by S. R. Watson
Fuck me; I forgot how sexy he is. Okay, not really, but damn.
I love how his jeans always hug his muscular thighs, but the fitted hunter green Henley shirt he’s wearing is showing off his arms, pecs, and abs—oh my. He has gotten thicker with more muscle. Any woman would die to get lost in those arms. I bet his cuddle game would be strong if he actually cuddled. Somehow, I don’t think that’s his forte.
“Well, hello, stranger,” he cheeses. “Surprise. I told Xander I wanted to pick you up. It would give me chance to open my baby up on the highway. It’s been a while,” he mentions, gesturing toward his bike.
“Geez, and he went for that?” Now that the blood is flowing where it supposed to instead of my lady parts, I remember my fear of the death machine.
“Let’s just say it took some convincing,” he chuckles. “I promised I would be extra careful.” He winks and it softens my resolve. I use to hate that winking crap, but I guess it’s growing on me.
“Uh huh.” I fold my arms, but he unfolds them. He waves to someone behind me. I turn to see we have a small audience. Of course, he’s a woman magnet.
“Come on. We need to get you another bag for your things. Unfortunately that won’t fit,” he says, already picking up my luggage. “Lead the way.” He strolls right past the ogling women, without giving them a second look.
“You’ll have to wait here.” Parham Hall is an all female dorm. He isn’t allowed to come up to the room. I explain this to him and he is okay to wait in the community living room.
I know that he is waiting, so I empty my backpack and shove a few days worth of clothes, undergarments, and toiletries in it. I left some stuff at the lake house, so this should be enough. I turn to leave and a girl by the name of Caroline is standing in the doorway. She is usually quiet and prefers to be tucked away with a book, much like myself.
“Who’s the guy, Lourdes?” She wiggles her eyebrows and it cracks me up.
“Just a friend,” I insist. She gives me the “yeah sure” look. “He is picking me up for my brother.
“Mhmm. I saw the way he looked at you, but if you say so. Hurry and get down there before those women attack your ‘friend,’” she says with air quotes. Diesel couldn’t be happier to see me. He grabs the backpack from me and say goodbye to the ladies, who had followed him in. When we’re out of eyesight, he makes it a point to tear up a number one of the girls had slipped him. He puts the backpack on my back and tightens the straps. He grabs the helmet off the seat and puts it on my head. I hate that he won’t be wearing one. God. Let’s hope it is a nonissue. He gets on the motorcycle before helping me on.
“Remember to lean into the turns with me, like you did last time, okay, and hold on tight. This ride is going to get up to speeds much faster than the last time you were on here.”
Yeah, that little last minute disclaimer makes me feel wonderful. “I feel so much better now. Thanks,” I say sarcastically.
“I gotchu,” he promises. He kick-starts and the engine roars to life. I can feel that familiar hum between my legs again. I lean forward and gladly wrap my arms around his waist. I can feel the diligence of his workout regimen through the six-pack I have the pleasure of holding onto, right now. This is the best part. We take off and I rest my head against his back. I can feel his back muscles as he wields this bike so effortless down the road. I bite my lip, once when we get up to the speeds he was speaking of, but then I relax and melt into him. I don’t know how fast we’re going at the moment, but we’re whipping by cars. I snuggle further into him—believing that as he said, he has me.
In no time at all, we’re pulling into the parking lot of a restaurant by the name of Bottega Cafe.
“You like Italian?” Is he kidding me? I pull the helmet off my head to get a better look at the beautiful architecture of this place.
“It’s my favorite cuisine,” I admit. “I don’t have much money on me though. How much will this place hit me for? Sorry, poor college student here.”
“Nothing because it’s on me.” I open my mouth to argue, but he puts a single finger to my lips. “Hush. No arguing. The guys may have left the house already for tonight’s gig, so there won’t be anyone around to cook. This saves time.”
I completely forgot tonight was the night they have a gig over at Hundred Degrees bar. And still he volunteered to come get me. He definitely earns brownie points for that. He helps me off the bike and secures the helmet.
