For one, he was a source of aggravation, and those weren’t typically allowed in my room. Two, he was so tall and boy. When I got close, he even smelled male. Like fabric softener, cologne, and mint gum. In all honesty, he smelled good. I wasn’t used to the scent of him, and my mind tried to place it in my life, but it didn’t fit. Because Darren Morre didn’t belong in my life.
I walked over and knocked the hat off his head, catching it and setting it down on mine.
He glanced at me, eyes filled with some strange look. I couldn’t pinpoint it. Confusion maybe? Hope? Regret? I didn’t know. Before I could place it, it was gone, replaced by doubt. “This is your room?”
I nodded, peering curiously at him.
He turned to my photography corner, taking in the freshest prints. “Who is that?”
I didn’t have to look to know who it was. “My best friend Sean.”
“You’re best friends with a boy?” He frowned at the picture. “Yeah, he looks familiar. He’s always drooling over Maisy and hiding a hard on with his books.”
“Hey!” I snapped. “Don’t talk about Sean that way.”
He ignored my outburst and moved on to the collage on my wall. “These are good shots, Mel.”
I was taken aback by the appreciation in his tone. He traced a picture I’d taken of myself. It had taken four tries to get the timing right on my camera as I jumped off a bronzed horse statue downtown. There was nothing but blue sky, me, and the horse. we’re all trapped was written on my gray hoodie.
“Um, thanks,” I mumbled, embarrassed.
I didn’t know why, but my bedroom suddenly felt too small with him inside. I sat on my bed and reached over to grab my Nikon. I turned it on and brought it to my eye, leaning back to get his body in the frame as he studied my photographs. “Look at me, Dare.”
He did, his face, still crazy handsome even bruised, was entirely serious for once. I snapped a rare occasion. Darren in my room, not smirking, not fighting. He turned back to the collage on the wall wordlessly, stopping in front of a picture from the past summer. We’d been hanging out near Sean’s pool. I was wearing a pair of his boxers and his tank top. Caught mid-air as I jumped into the water. The sky was a clear, cloudless blue, and Sean had done a great job at capturing me diving.
I snapped another picture of Dare leaning over to stare at me.
I wondered if he had a secret love affair with photography. If maybe he’d taken Mr. Rios’ class for reasons other than what I’d assumed. No one looked at that collage the same way I did. Even Sean, the artist, didn’t see what I saw.
I wondered if I truly knew Phoenix High’s bad boy. The boy looking at my wall looked nothing like the one sneering and teasing me. He looked different right now. Different enough to make my stomach slightly nervous.
Part of what kept me safe when it came to him was that I didn’t like him. Most girls at school had caught the I love Dare bug, but I’d been lucky enough to go this long without catching it. I was in a weird emotional place lately. Feeling nothing, feeling everything. I didn’t need to add some messed up crush into the mix.
I’d never make it out whole.
And what was the point in falling in love when you were already in pieces to begin with?
I turned the camera’s view around and aimed it at my face, snapping a picture. “There. Assignment’s all done for the day. You can go now.”
His eyes tightened. “We need to think this through before we commit to a single idea.”
“I thought we were going with hate?”
He looked away from my wall and dropped his gaze on me. “How long can we keep that up? Eventually it’s just hate. It’s got nothing to do with love. I was thinking we could try something different.” He put his hands in his pockets, appearing less sure.
It made me nervous. “What…?”
“What if we pretended to be in love? Make a mocking of it. Show how snapping a picture of a look couldn’t possibly prove the progression of love. Tie it into social media. How many take pictures of their love lives and post them online, but in real life they’re not even close to being in love? I mean look at Maisy and me. I don’t love her,” he sneered, glaring darkly. “We’ve been dating for three months and all of a sudden she’s talking about going to college with me and moving in together. I never even said we were dating.”
I shook my head in disgust at him, admitting that he did have something in the way of ideas. “You’re still sleeping with her, though, right?”
