Gutter Princess

by Kimmie Easley

  Baby moved toward Lucky, close enough that she smelled the familiar musky scent of his skin. She extended her hand to touch his back but stopped when Lucky took a step forward out of her reach.

  Shunned, Baby Jade bolted from behind Lucky and ran downstairs to grab her bag. She threw her clothes on over her corset and ducked out the back door without a word. She used the sleeve of her sweatshirt to wipe the tears that poured down her face. The tears flowed as she ran all the way home. She jammed her key into the lock, her fingers barely able to make it work. Once inside, she leaned against the door and fell to the floor, allowing her emotions to take over. All the pain she had been harboring over the years welled to the surface. The grief of her own decisions from her past gnawed at her insides.

  She bawled, rocking in a fetal position against her front door. She never let herself think about the baby that she had aborted almost two years earlier. It was the hardest thing she had ever done. Normally you wouldn’t be allowed to be inebriated when undergoing a procedure, but, of course, Mickey knew a guy.

  When Baby found out she was pregnant, a small part of her was excited. She had never thought about being a mother, not after the hand she had been dealt where mothers were concerned. However, something in her longed to share her heart with the tiny life growing inside her.

  Mickey heard about her pregnancy and immediately started hounding Baby about getting rid of it. He asked who the father was, and, of course, at that time in her life, she couldn’t pinpoint the exact person. Most nights were a blur. He tried to play up to her needy side, and when that didn’t work, he went for ruthless.

  He made sure to tell her she should never be allowed to have children. She was a psycho like her mother. He told her the child wouldn’t have a chance in hell with a mother like her, it would probably end up disabled or crazy. He stabbed the knife in and then dug it around for his own pleasure.

  “You would screw that poor kid up.”

  “Your mother was a crazy bitch, but at least she was smart enough to cut you loose.”

  “That kid would only end up hating you.”

  “If it’s a girl, be sure to save her a place on the pole.”

  It all became too much. It was all she heard, day in and day out. Baby Jade became miserable and depressed. Slade fed her pills and liquor until one day she was too far-gone, she signed the papers and let Mickey drive her to his guy’s office, which ended up being an abandoned building with running water.

  The whole time it was happening, Baby knew her life would be forever changed. It was the first time she wasn’t able to turn off her emotions, to shut down. It was the one time she knew she wouldn’t bounce back. She would never be the same again.

  When it was over, Mickey gave Baby the weekend off to recuperate. Everyone was overly nice. Jewella seemed sincere when she offered to clean Baby’s apartment, helping do her laundry and bringing her soup. Baby figured she had probably been in the same situation a time or two.

  But nothing made her feel any better. Baby hit rock bottom, and in case there was any question, she made sure by moving from snorting coke to freebasing heroin. She couldn’t remember the first few months after the abortion. She lingered halfway between life and death, praying for the latter.

  The breaking point came when one of the girls found Baby unconscious in the bathroom of the club, the needle still dangling between her toes, her chosen place to hide the marks. The cops that Mickey had in his back pocket quickly informed him the club was now on the narcotics department’s radar. They needed to ditch the drugs and clean up their act for a while, or they wouldn’t be able to keep Mickey out of trouble.

  Mickey and Slade agreed to send Baby Jade away to detox, but they didn’t want to have any record of it. They locked her away in a seedy motel outside Lafayette. Slade sent one of his goons to act as bodyguard and one of his girls to play nursemaid. It was excruciating. Sure, the vomiting and shakes were horrible, but the worst part was being able to feel again. The pain of remembering the abortion was unbearable.

  It took her a long time to begin to feel halfway normal again. She continued to have a void in her heart and an agonizing pain in the pit of her stomach, but life slowly resumed. The hurt still existed, but was only at its worst when Baby allowed her mind to wander. She tried to keep herself occupied by working, exercising, and reading, whatever it took. Picking up more shifts was better than being home alone with nothing but time to remember.

