by A. P. Watson
Me: Oh, okay.
Air rushed through my lips as I released a breath I hadn’t even realized I was holding. Reluctantly, I stepped toward the front door and opened it. A small box, one of the two I’d given Ryan yesterday, sat just outside my door. I picked it up, shutting the door and locking it. Shivering, I headed back to the couch and nestled underneath a thick blanket.
Underneath the lid of the box rested the keys to Harlow. My phone lit up again, distracting me from the metallic keyring.
Jacks: I know you hate me, and believe me, you have every right to, but Harlow belongs to you. The title is in your name and she was made for you. I know you don’t owe me a thing, but my grandfather worries about you. He wants you to be safe and have your own car. I’m not asking you to keep Harlow for my sake . . . I lost that right . . . but please do it for his peace of mind.
My fingertips trembled as I touched the keys. I hadn’t wanted to give up Harlow. I loved her, but I also didn’t want to feel like I owed Jacks anything. I typed out a short reply and sent it before I had time to second-guess myself.
Me: I don’t hate you.
Truth be told, it wasn’t a lie. If anything, I was afraid of him. Afraid of the way I needed him. Because if I wasn’t careful, I could have been in danger of falling for him again. Anger may have sharpened my resolve, but hope could have weakened it just as fast. Deep down, there was a lingering hope, and even after all those months, I was still foolish enough to give into it.
Jacks: That’s more than I deserve.
Me: I’ll think about it and let you know what I decide.
Jacks: Thank you.
Even if my head wanted to keep Harlow, would my pride allow it? On the phone, Jacks seemed to genuinely be apologetic. Could one poor decision truly negate all the kind things he had done for me? I pondered the question over and over again, hoping somehow an answer would come to me. But things weren’t always so simple. Clarity was an unobtainable notion when all the lines had already been blurred.
I resumed the movie, pulling the edges of the blanket tight around me. If I got lost in Jane Austen’s world, then maybe mine would become insignificant. And at the moment, I couldn’t think of a better notion.
I woke the next morning still on the couch. The scent of bacon and coffee delighted my senses, waking me from the near coma I’d been in.
“Good morning!” Ryan called from the kitchen.
“Morning,” I groaned. “What time is it?”
“Noon. You passed out on the couch?”
“Yeah. I wasn’t tired when Ter and I got back from the pub last night, so I stayed up to watch a few movies.”
“Are you okay with scrambled eggs this morning?” he asked.
“Sounds perfect to me!” I stood, stretching out my muscles as I headed toward the coffee pot. “Thanks for cooking,” I said with a yawn. I poured coffee into two separate mugs, adding creamer to each. “Here.”
“Oh, thanks,” Ryan said, turning his attention away from the skillet to take a sip.
“So where’s Snow?”
His brow wrinkled in confusion. “Snow?”
“Snow White.” I took a long sip of coffee, the liquid warming me from the inside out. “It’s what Nate started calling Ter the other night.”
“It fits,” he chuckled. “And she’s still sleeping. Should be up any minute though.”
“I’ve seen the dress.”
Instantly, his head snapped in my direction. “And?”
“It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
At my words, his face lit up. “Yes,” he sighed. “She is.”
“Who is what?” Ter asked, stumbling into the kitchen.
“Nothing,” I quickly replied.
She trudged forward, pecking Ryan on the cheek before prying the coffee mug from my hands. “Sharing is caring.”
“I’m not so sure that rule applies to coffee.”
She stuck her tongue out at me in response, hopping on top of the kitchen counter. “So, what is on our agenda for today?”
“I promised Jackson I’d help him do some unpacking. I’m leaving after breakfast to go over there,” Ryan answered.
“Wren?”
“I’m going to the dance studio. Do you want to come with me?”
“Dancing!” she shrieked. “I’m so there. Can you dress me in sparkles again this week?”
