I grinned. “You don’t want to be a kept woman? I’m joking, I’m joking,” I quickly added when she shot me a glare. “Where are you going to apply for a job?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I figured I’d just... go around. Isn’t that what people do?”
“Yeah. Or look online.”
“I can do both. Though it would probably be better if I did it in person, because then I can at least try to explain why I have such a pathetic lack of experience. Or no experience, really.”
“You have experience,” I said. “Just maybe not specific job experience. But I bet you learned a ton in your travels, and you’re obviously disciplined if you were a pro racer. I have to go into work tomorrow; I’ll ask around and see if someone there knows of any openings anywhere. Trust me, Stella; you have plenty of marketable qualities.” She wouldn’t have any problem getting a job, I just knew it.
“I hope you’re right,” she said.
***
I made sure to set my alarm early the next morning, and I rolled into Parker Security at nine. Ben and Lena were talking in the conference room, looking deep in conversation, so I just gave a little wave and kept going. Before I could make it to the safety of my office, though, Drew stuck his head out of his own office and motioned to me.
“I need to talk to you,” he said.
I took a deep breath. What now? He didn’t look entirely thrilled as he sat down behind his desk.
“Is Stella living with you?”
The question caught me completely off guard and I shifted uncomfortably in the chair. “Uh... why do you ask?”
Drew could barely contain his eye roll. “Come on, Cole. Cut the crap. Just be straight with me.”
“Yes,” I said. “Well, she’s staying with me. How... how did you know?”
“You’re not very good at keeping secrets.”
A tiny part of me wanted to refute that, wanted to tell him that, at least in the case of Stella and the text messages and the whole thing with her former bike mechanic, I was actually good at keeping secrets. But if I said something, that wouldn’t be keeping the secret.
“It’s clear that you like her,” Drew continued. “So when her father called me again and said that Stella was no longer at their house and wasn’t at the Doerflingers’, it wasn’t too difficult to put two and two together.”
“She was the one who came over,” I said. “I didn’t invite her in. She came over and asked if she could stay. What was I supposed to do? Throw her out? Tell her to go sleep on the street?”
Drew inhaled loudly. I wanted to tell him that he wasn’t so great at hiding his feelings either—he was clearly incredibly annoyed with me. Which I felt bad about; I did. I didn’t want Drew to be irritated with me; I didn’t want to be doing something that he wasn’t okay with. But I also wasn’t about to stop doing what I was doing now, either.
“I’m not trying to upset you,” I said. “And I never in a million years thought this was the way things were going to go when you first talked to me about doing this. It just... it sounded like a fun opportunity to make some good money and get to ride bikes. I didn’t think I would actually develop feelings for this person. That wasn’t the plan.”
“I’m not saying that I think this was your master plan, Cole. I know it wasn’t. And I know that things happen. But you never should have let it go this far to begin with. That’s where you screwed up.”
I felt myself wilt a little, hearing him say that. I had disappointed him, let him down. But if it was between disappointing him or breaking it off with Stella, well... that was a no-brainer.
“It might seem to you like a screw-up,” I said. “But if it is, it’s the best screw-up of my life. We’re really—”
“I don’t want to hear it,” he said. “I didn’t bring you in here to talk about your love life. You’re not technically employed by the Brookshires anymore, so I guess you’re free to pursue this if it’s what you really want. But what I will tell you is that I’m not pleased about it. Not because I don’t think you deserve a girlfriend or a happy relationship—but not at the expense of the business.”
“Are you saying I have to break up with her?”
Now he really did roll his eyes. “No, Cole, I’m not saying that. I’m not going to tell you how to live your personal life. I can tell you what I expect from you professionally, but this whole situation has gotten completely messed up. It’s gone from professional to personal—so you’re free to do what you want, in that regard anyway. For now, I’m keeping you on desk duty. Jason’s got some contracts you can go over and another one you can help him write up. I’ll let you know when you’re going to go back out into the field.”
“Okay,” I said. “Thank you.”
“What are you thanking me for?”
“Um... being understanding, I guess. And not having me go work at one of those assisted-living places.”
“Well, I haven’t decided where you’re going to be yet. I’ll let you know. That’s it.”
I slunk into my office, which I shared with Jason. He was hanging up the phone.
“Hey, bud,” he said, and it felt nice that someone here at this office was glad to see me. “How’s it going?”
“Oh, just great. Drew is pissed. He somehow found out that Stella is staying with me. I know he thinks I should break it off with her. But... things are actually going really well between us. Like, better than I would have thought.” I glanced to the open door, but didn’t see anyone lurking in the hallway. Still, I lowered my voice a little. “She’s staying with me. I’m not sure for how long, but she’s living with me and it’s awesome.” Just saying the words brought a grin to my face.
“Look at you,” Jason said, and he was smiling too. “Well, you guys make a great couple. That’s what Emmy kept saying after you left that day you came by for lunch.”
“She did?”
“Yeah, she did. We’re happy for you. Don’t worry that much about Drew. He’ll cool off. You know that he likes when things go a certain way, and when they don’t, it takes him a little time to adjust.”