He fell into my favorite comfy purple chair with a roll of his eyes. “Never even got to third base yet. She’s still a virgin.”
I sat up. “You’re kidding me.”
He laughed at my shock. “Of course, I’m kidding. She let me take her panties off the first night I met her. We were hooking up before she started calling me her boyfriend, and it just sort of happened. Every time I try to break up with her, she freaks. Threatens to do something drastic.”
“Drastic how?”
He cringed. “Promise not to tell anyone?”
“Promise. Who would I tell? All of my friends?” I was so telling Sean, though.
He smirked. “Right. I forgot you’re a loser.” He dodged the pillow I threw at him and put it behind his head, face sobering. “She used to cut herself and shit. She doesn’t do it anymore because I’m on her ass about it, but she threatens to start again every time I mention splitting.”
I gaped at him. That was… sick. And sad. I hated feeling bad for a girl like Maisy. “But she’s so… happy-looking.”
“Yeah, well, looks are deceiving.” He looked tired suddenly. “She’s going to kill me for being here with you.”
“Why?” I asked, not keeping the confusion out of my tone.
“She’s insanely jealous. Insecure is more like it, but what can I do about that? I’m with her all day and all night. I swear, it’s like I’m babysitting her rather than dating her.”
I wondered if I had anything right about those two. “Should you leave?” And suddenly, I didn’t entirely want him to leave. It was strange and new talking to someone who didn’t know my life, and I didn’t know theirs.
He shrugged. “I should have kept it in my pants, that’s what I should have done.” He winked. “Give me my hat.” He held his hand out.
I pulled it further on my head. “If you promise not to be an annoying, offensive douche, we can start working on our project.”
He quirked a brow. “Why don’t you just put tape over my mouth?”
“There isn’t enough tape in the world to curb your personality, Dare.”
His eyes twinkled. “I hate that nickname. But in your cute voice it doesn’t sound nearly as annoying.”
Entirely unimpressed, I rolled my eyes. “Go home, Darren.”
He jutted out his lower lip, but his eyes were still shining. “Was that the first time anyone ever said you were cute?” he guessed, a false sympathetic edge to his voice.
“Out.”
“Yes,” he answered for me. “That’s a shame. But it probably wouldn’t work on a girl like you. How about this?” He stood up with a tired groan and peered down at me. “You’re a sick ass photographer.”
My cheeks turned pink and my stomach filled with heat. “Can I keep your hat?”
He nodded. “On one condition.”
“What, Dare?”
“Come to school tomorrow. We can start brainstorming in class. Oh, and, Mel? Try putting on makeup or something. So people don’t confuse you with your boyish alter ego. Tom.”
I threw his hat at his retreating back and slammed my bedroom door after him. I ran over to my window and looked out to see him climbing into his truck. How did he find out where I lived?
He looked up as he pulled out of my driveway. Our eyes met.
I wondered if he was thinking what I was thinking.
That if looks were so deceiving, where did that leave our opinion on the other?
I walked over and put his hat back on.
Not all wars were started with roars of thunder and gnashed teeth. Sometimes they were started with a single, suspicious look. At least my war was started that way.
I’d dreaded every single step I took to school. One because it was September in Phoenix, and it was still blistering; sweat matted the hair on the back of my neck. Two because I had no desire to meet with a counselor and spill my guts. And lastly because I didn’t want to see Dare.
I reached up and repositioned his hat, turning it backward on my head. My shirt was thin, white, and see-through. My neon yellow sports bra peeked through the material, and I’d paired the entire thing with baggy black boy jeans that hung off my hips. My black and white Chucks jutted out the bottom. I hid my eyes behind a pair of aviator sunglasses I scored at the thrift store for fifty cents. The left lens was a little scratched, but that didn’t bother me.
How much of what I saw lately wasn’t equally a little scratched?
When I made it to campus, I paused outside the gate and gave myself a pep talk. Feel nothing. I sucked back my emotions and felt my face fall into its usual numb state.