Ter had been joining me at the studio for classes more frequently in the past few months. Like me, she was addicted to the rush of nailing a new move, and according to her, whipping out some sexy dance moves was sure to make her honeymoon more exciting.
“How do you feel about gold glitter?”
“I want it!”
Ryan laughed at her enthusiasm as he divided the pan of scrambled eggs between three plates. After adding a few strips of bacon to each, we all sat at the bar to enjoy breakfast.
“I’ve noticed that you’re getting a lot stronger with each pole dance lesson,” I said to Terayn.
“I know. I feel like I have a ton of muscles now. And you were right: the more you do it, the easier it gets.”
“All I know is that I like the outfits you wear,” Ryan commented, turning to Terayn.
“You would say that!” I shouted.
“They are sexy though,” Ter added.
I nodded. Sexier than she probably realized. My favorite was black lace. I had a lace garter belt I used to wear, and not only did it look amazing, it also held cash like no other. I wanted to tell them my secret. They didn’t need to be kept in the dark any longer. But fear held my confession in. What if they were angry with me? I’d held onto this secret for so long, I wondered if there would ever be a right time to tell them. Would they hate me for lying? Would they be disappointed in me for resorting to a job where I had to gyrate on the laps of horny men? No, this secret was better kept inside where I was the only person it could hurt.
We finished our meal in silence. Ter and I volunteered to clean up since Ryan cooked. When we finished, the two of us headed to my room to change for pole.
“Alright, babe. Here you go.” I threw gold shorts and a matching sequin top in Ter’s direction.
“Oh my God! Yes!” she cried, catching the garment. “I love this! How do you have so many outfits?”
I shrugged, pulling out a black ensemble for myself. “I just collect them. There are tons of cute outfits, and if I see one, I buy it.”
“I told Ry I was going to pull out a few moves on our honeymoon.”
“And what did he say?” I asked.
For a brief moment, her cheeks flushed. “That he couldn’t wait to see them.” Ter was never embarrassed, so whatever Ryan told her, that definitely wasn’t it.
“Right,” I replied sarcastically, nudging her with my elbow. “Y’all will be married with a baby before I even figure out what the hell I’m doing with my life.”
“That is so not true!”
“Isn’t it though? I mean what am I even doing right now?”
“I noticed Harlow was parked out front,” she intoned, altering the direction of our conversation.
“H-how did you know?” I asked, stammering.
“Looked outside. So, what is the story behind that?”
I released a deep breath. “Jacks texted me last night. He left the box I gave to Ryan on the porch. He said the car was mine, that it was made for me, and he basically pleaded with me to keep it.”
“Damn.”
“Yep.”
“Well, what are you going to do?”
“I told him I’d consider keeping it. Honestly, I love that car, and I’m hardly ever selfish . . .”
“I think you should keep it,” she blurted.
“Really? You don’t think that makes me an opportunist or lazy?”
“Girl, there isn’t a lazy bone in your body.”
“And it’s such a pretty car,” I sighed.
Ter was halfway finished putting on the gold bikini top when her arms wrapped around
me. “It is a pretty car, and you deserve to keep it! I know Jackson, and he wouldn’t leave that car practically on our doorstep unless he wanted you to have it.”
“That is what makes this so frustrating! He is the easiest person to fall for, and if I accept Harlow, maybe I’ll take him back too.”
“Would such a thing even be all that terrible?”
“Ter! You were at Everest that night!”
“I know, but Jackson has talked to me.”
“What?”
“He needs you.”
“Does he?” I asked, barking out my question.
“Yes.”
Ryan picked just that moment to pop his head inside my room. “I’m heading over to Jackson’s.”
“Okay, babe. Love you!”
“See you later,” I added.
“Love you!” He waved and disappeared out the door.
When I spoke, my voice came out as a strangled gasp. “What do I do?”
Just as she was about to open her mouth, Ryan reappeared. “Wait a minute. Do you even have a top on?” he asked, staring at Ter.
“Kind of?”