  Now, lying on the floor, weeping, she couldn’t figure out if she was more upset that Lucky had found out, not to mention how he found out, or that it brought all the pain to the surface again. She lay on the floor sobbing for what must have been hours, before she finally dragged her limp body to the couch. She was too tired to lock the door or check the windows, which is why she missed the Jeep parked at the curb across from her apartment.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Lucky

  Lucky’s stomach somersaulted. The taste of bile lingered in his throat. His narrowed eyes were unfocused and the room was blurry. Planting himself on his stool, with his arms folded across his chest, he managed to go through the motions for the remainder of his shift.

  Mickey left him alone for the most part. He hated feeling as if everyone was tiptoeing around him. It was crazy to think anyone knew what he had shared with Baby Jade about Carrie, but it sure as hell felt like everyone did. He played Jewella’s words over in his head, hoping he had misunderstood.

  She got rid of it.

  Baby had an abortion.

  How could she not have told him? When he was spilling his guts all over her fucking living room, why wouldn’t she have said something? When they finished making love and she poured her heart out to him, did she not think it might be an important detail to share?

  Lucky tried to rationalize a reason. Obviously it was going to be a difficult process for a woman, but hell, she chose it. He didn’t have a choice when it came to his own child. He never had a say in the matter.

  “Aww, why the pouty lip?” Barbie ran her hand down Lucky’s arm. He didn’t notice her come up from the side.

  Lucky recoiled. “The smell of your perfume must have punched me in the face.” He didn’t try to turn down the cocky attitude. He wanted to get on his fucking bike and take off.

  Barbie tossed her head back and tried to giggle. Instead, it came off like a strangled cat. Her mile-high blond hair didn’t move from where she had plastered it in place. She turned her matted eyelashes up and grinned, revealing the deep red lipstick stains on her teeth.

  The miserable site of her failed attempt at getting his attention made Lucky’s gut slosh around in his rigid body. “What the hell do you want?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe to put a smile on that handsome face of yours.” Barbie reached her leathered fingers toward Lucky’s face. He grabbed her wrist before she reached his beard, clutching it tighter than he should have. The dead look in his eyes must have scared her, which was his intent, because Barbie stumbled backward like she couldn’t get away fast enough.

  His emotions welled up in his chest, leaving him feeling suffocated. Part of Lucky wanted to find Baby and let her explain. She must have a logical reason for not telling him. But was that enough? Was there a reasonable explanation for having an abortion in the first place? Was it his place to judge her? Was there a father out there grieving like he did for his own child?

  Lucky’s phone vibrated in his pocket. Something in him shifted, and the curiosity got the better of him. He pulled the phone from his pocket and checked the caller ID. He didn’t want to talk to her, but his heart fell to see it wasn’t Baby. It was his mother, for the third time that day.

  He had nothing to say to his parents, and anything they had to say to him could wait until the board meeting.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Baby Jade

  “Wakey, wakey, gorgeous.”

  Baby Jade swiped at something tickling her cheek.

  “Rise and shine, my girl.”
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  Baby twisted her body around. Realizing she wasn’t in her bed, she rubbed her eyes with the palm of her hands. Her vision was fuzzy, but she made out her surroundings and concluded she was on her couch.

  She sighed with relief and stretched her arms above her head. Her body ached, heavy and weak like she’d had the flu. Her muscles were exhausted and the cry fest had left her emotionally drained.

  “How’s my girl this morning?”

  The words made Baby jump up and dart across the room. Crouched in the corner next to the bookshelf, she spotted Slade standing at the end of the couch, inches from where her head had been.

  “What the hell are you doing here? How’d you get in?” She stayed in position, ready to turn over the bookshelf if she needed to run.

  “I knocked and there was no answer. I checked the door and it was unlocked. I let myself in. Come on, is that necessary?” Slade took a step in her direction.

  Baby’s body tensed, her eyes wide “What do you want?” She didn’t know why she bothered asking. She couldn’t trust a thing that came out of his chiseled face.

