The old cemeteries also fascinated her. One of her favorite past times was to spend hours reading in the graveyards. She loved checking out all the aged headstones; wondering how the people died and what their lives once looked like. She would play out scenes in her head, questioning how their families coped with their passing.
This particular old building had huge columns lining the front. Ivy scaled the walls of the cracked bricks, giving it an old world charm. Very New Orleans. Wrought iron benches lined the walkway with towering pecan trees spaced intermittently in perfect rows.
It was beautiful when you took the time to appreciate it, and of course if you didn’t know what you were looking at. The sign outside simply read, “Pecan Grove.” It looked like a historic hotel, not at all like a mental health facility.
Her mother, Rozalie, was committed to Pecan Grove four years ago after being in and out of rehabs and institutions across the state throughout Baby’s childhood.
She pulled open the enormous wooden door. Walking into the massive building always made her queasy. Pecan Grove was the best facility in its field; great doctors, a ton of awards, and grants. The staff worked hard to put the families at ease. There were a lot of patient activities, and the facility stayed clean, almost to a fault. Nothing was hidden and families had easy access to information.
Over the years, her mom had been in some real shitholes. It wasn’t lost on her how blessed they were to have gotten into Pecan Grove. Everything ran like clockwork, it worked well for Baby Jade’s obsessive-compulsive nature.
However, none of it cured Baby Jade’s anxiety. There were huge rooms with bolted-down furniture. The combination of disinfectant and bleach was overwhelming. Moaning filled the halls, and patients screamed from behind locked doors. When an unruly patient had an outburst and couldn’t be subdued, they were strapped down to a gurney. That was the worst. Baby hated to see restraints under any circumstance.
“Hey, hon. I haven’t seen you in a while.” The desk attendant was a tiny little fireball in her midsixties. Baby Jade used to wonder how the itty-bitty woman held her own in a place like this, but over the years she had gotten to know the spitfire known as Ang, and it didn’t take her long to realize Ang had no problem taking care of herself.
“Yeah, all I have been doing lately is work. Don’t get me started.” Baby signed and swiped her license. She still didn’t know why she went through the motions. She never made it past this point.
“They don’t treat you right down at that place. I don’t know how you stand it.”
Baby Jade sighed. “Well, that’s easy. It’s because this place isn’t free.”
“True that, honey. You’re a good daughter.” Ang covered Baby’s hand and gave a gentle squeeze. The simple gesture made her crave a mother’s touch. Not that she had ever known what it felt like in the first place.
“Speaking of which, how’s she doing today?”
“Oh, that girl. You know she likes to keep us on our toes here.” Ang offered a strained smile.
“Great …” Baby Jade rolled her eyes. “Do you think she’ll see me?”
Ang’s face fell. “Honey, you know as well as I do, that’s not a good idea. The last time you saw her, she had to be sedated for a week.”
“I know, but I have to keep trying. To be honest, I think it’s easier for me to keep coming because I know I won’t see her. If she finally said yes, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.”
“It’ll happen, sweetie. I don’t know what got her agitated a few months ago, but it’s messing with her something terrible. We had to increase her meds and add an additional sleeping pill. We’re all still working through the adjustment.”
Baby’s lips twitched as her anxiety was in full force. “Be honest, is she ok?”
“You know I would tell you, honey. Other than that, Rozalie’s ok. She doesn’t want to see you. I wish I could explain why, but I don’t have any answers. She doesn’t seem to have any problems with Ma’Linn.”
Lowering her head, Baby swallowed hard. The rejection was too much to handle. Baby Jade hadn’t seen her mother in almost a year. Before that, she only saw her every couple of months. It came in waves, and right now, it was clear that Rozalie wanted nothing to do with her daughter.
The cycle exhausted Baby Jade. “Ok, well keep me updated. Can you give her this for me?” Baby pulled a plastic bottle of Barq’s. She hoped the bottle of her mother’s favorite drink might spark something positive for her.
“Of course.” Ang gave a sympathetic smile.
