If I looked at it that way, then it wasn’t so bad at all.
Chapter 9
Ben
I’d been working with Teagan for several weeks now, and though I hadn’t signed myself up for any social media accounts, I had gone onto her Instagram a few more times, just to look at the pictures. There was a tiny voice whispering in the back of my mind that what I was doing was weird—I’d never looked at another client’s photos before, online or otherwise—but then again, that’s what Instagram and Facebook and the like were for, right?
And there was something not just aesthetically pleasing about the photos, but with the captions she included. Sometimes it was only a few sentences; other times it was quite a bit longer. She was a good writer; I felt as though each caption was addressing me personally, even though that was completely ridiculous.
There was a knock on the door. I looked up as Cole stepped in.
“Hey,” he said. “You busy?”
I was glad the computer monitor was facing away from the door. I closed the browser. “Not at all,” I said.
He grinned as he came in and sat down. “So, how’s it going with Teagan?” he asked. “I must say, it’s a little weird showing up to the office and not having you here.”
He was mostly joking with me, I knew. Cole was, by far, our friendliest employee here at Parker Security, the golden retriever of our group, an open book if there ever was one. So it was also apparent that he was thinking things between Teagan and me might go the way that things had gone with Stella.
“It’s been good,” I said. “I actually enjoy it. And I’m here now. It’s not like I’m never around. I’d miss you guys too much. But things have been going pretty well so far.”
The grin widened. “She seems nice. After I told Stell about it, we went and really checked out her Instagram. Maybe we can do a double date sometime.”
“That’s awfully nice of you to offer, but in order for that to occur, I’d have to be dating Teagan, which isn’t going to happen. She’s a client.”
“Okay,” Cole said, his tone indicating he didn’t believe me at all. He leaned toward me, lowering his voice. “You can be straight with me,” he said. “I won’t tell anyone. I mean, come on, Ben, I’d be a total hypocrite if I said anything.”
I tried to suppress my smile. “You’re definitely barking up the wrong tree,” I said. “I appreciate knowing that I can come talk to you if need be, but, like I said, Teagan’s a client. And I’m going to keep it that way.”
He held his hands up. “Okay, okay,” he said, but he had that grin on his face that told me he didn’t believe a word I was saying. “But... the offer still stands. One of those open-ended things. Never expires. If, you know, you feel like there’s ever anything you want to talk about.”
“I appreciate it,” I said, even if I couldn’t quite see myself going to Cole to talk about life problems. “I’m actually going to be taking off pretty soon to go meet up with her.”
He waggled his eyebrows at me. “What you guys got planned?”
“It’s not what we’ve got planned; it’s whatever she needs to do. Which is go to some meeting downtown, I think.” Teagan had been rather vague about whatever it was that she had to do, and though I was a bit curious, it was really none of my business, the details of what her meetings were about.
“Well, have a good time, whatever you end up doing,” Cole said, giving me a devilish grin that suggested he thought we were going to do more than just keep it professional. I could understand why he thought that, but he was going to be sorely disappointed if he ever thought we were going to do something like a double date.
***
I leaned against the side of Teagan’s building as I waited for her to come down. I thought I felt a little antsy, at first, but then I realized that it was excitement—I was eager to see her. I tried to stuff that sensation far enough down that it could be ignored, but how could you ignore something like that when it had been so long since you last felt that feeling? Camille and I had enjoyed an extended honeymoon phase at the beginning of our relationship, and I could still recall the way everything seemed so shiny and wonderful, even things that weren’t shiny and wonderful. How enthralling it was just to go to the grocery store together, or stand in line waiting to use the ATM. But I also knew I needed to be as clinical and detached as I could about these feelings—it was fine to feel whatever you wanted, but acting on it was a whole different story. There was a part of me that suspected Teagan felt similar, though that also could’ve been wishful thinking on my part. I had been lonely, though, which was something I never liked to admit. I had always enjoyed my solitude, being outside, in the woods, alone, so admitting that I did sometimes miss the company of a woman by my side could be difficult, if only because I didn’t think that I should feel that way. I was not the sort of person who believed that happiness was contingent with being in a relationship, or having a companion at your side.
Luckily, Teagan came out just then. The sight of her almost took my breath away—her long, red hair tumbled down her shoulders in loose waves and she wore a navy-blue skirt suit with cream-colored pumps.
“Hi,” she said, smiling.
“Hey.” I managed to stop myself from adding, You look great.
“So, I have this meeting at Gemini Books,” she said as we started to walk. “And I honestly wouldn’t mind if you came into the meeting with me.”
“Oh,” I said, unable to hide the surprise from my voice. “Really?”
“Yeah... if you wouldn’t mind. I’m a little nervous about it, actually.”
“Do you mind me asking what the meeting is about?”
“I’m meeting with one of the editors there, because they might want to offer me a book deal.”
“Really?” I said. “That’s awesome. What kind of book?”
“It would basically be like my Instagram account, except in book form. I’m not entirely sure how it would work, but I figured I should at least go in there and talk to them. I got an email from the editor, Amanda, last week. She’s been a longtime follower of my account, I guess.”