“This,” he began, pointing between Ter and I, “is just like a dream I had one time when we were in college.”
“Oh, shut up, Ryan,” I shouted, rolling my eyes.
“Can you just do one thing for me? Can you hit each other with pillows?”
“Goodbye!” Terayn yelled, hurling one of my pole heels in his direction.
He plastered himself against the doorframe to dodge the shoe. “I’m only partially joking.”
Unable to help myself, I started laughing. “I figured as much.”
“Daydreams aside, the two of you are my favorite girls.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Terayn replied.
“Don’t hate me for being a guy,” he called out.
“We’ll try not to hold it against you,” I countered.
His laughter faded as he walked through the townhouse and out the front door.
“My future hubby is ridiculous.”
“We wouldn’t want him any other way though.” I began changing and laid out two sets of sweats for us to pull on over our outfits. “Remember the first year we all became friends?”
“He practically adopted us. I mean, between me almost setting my dorm on fire and you going through all that mess with Liam, I don’t know what we would’ve done without him.”
“Exactly. My hat is off to you, lady. You caught a good one.”
“That I did.”
Less than an hour later, Ter and I were strolling through the doors of The Brass Hoop. We each snagged a pole and stripped off our sweats. Ter had actually graduated to a pair of what she called baby heels. They were only five inches, but like I told her, they were a start. Mine, on the other hand, were eight inches of chrome bliss.
“Hey, ladies!” Sasha shouted from across the studio. “I had a great time last night.”
“It sure looked like it!” Ter exclaimed.
“Heard you and Robbie exchanging numbers too.”
Sasha headed in our direction, her heels echoing on the floor. “He is super sweet.”
I nodded. “He’s pretty damn awesome. Are y’all going to hang out at all?”
“He asked me out on a date this Thursday night.”
“And?” Ter asked, drawing out her question dramatically.
“And I’m going to need help picking out something to wear!”
“Girl, wear exactly what you’ve got on!” Ter squealed, pointing at the tiny red shorts and matching top that Sasha wore.
“Robbie would faint,” I added with a laugh.
Sasha’s mouth curled into a smile. “I don’t want to kill him, I want to date him!”
“You’ll be stunning no matter what you wear! Robbie is a great guy, and you’re the only woman I’ve ever seen him show any interest in,” I stated.
“Thanks,” Sasha replied. “Well, looks like class is filling up. I better get up to the front to teach, but I’ll be sure to let you ladies know how my date goes.”
“Please do!” Ter called out.
“I can’t wait to hear all the details,” I added.
For the next two hours, everybody in the studio danced, dipped, and rolled in time with the sultry music Sasha played. Each thought swirling about my brain melted away as I moved. My reprieve came one step at a time, and for a while, I believed everything would be okay. I would persevere as I always had. I didn’t question such a thought, because for these two hours, it was a certainty. Whenever I was around my friends or at the studio, I was fine. It was at night, when the majority of the world had gone to sleep, when the loneliness set in. Sometimes I looked back on the time Jacks and I shared with fondness, other times, with regret for every second of it. Either way, what’s done was done. My date with Kenneth was a much-needed step in the right direction. And after enough steps, the past would no longer haunt me.
chapter four
breaking chains
AS THE DAYS PASSED and brought me closer to my date with Kenneth, anxiety burned through the lining of my stomach. To say I was nervous was an understatement. My last first date was epic, and even though things didn’t work out, the night was still memorable. But here I was, back on the dating scene. If I kept this up much longer, I’d develop an ulcer.
“So, how are you feeling?” Ter asked.
It was already Friday night and the two of us were hanging out in my room while I selected an outfit to wear on my date with Kenneth.
“Good,” I answered with much more confidence than I felt. Standing in front of my closet, I ran my fingers through my hair repetitiously, separating the long curls. “Tonight will be good. I’m taking a page out of your book and focusing on the positive.” I retrieved a pair of black high-waisted dress pants and a slinky crop top. I changed quickly, sliding my feet into a pair of black pumps. “Okay, so how does this look?”