“I hate feeling like he’s mad at me.”
“He’s not really. He’s just irritated—but give it some time and everything will be back to how it was.”
“He says in the meantime you’ve got some contracts for me to work on?”
“Sure do. I’ll email the files to you now.”
***
After spending the day at my desk, eyes glued to the computer screen, I was more than relieved when five o’clock rolled around and I could get the hell out of there. I wasn’t used to being cooped up all day like that, ass in a chair, fingers tap-tap-tapping away at the keyboard. When I got back to my place, Stella asked if I wanted to go out and get something to eat; I said yes, so long as we could get something to go and eat outside.
“I’ve been inside that little cubicle of an office for eight whole hours,” I said. “I’m not used to that. How’d your day go?”
“Oh, it was okay,” she said as we started to walk to a little taqueria nearby. “I went out, applied at a bunch of places. It was a little scary, to be honest. I think I’m getting the hang of it, though. Now I just have to wait. That seems like the hardest part—the waiting.”
“Yeah, it can be kind of excruciating.” Part of me wanted to tell Stella that she didn’t have to worry about going out and getting a job; I didn’t mind footing the bill for now. Or forever, if she wanted. Having her live with me felt very natural, and I made enough money that I could certainly afford groceries for two. But I also knew that part of her going out and trying to get a job had more to do with the actual symbolism of it—of her standing on her own two feet. Doing something that she felt like she had never really done before.
The taqueria was pretty busy when we got there, but since we were just going to take our food to go, we were able to order right away and not wait for a table. After we ordered at the counter, we started to walk over near the bar, where there was
a waiting area. I happened to look to my left as we went over there and I saw Carrie, whom I had not seen since she bailed on me the night we went to Arete for my parents’ anniversary celebration. Of course, she happened to look over right as I did, and our eyes met. Not saying anything to each other now would be more awkward than actually saying hi. I gave a little wave as she came over.
“Hey, Carrie,” I said.
“Oh, hi, Cole. How have you been—” Her eyes landed on Stella and she did a double take. “Um, are you... are you Stella Brookshire?”
“That’s me,” Stella said. “And you are…?”
“Carrie. I’m friends with Cole. Oh, my God, I can’t believe it’s you. I’ve been following you on Instagram for years! Wow. I knew you lived here but I never thought that I’d actually run into you.”
“Wait a second,” I said, not quite believing what I was hearing. “Carrie, you know Stella?”
“Oh, my God—well, I, like, know of her!” Carrie laughed, putting her hand on my forearm. “Why didn’t you tell me you knew Stella?”
“Uh... because I didn’t know her until after you dumped me.”
Carrie’s laugh just got louder. “Oh, Cole,” she said, even though she was looking at Stella. “You’re so funny.”
“Yeah, it was really hilarious.” I heard how bitter that sounded, and I tried to walk it back a little. “I mean, that is pretty funny.” I wasn’t actually bitter about Carrie anymore—it didn’t bother me at all, I now realized.
And then the awkward silence ensued, Carrie just standing there, looking starry-eyed at Stella, whom I could tell was trying to think of something to say—but what exactly are you supposed to say when you randomly run into your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend? Except she wasn’t really my ex-girlfriend. And I wasn’t sure if Stella was really my girlfriend. I mean, it certainly seemed that way, but we hadn’t made anything official.
“You could’ve met Stella sooner,” I said to Carrie, “if you had gone with me to Arete that night you broke things off. She was there.” Again, sounding bitter, but I figured I could at least rub it in a little.
“I had no idea,” Carrie said. “I knew you lived in San Francisco, but I just never thought I’d actually run into you like this!”
Luckily, they called my name to let me know that our food was ready. “Look, we’ve got to run,” I said. “We’re taking this to go. But it was nice to see you.”
“So great to see you!” Carrie said, again only looking at Stella. “I really hope I see you again! Um... I know this is going to sound so lame, but could we take a picture together?”
“Sure,” Stella said slowly, sounding anything but sure. Carrie went and stood next to Stella, her phone out, about to take a selfie, when she stopped and looked at me.
“Actually, Cole... would you mind?”
I took the phone from her. “Not at all.”
And so, before I went to get our carne asada tacos, I snapped a photo of my girlfriend with my ex-girlfriend, which was about as awkward-feeling as you might expect.
“I didn’t realize you had so many fans,” I said to Stella once we left the restaurant and were heading around the block to the park.
“It’s always so weird to me whenever I meet someone in real life who follows me on Instagram. I mean, that girl seemed nice and everything, and it’s just like—what the hell does she think I’m so awesome for?”
“Um, because you are. And trust me—you’re way awesomer than she is.”
“Bad breakup? You said she dumped you. She must be crazy, dumping you.”
“I don’t even know if we were ever officially going out. We... hung out a few times.”
Stella laughed. “It’s okay, Cole—you can say you slept together. It’s not like I’d expect you to be a virgin or anything.”
I grinned. “Should I take offense to that?”
“Well... I’m not saying I need to hear a play-by-play account of every girl you’ve been with before or anything…”
The whole thing with Carrie kind of came rushing back to me right then, the way that I’d thought things were going a certain way when she so clearly thought they were going differently.
