by Megan Duncan
“Baal has returned. He craves a world of chaos, where vampires hold dominion over humans. Where they feed freely and kill whomever they desire,” Arrick interjected without faltering.
Jacklyn slapped her hand over her mouth in shock. “This can’t be!” She gasped through her fingers. “Nicolae would never let that happen.”
My brow furrowed, she still wasn’t getting it. “None of us want it to happen, and we’re going to do everything we can to stop him, but he’s already attacked so many. Not just in this region.”
She rose from her seat slowly, before starting to pace the room. “This just can’t be,” she repeated over and over as she hugged herself.
After what felt like an eternity of watching her walk back and forth like a clock pendulum, I rose and clicked off the TV before grasping her by the shoulders and holding her before me. “Come with me. I can keep you safe.” I searched her watery eyes, but she avoided my gaze.
“I can’t.” She pulled away from me and walked to the china cabinet where she kept her liquor. She poured herself a glass of the amber liquid and downed it in one gulp. “I can’t come with you.”
“What? Why not?”
It never occurred to me that she would say no. I only worried that the truth of what happened would scare her to death, and even though she looked like she’d seen a ghost, she wanted to stay.
She poured another drink, but sipped it as she took a seat on the arm of the couch. She eyed the many boxes throughout the room; the flyers, posters, banners, and buttons, before she spoke. “Our world was once a dangerous place to live; and it will be again, not because of the evil in it, but because of those who don’t stand up against it.”
“What?” I’d heard what she said, but I didn’t understand her reaction. Was she seriously going to stay? She would be defenseless against them. Their vile minds wouldn’t think twice before consuming her life blood and slaughtering her with a single swing.
“Do you know who said that?” Jacklyn took on a faraway look as she swallowed the last of her drink.
“No, and I don’t care. You can’t stay here, Jacklyn! It’s too dangerous. How are you going to protect yourself from them, huh? Do you have any idea how powerful they are?”
I dashed to her in less than the blink of an eye, clutching her hand in mine. If I had to beg her I would, anything to get her to come with me. She might not have been my real mother, she might have been consumed with her work, but she raised me. For eighteen years she was there with me every day, and I didn’t want to see her hurt. I didn’t want to see her dead. I knew I was going to outlive her, but I wasn’t ready for that day to come anytime soon.
“Titan,” Arrick answered solemnly.
“Titan? Who’s Titan?” I turned around to face him, my hands on my hips. He was supposed to be helping me convince her to come, not joining in on her riddles.
“You know your history.” She beamed at him, all the fear gone from her face. “I read once that he never believed the dark ages would be gone for good.”
“He didn’t.” Arrick joined Jacklyn as she invited him to take a seat at the dining table.
“I snuck into the restricted section of the library once and read about him.” She pulled out a seat and let herself down with a sigh. “He made me fall in love with vampires. I was about Claire’s age when I pledged my life to them. It’s been my life’s goal to get others to see them as I do. So many only see the evil of the past, they can’t look beyond it and truly see what amazing things they are capable of.” Her face took on a dreamy expression that was the complete opposite of my own.
“You’re really going to stay? Seriously?” I did my best to hold back my anger, but my annoyance bubbled through freely.
“Now, more than ever, I’m needed here.” She rose and took me in her arms for the first real hug we’d shared in longer than I could remember. “If there is a force out there that wants to tear us apart, the only thing we can do is stand together. This is my calling, Claire bear. Do you understand?” She used the childhood nickname she’d given me that I hadn’t heard since I still had recess during school.
I did understand, but I didn’t like it. I thought she was being careless and selfish. Had I really expected her to choose me over her work? I suppose I had. I felt Arrick’s hand fall onto my shoulder so I pulled away as unshed tears clung to my eyes. Leaving her here now was harder than when I had left to move to the palace. She’d made her choice and I tried my hardest to respect that. All my life I’d been jealous of her work, but now I realized that to her it was more than just a day job, it was who she was. Jacklyn was going to continue fighting for what she believed in and I admired that, but I also hated her for it.
“If you need anything…” My words came out strained as I fought the emotions inside me. I wanted to lash out at her and pull her to the car against her will all at once. The thought that I could easily do so was hard to ignore.
“I’ll call you,” she answered with a smile, cupping my face and planting a kiss on my cheek. Tears spilled from her eyes as she pulled away. “I’m so proud of you, Claire.”
The dam on my tears broke and they flooded out with reckless abandon. I’d waited my whole life to hear her say those words. Why had she waited until now to say them?
“If you change your mind…” Arrick leaned around me, handing Jacklyn a small business card, “you can reach me directly at this number.” He pointed to the card and she nodded.
“Thank you.” She wiped at the tears on her face, the bracelets on her wrists clinking with every movement. With her arms wrapped around herself in a hug, she looked to Arrick and me. “Take care of her.”
“I will.” Strength resonated in his voice and I felt his arm slide around my waist as he held me to him. The vibration of his heart pounded against my shoulder blades.