“What kind of bike is this?” It’s not like I know anything about bikes, so I don’t know why I’m asking.
“It’s a Ducati Multistrada 1200 S,” he replies. The smile he sports tells me he knows I don’t know what the shit that is. “Let’s eat, woman. You’re going to love it here.”
For the sake of time, we forego any of the fancy schmancy main courses and go for the pizza. Gosh, even those are fancy. He orders the Scottish smoked salmon one, and I opt for the white pie with fennel sausage, onion, ricotta, and provolone. It was his idea to get to different ones so that we can share. It’s more pizza than either one of us can eat so too bad we can’t take the rest to go. They’re both too good not to, but we can’t take it on the bike. We pair the pizzas with a Riesling and it goes well together. He limits himself to one glass, since he is driving and has a gig, but they’re not carding me so I have a second.
“This is not part of you diet, mister,” I tease.
“Oh, I know. I splurge on occasion, and what better timing than with you?” He winks. It may be the wine, but I’m feeling bold.
“So is this your idea of a first date?” I ask jokingly. As soon as the words spill from my lips, I realize my mistake. Shit. I watch as his eyebrows knit together in confusion before he regains his composure.
“Lourdes, I don’t date. Fucking is all I’m capable of. I don’t do relationships. Please don’t misinterpret our time together because I enjoy it. It’s refreshingly different to have a woman as a friend, but I can’t give you that.” He looks down and I know the moment is ruined. There’s a strained tension in the air.
“Lighten up. Diesel. I was just shitting with you. Don’t get all serious on me. I have someone that I’m interested in at the university,” I lie. “He’s made a few moves, but he’s just a little slow. We’re supposed to be meeting for coffee next week.” Something else passes over his face, but it vanishes too quickly for me to identify it. I hope he doesn’t ask any questions about this guy I just made up, because he is a figment of my imagination. Thankfully, he lets it go.
“Well, good. You deserve a good guy. As long as we’re on the same page.” He raises his hand for the check. When he doesn’t ask for to-go boxes, I remember we’re on the bike and can’t take the leftovers with us. It’s such a shame to waste so much food, but I’m beyond stuffed.
Although I tried to smooth my dumbass question over as a joke, I still feel some awkwardness between us now.
When we get back to the lake house, he disappears to get ready for his gig. Like he thought, the other guys have already left. I debate if I should just stay here until they get back. That decision is soon made for me when Diesel sticks his head in the door.
“Ready?” So he just changed shirts, some graphic tee. He doesn’t say anything else so I follow behind him. When we get to the bike, I have the routine down. He puts the helmet on my head and I get on. The ride is much like my walks. It gives you a chance to think. I don’t want to analyze why I asked that question. Do I want something more with him? I’ve seen another woman hanging off his dick for God’s sake, and I’m still subconsciously entertaining the thought of an “us.” Well, that idea has been shot to hell tonight. He was honest on what he has to offer. I have to respect that. He is not trying to run game on me to get in my pants. The real question is, is it enough? Can I give myself to him for one night and let it be just that—a chance to feel what all the fuss is about. Could things go back to the way they were afterward? Unlike his other one-night stands; there will be no getting rid of me. I’m his bandm
ate’s sister. I will always be around. Not to mention, Xander would kick both of our asses, if he knew I was even rolling around the idea.
One thing is for certain. I’m finally at a point in my life where I’m ready to face my demons head on. I’m ready to take back my sexuality and not let my past define me. I want to have intimacy without fear of being inept. It may not be with Diesel, but at least I’m ready for that first step.
