And because the windows were up, the fact that the two of them were still standing there on the sidewalk didn’t seem to matter anymore. Now, it was just the two of us, sitting together in the 4Runner. I glanced over at Gwen. “You ready?” I asked.
She nodded. “You bet.”
I put the truck in drive, and just like that, we were off.
Chapter 16
Gwen
I never got to do a road trip with friends, which was strange because it was something I’d always wanted to do. I’d done the one road trip to San Francisco when I’d fled home, but seeing as that was only a few hours’ drive, did it really count? I wasn’t sure why I had never ventured further, but I really did feel as if San Francisco was my home, and once I was settled there, there didn’t seem to be a point in leaving.
“Do you think that’s weird?” I asked Drew as we drove north on the 101.
“What?”
“That I didn’t go further? It felt so far to me at the time. But really I wasn’t that far away at all. Joshua could’ve easily come looking for me. Maybe he did—I don’t know.”
“If he was the conservative Christian zealot that you’re making him out to be, San Francisco was probably your smartest choice.”
“Hmm,” I said. I’d never thought of it that way. “You’re actually probably right.”
“So, the woman we’re going to see right now, Grace, she’s your aunt. Your uncle’s sister?”
“Yes.”
“Tell me a little bit about her. What you can; I know you haven’t been in touch regularly.”
The scenery rushed by the passenger-side window, a blur of golden hills. “Well, let’s see...” I told Drew some of my childhood memories of Grace, how I had always felt comfortable with her, like she understood me, in a way that adults often don’t understand children.
“But she was also completely devoted to Joshua. A part of her was, anyway, and I could sense that. As a kid I thought it was because that’s just how she wanted it to be, but now I wonder if she was sort of brainwashed. Or felt powerless or something, like his prisoner.”
Drew took a deep breath. “That’s some heavy shit.”
There was most certainly a different vibe than the last time I had been here. It was as if every last trace of Joshua had vanished, been scrubbed from the home, the property. Even the mailbox, I noticed, was different—instead of the standard-issue dull metallic one, it had been replaced with one painted with flowers in cheerful colors.
“Grace!” I exclaimed. “The place looks great!”
She gave me a sheepish but pleased smile. “Thank you,” she said. “I’ve been puttering around, trying to get things organized, trying to make the place feel a little bit more like a home of mine.”
While there were no major changes—no walls had been painted, the furniture looked the same—it was the overall feeling that was different. It felt lighter, welcoming. The sort of place that you would want to come home to.
“I’ve made lunch,” Grace said, “so I hope you guys brought your appetites.”
There was a buoyancy to her step, and a part of me felt bad that at some point we were going to have to bring up some topics that she probably wouldn’t want to talk about. The time for that seemed to be after lunch, when we’d gone from the dining room to sit out on the front porch.
“Grace,” I said, “there is something that Drew and I wanted to talk to you about.”
Her eyes lit up. “There is?” she said. She clapped her hands together. “Oh, I just knew it. I had a good feeling about it.” She folded her hands in her lap and looked at us eagerly.
“What?” I said. “Oh, no, um... it’s not what you think it is. Well, I don’t know what you think it is, but...”
“Forgive me,” Grace said. “I shouldn’t be jumping to conclusions like that.”
“What did you think she was going to say?” Drew said, an amused expression on his face.
“Well... now I feel funny saying it at all. But... I thought she was going to tell me that the two of you were engaged, which would truly be the most wonderful news! Nothing would make me happier to hear, in fact. Not that I’m trying to rush you two or anything, but that was definitely the feeling I got when you called me, Gwen, about coming over—and seeing you two together, it’s just so obvious what a great connection you have. That’s important, you know, when deciding who you want to spend the rest of your life with. Making sure you have that connection.”
“That’s very true,” Drew said. “I couldn’t agree with you more.”
“Now, it might seem odd to get this sort of advice from someone who has never been married,” Grace said, “and I can certainly understand why you’d think I have no idea what I’m actually talking about…”
Drew shook his head. “I would never think that.”
Grace beamed, and I could tell she was clearly charmed by him. Which was good, though it was pretty funny she thought that we were coming here to announce an engagement.
“All I really want,” she said, looking at me, “is to know that Gwen is happy. And I realize things are different these days from when I was a girl, and that a person can find happiness without being married or involved with someone. I’m not saying that isn’t possible. But, as I was saying before, I myself might not have any personal experience with marriage, but I was around a lot when people were getting involved with each other. I know you probably don’t remember a lot of that, Gwennie, but for quite some time, your uncle’s church had a good many followers. People were here all the time; it was like Grand Central Station.”
“I remember,” I said.
“And many of these people would meet each other for the first time and want to start some sort of relationship. I could always tell the ones that would be successful, that would work out over the long term. Sometimes, it was blatantly obvious that the pair was absolutely not right for each other, but that didn’t stop them. So, while I have never been married, I’ve seen enough people come together, try to make it work. I know that there’s a certain element that needs to be present for such a thing to be successful, and the two of you have it. It just makes me happy to see that, is all.”
