Oh, that’s right! I can’t wait to see it again.”
“Me either!”
“You’re going to be the most beautiful bride, Ter,” Nate added.
“I agree; you’re going to look like a damn princess.”
“We can only hope!” Ter grinned at us, practically skipping to the bathroom.
I slid out of bed, pulling my hair into a tight bun. “Alright, well, I’m going to make breakfast.”
Nate slid off the bed. “I’ll come provide moral support.”
“What do you want?”
“Something delicious.”
“Pancakes and bacon?” I asked, shrugging my shoulders.
“Yes!”
I headed to the kitchen and pulled out all the ingredients to make pancakes. After downing two Tylenol pills with half a bottle of water, I finally felt ready to stand over a hot skillet. While the bacon cooked, I mixed up the pancake batter and poured a little bit into a buttered pan. As the pancake browned, I searched the living room for my phone. My search proved fruitful because it was hidden beneath one of the couch cushions. I straightened up the couch and returned to the stove.
“Nate, do you want coffee?”
“Is that a real question?”
I stuck my tongue out at him and set up a pot of coffee to brew. Nate scurried around the living room, cleaning up our wine glasses and takeout boxes from the night before. I flipped the pancake, letting the other side cook.
My phone laid on the counter beside the stove. I focused on the dark screen, wishing I had the resolve to deny my curiosity. I hadn’t heard Jacks’s voice in months, and yet, my initial thought was how wonderful it sounded. Once he realized Ryan was talking to me, his tone held so much longing. Was he as miserable as I was? Ryan seemed convinced. He even sympathized with Jacks’s plight. But why? Ryan cares for me. He doesn’t want to see me in pain, so why would he demonstrate any kind of friendship toward Jacks?
I turned the bacon over and poured more pancake batter into the freshly buttered pan. Picking up my phone, I unlocked the home screen. I’d probably regret this decision, but at least my questions would be answered. I quickly typed out a message to Ryan.
Me: How is he?
Part of me hoped Ryan was still asleep or that he was ignoring his phone, but within seconds of receiving my text, he typed up a reply.
Ryan: Not good. Jackson is miserable. He’s lost about ten pounds, he hardly sleeps, and he looks exhausted all the time.
I’d be lying if I said Ryan’s words didn’t strike a chord within me. Did I want Jacks to suffer? Yes. But did I want his torture to become some interminable cycle? No, not really.
Me: Oh.
Ryan: He drinks a lot.
Me: That makes two of us then.
Ryan: Yeah, I know.
Me: Why are you still his friend? Why do you sympathize with him?
Ryan: Because I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like to lose the love of your life.
Me: Jacks didn’t love me.
Ryan: You know he did.
I removed another finished pancake and added more batter to the skillet. The bacon would only need a few more minutes to finish browning. My eyes darted all around. Terayn was still getting ready and Nate was lying on the couch. His eyes were closed, and it looked like he had fallen back asleep.
I tapped on the screen of my phone and called Ryan.
“Hey, Ryan.”
“Hey.”
“Is everything you said true?”
“You know I wouldn’t lie to you.”
“I know.” What the hell was I even doing? You reap what you sow. Jacks broke my heart, and now he was dealing with the repercussions of his actions. I wanted to be heartless, I wanted to hate him, but more often than not, I was simply brokenhearted. He understood me on such an intimate level, I doubted it could ever be replicated. When I told him about my past, he didn’t blink an eye. He admired my tenacity and understood the choices I made in order to survive. And Jacks was no stranger to making hard decisions either. “Put him on the phone.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes,” I answered with more confidence than I felt.
I tried to call him so many times, his number was seared into my memory. Sometimes I’d simply stare at the numbers, my mind desperate for some semblance of familiarity. The hole someone leaves in your life after they are gone was the part which hurt so much. And no matter how hard you tried to fill the gap, things could never go back to the way they were.
“Wren?”
“It’s me.”
“How are you?” he asked.
“I’m fine. And you?”
“You know my theory on what’s about to happen when a woman says she’s fine.”
“I’m okay.”
“Good . . . that’s good.”
“I’m planning an engagement party for Ter and Ryan,” I announced.
“I can help you. I’ve been wanting to do something nice for them.”
“Okay, it would be a relief to have some help.”
“Just tell me what you need me to do.”
“I’ll let you know.”
“Wren?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry.”
He only uttered two words; yet, the swell of emotion behind his apology was almost overwhelming. I couldn’t help but wonder how long he’d been wanting to express his regret. The last time we spoke, I never wanted to see him again. And now? Was I still bitter or was it just a façade to hide the truth?
