“Me? Have I had any dreams?”
“No... have you had... do you ever get a feeling about this? I always felt like you and Isa had this special connection, especially when you guys were young. Not psychic, necessarily, but the two of you always seemed very in tune with each other, which would make sense since you’re twins. I think that’s a common experience for many twins.”
“I wish I had some sort of special twin psychic channel that I could just access and would know where she is,” I said. “That sure would make things a lot easier.” If I was honest with myself, my feeling was that something awful had happened, but I couldn’t let those thoughts gain any traction, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop the onslaught of terrible possibilities.
“I want you to be careful, Emmy,” Mom said. “I don’t like thinking about you out there, on your own, when someone could just... just... take you the way they took Isa.”
“I don’t think that’s going to happen.”
“But how do you know?”
She looked at me with wide, fearful eyes. What was it like, I wondered, to just decide one day to shut yourself in the house and never set foot outside again? Was there a part of her that missed it? That got bored?
“Do you ever think about leaving the house, Mom?” I said.
Her eyes got wider. “Absolutely not,” she said immediately. “Especially now after this has happened. This just affirms that I’ve been right all along—the outside world is not a safe place. There is danger everywhere. Can’t you see that? I don’t even know how you can go out there.”
“Even if it means finding out what happened to your daughter?”
“Do you really think I’d be able to find her? That’s what the police are for. Your father still seems to think that Isa is just going to turn up, like she just went on a vacation or something and forgot to tell anyone about it.”
“Where is Dad?”
“He had a few errands to run. He should be back shortly, though. I know he’d like to see you.”
“Have you gotten any updates from the police? From those two officers who came by that day?”
“They don’t have any new information.” Mom looked at her hands; her fingernails were raw, chewed to the quick. “They said they’ve gotten a few calls from people claiming they’ve seen Isa, but they haven’t come up with anything.”
“Calls?” I said. “From who?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t ask them for names. They said that they try to follow up on every possible sighting call they get, but that it’s not always possible. Sometimes people report false information. Why would someone do something like that?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “They might’ve thought it was her.”
“The officer, Mike, he said that it was entirely possible that some of these people might have seen you. Didn’t you say you’ve been going down to the city a lot?”
“More than I normally do. But I feel like that’s the only way I’m going to be able to do something—if I’m in the area.”
“Does that mean you’re going to be traveling to her other places? Ibiza?”
“I hadn’t thought about that,” I said, though I did know that Isa owned a place over there. The place I would have stayed if I had taken her up on her offer. I swallowed, feeling an ache in my throat. What if she never came back? What if I never saw my sister again, and I’d missed my chance to spend time with her because I hadn’t wanted to leave the comfort of my daily routines? I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to forgive myself for that, even though I knew there was no way I could’ve known that something like this would happen.
My mother’s gaze went over my shoulder, out the living room window. “Your father’s home,” she murmured.
I turned and watched as my dad slid out of his Lexus. He had a bag of groceries and I could tell, as he got closer, that he was whistling, though he stopped when he came into the house. I went into the kitchen as he came in through the side door.
“Emmy,” he said. “How are you?”
“Hi, Dad.” I could hear the tightness in my voice, and I stiffened when he came over and dropped a kiss on my cheek. I thought I caught the faint whiff of perfume, something floral and light, definitely not the cologne he sometimes wore, definitely not the scent of anything my mother would ever wear. Had he just been with her? “How’s your day going?”
“It’s been all right,” he said. “I sure wish we knew what was going on with your sister.”
“Yeah, me too.” I scrutinized his face. “You do understand that this is serious, Dad—right?”
“Of course I do,” he said, shooting a glance at my mother. “Though I admit I at first thought it was simply a case of your sister deciding to just go off somewhere, acting irresponsible. You were always the responsible one. I know you’d never do something like that.”
“That’s not the point right now, Dad,” I said, unable to keep the irritation from my voice. “That’s so not the point at all.” I felt a flare of anger blossom in my chest and I wondered, what would he say if I took my phone out and showed him that photo? He’d probably have some sort of excuse, some reasonable explanation for it.
“I’m trying to be positive,” he said. “Someone in this family needs to be.” He turned his attention to the groceries he’d put on the island. “Your mother tells me that you’ve been going down to the city trying to talk with people that Isa knew.”
“I have,” I said. “I can’t just sit around and wait for the police to come up with something.”
“Do you think that’s a safe idea?”
I bristled, because I knew that, between my sister and me, my father thought she was the brave one, the courageous one, the risk-taker, while I was the responsible one who always played it safe.
“I haven’t given it much thought,” I said.
“I certainly have,” Mom interjected. “And I don’t think it’s safe at all. And I’d much prefer you let the police handle it.”
“But you said yourself you talked with them and they haven’t come up with anything—that they’re just chasing around all these false sightings.”
“I just don’t like the idea of you out there on your own trying to be some sort of sleuth,” Mom said. “This is real life, Emmy; this isn’t some detective novel where the good guy is always going to win.”