Before I knew it we were saying our goodbyes and making our way out the front door. Letting go of Jacklyn was a lot harder than I had expected. I had never realized how much she really meant to me. Maybe because I was always too busy being a rebellious teenager. Maybe because I would never allow myself to, period. Or maybe, after having spent so much time with Ione and Evilyn, I had begun to truly appreciate how much the women in my life had done for me, and all they had sacrificed.
There was so much more I wanted to talk to her about; things I wanted to ask her, but they would have to wait. Now wasn’t the time to reveal I knew the truth about my birth; that she had adopted me and I was a vampire by birthright. I’d already dropped one bomb on her already. Maybe she had never intended to tell me I was adopted, or perhaps she had been waiting till the right time, but it really didn’t matter. I knew who my real parents were now, and that was all that mattered. Jaclyn would still always hold a very special place in my heart no matter how I came into her life.
Arrick opened the door of the car and I dropped inside with the weight of the world on my shoulders. He slid into the driver’s seat beside me seconds later, shutting the door with a nearly inaudible click. “You okay?”
I nodded feebly in answer.
“Come here.” He opened his arms and I leaned over, resting my head against his chest. My tears had subsided, but a dreadful feeling was bleeding out into my heart. Should I have forced her to come with us? At least then I’d know she’d be safe.
“You did the right thing,” he answered the questions that were twirling in my mind.
“Then why do I feel like I’m abandoning her? I feel like I just left some helpless lamb out in the field for the wolves!”
“It was her choice Claire. You accepted her decision, and that meant a lot to her. Didn’t you feel it?” I shook my head. All I felt was my own self-loathing. He rested his cheek against the top of my head after depositing a small kiss there. “You’ve got to open yourself up. Stop fighting the emotions inside you. There’s a whole world out there and you’re blocking it all out.”
“Of course I’m blocking it out!” I screamed at him, pulling my body away fro
m his embrace. “All there is in this world is pain! Why should I let myself feel that?”
His eyes grew sad. “You know that’s not true.” He tried to pull me to him again, but I refused. A sigh escaped his lips as he turned away from me. I watched him gaze out at the night sky as he swallowed hard. “You try so hard to protect yourself from being hurt. Are you that afraid of feeling all the good things in this world? All the love?”
I opened my mouth to argue, but then I realized he was right. I was terrified of losing those I cared about. So much so, that I was keeping them at arm’s length. I was refusing to allow myself to feel what I truly felt for them, and in doing so, the only emotion that seeped through was anger. Anger that I couldn’t be with the ones I loved. Anger that I couldn’t protect them, and anger that those I loved always left me.
“You’re right.” My words were breathy as they choked on my emotion. I finally understood my anger; the rage that I could never seem to contain. All this time it was me who was hurting me most.
Arrick turned, pain etched into his expression. “She loved you very much, Claire. She wasn’t choosing to stay behind because she didn’t want to go with you, but because she wanted to protect you. If you could only have felt the love she has for you… the love I have for you.”
My breath caught in my throat again and tears clung desperately to my lashes. I felt the love exuding from him like a warm heat that caressed my skin and warmed my soul. As much as I’d tried to say I cared about him, or that I thought I could feel, the same I was still holding back. My heart longed for him with a throbbing ache, but my mind lashed out.
“Should we get going?” Arrick asked.
He’d started the engine and put the car in gear before I’d even given him an answer. I knew I’d taken too long to answer, but what could I say? I knew that I kept going back and forth with him on my emotions. I knew my anger was getting out of control, but it was so hard to admit I was wrong. The only thing I could do was try to learn from those mistakes and move forward.
It was silly to have driven the few houses down the street that it took to get to Liz’s house, but I needed the privacy and the time to collect myself. Arrick was right, I had to try and allow myself to open up. No matter how afraid I was, I had to try. I might have thought I was protecting myself, but in reality I was causing more harm to everyone around me. That revelation, of course, made me feel worse about myself, but I was willing to accept the truth of it. I had become a walking, talking hypocrite. I would fight, bleed, and die for those I cared about; but I wasn’t willing to let them into my heart completely for fear of losing them. The more I thought about it, the more it didn’t make sense.
The keys jingled in the ignition as we rolled to a stop outside Liz’s house. It looked exactly as I remembered it; light blue with dazzling white shutters and a beautiful beveled glass front door. The dried flower wreath her mother bought at the farmers market during the spring still hung in place. A soft glow emanated from the curtained windows. I allowed my eyes to travel across the familiar building until they finally settled on Liz’s room. I had to prepare myself for the possibility that she might not want to come with me either. Maybe she hated me for leaving, maybe she was still hurt, or maybe she had moved on and found a new best friend. I’d prepare myself for the worst, but hope for the best. Either way, I was telling her the truth and I would do whatever I could to keep her safe.
“I’ll give you a few minutes,” Arrick said. The pain was gone from his eyes and a small smile lifted the corners of his lips. The connection between us tugged at my heart, and I grasped his hand in mine before I opened the door and walked up the steps.
It took me a few seconds to decide between knocking on the door, and ringing the doorbell. My hands were too unsteady so I pressed the button and heard the chime echo within. Liz’s mother called out for her to answer and I could hear Liz moan in response, which only made a smile light up my face. Her feet pounded on the stairs to let her mother know how putout she was, and then the door swung open.