“Okay,” I said, swallowing thickly. How could such a simple reply require so much resolve to speak?
“I just wanted you to know.”
“Well, I have to go because I’m in the middle of something, but I’ll contact you about the engagement party.”
“Alright . . . bye.”
“Jacks?”
“Yeah?”
“Take care of yourself. We still have a wedding coming up,
okay?”
“I will.”
“Okay,” I whispered.
“Bye, Wren”
“Bye, Jacks.”
The moment I hung up, a strangled breath forced its way through my airway. What the hell was I thinking? I could barely manage speaking to him, so how were we supposed to plan an engagement party together?
Ter chose that exact moment to reappear. “Yay, you made coffee!”
“Ter?”
She set the mug she’d just grabbed on the counter and turned toward me. “What’s up?”
I tried to meet her gaze, but my eyes stared past her. “I talked to him.”
“To Jackson?”
“I called Ryan and told him to put Jacks on the phone. I don’t know why, I just—”
“Needed to hear his voice?”
“Something like that.”
“Ryan told me something just before he left for New York yesterday.”
“What’s that?”
“He told you that he flew to New York for business, but he’s really helping Jackson pack so he can move back here.”
“What?” My heart seized inside my chest. At any moment, the sucker would become epileptic.
“Apparently, he put in to transfer back here as soon as he started working in New York. His boss there made him find a replacement and train them before he’d let him leave.”
“So, he’ll be here?” I hadn’t intended to ask my question so slowly, but my mind was in a state of shock and I desperately needed clarification.
“Yeah, I know Ryan told you that he never sold his apartment.”
“I just thought that was because he could afford it.”
“He can, but by tomorrow night, he’ll be back.”
“Why did he want to leave as soon as he got there?”
“Why the hell do you think?” She filled her mug with coffee and turned off the stove. “He knows he made a huge mistake, Wren. That’s why he’s coming back here.”
I removed the skillets from the stove. “To make things right?”
“To sure as hell try.”
I caught my lip between my teeth, chewing on the fleshy tissue. “I was afraid you’d say that.”
“Because you miss him?”
“Because I miss what we meant to each other.”
“Do you think you can ever be friends again?” Ter pulled three plates from the cabinet while I grabbed the same number of forks. I placed two pancakes and a few slices of bacon on each plate.
“I don’t know.” I opened the fridge to find the syrup. “What do you think I should do?”
“Whatever makes you happy.”
I contemplated her words for a moment while I filled two mugs with coffee and creamer. “He understood me. I just miss my friend.”
“I have it on good authority he feels the same way.”
I swallowed audibly and attempted to smile. “Some things can’t be mended.”
“Well, you’ll never know unless you give it a try.”
I didn’t know what to say so I nodded instead. Nate, on the other hand, was still asleep on the couch. For someone who wanted breakfast so badly, he sure wasn’t showing it. “Nate!”
In a flash, he was sitting upright, his eyes open wide. “I’m up!”
“Come get some breakfast.”
“Oh, thank God.” He accepted the cup of coffee I handed him, immediately sitting in front of one of the plates Ter and I arranged on the bar. “I swear, Wren, you are a saint.”
I shook my head, staring at him sarcastically. “Eat your damn breakfast.”
Nate glanced at Ter, who shrugged her shoulders. “Better just do it, babe.”
chapter two
not lonesome at all
MIGONETTE BRIDAL WAS LOCATED on Belmont Avenue. The charming brick exterior highlighted a large window decorated with giant crepe flowers and a single wedding gown. Everything about it was simply divine, and I’d be lying if I said my heart didn’t skip a beat as we entered the shop. One of the owners quickly whisked Ter to a dressing room near the back wall of the store. I waited for her on a plush couch with my phone ready to take pictures for both Terayn’s father and my mother. I wished with all my heart that Ter’s own mother could have been here for this moment. Ter would have loved sharing this with her, and because I was here instead, I’d do everything in my power to ensure she had the perfect wedding day.
Even though she had originally chosen this dress before Christmas, the alterations were only just completed. I’d been with Ter on the day she bought it, but seeing everything finished would be another story altogether.
“Wren, are you ready?” Ter’s voice sounded from the opposite side of the satin curtain.
“Yes. Show me the goods!”
Ter emerged from the dressing room draped in cream tulle. “Well?” Her hands fluffed the material around her thighs and spread out the long train.
