“I know you wouldn’t. I guess I’m just… I’m just a little surprised, is all. That you already knew and that you seem okay with it. It’s a pretty big deal.”
“Am I supposed to hold that against him? He can’t help what family he was born into. He can’t help what they do. He’s not a part of it. I didn’t realize that we were judging people based on things that their family members did.”
Drew flinched—just a little, but I saw it. His own sister had disappeared years ago and was never heard from again. Of course there was the possibility that she was alive, because no body had ever been recovered, but once so much time passes, you kind of know that the person is probably dead. I did know that Drew’s family had been under quite a bit of scrutiny during the time when his sister had first disappeared, and though I hadn’t just said that about families to try to make Drew feel bad, I could tell he was thinking about that.
“I’m not saying that he should be punished because of something his family is doing, if he’s not a part of it,” Drew said. “I just wanted to give you the heads-up. But it looks like you already know. So I feel better about that—knowing that you’re not in the dark about it all.”
“I appreciate your concern. But… things are actually going really well with him.”
Drew smiled. “That’s good to hear. We can tell, you know. You’re much… happier.”
“Yeah, everyone keeps saying that—so much so that I’m starting to think I must’ve been walking around here with a permanent scowl on my face or something.”
“I wouldn’t go that far. But, yeah, it does seem like it’s changed you, in a good way. So I hope it all works out. I wouldn’t mind meeting the guy sometime, if you ever want to bring him by.”
“As long as it’s not for an interrogation.”
Drew held up his hands. “I would never.”
We chatted for a few more minutes, this time about work stuff, and then I left. I breathed a sigh of relief as I did so, glad that the conversation hadn’t gone on further, glad that Drew hadn’t pressed me to defend my choice or anything. He could be a little relentless when he had to be. But even if he had been—what was he expecting? That he’d share this news about Shep’s brother and I’d just end the relationship? I wasn’t dating Shep’s brother, after all—I was dating Shep. And if things kept going as well as they were, I wasn’t going to let anyone get between us.
Chapter 10
Shep
Why did everything seem to happen all at once?
On Sunday, Holden had asked me if I would go with him to make a delivery down in Stockton on Tuesday, the same night Lena had wanted me to go with her to an author reading at one of the bookstores downtown. I had never heard of the author, and didn’t really do too much reading, but I would’ve even been happy going to the grocery store or the laundromat with her! Also, I liked the idea of doing things like that—being interested in culture, in arts, going to see people talk about things they’d created. I didn’t do too much of that sort of thing, but clearly she was someone who did, and I wanted to be a part of it.
“That sounds great,” I said when she asked. Then I remembered what I had promised to do that night. “Actually… it’s Tuesday?”
Lena tilted her head. “What?” she said. “You don’t want to go?”
“No, it’s not that. I just… I kind of have another commitment.”
“Oh, okay. Well, I don’t mind going by myself. He’s just an interesting person; I thought you might’ve liked it, too.”
She would’ve left it at that, I could see. And part of me was tempted not to elaborate any further. But I didn’t want to be dishonest, even if it was only dishonesty by way of omission. “I actually really do want to go,” I said. “But I told Holden that I would help him out with something that night. I don’t really want to help him—especially now—but… I’m not sure if I should back out.” I shook my head, realizing how lame that sounded. “I mean, he’s basically going to see it as me choosing you over him, which is exactly what I’d be doing, but the fact is, I really would rather be with you.”
Lena smiled. “It’s nice to hear that. But I’m not saying that you need to go change your plans or anything.” She paused. “I did hear something about Holden, though.”
Oh, boy. This would be good. “And what was that?”
“My boss mentioned it. That Holden attacked this guy with a tire iron? Over some girl?”
I vaguely remembered something like that. It would’ve been years ago, at this point. But Holden was always getting into some sort of shit. If it wasn’t attacking some guy with a tire iron, it was kicking the shit out of someone at Buck’s, or getting into it with someone who didn’t let him merge onto the freeway. It was endless with him. “That sounds about right,” I said. “I really can’t keep track of all of his infractions. He’s been to jail before, yes. But never done any hard time. I’ve sometimes wondered if that might help straighten him out. He’s a bit of a loose cannon, if you haven’t figured that out yet.”
“Yeah, I can tell,” she said. “And so I wonder what sort of shit you might get into, just because you’re helping him out. Not that I’m saying you shouldn’t help your brother out, because that’s not where I’m coming from at all.”
“I know you’re not. And that might be, in part, why I want to say no to him even more, because you’re not trying to force me to do anything.” And I did really appreciate that about Lena—she wasn’t like pretty much everyone else in my life, wanting to get something from me or have me do something for them. It was nice to be around someone who you felt wanted to be around you for who you were, not what you could do for them. “You know what? I’m just going to tell him that I can’t do it. He’ll understand. He’ll be able to find someone else. I mean, the last time I ‘helped’ him out, I ended up getting bitten by a dog because he was too stupid to get into the car when he should have.”
