I was the only one whose breath he’d just stolen away. He tossed it up into the balmy atmosphere and it was gone forever. Dissipating into a million misplaced particles. And I didn’t mind. Didn’t care that I couldn’t breathe or see anything other than his handsome face. In that moment, he was all I needed to see.
His intense beautiful eyes held mine boldly. “That answer your question, Tom?”
I tried to talk, but there was a blockage in my throat and my eyes were burning so badly, I had to blink them. I nodded, swallowing hard.
“Good. Get your cute little ass in my truck. Go on,” he urged, giving my hip a shove toward the open door.
I still couldn’t breathe when we made it back to my place. Which, after his admission, felt dangerous on so many different levels. I wanted to take him to my bedroom and show him what I felt, too. Let him feel the warm light moving through me and the lack of breath. But Dad and Mom would be home soon from therapy, and it was best we stayed in the living room.
“Nice place,” he noted, taking in this new living room. He rolled his eyes at it and jutted his lower lip at me in sympathy. “This is bullshit, you do know that, right? They just forget how they broke your heart with a new house and therapy?” He patted his chest. “If it makes you feel better, I still remember that you were hungry and lonely, Melly.”
Melly.
I nearly fainted.
I cleared my throat, that warm feeling spreading through my chest again. “My Dad calls me that.”
“Melly?” He frowned, a small patch of red darkening his cheeks. “It just came out. I can keep calling you Tom if you want, but I find myself not wanting to pick on you as much as I used to. Rather make you smile, Tom.”
Heat. It was everywhere. The mood in the room condensed, turning thick and rich, and making sweat break out across my lower back and on my palms. I squeezed my hands together and kept them at my sides. They wanted on him. I took a step toward him. “He used to call me that before he stopped wanting me around. He was my best friend.” I didn’t realize I was crying until the tears ran over my lips and Dare’s eyes blinked in pain.
“Dad’s suck. And they don’t always do what they’re supposed to do. Which is a whole hell of a lot. But at least your dad’s still here. He didn’t ditch out on you before you were born and ignore you your whole life. Maybe that’s all we get now, Melly. Maybe we have to be okay with that? We’re not kids anymore. We have to figure out how to love ourselves the way they never did.”
I fell against him and into his outstretched arms. I wrapped my arms around his waist so tight I heard him groan. Still, I didn’t let go. I held him tighter. I inhaled his scent, listened to his heart pound. I felt him. Like a wave cresting and pulling me under, I was falling for him hard.
Maybe he was right. I had to accept how things were and figure out how to make them better for me. Mom and Dad were checked out. It was just me.
And hopefully… Dare.
“Don’t worry, Melly. If you want, I’ll love you forever. And I’ll never let you down. Never leave you hungry for anything. Except for maybe a break from me, but you can’t have one, so you’re welcome.”
I laughed through my tears, holding him impossibly tighter. “Thank you,” I whispered, meaning every word.
He kissed the top of my head. “Show me your room,” he whispered, his voice heavy and thick.
I almost fainted again. I grabbed his hand and we both ran upstairs, his feet pounding after mine. Inside, I closed and locked my door and then I walked over to him and shoved his chest until he fell on my bed. I followed him, straddling his waist. I leaned over, and his hands came to hold my waist, pressing me into his body a second before our lips met.
I poured everything I had into my kiss. Into my lips and touch. I said what I didn’t understand. What I didn’t know how to say. How could you explain warmth and light, and not being afraid of my dark parts when he was around? How did I say everything I felt with a few syllables or a sentence that he may never even remember? I swept my tongue over his, and he groaned from low and deep in his chest. He kissed me back almost lethargically, like he was drunk, which made me think I’d done a better job at kissing him than I thought.
His hand slipped under my tank top; the heat of his fingers pressed into my sides as they trailed up, inching my shirt up along the way. His other hand reached up to grab a fistful of my Katniss braid. He tugged my head back, so I was at his mercy, and then he returned the kiss.