I took a deep breath. It seemed like a good enough segue. “Well, it’s funny you should bring that up,” I said slowly. “The thing about Joshua and all the people here, coming and going. That was actually what we wanted to talk to you about.”
A surprised look, mixed with a bit of curiosity, crossed her face. “Oh?” she said. “What did you want to ask me about that?”
“I didn’t tell you this at the time. But when I came over that day to help you get rid of stuff, I found a journal up in Joshua’s bedroom. On the shelf in the closet.”
“He did keep journals. He liked to write his thoughts down. Sometimes he’d have me transcribe them. He liked to read his work out loud and then I’d type it up. I still have all that stuff. On the computer. I can’t bring myself to throw it away. I don’t know if I’ll ever look at it, but... I just can’t throw it out.”
“That might actually be good,” Drew said. “Would you mind if we took a look at them?”
“Of course not. I’d be happy to give you access to that. It’s on the computer right inside. But... if you don’t mind me asking, is there a specific reason that you want to look at it, or are you just curious?”
“Well... kind of both,” Drew said. “After what Gwen’s told me about Joshua, of course I’m curious. But... there is a personal reason for all of this, too.”
Grace raised her eyebrows. “Did you know Joshua?”
“No, I don’t think so.”
“The journal I found wasn’t Joshua’s,” I said, knowing that this was the critical piece of evidence that would allow Grace to fully understand what it was we were after. “It was a girl’s. Her name is Ashleigh. She’s Drew’s sister.”
Grace frowned. “Why would Joshua have some girl’s journal?”
“That’s what we’re trying to figure
out. I have no idea why Joshua would have her journal. But we’re also wondering if maybe you knew Ashleigh.”
“You can’t just call her up and ask her yourself?”
“She disappeared fifteen years ago.”
“Right around the time Brandon did,” I said. “So that seems a little... coincidental. Do you remember anything, Grace, about Brandon—if he was seeing someone, had a girlfriend, or anything like that?”
“Oh, my. It was such a long time ago, you’ve got to understand. There was so much happening then. Who was that girl that Joshua wanted to marry him off to? What was her name? Rachel, I think?”
“I think so.”
“He wouldn’t have been happy with that, Brandon. That wouldn’t have been the right match at all. Not that she wasn’t a nice gal. Do you remember her?”
“A little bit.”
“I always thought that had something to do with it: Joshua’s insistence that Brandon marry someone he chose. That’s not right, in my opinion. I tried to talk to Joshua about it, but he wasn’t interested in hearing what I had to say. Not about that, anyway. But I don’t remember Brandon being with anyone else. I mean, there were certainly his friends. He had a lot of friends. He was just that sort of person, though. People wanted to be around him.”
“He sounds like a good guy,” Drew said. “You’d probably remember my sister if you ever met her. She used to have wild hair and would dress... a bit outlandishly.”
“There were all sorts of people around here back then,” Grace said. “A lot of people who ‘went against the grain,’ so to speak. So... it’s possible. Maybe. But I don’t know. I don’t know for sure, so I don’t want to give you wrong information. Don’t think for a second, though, that I wouldn’t love to see Brandon again. I think about him every day... Even though I know that the likelihood of ever having a real in-person conversation with him is probably very slim at this point.”
“It might not be,” Drew said, and I couldn’t help but look at him in surprise. Might not be?
“Well...” I said, seeing the hopeful look already on Grace’s face. I didn’t want to get her hopes up just to be disappointed if we weren’t able to find him or to give her any more answers than she currently had. “We’re not sure how this is going to turn out, Grace. I’d love to see Brandon again, too, but that might not happen. We’re going to try to figure out where he went, but it’s been a while now and we’re not detectives and... there’s a whole lot of variables that we probably don’t even know about.”
“Oh, Gwennie, I know it,” she said. “Of course I know that. But you can’t blame me for getting a little excited about the idea of it—the two of you trying to find some answers. I might not be able to drive all over the place like you guys are going to, but I’ve looked online. I know social media is popular with you younger people, and I thought maybe there was a chance that he had one of those accounts set up. And you know what? If I ever did find him online, I can’t say for sure if I’d actually reach out or not. It might feel intrusive. I might just look at his photographs and see what sort of life he was living. But…” She sighed. “I haven’t had any luck on that front. So, hopefully the two of you will fare better.”
“We’re going to try,” Drew said. “Anything that we find out, we will, of course, tell you.”
“You don’t know how much I appreciate it. And while my online searches might not have turned up Brandon, I did manage to find some of his friends. I’ve got some notes written down, if you’d like to see them.”
“Of course we would,” I said, a little surprised that Grace had done some sleuthing on her own. But maybe I shouldn’t have been surprised; I was beginning to realize that my impression of her as someone who just went along with and believed everything Joshua said had been wrong the whole time—what else had I been wrong about?
“It would probably help if we looked at that computer file you said you had, too,” Drew added as Grace stood up to go into the house and get her notes. “We don’t need to look at that right now, but there might be something in there.”
