This felt like one of those weird nightmares, where what was happening might have appeared okay outwardly, but was actually terrible. Meredith was hot, sure, and would probably be a freak in bed, but the last thing I needed was to have her accost me in the street and start ranting about how I hooked up with my clients.
“Will you stop it?” I said. People who walked by glanced our way, curious. “I really don’t know how else to put this to you, but there’s nothing that’s going to happen between us, romantically, platonically, professionally. If you’re truly interested about getting security, call the office and talk to Cole. Or Drew. Or Jason or Lena, or whoever picks up the phone, really, so long as it isn’t me. Because I am not going to work with you, in any capacity. Ever.”
It sounded harsh as I was saying it, but I didn’t know what else to do, didn’t know how else I’d be able to convey the point. Because I’d tried before and she’d refused to accept it. She stared at me; her friends stared at me.
“Oh, come on,” I said. “Don’t act like I just killed your favorite dog. I want to keep things cool between us, okay? Especially if you’re friends with Teagan. But I need you to respect the boundaries that—”
“Friends with Teagan?” she barked. She slapped her thigh, laughing loudly. “Oh, that’s a good one. You think I’m friends with Teagan?”
“You two hung out the other night, when she ran into you at that café.”
Meredith rolled her eyes. “And then what? She ran home to you to tell you all about how awesome it was that we’re BFFs now or something? Please.” Her voice dripped with a venom that made me recoil. I hated thinking about Teagan spending any amount of time with her, when obviously all that Meredith wanted to do was use her. That must’ve been something the two of them talked about that night they hung out—that Teagan and I had hooked up. Not that any of that really mattered at this point.
“Do you like being a completely vile person?” I asked.
“Excuse me?” Meredith said.
“You’re awful. What’s your problem? Teagan had nothing but kind things to say about you, yet here you are, running your mouth, talking shit. You’re just one more entitled asshole who thinks the world revolves around them, and just because you happen to have a bunch of followers online, that somehow makes you better than everyone else.”
“Did you just call me an asshole?”
“I did, and I could’ve called you a lot worse, but I won’t. Because you’re honestly not worth my time. Teagan is a good person with a kind heart, and I am warning you right now not to do anything that is going to hurt her.”
“Oh, yeah? Or you’ll do what?”
“Just don’t. Just go live your fabulous life and take pictures of it and enjoy what you have, instead of being snide and two-faced to people who actually think you’re a nice person. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get going.”
I started to walk off. “You are going to regret saying all that to me!” Meredith shouted after me. I was walking away from her, but I rolled my eyes anyway. What was this, high school? What, exactly, did she think she was going to do?
Chapter 21
Teagan
My eyes couldn’t quite believe what they were seeing.
I squinted at the picture, blinking. But it really was what I had thought: it was Meredith, wrapped in Ben’s arms, and they were kissing. Meredith had written a long post about the joys of an open relationship, and how she and James had been together for years but how they kept their relationship exciting and fresh by hooking up with other people. The whole logic of it didn’t make sense at all, but that didn’t matter to me—what mattered was the fact that I was seeing my boyfriend—my boyfriend—kissing someone else. On Instagram. The post already had five thousand likes.
I threw the phone down. It bounced on the coffee table and then fell to floor, screen down at least. I couldn’t look at that picture. Every good feeling that I’d had about this past weekend, about the way things were going, evaporated, replaced by this terrible pain that seemed to encapsulate every single cell in my body. It paralyzed me. All I could do was sit there, that image burned into my mind.
When was that picture taken? Before we’d gone away? Before we’d talked about being boyfriend and girlfriend? Or after? But if it had been after—when? My mind raced, but none of the thoughts made any sense. Nothing made sense. And how could Meredith do that? But maybe she didn’t know. I had told her that Ben and I hooked up, and that was it. Or maybe she thought he and I had the same sort of open relationship that she had with James. That didn’t matter so much—Meredith had not outright betrayed me the way Ben had. Ben, who had just looked into my eyes as we lay on that blanket, under the stars, and told me how he felt like he might be falling in love with me. What a load of shit. I couldn’t believe that I had fallen for it.
I sat in the living room, unable to do anything except envision that picture. I would look at it periodically, thinking that it would somehow have changed, that it wouldn’t really be Ben, that it was just someone who looked like him. But no. It was him. There was no question about it.
I wasn’t sure how much time had passed when Ben called. I stared at the screen as the phone continued to ring. I shouldn’t pick it up. I should never talk to him again. I should delete his number, block him, completely erase his existence from my life. But there wouldn’t be any closure if I did that, and I feared I’d be haunted by it for the rest of my life.
I took the call.
“Hey,” he said, and he sounded totally normal, glad to hear my voice, which made my heart ache. This just wasn’t fair. Why did this have to happen? Why did part of me just wish I hadn’t seen that picture in the first place and could carry on, blissful in my ignorance. “I’m going to head your way in a little bit and I’d love to take you out to breakfast. If you haven’t eaten yet, of course. If you have, we could do coffee or something.”