“That would be really cool. You’d be an author.”
“I haven’t decided if I’m going to do it or not. I mean, I don’t even know if they’re necessarily sure about it, either.”
“It sounds promising, though, if they want you to come in and have a meeting.”
“Right. But Amanda made it sound like there were going to be several other people there, and I honestly don’t think I could walk into some conference room with a bunch of people I don’t know and try to talk to them about some possible book I might do.”
Why not? I wondered, though I didn’t say it out loud. She would be fine on her own; she’d probably come out of there with a great deal for several books. But I could also see the nervousness in her eyes, the way she kept biting her lower lip.
We took an elevator up to the sixth floor and the receptionist had us sit in the waiting room. There were two couches forming an L around a glass-top coffee table, which was laden with the books that the company had published. Most were coffee-table books—big, with colorful, glossy photos and small blocks of accompanying text. Teagan sat with one leg crossed over the other, her foot tapping nervously. I looked at one of the books, showcasing tiny homes across the country.
We’d only been waiting a few minutes when a woman came out and called Teagan’s name. She was probably in her early thirties, and she had on cat-eye glasses and a mustard-yellow cardigan.
“I’m Amanda,” she said when Teagan stood up. They shook hands. “Thank you so much for coming in today.”
“Absolutely,” Teagan said, and there was no hint of apprehension in her voice. If she hadn’t told me herself that she was nervous about this meeting, I never in a million years would have guessed; she seemed that composed, that self-assured.
“And you are...?” Amanda asked, turning to me.
“I’m Ben.” I held out my hand and she shook it,
though it was clear she was expecting some sort of title to go along with it.
“He’s my... associate,” Teagan said.
“Oh, right, of course.” Amanda studied me for a moment. “I don’t think I remember seeing you in any of Teagan’s posts. And I would know, because I’m probably one of her biggest fans!”
“He’s more behind the scenes,” Teagan said, and her voice faltered a little; I could tell she felt bad about having to lie. Amanda probably would’ve been just as excited to hear that I was really providing security services, but I could understand why Teagan wouldn’t want to make a big deal out of that.
“Well, we’re happy to have anyone who’s an associate of Teagan’s. You must know how very special she is, and how incredible her Instagram account is. Why don’t we go back into the conference room and talk a little more about what I had in mind.”
Amanda escorted us through a big, airy room with floor-to-ceiling windows. There were maybe eight or so cubicles set up, with people sitting in them, typing away on computers. The setup reminded me a little of the office at Parker Security. The conference room we went into, though, was quite different—there were no couches or easy chairs here; instead it was more a typical conference room with a huge rectangular table in the center, surrounded by high-back black leather executive chairs. The table was the sort of shiny finished wood that gleamed and shone your reflection back to you like a mirror.
Two other people were already seated, a man with a goatee and a white button-down shirt with the sleeves pushed up, and an older woman, also in glasses, her steel-gray hair pulled back tight in a bun. Their names were Jeremy and Sarah, and they were the owners of the company.
We sat down, Teagan and I on one side of the huge table, Jeremy and Amanda on the other, Sarah at the head. Jeremy seemed as enthusiastic and excited about this as Amanda, but Sarah was a different story. She regarded Teagan coolly, didn’t bother to shake my hand, and point-blank asked why Teagan thought anyone would be interested in reading her social media posts in a book form.
There was a moment of silence, followed by another. I didn’t look directly at Teagan, because that’s what both Amanda and Jeremy were doing and I didn’t want to add to making her feel like she was put on the spot. But Jesus! What a question to start with. Not to mention, the tone in Sarah’s voice indicating that she wasn’t quite sure Teagan would be able to give her a satisfactory response.
“Well,” Teagan said, fiddling with the zipper on her purse for a second before folding her hands on the tabletop, “I know most people get their news and entertainment these days through a screen. But many of the people who follow my account are tactile, are interested in what they can hold in their hands, not just see through their smartphone.”
“Hmm, is that so? You know this for a fact? Have you conducted research?” Sarah looked over the top of her glasses. Part of me wanted to tell her to ease up a little, but since she wasn’t technically doing anything wrong, I kept my mouth shut.
“I haven’t conducted any research,” Teagan said meekly.
“That seems a very broad statement to make. You see, putting a book out like this is a considerable investment on the company’s part. While I don’t have a crystal ball to see into the future, I want to take on projects that I can truly get behind. That I believe in. I’m not sure I’m ready to jump on this Instagram influencer bandwagon.”
“But Teagan has a great platform,” Amanda said. “I’ve been following her account for years. It’s more than just something I look at to get design ideas—I look at it because it’s inspiring.”
“Is that how you’re branding yourself?” Sarah asked. “Someone to inspire people? Isn’t that what everyone on that site wants to do?”
“I can’t speak for everyone else,” Teagan said, “but I do keep posting because I know that people enjoy what I put out there. If they didn’t, I wouldn’t keep doing it.”
“But you still haven’t answered my question,” Sarah said. “I still don’t see what makes your account so special that it’s worthy of being put into book form. Of the countless accounts out there, all full of nice-looking pictures.”