“You shouldn’t feel like you have to do these sorts of things just because your family wants you to,” Lena said. “I get that they’re your family and everything, and that things have probably been this way for a while now, but—and please don’t take this the wrong way—your family seems like they want to bring you down with them. Not like they’re being malicious or anything, but just that they can’t seem to accept the fact that you want something different from your life. It shouldn’t be that way.”
It made so much sense when she said it like that. “I know,” I said. “It’s just always been that way. It’s what I’m used to. I don’t know how to change it.”
“I don’t think it needs to be anything drastic,” she said. “You can do it in stages. And it’s not like you have to abandon them.”
“That’s exactly how they’re going to see it.”
“They might. At first, anyway. But that’s just because things like that can take some time to get used to. It’s an adjustment for everyone. Especially if you’ve always been the one who your family has been able to call on. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be there for them in any capacity, either,” she added. “Please don’t think that I’m saying I think you should turn your back on your family. But if they’re asking you to do illegal things, or things that you don’t feel comfortable doing, then you shouldn’t feel like you have to, just because you’re family.”
“It sounds so logical when you lay it out like that,” I said. “It sounds like the most obvious thing in the world. Were you a lawyer in a past life?”
She grinned. “You are not actually the first person to say that to me. I’m not sure if it’s a compliment or not.”
“In this case, it is. I mean, I almost want to send you to talk to my family. They wouldn’t mess with you.”
“I could go with you, maybe? I really do think that they should hear it from you.”
“I know.” Bringing Lena with me to talk to them about something like that probably wouldn’t be a good idea anyway, even though I would love to have her moral support. “I guess I’m just
not sure how I should really say it. But honestly, it’s something that I’ve wanted to do for a while now. It’s just… with my family, it really seems like it’s all or nothing. Like if I’m not doing exactly what they want me to be doing, then they might as well not even know me.”
Lena shook her head. “It shouldn’t be that way,” she said. “That’s not what having a family is all about. A family is supposed to be there for you, pretty much no matter what. I mean, there’s always a few things that might warrant getting disowned, but you sure as hell are not doing any of those things. You are trying to live life on your own terms, and I’d think that any parent would actually be supportive and encouraging of that.”
“You obviously don’t know my parents.”
“What if I got to know them better? What if they got to know me better? Do they ever come to the city? Maybe we could have them over to my place for brunch. They were very welcoming, having me come over; I should return the favor. Do you have plans this Sunday? Why don’t you call them now?”
She just had this way of presenting her ideas that made it seem like the most sensible, logical thing imaginable. Like, why hadn’t I thought of that before? And she was right—a brunch at her place could be good, because they’d be on her turf, they’d be out of their comfort zone—and, hopefully, therefore, on their best behavior. And then, perhaps, they’d let themselves get to know Lena, and not judge her, and maybe they’d be able to understand why I was so crazy about her. And if they were to decide that they actually did like her, then it would certainly make things a lot easier on my end.
So, without giving it any further thought, I picked up my phone and called my mom.
“Shep!” she said. “I was just talking about you. Do you remember Martha Harmon?”
“Uh, hi Mom,” I said. “Martha Harmon? My second-grade teacher?”
“Yes, yes! That’s the one. I saw her at the grocery store today. She has a granddaughter, a few years younger than yourself, and I think that it would just be a mighty nice thing if you and this granddaughter maybe went on a date. Martha thinks so, too.”
“What?” I sputtered.
“Well… she didn’t exactly say that, but I can tell. Her granddaughter’s name is Colleen, and she’s going to be visiting. I hope you don’t mind, but I gave Martha your phone number to pass along to Colleen, so the two of you could go out sometime.”
I knew what had happened, without my mother having to elaborate any further: she went into the grocery store and saw my old second-grade teacher, who probably did everything she could to avoid eye contact and get out of the store before my mother struck up a conversation. Maybe she was stuck in a slow checkout lane or maybe they ended up both turning down the same aisle, but somehow, Mrs. Harmon had gotten caught up in a conversation with Mom. She probably mentioned her granddaughter was coming to visit, just to have something to say, at which point Mom would demand to know how old this granddaughter was, was she married, seeing anyone? That might not have even mattered; Mom probably would’ve tried to pass my number along even if the granddaughter had been married.
I sighed. “Mom, I appreciate you looking out, but that’s not going to happen. Sorry.”
“Oh, but—”
“Listen, I’m actually calling because I have something I want to ask you. And Dad.”
“Well, your father and Uncle Frank went to Stockton for the day. I do expect them to be back in time for supper, though. Would you like to come over and have supper with us?”
“Not tonight, Mom—sorry. I was actually calling, though, because Lena and I wanted to invite the two of you over for brunch at her place in the city this Sunday.”
“Lena?” The disappointment in her voice was unmistakable, and I felt a flare of anger. How could she honestly judge someone so harshly she had only met once? I knew the answer though—she hadn’t had anything to do with Lena and me meeting. My mother was always trying to play matchmaker, and wanted to secure her spot in the family history—so she could tell her future grandchildren how she was instrumental in getting their parents together in the first place.