I slipped through the crowd and made my way to my locker, stuffing my sunglasses into my bag, and unsurprised to find it crowded and blocked. Dare and Maisy were talking, faces close. He had his arm on a locker over her, and she had her hand on his waist, her fingers playing with the band on his designer blue jeans. He had on a plain black t-shirt. His hair was done today, slick with product and so perfect I heard myself sigh before I realized I was standing in the middle of the hallway looking him up and down.
Snapping to attention, I stepped close. Miranda, one of Maisy’s friends, had her back on my locker, twirling a strand of her hair around her fingers as she talked to some guy.
I cleared my throat. Her dark eyes shot to mine. She looked through me and then continued talking.
“I need to use my locker,” I said louder.
“Look, loser. I’m talking. Or can’t you see?” she sneered, looking me up and down like I was made of dog crap and used gum.
Loser? That’s a new one, I thought, bored.
“Give her some room, Miranda,” Dare’s deep voice commanded.
She looked over at him like he was insane. “What?” she said, like she’d heard him wrong.
Maisy looked over her shoulder at me and her eyes did their usual go-around. She curled her lip up in disgust at my jeans and then my shirt might’ve turned her a little green. Rather proud of my shirt, I smoothed down the front.
“You’re blocking Mel’s locker,” he stated slowly, like she was dumb.
Which might’ve been closer to the truth than I knew.
“Mel?” Maisy repeated, turning to narrow her eyes at him. “Since when do you know her?”
People were starting to stop and examine the spectacle.
Just move! I screamed in my head, willing Miranda to shift two inches to my right. That’s all I needed. A few inches in her much bigger world. She pressed her shoulder to the locker and moved her back from mine. Okay, one inch. That’d do.
I wedged between Maisy and Miranda and unlocked my lock, my eyes blurring. I swallowed down the storm brewing in my chest and turned it into a mild wind.
“Why can’t she wait until I’m done talking?” I heard Miranda saying, graciously loud enough for me to hear. “Some losers are so f’ing rude.”
“Shut up, Miranda,” Dare growled. “Your locker’s on the other side of the school. Why are you even over here?”
“Don’t talk to her like that,” Maisy said, giving his abs a swat.
I tried to hurry up, but Miranda leaned back, and the locker swung into my face. I hissed and dropped my book.
“Oops,” she said, tone entirely unapologetic.
The metal lock mechanism had hit right under my eye, and when I reached up, I felt the blood already seeping from the cut.
“Look what you did!” Dare growled, reaching between us both to move the locker and grab my shoulders to turn me. His eyes were as silver as the storm in me. He grabbed my face between his large hands and examined my wound. “Sorry,” he said quietly when his thumb sliding over my wound made me hiss.
He lifted his head and stared at Miranda. Rage turned his handsome angles into dark, formidable shadows. “Get lost.”
“Look, bro,” her guy friend said. “Chill out.”
“Kiss my ass, Roy. Get rid of her, or I will.”
Maisy stepped close and our eyes locked. Rage burned in them, but it wasn’t until her eyes slid up did I see the true glint of suspicion.
“Is that your hat, Darren?” Maisy asked, voice eerily calm.
“No,” he said simply.
“Let’s go, babe,” the guy said, leading Miranda away.
Dare still hadn’t let go of me. He was still holding my face gently between his hands as he glared darkly at Miranda’s retreating form. Once she was gone, his gaze flickered to mine and then the hat. Dismay filled his eyes before he wiped the emotion away. “You okay?” he asked me, tone softening.
I nodded, but inside I was shrinking, at the same time I exploded. I wanted to scream, to wail, and to hit. Instead, I held it all in and pulled free of his grasp. “I’m fine.”
“Why don’t you hold her a little longer,” Maisy sneered. She reached over to pluck the hat from my head, but Dare’s hand shot out to wrap around her wrist.
He pulled her close and put his mouth over her ear. Whatever he said must’ve pissed her off royally because she yanked her arm from his grasp and pushed his chest until he stumbled back into her locker.