I bit my lip, restraining myself from asking her what could she possibly know about real life, being shut up in the house all day.
“Your mother has a point,” Dad said.
“I think the point here is that I am actually trying to do something instead of just sitting around, waiting to get news.” I’m not out having an affair, I wanted to add, but didn’t. “And I’m being safe, and this isn’t something I’m just doing on my own, okay? In fact, I have to get going because I’ve got to meet up with someone who is helping me.”
“Who?” Mom asked.
“Jason.”
She gave me a blank look.
“Didn’t I tell you about him?”
“No, I don’t think so.”
“He was working security the night that Isa disappeared. And he saw her, and now he would also like to know what the hell happened. So I’m not doing this on my own.”
Mom’s eyes widened. “But you don’t even know this person, do you?”
“Oh, my God—just forget it.” I went into the living room and got my purse off the coffee table. “I need to get going now, actually,” I said.
“We’re not trying to chase you away,” Mom said.
“Yeah—I just got here.” Dad raised his eyebrows. “Don’t you want to stick around for a little while?”
“I’m meeting someone.” And even if I wasn’t, I was realizing, I didn’t want to “stick around” and hang out with him and pretend that everything was fine, act like I didn’t have any clue about what he was really up to. “I’ll stop by in a few days.”
It was a relief to finally leave my parents’ place and drive back d
own to the city to see Jason; it was almost as if I could feel my stress level dropping the further I got from their house. As I was going over the Golden Gate Bridge, my phone started to ring. I picked it up from the console and saw that it was Carolyn.
“Hey,” she said. “I just wanted to call and see how you were doing. No new news?”
“No, of course not,” I said. “I definitely would have called you to let you know if there was anything.”
“You want to do dinner tonight? I feel like it’s been ages since we actually went out and were able to have some girl time.”
“I’m heading down to the city right now,” I said. “I’m not sure when I’m going to be back. But you know I’d love to see you. Can we do it another time?”
“Yeah, of course. You’re being safe, though—right, Emmy?”
“I am. I’m going down to meet up with Jason right now; he was able to get the number of the club promoter Isa knows. There’s a good chance he’ll be able to tell us something that might be useful.”
“I swear I know that name from somewhere,” Carolyn muttered, almost more to herself. “Well,” she continued, “I’ll take a rain check on dinner, but I definitely want to do it soon. And please just promise me that you’ll be safe. I can’t help but worry about you down there in the city, chasing after these people that you don’t even know.”
Her words strongly echoed those of my mother, and I felt a little annoyed. I knew they both didn’t want anything to happen to me, but they were acting like I was barely competent, like I was a four-year-old or something. Had anyone been worried about Isa all these years? She was the one traveling the world, fraternizing with all sorts of people—and now she was the one missing. Maybe if everyone had been a little more concerned with her, this wouldn’t have happened to begin with.
“I am a big girl,” I said.
“I’m not saying you’re not. But you can’t blame me for being a little worried. Especially because I don’t even know this Jason guy that you’re suddenly hanging around with quite a bit.”
“He’s helping me!” I exclaimed. “Hold on one sec—I have to pay the toll.”
I set my phone down and grabbed a ten out of my wallet; the toll collector gave me back two ones and a quarter.
“Hey,” he said, looking at me with his dark eyes. He was probably my age, maybe a little older. “You that girl on the flyers? There’s been flyers up all over The Castro—that DJ who went missing? That you?”
“That’s my sister,” I said.
“Damn, you guys look like twins. Could’ve sworn that was you I saw on the flyer. Even though your hair is different.”
The horn behind me honked.
“Just ignore it,” the guy said.
“Well, we are twins.”
“I hope you find her,” he said. “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but... was she depressed?”
“Depressed? Um, I don’t think so. I’m not sure, though. Why?”
The guy looked up, toward the bridge I’d just driven over. “I had a cousin who went missing. This was a long time ago—I was like ten years old. But I remember it clear as day. This cousin of mine goes missing, the whole family freaks out, as families do, and then his body washed up in Marin. He had jumped from this bridge. And, while sad, it wasn’t entirely surprising because he’d been depressed for a while.”
“Geez,” I said. “And now you work here? Isn’t that weird for you?”
“At first, maybe a little. But like I said, I was young when it happened, and I wasn’t that close with my cousin to begin with. And don’t get the wrong idea or anything—I’m not saying that this happened to your sister. But whenever I hear about a missing person from this area, I can’t help but think that maybe life had thrown them a curveball or two they weren’t expecting and they thought the only choice they had was to end it.”
The car’s horn blasted again, and it sounded like the driver was yelling something, but I couldn’t hear it.
“I better get going,” I said.
He nodded. “Good luck.”
I drove off, and it wasn’t until I was about to turn onto Van Ness that I remembered I’d been talking with Carolyn before I arrived at the toll. I picked the phone up, seeing that the call hadn’t been disconnected.
“What the hell was that conversation?” she said.