“Thanks.” Baby pulled open the heavy door. She stopped by the corner market to pick up some necessities, a bottle of Moscato and fresh tomatoes. Other than the meals that Ma’Linn left on her doorstep, she lived on tomato sandwiches. It was quick, easy, and more importantly … cheap.
She carried the sack and walked toward her tiny apartment on North Rampart St. The rundown neighborhood never changed, with the same old riffraff hanging out on the streets, hollering the same old snide comments in her direction. The thunderous roar of a motorcycle caught her attention. She glanced up in time to spot the memorable bike pull into Rodney’s Garage.
Mr. Tats climbed off the bike and placed his leather jacket across the seat. He must have recognized her when he drove up because once again, his chocolate brown eyes were locked on hers as if they were the only two people in the world. She tried to busy herself by walking faster, but she sensed his gaze still scrutinizing her every move. Baby fought the urge to glance back, and forced herself to stare ahead. She didn’t want him to see the effect he had on her.
Baby Jade’s apartment complex sat next to an old abandoned brick warehouse. The only way inside was through an alley. It was dilapidated and appeared to be ready to cave in at any moment. The owner happened to be Mickey, who had recently upped the rent again, claiming he had no choice with only six apartments. He had to keep up with the going rate. Of course, he was able to get away with being a slumlord because the inspector and some other city officials enjoyed the perks at Bottoms Up.
There was a time when Baby Jade was one of those perks, a lifetime ago when she was a pawn in Mickey’s little game. As a newbie, it was easy to give in to the free buffet of drugs and alcohol. It made it easier to get up on the stage and take your clothes off in front of strangers. Mickey was kind in the beginning, pretending to care about her wellbeing, always saying he was trying to help her get over her fears. He told her she was beautiful, and with her exotic Creole looks, she would go far. To make matters worse, Baby Jade believed him when he told her that he knew people in high places, and life as a stripper was only a stepping-stone to something greater.
It didn’t take long for Mickey to have her knee deep in the underworld, but it wasn’t until she needed a safe place for her mother that he latched his meat hooks into her.
Over the years, Rozalie had been in and out of facilities, some places were such shitholes that Baby Jade couldn’t allow herself to think of the things that went on behind closed doors. They kept her drugged up. She couldn’t walk herself to the bathroom most days.
Rozalie was notorious for running away, leaving Baby Jade searching every drug den and bar in New Orleans trying to track her down, starting the vicious cycle all over again. She would beg and scream, pleading with Baby not to send her back. Rozalie swore up and down she would run away again, and if half of what she said was true about the facilities, Baby couldn’t blame her.
When Mickey offered to help get her mother into Pecan Grove in exchange for a few private parties, she jumped at the opportunity. The parties began once or twice a month, but soon became a weekly event. The money was insane and way too easy for a few private lap dances. It seemed innocent enough, and eventually she was hooked.
Everything went to hell in a handbag when Mickey decided it was time to up the stakes. After a few months of working the parties, Mickey approached Baby Jade before her set to tell her that one of the men wanted to take her on a date.
When Baby told him she wasn’t interested in a relationship, she thought he might fall over dead from laughing too hard.
“No, honey. A date. Not take you out to dinner. Come on, you ain’t stupid.”
“I’ve been dancing every night. The men are getting grab happy, and that’s not what I signed up for.”
Mickey grabbed her chin. “What you signed up for is a safe place for your mother. Am I right? And she’s been in that fancy little room of hers for months now and loves it. You haven’t had any problems outta her. Now’s not the time to get all holier than thou on me, Baby. The guy wants a date with you and he’s not the kinda guy I wanna be pissing off. Besides, it makes for a good payday, for both of us. You understand what I’m saying?”
Baby tore away from his grip. “Who’s the guy?” She silently prayed it wasn’t the 300 pounder who sat in the corner rubbing on himself. Mickey was right about one thing. Her mother has been like a whole new woman since being at Pecan Grove.
“Slade.”
That explained why Mickey was bending over backward to make sure the date happened. “Why a date? I dance for that guy at least twice a week.”