  Slade propped his heavy boot on the rickety coffee table. “I heard about what happened last night. I know what a touchy subject that is for you. I wanted to see how my girl was doing.”

  “I’m not your girl.” Touchy subject. The dumbass sure did have a way with words.

  “Yeah, yeah. I’ve heard it all before. If you weren’t my girl, why would I be here offering to take care of you?” Slade dipped two fingers into his top jacket pocket and pulled out another familiar, small baggie.

  Baby watched the baggie slip from Slade’s fingertips and land on the table, and her heartbeat pounded. She felt it in her head as the blood rocketed to her temples. Her skin crawled and her mouth watered at the thought of a tiny taste.

  Slade’s licked his twisted lips. “Yeah, I’ll leave that for you to have later. When you’re ready for more, you know how to find me.” He crossed the room and knelt down in front of Baby, brushing his thumb over her lips before kissing her cheek.

  She watched Slade walk out the door, closing it behind him.

  After hearing his Jeep speed away, Baby counted to fifty before she clutched the bookcase, and pulled herself to a standing position, inching her way to the couch. Sitting across from the tiny baggie of coke, she stared at it, imagining what it would taste like. What it would feel like coursing through her veins.

  Finally, she couldn’t fight the urge any longer. Baby plucked the baggie from the table and ran to the bedroom where she pulled out the tiny jewelry box mirror and the queen of hearts card she used for cutting. The setup had been tucked away for months, taunting her. She dumped the contents onto the mirror and used the card to chop the coke, making sure it was fine and clump-free, and then cut off a line. Baby withdrew a dollar bill from a shoebox she kept under her bed.

  Her hands trembled as she rolled the bill up. She placed it to her nose and sniffed her way down the line. As the drug hit her nose, Baby’s entire body eased. Her tense muscles retracted. She did a second line using the other nostril. Both sides went numb, and her heart rate quickened. She ground her teeth as the rush hit her. The after drip down the back of her throat was bitter, causing her to shiver in distaste, mixed with the immediate goose bumps of her heart racing and her blood skyrocketing through her veins

  ***

  Baby Jade spent the next few days in a drug-induced haze. The house was spotless due to her sporadic manic episodes. She felt strangely alive as she took turns taking out her energy bursts on the treadmill and the stationary bike. She toyed with the idea of joining a gym but decided it was best not to have to interact with actual people.

  Ma’Linn had been by a couple of times, but never stayed long. She told Baby she still hadn’t heard from Phillipe. This is the longest time he has ever gone without showing up for a shower or food. She filled her in on her mother, telling her that things were the same. Rozalie still didn’t want to see Baby. She was doing well for the most part, but they had to sedate her more often.

  Nothing held her attention for long, and she didn’t care about the things that she had once found important. She rambled off at the mouth about anything that came to mind.

  Now that Baby stayed high, the manic episodes dissipated and she became sloppy, but work went on as usual. It helped that Rodney needed Lucky’s help at the shop. Mickey said they had a big job and were having to work all hours of the night. Lucky wouldn’t be in for a couple of weeks. She suspected Slade had something to do with his disappearance, but this time she was thankful for his interference. Not that she would dare tell him that.

  Slade had become a regular at the club again. Mickey seemed happy to have things getting back to normal. The same could not be said for Lolli and the other girls. They were pissed to be put on the back burner again.

  Baby stayed high, but still made it through her performances, and then topped off the night with a sedative to counteract the coke.

  The pathetic routine was working right up until the night Lucky showed up for his shift. Baby was already halfway blitzed, and giving a lap dance when Lucky walked into the club. She didn’t notice him right away since she had gotten out of the habit of glancing over at his empty stool. Slade and all his goons sat at their usual table. He reached out and slapped Baby Jade on the ass as she walked around the group of men, flirting her way to bigger tips. Falling into routine, she laughed off his antics as he pulled her onto his lap.