“It’s an awful lot of pages. I’m not sure I even have enough paper to print it all out on.”
“Could you email the file to me? I can read it on my phone.”
“I think I can do that. Or maybe one of you can help me with that.”
The two of us ended up going back inside with her. We followed her into the study, a small room off the hallway near the back of the house. This was not a room I had come into often as a child, because it had been Joshua’s room where he’d meet with his followers in private, the heavy wooden door shut tightly. I’d listened a few times, but only because I’d be walking by and could hear crying, or a loud, angry voice. The crying or the angry tone was never Joshua’s; it was always someone else, usually someone new that I hadn’t seen around before. I’d tiptoe over to the door and press my ear against it and listen, and it was always some version of the same story: someone who felt frustrated with life, felt like God had forgotten about them. Some of these people did have truly bad things happen—the death of a spouse, a home burning down, a son or daughter who was a drug addict. I hadn’t realized this at the time, but what these people all had in common was the fact that they were desperate, that their desperation pushed them in Joshua’s direction. And he would listen to what they had to say, and then he would begin to speak the words of his ministry, which were along the lines of God not forgetting about them even though it might seem that way, and that the community they had been searching for all along—whether they knew it or not—was right here, ready to embrace them with open arms.
“Stick with us,” he’d often say, “and you will never be alone to face the evils of the world again.”
How many people had believed him? A lot. And it seemed to me now, more than ever, that he had preyed on these people’s weaknesses, had given them a lot of false promises that he would never really be able to deliver on. Because he wasn’t some holy man; he didn’t truly care about other people’s problems. He just wanted that power, that legacy for his family—which all came crashing down the day Brandon left.
“You know who I got an email from not too long ago?” Grace said suddenly, jerking me from my thoughts.
“Who?”
“Lisa Cooper. She’s a grandmother now. Judd and his wife had a baby not too long ago. If you’re looking for answers, maybe you should talk to Judd. He and Brandon were always so close. I’d imagine that he would probably know if Brandon was involved with someone. I could at least get his phone number from Lisa. I’m sure she’d be happy to help, if she could.” Grace sat back down in front of the computer and typed up a quick email, sent it off. “Lisa is good at responding promptly.”
Judd. It would be strange to see Judd again, but also nice. He was one of Brandon’s closest friends—maybe even his best friend—and I’d hung out with him plenty, too.
“How would it be if you stayed the night?” Grace asked. “I’ve made up the guest bedroom and I’ve been experimenting with recipes all week to make a really nice breakfast tomorrow.”
I glanced at Drew. We hadn’t really talked about it, but I was pretty sure that hadn’t been the plan—we were going to talk with Grace, visit for a bit, and then be on the road. This was Day One, after all, and it was probably a good idea to try to make as much progress as possible.
Then again, I didn’t want Grace to feel like we were just using her, that all we’d wanted to do was pick her brain for old memories and then skedaddle.
Drew met my gaze. “That sounds fine with me,” he said. “Sound good to you?”
“Yeah, of course.”
Grace grinned. “You don’t know how happy I am to hear that.”
***
Staying over sounded all well and good until we finally retired to the guest room, or what Grace had set up as the guest room.
“Oh,” I said as we stepped into the room. There was one bed. Queen-size, but still. “Um...” I glanced at Drew. “I think
Grace might think that we’re... involved.”
Drew smiled. “Well, we wouldn’t want to disappoint her, would we? I feel like she’s got this whole idea of this romantic bed-and-breakfast experience planned for us.”
There were other rooms I could sleep in, if I wanted to—including the room I had slept in after my parents had died and I’d started living here with Joshua and Grace. But I didn’t even want to set foot in that room, never mind spend the entire night in there. And I felt very tired; I could probably drift off to sleep right away.
“This is fine,” I said, and Drew nodded, like it was no big deal. We were both adults, after all. We could handle this.
Chapter 17
Drew
Really, now, why do I do such things to myself? This would be called “setting one’s self up for failure.” Probably not the smartest idea. But then again, I was tired, and the bed looked comfortable, so maybe all we really would do was sleep.
When I came back from the bathroom, Gwen was already in bed, looking at one of the books that had been on the bedside table. It was one of those small paperbacks you could buy at the grocery store, and on the cover was a picture of a dashing, windswept man holding a damsel wearing a flowing green dress.
“Good reading?” I asked.
“Not my usual fare, but... there’s some interesting parts. I just opened randomly to a page and the first line I read was: Marcus’s manhood pulsed with a pleasure that seemed to have an appetite all of its own. It just gets better from there.”
Whoa. Was she trying to tell me something, or was she really just having a laugh over some cheesy romance? And not that I wanted to be thinking about Marcus’s throbbing manhood, but the fact that she was reading that sort of thing right before bed, right before I was about to climb into bed with her... it was difficult not to find that a little bit arousing.
I realized I was just standing there, so I walked over to the other side of the bed, pulled back the covers, and climbed in. The sheets were cool and smooth and the bed creaked slightly underneath me.
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