I felt what he wasn’t saying.
His lips were urgent and deep, the weight of his kiss turning me into a puddle of bones and flesh. He moved his hips and rolled me onto my back. Our panting and breaths filled the room. My pulse roared in my ears. I didn’t need breath or anything else. I slid my hands under his shirt and drug them over the hard muscles in his back.
He slipped deeper between my thighs and groaned when our bodies met. When his hands moved up to cup my breast under my tank and over my bra, I exhaled a breath of shock into his kiss. It was the first time a boy had ever broached that barrier. And I didn’t hate that he was breaking the rules. He cupped me in his large hand, his silky hot tongue making slow go of my mouth. He kissed me the way I licked the last of my ice cream from the cone. Slow, deliberate, and indulgently.
There was a bang from outside, and we both froze. I tore free of him as he scrambled to his feet.
“My parents are home.”
He laughed at me and took my hand. “Run, Mel.”
We sprinted into the hall and down the stairs. We fell at the coffee table where we’d dropped our backpacks and started pulling items out at random. We were both breathing hard and our lips were swollen from our kiss. Our cheeks were flushed, and my lungs still ached.
I heard their voices approaching and then the door opened. There were still a few feet before they reached us, so I took a deep breath and pasted a smile on my face.
“It’s bullshit, Erin. That’s the last thing we need,” Dad was saying, an angry edge to his voice. “Don’t let him put thoughts in your head.”
“Maybe he’s right, though,” Mom insisted. “You’re bad for me.” She was sobbing.
I felt my heart lurch. My eyes flashed to Dare who was staring intently at his environmental science textbook so hard, I was afraid his eyes would pop out.
Mom and Dad both broached the archway into the living room and they both paused when they noticed me. Dad’s gaze zeroed in on Dare, and I swore I’d never seen rage that true in him before.
“Hi, Daddy,” I spoke up, my tone so high Dare’s foot knocked against mine in warning.
“Daddy?” He glared at me. “Since when do you like me again?”
I dropped the act. “I don’t. I forgot you’re a selfish jerk who only cares about what he wants.” I slapped a hand over my mouth. I hadn’t meant to say that all, but it had come out like my brain had control of my lips. “I meant, you’re okay-ish.”
He snorted, a flash of hurt entering his eyes. “What’s he doing here? I thought we discussed that you weren’t supposed to see him?”
I felt a flare of protectiveness for Dare. “This is Darren, and he’s sitting right here. Dare, this is my dad, Russell, and my mom, Erin. Guys, this is Dare. My…”
“Boyfriend,” Dare supplied confidently, gazing at my father with his nostrils flared and his eyes narrowed.
Dad’s eyes bugged out of his head. “Boyfriend?” he growled, venom spewing from his words. “Yeah, no, that’s not what’s happening. It’s time for your friend to go home now, sweet pea. We need to talk.”
I didn’t miss the threat in his tone. Mom stood there, eyes far away, eyes right there, this weird loss expression marring her face. Therapy hadn’t gone well, that much I could gather. I knew one thing, I did not want to be left alone with those two right now. They would scream and cry, and before I knew it, the tiny shred of stability I’d managed to get back would crumble.
Dust motes and growling stomachs would be around the corner. I st
arted to breathe funny; a sick feeling moved into my stomach.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Dare took my hand. “Mel, look at me.”
“Sit down,” Dad ordered, a bitter edge to his tone; he had to one up Dare. “I’ll get you some water.” He grabbed Mom’s hand and led her to the kitchen.
“She doesn’t need water,” Dare mumbled under his breath. “She needs a new father.”
“Can we go?” I whispered, sinking to the couch, my fingers squeezing his so tight I feared I’d break them, but he didn’t seem to mind.
He leaned close to whisper in my ear. “No.”
“What…?” I’d thought for sure he’d say yes. Take me away. Save me. Like he’d been doing, even when I didn’t deserve his support.