Ter whistled loudly. “Damn, girl.”
“Too much?”
“Just enough. You always walk that fine line between classy and sexy.”
“Thank you,” I replied with a grin.
“Don’t worry, you got this!”
I nodded, picking up my purse and car keys. Despite my initial protests, I decided to keep my car. Eventually, I’d pay back every dime she cost Jacks, but for now, I was content to be driving Harlow again. “Maybe one of these days I’ll stop having first dates, and you won’t have to give me pep talks all the time.”
“You’ll find a great guy, I promise! And who knows, maybe Kenneth is that man.”
Ter followed me down the hallway and through the living room. After a quick hug and a few more words of encouragement from her, I slid on my wool coat and headed into the chilly Chicago night. Harlow cruised through the city with ease as I followed the directions to the rum bar.
Thankfully, there was a parking garage just up the street from the restaurant, and I praised my good fortune of not having to hoof it five blocks in heels. The rum bar was housed in an old brownstone, and even from the front stoop, you could hear the sounds of laughter and Cuban music. An odd combination of excitement and dread coursed through my veins. It was a weird notion to be exhilarated yet anxious at the same time. However, before I could ponder the thought for another moment, the door to the restaurant was opened for me.
“Hi. Welcome to Paladar,” the hostess announced cheerily. “How can I help you?”
“I’m meeting someone here. His name is Kenneth Davenport.”
“Oh, of course. He’s already here, and if you follow me, I’ll take you to your table.”
“Thank you,” I replied. As we walked through the crowded restaurant, I really wished I’d thrown a package of Tums in my purse. Acid reflux definitely wasn’t sexy.
What the hell was wrong with me? There was a high possibility that tonight would be amazing, and if Ter could hear the negativity rolling around my brain, she would kill me. WWTD? What would Terayn do? That’s how I needed to
approach this date. She would do everything within her power to have a wonderful night, and it was about time I did the same.
“Here you go,” the hostess said, bouncing on the tips of her toes.
“Thank you,” I replied, waving goodbye.
Kenneth stood at my approach, a smile plastered across his face. “Hi,” he said, stepping forward to give me a quick hug.
“Hi.” I returned his hug, stretching myself as much as I could to reach him. He was a few inches taller than Ryan, which meant he was a whole foot taller than me. My fingers unfastened the buttons on my coat, and Kenneth moved to stand behind me.
“Allow me.” He removed the thick wool from my shoulders, hanging it on the back of my seat.
“Thank you.”
His eyes took in every detail of my outfit. “You look amazing.” The apples of his cheeks flushed as he made the compliment, and he broke our gaze.
The fact he was so shy was adorable. “Thank you. You look great as well,” I answered, gesturing to him. My reply wasn’t a lie. Kenneth was tall and lean with sand-colored hair. But perhaps his most intriguing feature was his eyes. They were the lightest shade of blue I’d ever seen. He beamed at me again, resuming his seat. “So, what are you drinking?” I pointed to the empty glasses in front of him.
“I’m sorry. I know it’s not polite to drink beforehand, but I was nervous, so I ended up trying two different kinds of rum.”
I giggled at the confession, feeling completely refreshed by his honesty. Consuming alcohol in the hopes of relieving nervous energy was something I excelled at. “You’re nervous?”
“Have you seen you?”
“You and I are going to get along just fine.” I smiled, picking up the menu lying in front of me.
“I also ordered an appetizer. I hope that is okay.”
“Of course! What’d you get?”
“Empanadas.”
“Good choice,” I stated. “Do you know what you’re going to order?”
“I’ve looked over the menu like three times, so I have an idea of what I want.”
“How long have you been here?”
“I got here thirty minutes before you did.”
“Oh my goodness, that’s so cute.”
“Where are you from?” he questioned, leaning slightly across the table.