“Listen,” I said to Stella. “Part of the reason I felt so messed up after everything with Carrie is because I felt like it was out of nowhere, her breaking up with me. Except in her mind, she wasn’t really breaking up with me—because we weren’t actually going out in the first place. Because we’d never really talked about it. So... I don’t want that to happen here. I want us to both be on the same page. Which is why I’m going to ask you if you’d like to be my girlfriend. Because I would really like it if you were.”
She didn’t say anything for a moment. It felt like an eternity, actually, though I was pretty sure that was just my mind playing tricks on me. Or was it? Was she not saying something because she was trying to come up with a nice way to let me down easily? That didn’t seem like Stella, though—if she wasn’t into me, she certainly seemed like the type of person who would just tell it to me straight. And hadn’t she told me she loved me? You wouldn’t tell someone you loved them if you didn’t want to be in a relationship with them—right? Unless she just meant she loved me like a friend...
“Maybe it was presumptuous of me to think that we already were in a relationship like that,” she said. “But I hear you about wanting to make sure we’re on the same page. So... Of course I want to be your girlfriend. Nothing would make me happier.”
Chapter 26
Stella
“Why don’t you come on home?” This was my father, his voice booming in my ear through the phone. Though I could tell his heart wasn’t totally into it. “Your mother’s beside herself. It’s been almost a week, Stella. This has gone on long enough.”
Had it really been almost a week? I’d been staying with Cole and it was awesome. Better than I would have even dared imagine. Yes, I knew that it was in part because everything was new and we weren’t sick of each other yet, or our annoying habits still seemed cute and endearing. But I could not ever remember feeling more free than I had over the past several days. The only thing that hadn’t been so great was that I hadn’t heard back from any of the places I’d applied to. A lot of places just weren’t hiring, but I knew that my lack of experience was also a problem. None of the jobs that I applied for required any advanced knowledge—I’d gone into retail stores, places like H&M and Barnes & Noble. I had not gone into Saks Fifth Avenue; chances were good I would run into my mother or one of her friends if I did that. (Though there was a tiny part of me that thought it would be funny if that were to happen.)
“I don’t think I’m ready to come back yet.”
My father sighed. “How long do you think this is going to go on for?” In the background, I could hear my mother saying something, but I couldn’t make out what it was.
“I’m not sure. But I’m safe, okay? I’m not doing anything stupid. I’m also an adult, Dad. I’ve been on my own before.”
“I know you have. And we’re not saying that we think you’re a child. If you want to live on your own, we are all for that. But let’s not have it go down like this. Why don’t you come on home and we can talk about things, and if you still feel like you want to move out, then we’ll find you a suitable place.”
“See, that’s the thing,” I said. “I don’t need to go apartment-hunting with my parents. If I want to find an apartment, I’ll do it on my own.”
“Do you need money? You have the credit card still, don’t you? Use that if you need it.”
It was tempting. In fact, it was more than tempting—it’s what I was used to. In the past, I’d never given much thought to money. We’d always had plenty, and when I needed to buy something, I did. There was no considering whether or not I could afford it or really needed it, or whether there might be something else that the money would be better spent on. And what if none of the places called me back? What if I just couldn’t find a job? Was I really prepared to go to some
fast-food place and try to get hired there? Probably not.
But I wouldn’t really be doing it on my own if I kept using the credit card, just like I always had. I sighed. “Thank you for offering, Dad. I appreciate it. But I’m going to try to do this myself, okay?”
“You’re staying with Cole?”
I paused. How did he know that?
“Stella? You can at least let us know who you’re staying with. I don’t think that’s asking too much.”
“Yes,” I said. “I’m staying with Cole.”
Dad started to say something but then stopped. “Your mother would like to have a word with you,” he said. “Hold on one sec.” There was a muffled rustling sound and then my mother’s voice came through.
“Why are you doing this?” she said. I could tell by the ragged sound of her voice that she’d been crying, and I did feel a little bad about that. “Why are you martyring yourself like this, Stella? What point are you trying to prove? That you don’t need us?”
“I’m not trying to prove any point, other than I want to be on my own.”
“You don’t even know the true meaning of that. On your own doesn’t mean having free rein to use your father’s credit card. It doesn’t mean that you just get to come and go as you please, all while living on someone’s else’s dime. I’ve been standing right here the whole time—I heard him offer that to you.”
“But I didn’t say I would take it, did I?”
“Who are you kidding? Of course you’ll take it—what else are you going to do for money? Go out and get a job?”
“Why do you say it like it’s something I wouldn’t be capable of doing? That’s exactly what I’m going to do.”
My mother laughed. “Oh, Stella.”
I bristled, any sympathy I’d been feeling for her dissipating like a waft of smoke. “What? You don’t think I could go out and find a job? You don’t think I could go make money on my own? That’s funny, Mom, because I don’t ever recall you ever having a job.”
“Oh, I certainly had a job,” my mother said stiffly. “And that was raising you. I’m beginning to see that perhaps I did not do as good a job as I thought—”
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