“Yes,” I said. “How does that sound? I think it’d be nice if you guys came out this way; it’s been a while since you were last in the city.”
“Your father goes to the city quite a bit.”
“I meant for, like, enjoyment. Not business.” I took a deep breath. “Look, Mom, I shouldn’t have to beg you. In fact, I’m not going to beg you. I’m extending the invitation. If you’d like to come over for brunch this Sunday, that would be great. If you can’t—for whatever reason—then okay. It’s disappointing, but what can I do?”
“I’ll talk with your father,” she said, her voice clipped. “I guess I just didn’t realize that things with this Lena person were still happening.”
I had no response to that comment. “Why don’t you just talk to Dad tonight and then get back to me,” I said. “I think you guys would actually enjoy yourselves, though. You’ll probably really like Lena’s house. It’s got—”
“Lena has her own house?” I could hear that her interest had been piqued. “She’s not living in an apartment?”
“No, she’s got her own house.”
“In the city?”
“Yes.”
“Does she have roommates?”
“Nope. Just her.” I glanced over at Lena and rolled my eyes. Sorry, I mouthed to her, to which she gave me a shrug and a half-smile.
“She must be doing all right for herself if she’s got her own house in the city,” Mom mused. I could hear the wheels turning—she was at least curious now, which was good. My mother, as far as I could remember, had never worked a regular job before, and while I wasn’t sure if that was something that she had ever wanted to do, she always seemed to take an interest in women who were making it on their own, without a man financing them. “I will talk to your dad tonight, but I think it’s safe to say that we’ll be able to make it on Sunday. What time?”
“Hold on.” I looked over at Lena again. “What time do you think?” I asked her.
“Um… Eleven?”
“Can you guys do eleven?”
“Eleven sounds fine.”
“All right. I’ll text you the address when we get off the phone so you’ll have it.”
“Now, Shepherd, you’re sure you don’t want Martha’s granddaughter’s phone number? Because—”
“No, Mom. I’m all set. I’ll see you on Sunday.” I hung up the phone before she could say anything else. “I think we’re on,” I said.
“Was she resisting?” Lena asked. “It sounded like there was a bit of resistance.”
“There was, at least at first. But she’s very interested in seeing your house.”
Lena grimaced. “I guess I better clean it.”
I looked around. There really wasn’t anything that seemed out of place. “It looks pretty good to me.”
“I’ll be honest—I don’t usually have people over for brunches. But I think it’ll be good to have your parents come over. What should we make? Do they like quiche? Champagne? Should we have mimosas?”
I laughed, trying to picture my dad drinking a mimosa. Yeah, right.
Chapter 11
Lena
The idea for this brunch had been impulsive—it had just come to my mind and I’d said it, not really thinking that it would happen. I figured Shep would’ve said that his parents wouldn’t be interested in that sort of thing, and then, if he did actually call, his parents would tell him themselves that they weren’t really that interested. But that hadn’t happened at all—they were coming over tomorrow morning.
So, Saturday night, Shep came over after he was done at the gym. He had a big smile on his face when I opened the door, and he wrapped me up in his arms and swung me around. “I have some great news!” he said when he put me down. “That night I met you I wasn’t able to fight because of my arm. Well, there’s another fight night happening, down in San Jose in three weeks, and I’m on the ca
rd. And Kurt told me that he’s pretty sure the guys from the UFC will be at this one. So this could be my big chance.”
“That’s awesome!” I said. “I’m so happy for you. Do your parents know?”
“I haven’t told anyone yet.”
“Well, maybe tomorrow would be the perfect time to do it.”
“Maybe… although I probably won’t bring it up.”
“How come?”
“I mean, I’m being hopeful that everything will go well tomorrow, but… I don’t know. I have my doubts. If the birthday barbecue was any indication of how things might go.”
I waved him off. “Oh, come on,” I said. “I really didn’t think it was that bad. Things are always a little awkward when people meet each other for the first time. It probably would’ve weirded me out more if I had gone there and everyone had totally hit it off. It would be, like, too good to be true or something. But I think things can only improve once we all start to get to know each other better. And I’m not saying that we need to be best friends, or that I want to move next door or anything like that. I can tell your family is close, though, and they’re a big part of your life, so I don’t want them to be a part of things, too.”
“I do have to respect your tenacity,” he said. He put his hand on my shoulder and pulled me in, held me against him. I let my body meld against his, closed my eyes, pressed the side of my face into his chest, took a deep breath.
“I don’t think it’s being tenacious,” I said.
“Most of the women that I’ve known wouldn’t want to be bothered with doing anything else for my family. But here you are, making all this stuff for them to come over tomorrow to enjoy. That’s really nice of you.”
His voice was thick with emotion, so much so it made me wonder if anyone had ever done something nice for him before. I looked up and he met my gaze, smiled down at me.
“I don’t know what it is about you,” I said, “but I just feel like a different person. In a good way, though. I just feel like I can really be myself; I don’t have to have my guard up. And I might not be the world’s expert in relationships by any means, but I know enough that if you come across someone who makes you feel like that, you do what you can to hold on to them.”
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