I take a seat closer to center stage this time, as the guys begin to come out on stage. Tonight’s show is a good one. I kick back a few beers and get lost in the vibe of the show. They keep the crowd guessing with various covers—fast and slow tempo. They perform this one song that includes what I call, dirty vocals. I’ve never heard Diesel’s voice this raw. It’s involves screaming, but then right back into silkiness. This alternating mix up of voice control continues as the guys kill Love. Sex. Riot by Issues. The women absolutely lose their damn minds. The louder they scream; the more Diesel turns up the flirtation with them. He takes off his shirt and throws into the crowd of manic women. I watch a cat fight nearly break out to be the one who comes up with it. Sweat glistens from his abs. I can’t watch as he comes close enough to the edge to let some big bosomed woman get a feel of them. She’s definitely hot and more his speed. Fuck, what was I even thinking?
Got the message, Diesel. If this little extra performance is for me, I get it. I don’t need to be hit over the head with a visual. Why settle for one mediocre girl with intimacy issues, when you can have your pick of any of these women who are not only gorgeous, but also secure with their sexuality. No doubts that they could get him off. Ugh. Suddenly, I don’t want to be here. I remember that they park the Escalade out back, to pack up after the show, so I head that way. Fortunately, it’s the same security guy from last time and he lets me through without hesitation. I walk the narrow hallway and bypass the rooms. I don’t even want to think about that visual either. I head straight out the back door. I see the truck, but nobody is back here so I can’t get in. I didn’t think this through, but fuck it. I needed to get out of there. The self-sabotaging thoughts that I try so hard to suppress are winning. I said I would never let anyone make me feel inadequate again and I failed.
I slide down and sit on the ground next to the passenger side of the truck. I don’t know how much of a show they have left, but I have no choice, but to wait. I should have followed my first decision and just stayed at the lake house. In hindsight, I should have just stayed at the dorms. Brooke didn’t have to know that I never made it here. Maybe I can find an excuse to leave tomorrow and abort the whole staying the weekend idea. I don’t think I want to come to anymore of their shows. I have the jest of what I need in that aspect for my journalism. Why suffer through the pains of knowing I can never measure up to those women, who he lusts after while on stage?
Our last song can’t wrap up quick enough. Where the fuck did Lourdes run off to? I know I pushed a little harder with the flirtation tonight, but I needed to reinforce what I said earlier. I feel things are changing, and I don’t want to blur the lines with expectations. As soon as we finish the last of our set, I head straight to the back rooms, but they’re all empty. I know I saw her come this way. Albert, the security guy comes leisurely strolling toward the back. I know he gets his share of sexual favors from women trying to get to us through him.
“Albert, have you seen Lourdes?” I question.
“Who?” I don’t have time for twenty-one questions with him.
“Xander’s sister. I saw her come back here.” I’m getting frustrated.
“Oh, yeah. She headed to the truck out back,” he says this like that is the most plausible thing to do at this time a night.
“She doesn’t have the fucking key to get in the truck. You didn’t think to check on her or at least send someone else? Goddamn it, Albert.”
“Hey. She isn’t my priority—” I don’t even listen to the rest of his negligent bullshit. I rush out back to make sure Lourdes is okay. I find her sitting on the ground next to the tire with her head slumped over her knees. She is asleep. I want to fucking punch something. I’m such an asshole. My heart slams against my chest in a feeling so fucking foreign, it steals my breath.
“What the hell are you doing out here, Lourdes?” My presence startles her awake.
“Oh. I got tired of being in there. Thought I’d come out here and wait for you guys to finish.” She stands up and wipes the dirt from her jeans like this little stunt is no big deal. Before I know it, I have her pin against the truck with my body.
“Are you trying to get yourself raped?” She closes her eyes for split second to hide her emotions from me before delivering a snarky ass comeback.
“Worry about your fans, Diesel. I can take care of myself,” she retorts. “Get off of me.” Her face is mere inches from mine as I peer down at her; I intake her every breath.
“Make me,” I taunt. I want her to see the exact predicament she put herself in, had I been an attacker. She reaches up and grasps my biceps to shove me, but I don’t budge. A few more unsuccessful tries and she easily gives up. I tilt her chin up to look at me. “See, you’re powerless,” I say more calmly. She just stares at me and something in me snaps. I capture her lips with my own. I nip and lick at the seam until she opens for me. And when she does, holy shit. She gives just as good as she gets. The kiss is raw with passion, all pent up frustrations released. I pick her up and wrap her legs around my waist. I know she can feel the hardness of my dick poking her.