“Okay,” I said. In the moment between him asking me if I wanted to go out and get something to eat and my response, I had decided that it would be better if I confronted him in person over this. Because on a phone, he could just hang up, or he could have some expression on his face that I wouldn’t be able to see that might help me understand just what had happened, or if he was lying... There were any number of possibilities, but all I knew was that I needed to do this in person.
“You okay?” he asked. There was genuine concern in his tone. What a load of shit.
“Yeah,” I said. “I guess I just need a coffee.”
“Well, I’ll be there soon, my love. Sit tight.”
Only twenty-four hours before, hearing such words from him would’ve made my heart soar. But now it had the opposite effect, and I squeezed my eyes shut, as if such a gesture could make everything that had just happened this morning vanish.
I decided that it would be better if he came up to the apartment, instead of having to have this conversation out in public, at a café or something. I didn’t want to be one of those people who had a very private, personal conversation somewhere that anyone could overhear us.
He leaned in for a kiss, which I turned my head to, so he ended up making contact with the side of my face, not my lips.
“You sure everything’s okay?” he said, searching my face.
“Come on in,” I said coolly, stepping back. I hadn’t bothered to change, and was still wearing a baggy T-shirt and a worn pair of yoga pants. My hair was probably a tangled mess, but I didn’t care. It wasn’t like I needed to try to impress him or anything.
We went into the living room and sat down. He rubbed his palms together and then rested them on his knees.
“Teagan,” he said. “I know you said that everything is fine, but I get the distinct feeling that is not the case.”
Of course he would have no idea about Meredith’s post; it wasn’t like he had an account of his own. He might not even be aware that there was a picture of it, photographic evidence. But it was clear that he wasn’t going to tell me about
it; he’d had plenty of opportunities. It should’ve been the first thing out of his mouth when he called me this morning.
“You’re right,” I said. I tried to keep my voice strong; I didn’t want it to waver, didn’t want to sound weak. But I felt weak, I felt like a fool. And underneath it all, I felt incredibly sad. “Is there anything you’d like to tell me?”
He tilted his head slightly to the side, his expression perplexed. “Well,” he said slowly, “there’s a lot of things that I’d like to tell you, but I have a feeling that it’s not what you’re looking for.”
“Try me.”
“Okay. Let’s see. I can’t stop thinking about how great our weekend together was. How I’d love to do that all the time with you. How incredible you feel in my arms, like better than anyone else ever has. I was thinking about that one a lot, actually. And how much I like just being able to talk with you, how easy that is, how it seems like we can talk about anything. I love that. And that made me realize... that I love you. I know it probably seems pretty early to be saying that, but I do.” He gave me a crooked smile.
I stared at him, unable to believe that someone could be this... this... sociopathic. Was that the word? How could he be sitting there telling me all of this when there was that picture of him, posted for the whole world to see?
“Say something,” he said, after several seconds of silence had gone by. “And it doesn’t have to be I love you.”
But what was there to say? And why the hell was there still a part of me that wanted more than anything to say it back? I opened my mouth but no words came out. I didn’t even know what I could begin to say. So instead, I got up, grabbed my phone off the table, and brought up the picture. I looked at it before I showed it to him, just to make sure that it was still there, that I hadn’t imagined it. Yes. There it was. Another thousand likes since I’d last looked at it.
I held the phone out to him. He looked at it, and I watched as the expression on his face changed from one of relative neutrality to horror.
“This is the first thing I saw this morning,” I said. “Which is really great considering that I, too, spent most of last night thinking about what a great time I had with you, and how much I wanted to do it again, and how you’re this incredible person. And maybe I even thought about the L word there too, but before I could actually tell you something like that, I happened to see this. Which you obviously weren’t going to tell me about. When the hell did this happen?”
“Holy shit.” He winced. “Can you turn that thing off?”
“What?” I pushed the phone closer to his face. “You don’t actually want to be confronted with the fact that you’re a cheating asshole? Why the hell did you even bother asking me to be your girlfriend? If you hadn’t done that, you’d be free to go make out with whoever you want.”
“Teagan. Please.” He stood up, gently taking the phone from my hand and setting it down, before taking both my hands in his. I allowed him this gesture, for a few seconds, before I yanked my hands away.
“You don’t actually need to touch me,” I said. “I don’t think there’s really anything else you can say. There’s nothing you can say, really, because all I need to know is right there.”
“You don’t understand.”
“What is there to understand?” I shrieked. “Aside from the fact that there is a photograph of the person I thought was my boyfriend kissing someone I thought was my friend!” There was a hysterical note in my voice, which I hated, but what was the point in trying to control it now? He had already humiliated me more than I thought was possible. He didn’t deserve me trying to keep myself in control.
“That is me in the picture,” he said. “I’m not denying that. But I did not willingly—”
“Shut up!” I screamed. “I don’t want to hear how you didn’t mean to kiss her, because that is such a load of bullshit! Just like all the bullshit that you were telling me over the weekend, and then right now—that you love me? Are you fucking kidding me? You’re disgusting. Just get away from me.”