  When Baby’s gaze finally landed on Lucky across the room, she was shocked to find him glaring at her, one brow arched and his gorgeous lips drawn in a tight, thin line. In true Lucky fashion, he had folded his arms across his chest. He wore another dark t-shirt and a pair of Levi’s. His Dr. Martens crossed at the ankles. Anyone else might think he looked like he didn’t have a care in the world, but Baby knew better. He was fuming. She saw the rage in his clenched jaw and the way he pumped his fists opened and closed in an attempt to keep the blood flowing to his fingers. He leaned against the wall and scowled in her direction.

  The coke surging through her body gave Baby an evil streak. It was her way of saying to hell with everyone else, including him. It was her life to fuck up. Being in the same room with Lucky pissed her off. He hadn’t called, or checked on her. She didn’t know why she thought he would, but her heart sank with every passing hour. And now, it was all coming to a head.

  Baby Jade ran her hand over Slade’s back, weaving her fingers through his blond ponytail. Leaning over, she planted her lips on his neck before making eye contact with Lucky. Her lips curled in a devious smirk. Wanting to keep her high, Baby headed toward the bar to get another round of shots for the table. She put on her best sexy grin and played with her curls, flirting with everyone in her path. The display was successful, people focused on her rather than the stage. More ammunition for Lolli.

  That poor girl had been a hot mess since Slade had turned his affections back toward Baby. She stayed strung out, but now had to work harder to get her hands on the drugs.

  Baby tossed her hair from side to side and arched her back to push out her chest. Deep down, she knew it was pathetic, but she didn’t care anymore. Her gaze darted across the room to Lucky. For the first time, she saw the pain rather than anger. He wore the hurt on his face, with his mouth downturned and dead eyes. He was broken.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Lucky

  This fucking week couldn’t go by fast enough. Lucky had already started making plans to leave town immediately after the board meeting. He had been working nights at Rodney’s and working on his own bike during his down time, getting it road ready.

  He put in his notice at the garage and told Mickey this would be his last weekend at the club. He thought he had braced himself for everything. Tonight proved him wrong. Seeing Baby Jade sitting on that son of a bitch’s lap left him gasping for air. It was a sucker punch right to the gut.

  Her vibrant skin was now dull, the glint in her eyes snuffed out.
She was high as a fucking kite, and it pissed him off. What pissed him off more was the fact that he wanted to swoop in and rescue her. His blood boiled and the mixed emotions nauseated him. He couldn’t wait to hop on his bike and say good-bye to this toxic town.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Baby Jade

  Baby downed her next two shots of Jack Daniels and somehow managed to make it to the bathroom in one piece. She finished her three sets for the night and wanted to party until the sun came up. Mickey not only cut back her performances, he also cut the length of her songs. Anything longer than four minutes and someone would need to peel her up off the catwalk.

  Tucked away in the last stall, Baby dipped her fingers in between her breasts and slipped out the newest gift from Slade. She took a bump of coke and steadied herself against the stall door allowing the drug to work its magic. The bathroom door opened and she overheard Lolli and Coral gabbing.

  “Right? Damn, he looks yummy,” Coral said. Baby didn’t know who they were talking about until she heard Lolli’s reply.

  “Yeah, I should go jump on his cock and show him what a real woman can do. Baby’s too much of a fucking mess to be able to handle that much man.”

  Lucky

  They both cackled, and Coral finished with, “Please, bitch. He isn’t going to let anyone near him. Especially someone from Bottoms Up.”

  Then the two spent the next couple of minutes talking about lipstick, cigarettes, and the best condoms for women’s pleasure. Baby thought it might literally kill her to have to stay still and listen to the screeching sound of their voices. Her skin was crawling by the time they left. Pulling out the baggie, she did another bump. She tried to forget where she was by closing her eyes, but instead she saw Lucky’s face. The hurt and anger. The pain in his eyes searing deep into her.