“Crap—I’m sorry. I totally forgot you were on the phone. You didn’t have to stay on the line.”
“Was that toll operator talking to you about suicide? The phone kept cutting out so I could only make out snippets.”
“He was just saying that a cousin of his had jumped from the bridge and had I considered that a possibility? He’d seen this flyer for Isa and he thought I was her.”
“That doesn’t seem like something she’d do, do you think?” Carolyn said. “I’ve never gotten that impression from her.”
“No, I don’t think so.” Though now that it had been brought up, I wondered if it was a possibility. If Isa were going to do something like that, though, she would definitely do it in some grand, dramatic fashion. And she’d want the last thing she saw to be something beautiful. “Isa loved her life too much,” I said. “I don’t think she’d do something like that. She wasn’t suicidal.”
“I really hope someone comes up with some answers,” Carolyn said. “And we’re definitely taking a rain check for dinner, okay? I gotta run, but I’ll talk to you soon. And, Emmy? Be safe.”
“I will.”
I tossed the phone down after she hung up. Did everyone in my life think I was some sort of walking disaster? That if they weren’t constantly reminding me to “be safe,” that I’d end up in some dire situation? It was annoying. I knew they all meant well, but it was irritating to feel like everyone you knew thought you were incompetent and unable to look out for yourself.
I met up with Jason at the coffee shop we’d gone to the first time. He was already there, at a table toward the back. He had a drink in front of him, but I decided to skip that for now.
“Hey,” he said with a smile, and I felt my heart do a little flip just at the sight of him. “You want me to grab you a drink or anything?”
“No, I’m okay for now,” I said, sliding into the seat opposite him. “I don’t think coffee will do me any good at the moment.”
“I hear that,” he said. “Which is why I got half decaf.” He eyed me. “Everything okay?”
“I was just visiting my parents,” I said, rubbing my eyes. Maybe a coffee wouldn’t be such a bad idea, though I had a feeling it wouldn’t make me feel any more awake; it would just make me feel jittery.
“How are they holding up through all of this?”
“Well... my mom’s a wreck. She’s... she’s agoraphobic and hasn’t actually left the house in a really long time. So this whole thing with Isa has really just enforced her assumption that the world is this awful, messed-up place.”
“That’s really tough,” he said.
“And my dad is actually taking this way better than one might expect... because he’s having an affair. Which my mom doesn’t have any clue about. I don’t even know if she’d care—I honestly have no idea what their relationship is really like. I mean, can it be that good if the person you’re married to won’t ever leave the house?” I wanted to stop, but the words just seemed like they were pouring out of me. “So, at first I was pissed at my dad, but then, after I thought about it a little more, it seems like maybe he deserves that; he deserves someone he can take out to dinner or go see a movie with. Maybe I shouldn’t be judging him. I’m sorry—I don’t mean to be unloading all of this on you. You’re just... I guess I just find you really easy to talk to.”
“It helps to talk about it,” Jason said. “And I’m happy to listen—really.”
I smiled, trying to ignore the butterflies that were swirling in my stomach. This was not what we had gotten together to discuss; we were supposed to be focusing on Isa.
“My dad’s sort of similar,” Jason said. �
�I mean, he leaves the house and all, but he can’t hold down a job, drinks way too much... I worry about him.”
“Are your parents not together?”
“No, they split up a while ago. My mom was having an affair—multiple affairs—and for the longest time my dad didn’t have a clue, and then he found out and it really messed him up. I didn’t see him for years, probably between twelve to fifteen or sixteen? He eventually came back into the picture, but... well, I’m not trying to make this conversation any more dire than it needs to be.”
“You can tell me if you want,” I said. “You did say it can help, talking about it.”
He gave me a little smile. “You know, the feeling’s mutual—I find you really easy to talk to also.” He started to say something but then stopped. “My dad’s the sort of guy you can’t really talk to about this sort of thing; he’s not interested in hearing that anyone is concerned about him, or worrying about him. But... my brother killed himself, and my dad was the one who found him, and he’s never really been the same after that. Understandably. I can’t even imagine what that must’ve been like for him.”
“I’m so sorry,” I said. “I can’t imagine, either.”
“It was a while ago. I wouldn’t expect that a parent would ever be able to totally get over something like that, but he’s really gone downhill since. It’s a weird situation to be in, to be the kid worrying about your parent. I know this situation isn’t unique to me or anything, but it’s still strange.”
“I know,” I said, thinking about my mother. “It is.”
We both sat there for a moment, not saying anything. It felt comfortable, though, like we were totally used to each other, like we didn’t need to feel awkward or uncomfortable if neither of us had any words to fill the silence between us.
“Hey,” he said, after taking a sip of his drink and setting it back down. “Your text earlier said that you were finishing up some work and then had to go to your parents’. And I realized I don’t know what you do for work.” As he looked into my eyes, I felt like he was staring into my soul.
“I’m a freelance illustrator.”
Parker Security Complete Series Page 8