We just stared at each other. She looked like she’d seen a ghost, and I waited with my breath held for her to say something, or slam the door in my face. She was exactly as I remembered her, not that she’d have changed in the months I’d been gone. Her blonde hair was in a long, curly pony tail, she was in her favorite pajamas, and her skin was fresh and clean. I always thought she looked prettier without makeup. She had been getting ready for bed. It was very late and I couldn’t help but wonder what she’d been up to.
“Claire?” Her eyebrows furrowed and her mouth fell open. “Wow, you hardly look like you anymore.”
“Hey.” I smiled at her, suddenly nervous. Her eyes widened in shock and I realized I’d flashed full-on fang at her. I slapped my hand across my mouth and looked away. Geez, I could be a real idiot sometimes.
“What are you doing here?” she asked. Her tone was simply curious, but the words cut through me like a knife. Those weren’t exactly the words I had been hoping to hear.
“I… I came to see you.” I rubbed my arms even though it wasn’t cold out. “Can I come in?”
“Uh… sure.” She stepped aside and I walked hesitantly into the living room. Her house was much the same layout as mine, just bigger. Liz’s mom opted for the extra rooms even though it was just the two of them. Memories of my childhood flooded my mind as I took a seat on the couch. The overabundance of decorative pillows gave me only a few inches of space, so I balanced myself on the edge as best I could.
“How are you?” My voice grew soft as I watched my childhood best friend take a seat in the armchair instead of beside me on the couch.
“I’m great.” She smiled with fake sincerity. I focused and allowed myself to reach out to her. I was surprised by what I found. Anger.
“You look great,” I said, and she really did. She always did. “I’m sorry I didn’t come see you sooner.”
“It’s whatever. I don’t care. You’ve got a new life now.”
She looked disinterested and turned her attention toward the expansive bay window that opened to the front yard. Her emotions were spilling out of her, filling the room like hot steam. She was angry and I couldn’t say I blamed her. Had our situations been reversed I’d be angry too. I just hoped she could forgive me.
“I care.” I scooted closer toward her and she didn’t move away. That was a good sign. “Just because things have changed, doesn’t mean I don’t want you in my life any more, Liz.”
“Yes, it does.” She turned to look at me, her pony tail draped over her shoulder like a luxurious mane. “What could we possibly have in common now? What is there to even say about anything?” The hurt in her eyes overshadowed the anger. “Am I supposed to be happy you came here to slum it with us simple humans?” Her arms crossed across her chest as she scowled at me.
“Liz.” I closed the gap between us. “Just because I’m different, doesn’t mean we have to be.”
She sighed, making her face look somber and defeated. “Yes, it does, Claire. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to see you, but what’s the point? You haven’t even so much as called! Not once.”
“I’m sorry.” She had a point. There was no excuse for that. I could have said the same to her, but there was no reason to shove it in her face. “I should have called. I should have done a lot of things that I didn’t, but I’m here now. Doesn’t that count?” I reached out to touch her, but thought better of it and knotted my fingers together in my lap.
“I get it. Your life is better now. You’re rich, powerful and beautiful. I’ve seen you on TV, Claire. You don’t look anything like the girl I grew up with.” Her eyes glistened with emotion and my heart hammered in my chest. I thought I had been able to retain a small part of the girl I once was, but maybe I was losing that battle. I knew I looked different on the outside, yet I always thought I still had some of the same teenage girl inside me. If Liz couldn’t see it, then maybe I was wrong.
“A lot has happened since I left, Liz
. Nothing is like what I thought it would be.”
“What? Not enough parties and jewels for you?” She winced at her own words and I could feel her regret for saying them. She was just lashing out at me, and I knew I deserved it. I had been a terrible friend. “What do you want, Claire?”
Her words were dipped in softness, yet sadness burned at the seams. I’d hurt her, and for that I would do whatever I could to repair it. I had done the very thing I knew we both feared the most I abandoned her. I might have had no choice about leaving, but I didn’t take the time to call or even write. All I had to do was reach out to her, to let her know I hadn’t forgotten her and I didn’t even do that.
“I want you to come with me.” Shock painted her face, hiding all the sadness.
“Come with you?” I nodded. “Where? To the palace?”
“Not exactly.”
Glee bubbled inside me as hope spread across her face. Liz had always seemed the more independent one, the leader of our two-girl group, but she was more invested in our friendship than I had ever realized, and that made my heart swell with love. Arrick was right, if only I hadn’t kept myself closed up for so long I might not have felt so alone all my life.
“Well, where exactly?” Liz’s interest was piquing as she pulled her legs up to her chest to sit more comfortably on her chair as she hugged a pillow.
“To Naos. It’s a long story, but that’s where I live now.”
“Naos?” Her nose wrinkled as she tried to pronounce the foreign word on her tongue. “Where’s that?”
“It’s on the coast.” I said, settling back into the couch. The pillows were lumpy and uncomfortable, but the tension was breaking and I couldn’t be happier.