“Yeah, and he’s ready to step it up. He’ll pick you up at the club on Tuesday. I told him you need your weekend tips.”
“Well, aren’t you the perfect example of a daddy figure, taking care of me and all?” Baby Jade rolled her eyes.
His jaw tightened. “You got a real smart mouth, you know that? Make sure you keep it zipped on Tuesday.”
Baby Jade didn’t remember a lot about that first date night. She drank anything she could get her hands on, leaving the night a blur, but it must have been a success. Slade became a permanent fixture around the club after that. The other girls complained about him showing Baby favoritism, which led him to mix things up from time to time. However, he became obsessed with Baby Jade. He lavished her with gifts and extravagant toys. He surprised her with trips and expensive jewelry. He leased her a Lexus IS 250 C. He finally took it back after she refused to drive it and it sat on her street for three months. Slade made sure she never wanted for anything. It was a good thing too since Mickey took 70 percent of the money she made from date nights, claiming it was to help offset the cost of her mother’s living expenses. Since she wasn’t in a place to argue, she agreed.
Things with Slade remained steady for a while. Baby had an endless supply of coke and pills. He was all too happy to furnish whatever she needed to make it through the day. Things were a little better at the club. Mickey was too scared of Slade to mistreat her. He wouldn’t dare put the moves on her when she belonged to Slade. He needed the girls, but he needed Slade more. He could never afford to keep Jewella in supply on his own, but dancers were a dime a dozen in this town.
Nonetheless, a sick feeling took root in the pit of Baby’s stomach. When she was alone with nothing but her thoughts, she couldn’t deny the fact that she was whoring herself out. She justified it by telling herself it was worth it to keep her mother from ending up in another shithole. She was at a standstill.
There was no way in hell Baby would be able to pay for her mother’s stay at Pecan Grove on her own and still be able to cover her own bills. Something had to give. She never grew to like the fast lane. Baby quit eating and working out. Her performances became shoddy, and most nights she couldn’t remember how she made it home or who the poor soul was lying beside her when she woke up. Slade was infamous for wanting to share his good fortune with his friends.
The last couple of years had taken a toll. Baby Jade knew if she didn’t put a stop to it, she would end up dead.
Baby Jade resolved to get clean. She quit doing drugs and vowed never to let herself be passed around anymore like a piece of meat. Of course, getting out was easier said than done. When she finally refused to go with Slade when he came to pick her up for date night, he knocked her around pretty bad. He made sure to let her know, if he wanted her, he could have her anytime he damn well pleased. There was no point in arguing. It wouldn’t be the first time he took without asking. It took her a few days to heal.
Mickey was pretty pissed as well, and he quit paying for Rozalie’s room at Pecan Grove. Baby could not stand the thought of her mom anywhere else. She used her savings from the dating game to pay for a full year in advance. It left her back to the old days and living on tips, and worse, at Mickey’s beckon call. After the year was up, they might both end up out on the streets.
She had no choice but to let go of her furnished loft apartment across town. She slept on the couch in the dressing room for a while until Mickey suggested she take over one of the leases in his apartment building. Feeling as if she was out of options, Baby jumped at the chance. For the most part, he left her alone as long as she kept her rent paid up on the bug-infested shithole.
She looked over her shoulder and then grabbed her keys out of her canvas bag. In this neighborhood, you never let your guard down.
A creaking window caught her attention.
“Hey, der suga’! Glad to see you home safe.”
“Hey, Ma’Linn. It was a long day. I think I’m gonna curl up with a good book and a glass of wine.”
“Mmmhmmm, right after you kill yo’self on dat deat’ trap.”
Baby Jade laughed. The old woman knew her well. Ma’Linn was the only person in the world she cared about, aside from her mother. She had been Baby’s babysitter as far back as she could remember, helping take care of her when her own mother couldn’t. Ma’Linn made a home for her when the state tried to put her in foster care after one of Rozalie’s major breakdowns. Baby took off when she was fifteen because Ma’Linn had her own problems to deal with, but it never stopped the old woman from being there for her over the years.