My hands tangle in her hair as I allow myself to get lost in her kiss. Our tongues duel in an epic exchange of lust and need. The moans that are coming from her have me wanting take her right here, against this fucking truck. I palm one of her tits and the weight is just right. Through the shirt is nice, but I crave the skin on skin contact. I begin to do just that, but we are interrupted by a loud cough.
“What are you doing man? Xander is looking for you and Lourdes. If he catches you like this, he is going to beat your ass to a pulp,” Gable warns. Lourdes jumps down like a frightened cat. The mention of Xander’s name has officially killed the mood. I got carried away. I didn’t mean to pounce on her like that, but she sure as shit didn’t mind.
“Yeah. Thanks, man.” I know this is not the end of this conversation. He is going to have plenty of questions when he gets me alone. Lourdes looks down and hurries to the other side of the truck. Gable clicks it to unlock and she doesn’t hesitate to get inside. I walk past him to go back into the bar and let them know I found Lourdes, while Gable is still standing there flabbergasted. I don’t know what to think, right now. I want her more than ever and I won’t stop. At some point, this became more than just a challenge to prove I can fuck any woman.
I’ve been waiting for her to fall at my feet like the rest and beg for the dick. Clearly that won’t come to pass, but it is even more apparent that she wants me just as bad as I want her. We’re at a stalemate—a battle of wills. I don’t chase, but fuck it. Tonight we took a step toward the inevitable. She wants me and that is exactly what she is going to get. It’s time that I show her what her body craves. She needs a tender and gentle approach. I will give her that right before I fuck her world. My dick jumps with excitement on what’s about come.
I sit here at a loss for words. That kiss was off the fucking charts intense. I don’t know how to feel right now. Diesel and I can’t happen. I was just pissed with his performance in there for fuck’s sake. That being the case, why did every second of that moment feel so right? Animalistic desires brought to the surface from suppression. I could feel his hardness through my jeans, and I wished there were no barrier between us. All of my anger toward him from earlier dissipated. Maybe “we” can happen if I let go any expectations of more. For a small window of time, I was able to let go of the pain that usually holds me captive. I wanted to be devoured by this man.
I didn’t care about the skanks still in the bar, probably lined up to get a piece of him. He was with me. He
chose me. Maybe we don’t need to define what this is and just go with it. I’m deep in thought, replaying our kiss, when the guys show up outside carrying their equipment. That was quick. I guess they are foregoing their usual sexcapades that go on after the show. These guys are super talented and they’re only playing gigs for local bars right now. I can only imagine the ass they’ll have lined up when they make it to the big stage. I will have to keep this in mind going forward with Diesel. I can’t let my heart get invested. If we give into temptation, there will be no expectations of a relationship. The sex can be the building blocks I need to reinvent myself and take back my sexuality. Nothing more. Nothing less. Just sex.
The ride home is filled with the guys discussing how they think the show went with the mix of cover songs. They talk about starting to gradually introduce more of their own material. Diesel notifies them that he has some record labels that he is planning to get in touch with. He seems unaffected by tonight’s occurrence. I’m anxious to see how he will proceed. Will he pretend it never happened, or will he make the next move? I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was hoping for the latter.
I disappear to my room as soon as we get back to the lake house, in part because I’m afraid this emotional storm passing through me will read easily on my face. Xander will sense something is wrong. Also I don’t know if Gable told Keyser what he walked out on. I don’t want things to be awkward. I turn on my night lamp to dimly light the room. I connect my iPhone to my iHome so that I can drown my thoughts out with some Adele. Her latest single, Hello, plays through the speaker and I set it to repeat. I love her music. I lay across the bed, getting lost in the sultry lyrics when my bedroom door opens. Diesel stands there for a few beats before coming in and closing the door behind him. I sit up as my heart slams against my chest. I can see his intent in his eyes.