I could see out of the corner of my eye that Teagan’s face was flushing; she was trying to hold it together but Sarah was certainly not as enthusiastic about this idea as either Amanda or Jeremy. Teagan opened her mouth and started to say something but then stopped. Sarah continued to watch her, waiting for her to respond.
“It’s not just the photos,” I said, and suddenly everyone’s attention was on me. I hadn’t planned on saying anything, but I couldn’t just sit there and let this lady steamroll Teagan. She didn’t deserve that. “It’s also what she writes. She actually takes time to compose thoughtful captions, and she has a way of writing that makes you swear she’s having a private conversation with you, like she’s speaking directly to you—even though there is a part of your mind that’s aware this is a public post and who knows how many people are reading it.”
I realized, as I was speaking, that I was giving myself away—now Teagan would know that I, who had zero social media accounts of my own, had gone on and looked at hers. Had not only taken a cursory glance, but had obviously read at least some of her posts. But it was true what I was saying—her posts were not captioned by a single sentence followed by a bunch of hashtags—you could tell that she put time and effort into what she wrote and wanted to connect with people.
“I could give you a real long list of all the things that I think are wrong with social media, but Teagan’s account is not one of them. And putting it into book format would give it another level of realness. By which I mean, people like things they can hold in their hands. Thumb through. Sure, they’ll never give up their screens, but I would much rather curl up on the couch with a book than with my iPhone.”
“Exactly,” Jeremy said, slapping the table with his palm. “Couldn’t have said it better myself.” He gave me a fraternal nod. “We’d like to include both new content from you, Teagan, as well as some of your favorite posts. So the entire book would be curated by you, which should have great appeal.” He looked at Sarah. “That’s what Teagan’s whole account is about: finding both the large and the small that can really make a difference in how you feel. Isn’t that right?”
Both he and Amanda had clearly spent plenty of time thinking about the nuances of Teagan’s Instagram account, and I could tell by the slightly stunned expression on her face that they had analyzed it way more than she had. But that was good, because none of the photos Teagan had posted felt staged—at least to me they didn’t. They felt organic, genuine, like she had simply been in the right place at the right time and had happened to have her phone handy.
“Now, what about these murders?” Sarah said suddenly, again peering at us over the top of her glasses. “I saw a headline about it recently. Awful title. Slaughter on the ’Gram. I don’t remember who wrote it. But I do find that whole situation somewhat intriguing as well. What about you?” she asked, looking at Teagan.
“I am concerned about it,” Teagan said slowly. “I also knew Cecily Barrett, who was killed last month.”
“It’s a terrible thing, and it sure doesn’t sound like anyone knows anything. But I’m wondering how we could use that to our advantage.”
“Our advantage?” Teagan asked, unable to keep the horrified note out of her voice. “What do you mean?”
“We want to sell books,” Sarah said. “That is the bottom line here. We are a book-publishing company, after all, and my main goal is to publish books that people want to buy. Surely you can understand that.”
“Of course,” Teagan said. “But... I just... I wouldn’t want people to think that I’m trying to exploit an awful situation.”
“No one would think that,” Sarah said. “Still, it doesn’t mean the situation can’t be useful.”
I could tell by the look on Teagan’s face that she absolutely was not comfortable with the direction the conversation was going. I wasn’t qu
ite sure what angle Sarah was trying to get at, either. How, exactly, did she want to use the fact that people had been getting killed, to her advantage to sell books? Buy this book from an Instagram star who HASN’T been killed? The whole thing seemed rather perverse.
“You don’t need to concern yourself with all of that,” Sarah said, waving a hand dismissively. “That would be up to our marketing team. Right now, I just wanted to get to know you a little better, and hear about just what you thought publishing a book of yours would add to the world.”
“Look,” Teagan said. “I came to this meeting because Amanda got in touch with me and sounded really excited about the project. This was not something that I went out of my way looking for. If you feel that it’s going to be too much trouble, then by all means, you don’t have to publish this book. I wouldn’t want to work with someone who didn’t feel like they could be behind the project one hundred percent. I definitely get that feeling from Amanda—and you too, Jeremy—but it doesn’t seem that you feel the same way. Which is fine; I’m not saying that you should feel differently. But I really wouldn’t be comfortable moving forward with this if it’s not something you want to do.”
I had to restrain myself from clapping, or from reaching over and patting Teagan on the back and exclaiming Attagirl! I also had to make sure I didn’t start laughing, because the look on Amanda’s face was priceless—Jeremy, too, for that matter. Obviously, they weren’t used to witnessing someone speak to their boss the way Teagan just had, even though what Teagan had said hadn’t been harsh or disrespectful at all—just honest. I could also tell that Teagan had surprised herself a bit, saying all that, but that was one of the things I found so intriguing about her: underneath her insecurity there was an exceptionally dynamic woman who knew exactly what she wanted.
The tension in the room felt palpable as the silence stretched. Amanda’s eyes kept shifting from Sarah to Teagan and back again.
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