He pressed a kiss to the frown between my brows. “If you run from him every time he upsets you, and you’re going to end up like me. Running everywhere I go, never being okay in your own skin. I don’t want that for you. You’re better than that, you deserve to feel good wherever you are. Sit down and we’ll hang out and study.” He gave my hand a soft tug just as my parents began screaming upstairs.
Shaking, I slid to my knees beside him in front of the coffee table, and with trembling fingers, I set out my assignments. Dare turned the TV on loud to a random channel, in that case it was an episode of The Vampire Diaries.
“You like this show?” he asked, his mechanical pencil in his hand, poised over his assignment but he hadn’t written a single word.
I shook my head.
“Are you even a normal teenage girl?” he teased, poking me in my side.
Upstairs, a door slammed, and Dad roared.
“Dare,” I whimpered.
He turned the TV up louder. “We ran away too soon,” he said. “But running away when we did showed me how that choice was all wrong for you. It would have hurt you so much more later on in life. So, we’re not running anymore, Mel. Not from our families, not from the kids at school, and most of all, we’re not going to run from each other. Tell me you agree.” He slid close, putting his arm around me.
I fell against him, burying my face into his chest and blocking out the sounds of my parents fighting with the intense beat of his heart. “I agree.”
“This is the plan. We’re going to sit here, do our homework, and I’ll order a pizza. We’ll eat that together too. Then I’m going to kiss you goodbye and I’m going to leave.” My heart dropped. He shook his head when I froze and then lowered his voice. “And then when your parents are asleep, I’m going to come back, and you’re going to sneak out of your window. We’ll hang out until you say you’ve had enough. We play nice in front of your parents, and then we do us when they’re busy screaming. Okay, Melly?”
My soul took a deep breath. “Okay.” I pulled back to give him a grateful smile.
He kissed my smile, his stormy eyes giving me every ounce of free fall I’d ever need to dive into, again and again.
“We’re both so far behind,” he said helplessly, looking at my work and then at his own.
I shared the same helpless expression. After ten minutes, the screaming upstairs stopped and was replaced with suspicious silence I didn’t think too hard about. Dare and I worked from the bottom to the top, our pencils leaving behind silver smudges on our hands. Our elbows touched occasionally. And sometimes I just had to look at him. Had to know he was there.
Had to feel him, see him.
With Dare, I wasn’t alone.
He ordered a pizza with everything on it and was just closing the door after him when Dad emerged. His eyes looked red and swollen, and I was struck by how broken he looked. He liked the pain. Mom liked the part where they made up. Together, they had a sick cycle. How long until it exploded and took us all down?
Dad quirked a brow at him. “You still here?”
Dare quirked the same brow. “No, I left an hour ago. My presence lingers. Like a well-seasoned fart.”
Dad flashed me a look that said, you can do better. To which I made sure my face said, who asked you? He grumbled under his breath and went into the kitchen. A moment later, I heard the clink of a wine glass on the countertop.
“Thank you for dinner,” I said, taking a bite.
Dare winked. “Thanks for doing my math homework.”
That night, after Mom and Dad had finally stopped fighting and gone to sleep, I cracked my window open and used the eaves of the house to drop down to the street. Dare’s truck was parked across the street. I got in and he flashed me a brilliant grin that I felt all over.
He drove us to the edge of a canyon road, and then he followed that road until it ended. Once it had, he drove to the edge of a rust-colored cliff and stopped his truck. The city of Phoenix was sprawled out below us, and under the moon, I felt so small and yet alive.
Dare pulled out a blanket from the toolbox built into the back of his truck and followed that with pillows that smelled like his hair. Shampoo and his faint sweat. I joined him in the back, and when our tongues weren’t twisting together, and our hands weren’t roaming, I inhaled his pillow. Holding the scent of him in my lungs for later.
The moonlight watched us with loving, gentle light.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
I lived for our nights together.