“Oh my God!” The bodice of the gown was adorned with lace, and an intricate design of pearls and rhinestones accentuated her tiny waist. The skirt contained layers of cream and peach tulle. Delicate arrangements of embellishments dotted the tulle, shimmering as she stepped in a slow circle. “You look so beautiful! I love it!”
“Really?”
“Yes. Ryan is going to die when he sees you!”
“I hope so!” she squealed.
“I know so!” I pulled up the camera app on my phone, motioning for her to turn around once more. My finger clicked furiously, capturing every angle of Ter’s gown. I adjusted a few strands of her hair to fall over her shoulder and took a few more pictures. “Okay, I’m sending these to your dad and my mom. They are going to love it!”
“Okay, good!” I typed out two quick text messages, sending a barrage of images to each of our parents. “You don’t think it’s too much, do you?”
“It’s your wedding dress! Too much is the general rule when it comes to this stuff.”
“What about the headband? I’m not wearing a veil, because I opted for a dress with a long train.”
A skinny band of pearls and crystals separated her dark locks. It matched the gorgeous beading on her gown, tying everything together. “Honestly, I love the headband. It matches the gown beautifully.”
“Thank you! I wanted your opinion before I bought it.”
“I stand by what I said earlier. Ryan is going to die.”
Ter squealed so loudly, the owner came bursting through a back door. “I’m so sorry, Julie. Wren gave the dress her approval and I couldn’t hold in my excitement.”
Julie laughed and moved to straighten out Ter’s train. “Don’t worry about it. I thought for sure there was an error in the measurements we recorded and something wasn’t fitting properly.”
“Crisis averted. The dress looks absolutely perfect on her,” I stated.
Julie smiled at me warmly. “I’m so glad both of you love it.”
Ter gave Julie a quick hug. “I couldn’t be happier with it.”
“Good!” Julie headed back toward the door she emerged from. “Well, I’m going to finish going through some new inventory. If you need anything, Sara should be up front.”
“Thank you so much!” Terayn called out to her.
“Yes, thank you,” I added quickly. Julie waved one last time before disappearing through the door. “Ter, I definitely think you need to get the headband.”
“I agree.”
“Which pair of shoes did you settle on?”
Lifting the skirt of her dress, she displayed her feet. “I ended up picking the ones you like.”
“Yay, I love those shoes.”
“You were right, by the way. Seeing them with the dress, I think they look amazing.”
The heels she selected were Badgley Mischka. Cream satin adorned with rhinestones was always the right decision in my book, and I was ecstatic to see the shoes complemented her dress perfectly.
“I have a deep spiritual connection with those shoes. I’m so glad you went with that pair. The o
ther pair certainly wouldn’t have done your dress justice.”
“I agree. These shoes are the perfect choice!” She unzipped the side of her gown, making her way back into the dressing room. “Hey, Wren, do you want to grab some dinner after this?”
“Yes! What are you in the mood for?”
“There is that bistro on Lincoln Avenue. The food is good, and they have live music in the lounge on the weekends.”
“That sounds amazing. I’m down with going there.”
“Okay, good. I’ll change and get this headband, and then we can be on our way!”
“Ter?”
“Yeah,” she said, turning to face me.
“You have a wedding dress.” The thought made my throat tighten as I fought back tears. “I just wanted to say you and Ryan are an inspiration to me, and I couldn’t be happier for the two of you.”
She sprinted from the dressing room and pulled me into a tight hug. “Thanks for being a part of our little family. You know you mean the world to us.”
I held on to her for a solid minute before ending our embrace. Her words were like an injection of pure comfort straight into my vein.
Thirty minutes later, Ter and I were sipping beer at a small table. Tonight, the bistro boasted a man and woman duo. They both played fiddles with expert precision, but it was the combination of their voices that struck a chord within me. The melancholy tunes they sang were an exact mirror of the way I felt inside. And despite everything, despite being so angry for the past couple of months, my first thought as they opened their mouths to sing was how much Jacks would enjoy this. Sometimes when people walk out of your life, they leave permanent marks in their wake. I hoped my date with Kenneth would eliminate the inescapable loneliness I’ve known, but assuming the role of second fiddle in the band was never as good as the real thing. When it came to being with someone new, I wasn’t really sure what I had to offer anymore.
“You okay?” Ter whispered her question in my ear as the duo paused in between songs to tune their instruments.
“Yeah, why?”
“Just seems like you’re somewhere else.”
“I can’t get over their voices. They’re amazing.”
“Looks like they have some CDs for sale. You should get one before we leave.”