I used the opportunity to bend down to get my book, trying and failing not to hear their conversation.
“What is that loser doing wearing your hat?”
“Calm down, would you? It’s not my hat. Get your shit so we can go.”
“You wear it every day. It’s your favorite hat. Why is she wearing it?” she screamed. She put her finger in his face and a crazy look entered her bright blue eyes. “Are you messing around on me?”
He gaped at her, and he laughed. Oh no, I thought. Even I knew that was a bad idea.
“You’re insane, Maisy. Let’s go.”
She wrenched her hand back and slapped him on the other side of his face. The crowd gathered in the hall gasped and some people said, “Ohh.” Dare closed his eyes and his jaw ticked. The part that bothered me most wasn’t that she’d hit him, but that he didn’t react. Which meant that hadn’t been the first time. He simply opened his eyes and glowered darkly at her.
Maisy looked down at me crouched on the floor, towering over me not like the superhero, but like the bully in this story.
“Stay the f away from my boyfriend. You think he’d want someone like you? Not even on his worst day. Do you hear me, freak?” She lowered her voice.
In response, I smiled at her, and fixed my hat.
Her eyes bugged out of her head and her fist came flying at me, but two girls stepped in just in time to pull her away kicking and screaming. When I looked over, Dare was gone, and the crowd was gawking at me.
Blushing the color of cherries, I pushed to my feet, got my books and slammed my locker shut, dreading doing this tomorrow, too. And the next day. And the one after that. There was still five months of school left.
On shaky limbs, I made my way to the girl’s bathroom. I set my books on the edge of the sink and leaned close to the mirrors to get a look. A small cut bled under my eye, and I couldn’t help considering it payback for hitting Dare. My eyes were red, but I ignored them, and grabbed some tissue.
“Do you have any idea what you just did out there?” someone said.
I looked over to see Mackenzie Jacks, the ex-queen, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed.
I returned to dabbing at my cut. “I didn’t do anything.”
She laughed without humor. “You pissed off Maisy Brooks. She just got every reason in the world to make your life hell.”
“Yeah, and wha
t’s that?” I asked, hissing when I pressed too hard. My fingers shook; I focused instead on the blood seeping into the brown tissue paper.
“Darren.”
I rolled my eyes. “There’s nothing going on between us.”
She laughed again, this time with a smidgen of humor. “Doesn’t matter if there is or not. She’s never going to believe you otherwise.”
I wondered something. “Is that why she ruined your social status?” I guessed, dropping the tissue wad in the trash. “You and Dare?”
She looked sad suddenly. “I knew him before she did. But the moment she started hooking up with him, he was hers. She pushed me out, lied and said I tried to sleep with him behind her back. And once Maisy says something, the whole school listens.”
I grabbed my books; I didn’t want to give myself time to think. About anything. “The difference between you and me is that I don’t love Dare. And I’m already at the bottom. The only thing Maisy can do is keep me there.” I walked out of the bathroom and made my way to English class, noticing how a few people looked at me with interest.
Great, I thought in aggravation, pulling out my copy of Life of Pi. I traced the tiger on the front and put my chin in my hands. My entire body was tensed; I felt too much to feel anything. I bit down on my fingernails to hide the shaking in my hand as the teacher passed out chapter tests.
I had to erase my name twice before I wrote it right. That made me cry. Right there. In the middle of English class. But no one saw. No one even looked over as a tear fell on my copy of Life of Pi. The teardrop even blended in with the blue water, none the wiser. I sucked it up and bit down on my bottom lip until my tears stopped, and then I took my test.
At lunch, I’d made it through the day without seeing anyone from this morning, Darren included. My hands had stopped shaking and my mind had settled into a numb state that suited me just nicely. I didn’t have any money for lunch, so I made my way to the amphitheater and climbed the cement steps, spying Genna already sitting at the top eating carrot sticks.
The Tomboy & the Rebel Page 4