And then it was too late; there was nothing I could do to stop it—the tears started to flow, completely unabated. There was no way anything I could do would stop it. But instead of hiding my face, I just stood there and let him see me break down. I wanted him to see this; I wanted him to see just how badly this fucking hurt. I couldn’t get that picture of them out of my mind. But worse than that, I simply couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that he would be capable of doing something like that.
“Teagan, please,” he said. “I will leave, I promise you that. But I just need to tell you first what happened. You’ve got to at least let me—”
“I don’t have to let you do anything; you’ve already done more than enough. Just go. I can’t be around you!” I screamed this last part, so loudly that my throat felt raw. It scared me a little bit, and I think it might’ve scared Ben a little too. If not scared, then surprised him, because he held his hands up and took a step back.
“Okay,” he said. “I’ll go. I won’t say anything else.”
It did feel as if my heart were being ripped in two. The tears still streamed down my face, but there was no way I was going to do anything other than let him walk out that door. That picture was seared into my mind, something I could never unsee, no matter how badly I wanted to.
Chapter 22
Ben
I stumbled out of Teagan’s apartment building, onto the sidewalk, the sunlight way too bright, like a spotlight shining down on me. That’s how it felt—as if I had a big neon sign above my head, with an arrow pointing down, saying something like World-Class Asshole. I couldn’t believe that picture she had shown me—one of Meredith’s friends must’ve snapped the shot. Had it been a setup? I wondered, as I started to walk. I didn’t want to take the chance that Teagan would look out her window and see me standing there. She had every right to be upset, of course; I only wished she would have given me the chance to explain myself.
But maybe it was better that she hadn’t.
Because how many times had I given Camille the chance to explain herself, and she always did, even though what she was telling me was always a lie? Maybe Teagan’s approach to this was the right one; if it had been mine with Camille, I certainly would’ve saved myself a whole lot of heartache.
The heartache I felt now, though, was different. With Camille, I had been the one who had been on the receiving end of the pain—now, I was the one who was responsible for it. The fact that I had done something that hurt Teagan this badly was almost unbearable, but I didn’t know what I could do if she didn’t want to talk to me.
I kept walking.
I remembered where Meredith’s apartment was, and I walked over there without really knowing what I was going to say. Telling her what I really thought of her probably wouldn’t change a thing, even if it might momentarily make me feel better. She probably wouldn’t even come to the door.
Turns out, though, I didn’t even have to worry about her coming to the door, because she and James were just heading out as I approached.
“Oh, hey,” she said when she saw me, giving a careless wave like I was some neighbor she was on semi-friendly terms with. James didn’t recognize me, I could tell, but he smiled gamely and gave a wave, too.
I went right over to Meredith. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” I said.
“Whoa, man!” James said. “What gives? What’s the deal?”
I ignored him though, and kept my eyes trained on Meredith, who appeared completely unfazed by the whole thing.
“Sweetie,” she said, glancing at James. “Easy. This is Ben, remember? The security guy? The one who likes me?”
“Oh, right,” James said.
“Likes you?” I exclaimed. “Are you fucking kidding me? Are you on drugs? You basically accosted me last night, had one of your friends take a picture of it, and then posted it online. What is wrong with you?”
“I’m not sure I really like your tone,” James said
. “What is going on here, anyway? I’m not mad, bro. Meredith and I have that sort of relationship. It’s cool.”
I glared at him. “Do you think I’m here right now because I care what you think about this whole thing? I’m here because I never gave your girlfriend here permission to kiss me, and I sure as hell didn’t give her permission to post a picture of it online. Take it down.”
Meredith gave me a sleepy-eyed, bored look. “Or what? You’ll get rough with me? Weren’t you just telling me the other night that you were so much better than I was?”
“I wasn’t saying anything like that. Really, I just want you to leave me alone. And Teagan.”
“Oh, so that’s what this is about. You’re here because Teagan’s upset.”
“I’m here because you’ve created a bunch of drama for no reason. There was no reason for you to do that, other than you just wanted to start shit. So take the picture down. I’m not interested in you, and I’m not interested in having some picture of me kissing you all over the Internet.”
James’s eyes went back and forth between us. “Maybe you could take it down, babe,” he said slowly. “If it means that much to him. Then we can get on our way and not have to worry about this guy being pissed about it.”
“I’m not taking it down,” Meredith snapped. “No man is going to tell me what to do. Just get over it, Ben. Maybe you should’ve been nicer to me. And don’t worry—if Teagan’s pissed, she’ll get over it soon enough. A girl like her will come to her senses and she’ll realize that you’re the best guy she’ll ever get. Come on, babe, let’s go.” She grabbed James’s arm and dragged him off, leaving me there, fuming.
But what was I going to do? Run after her, steal her phone, and somehow hack into it so I could delete the photo? She was a vile person, that was the truth of it, and I hated that I was wasting this much energy on her in the first place. But she had fucked things up!
I started to walk again, not knowing or caring where I was going. All I knew was, I had to figure out some way to make things right with Teagan, because letting them end like this just wouldn’t be right.
Parker Security Complete Series Page 90