I spent all day long pretending my smiles were real until it was midnight, and I could sneak out with Dare, and then all of my smiles weren’t just real, they were special. The war at home felt like it was starting over again. The fighting and screaming were incessant; I heard my parents fighting in my sleep sometimes. I always woke up with ringing in my ears and tears in my eyes. The house would be quiet, but my heart didn’t believe it.
I kept my chin up and my face empty during the day. At night, I came alive.
But it wasn’t about night or day. It was Dare. It was his kiss, his touch—everything about him kept me from floating away and never coming back.
Our grades improved thanks to our study dates. He ate with Sean and Genna and me at every lunch, and Sean was even starting to warm up to him.
Today, I met Dare at the bottom of the amphitheater with my hands full of lunch. Thanks, Dad, I thought dryly.
“You look tired,” he noted, bending to give me a long, breath-stealing kiss.
Dare didn’t mind pushing my boundaries, at least not when it came to touching. He seemed content to kiss and explore, but never pressed me, even when I made it hard for him not to. He’d curse under his breath and then roll onto his back, his heavy breathing aimed at the moon. I’d smile.
“Must be the late nights catching up to me.” Sometimes I didn’t get home until four in the morning and got up a few hours later. But being exhausted was worth it. There were dust motes starting to form in Dad’s house. They were in the kitchen and starting to encroach upstairs. Soon, they’d take over again.
When we made it up to the top, Sean was doodling in his sketchbook, his tongue between his teeth as his lunch got cold. Genna wasn’t there yet. I frowned at her empty spot and sat down beside Sean, peering over his shoulder to see what he was drawing.
He jolted straight and slammed the sketchbook to his chest, his eyes intensely protective. “A little privacy, Mel.”
I glared at him. “You never hide your drawings from me.”
“Did you see it?”
“No,” I lied, but only because he looked worried I had, and weirdly guilty.
“Good. Don’t do that again.” He shoved his sketchbook into his backpack and then sat back, a pained expression on his face as he swept his hands through his hair.
I tossed Dare a confused look and he shrugged in response, opening his cheeseburger and taking a huge bite like deep down what Sean did didn’t matter to him. Which was true, I guessed, sighing out loud.
“I’ve got to go to the library,” Sean announced, and took off before I could question him.
“Okay…” I stared after him, a feeling in my stomach I didn’t like.
“What was he drawing?” Dare asked.
“Maisy.” She’d been unlike a superhero, and more like a regular girl. He’d taken at least an hour alone on her eyes. They’d been huge and blue, and the blue of her iris had been turned into clouds and the sky. Her lashes had become long gold feathers and her lips were made of roses. It seemed Sean hadn’t gotten over his crush.
And when Dare and I were walking out to his truck after school, I realized why. I spotted his familiar dark green backpack, and then the gold heel of her gladiator sandal. Maisy had been staying away from my locker in the morning, and her entire crew had seemed to back off. But it didn’t feel benevolent on her part. It felt like the calm before the storm.
Maisy was trailing her finger over Sean’s arm, his mop of shaggy blond hair hiding his eyes as he held hers. They were the same height. I never noticed it before, because they shouldn’t be close enough for me to know that at all. I stopped in the middle of the street, Dare’s hand in mine, and gaped at the way she looked at him, like he was her next game piece.
The idea of Maisy near Sean sent rage and fire through me. It felt like someone punched my chest in and took my heart out, handing it to her to crush. She’d ruin him just to exact whatever stupid grudge she had against Dare and me.
“Sean,” I growled, letting Dare go and stomping over to them.
He blanched. “Oh, hey, Mel.”
“Hey, Mel,” Maisy cooed, sliding close to Sean.
I hated how she looked beside him. How out of place they looked together. Sean was 90’s rockers nerd and she was popular queen. They clashed. The same way Dare and I did… Dismay slammed into me. I felt guilt for judging them, but I felt way angrier since I knew it wasn’t real. If it were real, fine. I could deal. But Sean was too good for Maisy, and she’d only take all the beautiful parts of them and give them all black eyes.
The Tomboy & the Rebel Page 17