“Yes, ma’am. I’m a creature of habit. I’ll be on the treadmill for at least an hour burning off all that delicious food you leave on my doorstep.”
“Girl, you goin’ to waste way to not’ing. Let me bring you some dis here gumbo I made for Phillipe.” Phillipe was Ma’Linn’s son, a drug addict living on the streets. No matter how painful it was or how much he begged, she could not allow him to live at home. He stole anything of value, but Ma’Linn made sure there was a warm plate always waiting for him, and anyone else who might pass by her window.
“That’s sweet, but I’ll have to pass. Besides, I’ve got my usual.” Baby Jade held up the bag of tomatoes. She was happy that her friend lived next door. Of course that meant she owed Mickey for another favor.
When Ma’Linn’s husband died, she should have been financially set, but not with Phillipe around. He cleaned her out. He emptied the savings account right after the life insurance check hit the bank. The bank foreclosed and kicked her out of her home. She lost everything. Baby Jade had to beg Mickey to rent the apartment next door to Ma’Linn. It took some real coaxing on her part, the kind of coaxing that made her want to slit her wrist.
Baby spent every free dime she had to get the woman’s apartment livable. She painted the walls, cleaned the carpets, and made some minor repairs. Wanting Ma’Linn to feel more at home, she paid to have some other things taken care of. It was devastating to think about her being tossed out onto the street. Her husband was taken from her in a split second, and then her own son wiped out the rest of her life. It broke Baby’s heart. If anyone in the world deserved better, it was Ma’Linn.
“Don’t know how you tiny hips hold up dat lil’ o’ strap you call underwear.” Ma’Linn gave a hearty belly laugh. It was another example of why she loved her. Ma’Linn never judged Baby Jade for her lifestyle, always saying “judgin’ don’t git no one nowhere. Da heart, now dat’s where it be at.” Baby never forgot those words, but she hated that her own heart had become tired and bitter.
“Ma’Linn. You know the secret’s not in the hips. It’s all in the ass. And I’m never gonna be lacking in that department!” Baby Jade smiled, giving her behind a good slap.
“You got dat right, baby girl. Well, if you git hungry, you holler.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Baby Jade said before Ma’Linn closed and locked the window, bolting it in place.
Once inside, Baby Jade locked all three bolts on her own door. She flipped on the lights and got down her favorite purple wine glass from the bar cabinet. She poured herself a generous glass of Moscato and double-checked the windows to make sure they were locked up tight. After all this time, it was a mindless action. Automatic.
Baby pulled back the shades and glanced out the window. Her body stiffened at the sight of the parked car across the street. The tricked-out black Jeep Rubicon stood out like a sore thumb in this area, but she knew it well since she had been inside this particular one. This one belonged to Slade. At first glance, she couldn’t make out if anyone was inside the car, but gave a sigh of relief when a dark shadow moved around in the driver’s seat. At least the son of a bitch wasn’t lurking outside her apartment. It had been weeks since she’d seen Slade’s car parked across the street. It made her stomach churn to think about what he wanted.
She drew the shades and turned out the lights opting to spend the evening hiding out in the bedroom. That meant she would have to use the stationary bike rather than the treadmill, but it was better than thinking about Slade watching her silhouette, keeping up with her every move. The thought made bile bob in her throat.
Safely in the bathroom, Baby Jade stripped away her t-shirt and threw on a sports bra. She loved to work out in her bare feet. It was a nice change from working in five-inch heels all day.
She snapped her iPod into the port and pressed play on her exercise playlist. Baby turned the volume all the way up, letting the music sink in. It shut out the thoughts and allowed her brain some much-needed downtime. Nine Inch Nails blared through the speaker and Baby pounded away at the pedals.
The adrenaline rush from the exercise was what she needed. She closed her eyes, pushing herself to finish the full hour. Being in a smoke filled toxic pit every day was enough to get to anyone. It was important for her to detox, to cleanse the junk. She took pride in her appearance and worked hard at taking care of her skin and her body. It was her mind that received the brunt of the damage.
Gutter Princess Page 3